Oh my cats, y’all. Hope you got a nap in, and/or have some trucker speed on hand. DELICIOUS late slate ahoy!
Ballsy: I recommend Monster although I am really enjoying Celsius recently. Seems healthier?
Kansas (+2.5) at Iowa State (7:00, ESPN)
Could definitely be the sleeper matchup of the day. Rock Chalk fresh off the big Okiehoma upset, away to perhaps the hardest-nosed team of the league. Cornpone State has righted the ship, after a tough 2022 and September of 2023, and could legitimately start thinking about making the title game with a win here.
Ballsy: I’m not convinced about either team.
I stand corrected.
Original Recipe Big Love (+10) at West By God Virginia (7:00, FS1)
This is why I love the Big Twaaaaalllllve, amusing Hippo with thoughts of the culture shock involved in this road trip. Mitt Romney lovers invading the Trumpist Ground Zero. Moonshine, pills, and cousin fucking. Can’t wait.
Ballsy: Cousin fuckers versus those that fuck anally in order to stay “virgins” until marriage. WHO YA GOT??
Washington (-3) at Southern Cal (7:30, ABC)
Will the real BOW DOWN! Huskies please show up? Ain’t nobody want to see the Troi Boiz making the last PAC title game. Deliver the death blow, please. Give us Penix, long and hard.
Ballsy: I hate to break it to Hippo, but this is the kind of game USC usually shows up for and wins. Don’t worry, though. They will still lose spectacularly to a bad team later in the season.
LSU (+3) at Alabama (7:45, CBS)
Love the weird (for a network) start time. Love all the Narrative heading in. Love that Nick Saban has morphed into the “mellow grandpa” type, especially compared to unhinged psychos like Brian Kelly. Who remember, has a body count.
Ballsy: LSU: Alabama :: Washington: USC
Oregon State (-13.5) at Colorado (10:00, ESPN)
I’d feel better about this pick had Niiiiiiiiiccccce Beaver not stubbed their (camel)toe last weekend – but I expect this to come down to the last few minutes, maybe even the final play. Deion’s crew will put up a fight. Fun game ahead.
Ballsy: Colorado will come back from the dead to win this game. Get ready for THE NARRATIVE.
UC-Los Angeles (-3) at Arizona (10:30, FS1)
Two good Tweaker fixtures, what is the world coming to? My brain keeps trying not to take these two seriously, but the results say otherwise.
Ballsy: Tis a fool that takes UCLA and gives the points on the road.
[clocks go back]
[alarm goes off!]
[everyone else (appropriately) sleeps in]
[door flies open]
[runs through goddamn wall anyway with homemade football helmet made of discarded Halloween candy collection pail with handle/chinstrap and improperly spaced eyes because I cut them out without measuring my face]
[trips over coffee table]
[crudite akimbo]
[smashes head on credenza]
[loses consciousness]
[is discovered by a VERY confused Hippo]
UCLA is just another legacy Brand Name that, rather than innovating and competing in their changing market, chose to pursue the luxury of selecting their customers.
Go take your history to the B10G. Better to say that the ‘landscape changed’ rather than narrating reality — good times make for soft leaders and UCLA’s leaders have sacrificed the edge they have been employed to maintain.
It’s going to be impossible to sleep. I’m right above the Fremont street experience and this shit is going off.
Party all night!
It’s like having the loudest neighbors ever.
Next Year: DFOCon Taos
Fresno State fucking up that shitty Boise State team. Take that in your blue field and get fucked.
And Fresno State is now 8-1.
but alas, still stuck in the Central Valley
True. Painfully true.
Ice Stillers with the touchdown and field goal tonight.
Everyone excited for their extra hour of sleep?
Offer may not apply in Arizona or a few counties in Indiana, I lost track.
It can be several things.
Yes. I enjoy the clock turning back for 2-3 days, then I loathe it with every fiber of my being.
Fucking twilight at 2:30 in the afternoon. Fuck off, farmers.
