Your Unsunny Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It might be nice elseplaces but it’s Hot Chocolate Day here, you sexy thing. That’s just the thing to warm the cockles of my ham hocks. There are six teams (Bills, Giants, Ravens, Vikes, Bears and Raiders) on bye this week so check your turgid fantasy teams!

To The Games!

Colts/Titans:

Indy’s unlikely march to the playoffs might encounter a speed bump in the form of a certain King Henry. The Colts run D has allowed opposing rb’s the 7th-most fantasy points this season and things have gotten worse since run-stopping nose tackle Stewart was nabbed for taking PED’s. Fill-in Zack Moss is no slouch on the other side, leading the league in rush yards over expectation.

Chargers/Pats:

Keenan Allen looked dicey all week but is expected to go and that’s good because he seems to be all of the Chargers offense. Can you think of any other rb or wr that has had a career year at the age of 31? Meanwhile, the world’s saddest whirlygig continues to rotate at the Pats qb position.

Falcons/Jets:

Tim Boyle has a job. His QBR in college was 15.8. His pro career number is 27.7. Last week he posted a 4.6. If any team were to get Flacco on board it should have been the what the hell are you guys thinking Jets. Speaking of crap, Ridder is on board and expect Sauce to get his very first INT of the year.

Lions/Saints:

Some wr on New Orleans is going to have a great day today vs Detroit’s flailing D. Over the last three weeks they’ve not been able to generate any pressure and starting cb Jacobs has been torched for 205 yards and three TDs. But who will that wr be?-Olave is banged up, rook A.T. Perry is an unknown quantity and there are the has-beens Bowden and Kirkwood.

Cards/Steelers:

Watt The Younger will have trouble extending his sack streak to five games against the wily coyote, er, Kyler. Pitt will likely pile up the yards against Arizona’s flimsy D but will it translate into points this time around?

Fins/Commies:

The only wr to reach 100 yards vs the Cowboys is, Curtis Samuel? Maybe that’s the streamer you’re looking for with so many teams on bye. Achane is back but it doesn’t sound like he’s 100%. He and other skill guys should have a field day because, as everyone suspected, the Commies D has become suspect since the fire sale of Young and Sweat. They’ve given up 29, 31, (to the Giants!) and 45 points since that genius maneuver.

Broncos/Texans:

At 6-5 and occupying the 8th and 9th playoff spots in the race, there’s a fair amount riding on this tilt. Denver has been forcing qb’s into rushed decisions during their win streak but rook Stroud is a different kind of cat. He had some INT woes two weeks ago but got immediately back on track. He’s had a QB rating of 80+ in all games except for his very first. I’ll be watching Houston’s left guard Juice Scruggs. Why? Because his name is Juice Scruggs, damnit!

Enjoy.