Eh, I’m a creature of darkness. I love it!
.
I think farmers are the least likely folks to care about what the clock says. Can’t feed the cows, Martha. It’s only 6 am.
Oh shit I may see some of the early game.
Probably not.
Treehouse Dear Washington. It’s not great.
So it’s just good?
No. It’s like they went for a West Coast but at the very end couldn’t help themselves and tried to throw in some haze. It’s got an aftertaste that I can best describe as ‘greasy’
I would not ship this.
Gotta give Deion Sanders some credit here. The offensive decision-making on Colorado’s final drive of the first half was beyond atrocious and when asked about it he said “that’s on me” and took full responsibility. I give him a lot of shit, but there’s no shortage of coaches that would have tossed everyone else under the nearest bus right there.
This is why I’m don’t hate Coach Deion Sanders; I have the undeserved hype.
Or hate for those who aren’t typing this half-asleep with a Unisom pill kicking in.
Yes, a clown can lie. Like every other coach who blames himself so he can get hired next time.
Shocking news: that Last Word was not the last word. I made another one, this time with Genepy instead of green chartreuse.
Wow, I am indeed a pretentious fuck.
But you’re my favorite pretentious fuck! Don’t tell the others.
I’m on the 30th (top) floor of the Treasure Island casino/hotel, and my view is looking straight at this fucking thing:
You should empty a piss jug in the parking lot.
I can only imagine if I went over there what the clientele is like.
The beauty is, those Maga types are too scared to leave the hotel, they’s country fucks.
USC should fire Lane Kiffin again just because after this.
A friend of mine told me that Jack Edwards was out of favor with NESN and would be leaving the Bruins broadcasts.
I am devastated to announce that he appears to have been wrong.
I can’t wait for The Golden Bachelor finale, where we get to watch them fall asleep on the couch at 8:45 pm while Fox News blares at ear-splitting volume in the background.
Well you all were worthless so I made a Last Word.
Is that like an Incarnate Word?
Anal Roberts University
I had to Google that
Sorry your Lordship; I am but a peasant and was sipping a beer.
A pretty pretentious peasant, true.
Is that like grape juice and vodka?
Ice Stillers in San Jose for a hawkey nightcap.
Plus, extra hour of sleep tomorrow!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5NxBAYlGZQ&ab_channel=UniqueSound
I really wasn’t expecting that.
Bama knocks the LSU QB out with a shot to the head and landing on him with full bodyweight and there isn’t even a review, in case you were wondering which team will represent the SEC in the play-offs this year.
fuck alamaba
Cross of Iron is one badass movie
There’s another Hunger Games movie? Why?
$$$
This Washington-USC game, I call it my 9th Grade Report Card, because there is no defense at all.
Where’s Dan Smith?
I just looked at BYUtv and they have a whole hour show dedicated to reviewing their game today. Hahahaha!!!
Boston Bruins have been given a penalty for “Abuse of the Officials” lol
They probably deserved it. Also, lol.
Official: “Bench Minor Penalty, you big old poopie-heads!”
THE REFS DESAHVED IT CUZ THEYAH A BUNCHA FAHCKIN QWEEAHS!!!!
NOBODY DENIES THIS!
I wasn’t gonna drink liquor tonight based on the quantity I had last night but…I don’t have as much good beer as I thought. So who wants to suggest my next cocktail?
Vodka and Hawaiian Punch
IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR DANNY BONADUCE!
Maybe this is more common than I thought, but WVU has three #22s on the team. The running back, the kicker, and a cornerback.
Next week, WVU will have three linemen with this.
Jenny Dell and CBS presenting a spot where the military uses a howitzer to do something really stupid and useless, and that probably could have been accomplished without the howitzer, seems a little tone deaf at the moment.
There’s a howitzer out front of the VFW I accidentally went to tonight.
After VFW Indian food, you probably have another howitzer ready to go from the rear admiral. Hey-yo!
Jayden Daniels should absolutely be a Top 10 draft pick. When you have a chance to take an LSU QB high you absolutely have to do it.
Purple Drank!
Sizzurp!
I don’t usually watch hockey until the playoffs, but the Blackhawks are absolutely wrecking the /checks notes Panthers.
Wow, a player coached by Brian Kelly doing something incredibly stupid and unnecessary, resulting in an injury to another player?
Next you’ll tell me it’s windy in Tuscaloosa tonight.
It’s a glorious evening to Release The Kraken!
YOU LET PENIX DOWN
The Penix cannot be kept down. The Penix cannot be contained. What are you gonna do when the Penix runs wild all over you?
Settle down, Mr. Weinstein.
Troi Boiz trying hard, they just can’t handle ALL THIS PENIX
/sobbing into a pillow
-D. Favre
Just back from Mexican food at the place where no one in the kitchen is over 5’4″, and all somewhat darker in complexion than this author. Probably not coincidentally the food is delicious and the margaritas could bring down an elephant. I am stuffed and a bit buzzed.
Gonna be tough to get a beer or two in, but
/watches highlights of UConn-Tennessee
Ok, yep, yep, that did it. I need several beers, and I need them now.
The Tide? It DAMN ROLLS, PAAAAWWWWLLLLLL
https://www.instagram.com/p/CzM0r-ixF7m/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Be a real shame if someone Nancy Kerrigan’d his crotch. Real shame.
Sure would. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, for the first time in a long time he ain’t lying.
We drove by a Dick’s sporting goods store today, and I said to my son, “Dicks! Get it?” And he rolled his eyes and then I said, “I tell you what, if there was a store called ‘Big Tits’, I’d definitely check it out.”
He was mortified, embarrassed, but completely laughing his ass off.
I’m a good father.
At a previous job a female attorney was trying to order some sporting goods. She put ‘Dicks.com’ in the search and, well, turns out that’s not the sporting goods facility.
Stacked half a cord of wood today, I am fucking exhausted
I am still exhauseted from my 3-6 nap. Ah feels ya, homey.
My hands are red and swollen. Kind of like they were during my adolescent years…
For the four of us that aren’t in Vegas, here’s a little summary of traffic atrocities I’ve witnessed today:
–I was almost tboned by a Maryland driver blowing right through a four way stop when I was already in the intersection
–A dude walking somewhat briskly across a four lane expressway
–A series of cars driving on the shoulder at high speed on the highway
–A Lyft driver ignoring everything I said about traffic and route to take a series of dangerous turns that saved us between 3 and negative 5 minute.
Very glad I’m in for the night.
JV BLEERGH is putting in work in Morganhole.
17 penalties combined, and it’s not halftime.
Some home cookin’ going on there.
New kid in town’s gotta learn how things operate.
You can tell the folks who got here yesterday. They’re the ones napping and I’m all revved up and ready to get after this shit.
Dammit, I need a beer.
Should I play some black Jack?
I told mama I wouldn’t gamble but she’s dead.
If you need enabling….yes.
Two drives, two Cousinfucker touchdowns?
Mormon sorcery.
The joy book, with all the hands and feet pictures?
How ’bout them eers?
Joseph Smith’s many preteen wives going down already.
I CALL THESE PRETEEN WIVES LOOSE UNDERWEAR, BECAUSE THEY GO DOWN ON OLD MEN
So no one at the Arlington VFW I accidentally went to tonight mentioned Brick, therefore I assume they don’t know him.
I’m actually a member of that post (John Lyons #3150) so I never go to the meetings. But if you were to mention the guy who transferred in from California they’d know.
That’s the post tucked away by Rosslyn. It’s pretty hard to accidentally go there. It’s pretty hard to find it on purpose.
I went for Indian food…
As one does.
BLEERGH feasts on Mormons in Morganhole already.
What I am learning today: Alabama is going to the playoffs. We all knew The Man would put them into the picture somehow. Now is their time to shine.
As the Wee Baby Jeebus intended!