It might be nice elseplaces but it’s Hot Chocolate Day here, you sexy thing. That’s just the thing to warm the cockles of my ham hocks. There are six teams (Bills, Giants, Ravens, Vikes, Bears and Raiders) on bye this week so check your turgid fantasy teams!
To The Games!
Colts/Titans:
Indy’s unlikely march to the playoffs might encounter a speed bump in the form of a certain King Henry. The Colts run D has allowed opposing rb’s the 7th-most fantasy points this season and things have gotten worse since run-stopping nose tackle Stewart was nabbed for taking PED’s. Fill-in Zack Moss is no slouch on the other side, leading the league in rush yards over expectation.
Chargers/Pats:
Keenan Allen looked dicey all week but is expected to go and that’s good because he seems to be all of the Chargers offense. Can you think of any other rb or wr that has had a career year at the age of 31? Meanwhile, the world’s saddest whirlygig continues to rotate at the Pats qb position.
Falcons/Jets:
Tim Boyle has a job. His QBR in college was 15.8. His pro career number is 27.7. Last week he posted a 4.6. If any team were to get Flacco on board it should have been the what the hell are you guys thinking Jets. Speaking of crap, Ridder is on board and expect Sauce to get his very first INT of the year.
Lions/Saints:
Some wr on New Orleans is going to have a great day today vs Detroit’s flailing D. Over the last three weeks they’ve not been able to generate any pressure and starting cb Jacobs has been torched for 205 yards and three TDs. But who will that wr be?-Olave is banged up, rook A.T. Perry is an unknown quantity and there are the has-beens Bowden and Kirkwood.
Cards/Steelers:
Watt The Younger will have trouble extending his sack streak to five games against the wily coyote, er, Kyler. Pitt will likely pile up the yards against Arizona’s flimsy D but will it translate into points this time around?
Fins/Commies:
The only wr to reach 100 yards vs the Cowboys is, Curtis Samuel? Maybe that’s the streamer you’re looking for with so many teams on bye. Achane is back but it doesn’t sound like he’s 100%. He and other skill guys should have a field day because, as everyone suspected, the Commies D has become suspect since the fire sale of Young and Sweat. They’ve given up 29, 31, (to the Giants!) and 45 points since that genius maneuver.
Broncos/Texans:
At 6-5 and occupying the 8th and 9th playoff spots in the race, there’s a fair amount riding on this tilt. Denver has been forcing qb’s into rushed decisions during their win streak but rook Stroud is a different kind of cat. He had some INT woes two weeks ago but got immediately back on track. He’s had a QB rating of 80+ in all games except for his very first. I’ll be watching Houston’s left guard Juice Scruggs. Why? Because his name is Juice Scruggs, damnit!
Enjoy.
BLEERGH minion ded in NO.
Not BLEERGH. One of the no name support members on the sidelines.
pretty gross linesman injury in N’Awlins
Yeah that lower leg looked bent the wrong way
Oh, shit. I just saw it. Oh, damn.
City of Benders
Elandon Roberts returns for one play, immediately leaves straight to locker room.
I guess he got this as his prize with lunch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Apu1NeWFvQ&ab_channel=MartyrProdigy
Okay, what witch/gypsy/wizard did the AFC North piss off?!
Whichever, it was probably something we did, anyway.
Whatever daughter/mother/grandmother/puppy it was, we were respectfully with them and they came on to us!
Saint Magdalene laying hands
Pickett Fences just broke a board.
TITTAY TIME in Yinzburgh
I hate that the Commies scored, but at least Rebecca Malone got shit beat of him again
It’s now pouring at my place, about 15 miles from Heinz.
LAMAR! wouldn’t have to run for the locker room today. Everyone’s gonna have streaks soon.
It’s pouring near Heinz? Seems on-brand for them tbh.
.https://youtu.be/DSbR-hZAMh8?si=jJn-JtkIjHbchhOP
The Pass Interference Rule would work if BLEERGH actually emphasizes the “uncatchable pass” part of the rule. Unless the receiver has to reveal a previously unknown superpower to has a chance to catch the ball, no pass interference.
Its amazing how good Arizona’s away kits look when their home uniforms look so bland.
Stillers linebacker Elandon Roberts in the ouchie tent for what loosely described as “blood” and “groin.”
Hopefully his first time was with someone special.
Get him one of these!
“Mr. DeMille, I’m not ready for my closeup.”
-Norma Desmond Ridder
Mahomes seems like a decent enough person, but I’m getting so tired of seeing his commercials that I’m starting to feel the same way about his stupid face that jjfozz feels about everything.
The 3-2 prediction still holds!
So does 4-3!
Derek Carr is going full lemon.
SAFETY DUNCE IN JERSEY
Forget “Marriage Material”. I believe in Will Levis.
I believe he exists as well, as a old southern man that tells stories to kids, not as an NFL qb.
“I can fix him!”
-Sister/Friend regarding boyfriend who has a representation of sleeping around.
-Fan regarding QB with issues
Craig Wolfley, the specialist of the Wolfley brothers, just complimented the Cards for “sealing the back end to prevent leakage.”
It’s important!
Great Loins are back in Detroit.
For all y’all who missed the September Donks, they seem like they’s back.
Levis was apparently…not a super-popular teammate at Kenfucky. See the fight picking with Nuk.
“Guys, what say we start FUCKING again?” – Dan C., Pontiac, MI
DERKERR DURRR
Down Goes Surtain!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siO6dkqidc4
BLEERGH is already collecting flesh tributes in Yinzburgh.
City of Men mad about sommet
3-3 in Manchester. Holy fuckballs.
Hanson is a Yinzburgh supporter, yeah?
All three of the girls, I think.
“Since I Found You” was about the Roethlisberger draft ppl forget that!
I never once thought that I could play a pro sport in any capacity but as a 50+ year old man, I think I could be an NFL kickoff returner.
Spurs really giving it a proper go.
The equalizer!
it broke my Peacock stream, even
Holy moly did FSU get done dirty. Ratfucked.
They’re still paying for that whole 2000 election thingy. As they should.
— the ESS EEE SEE
Derrick henry with rushing tds in back to back games for the first time this season?
No wonder I’m about to be eliminated, you worthless asshole
In same position cept i went both Tits up by drafting Hopkins as well
I mean, depending on the round, that’s on you
Monty That Seemed Easy to Me
CBS Premiere Week! Counting the seconds.
..to the sarin gas attack you’ve got planned?
Let Russ preserve field position.
Titans on the board awfully quick.
Good afternoon, and as always, Shitsburgh Sucks.
Man I dislike Florida based teams as much as the next guy that is some bullshit.
Twice in the past 11 years we’ve seen an undefeated notre dame team get a playoff spot they didn’t deserve and with apologies to redshirt Cincinnati did the same thing two years ago.
Is Florida state just that disliked in certain circles? Don’t give me that easy schedule nonsense. I’ve heard that argument on every years team ever
It’s a good lesson for these players how the US really works.
otherwise SEC will declare this the playoffs of Northern Aggression and secede from the system and the precious network funding
Agreed. UC’s loss was on their minds and they were afraid of giving the top seed a working bye week.
ah think Bama gon’ git ‘r done PAAAAAWWWLLLLLL wut say yew??
Scotch vs Freezer Vodka-WHO YA GOT?
Ayo, if I beat you with Brevin Howard and Elijah Mitchell, you should hang your head in shame.
Congrats ahead of time! My team blows
Well that was no fun….
lol FSU
I’m also enjoying this…until they announce FSU and Ohio State at the Orange Bowl. Then I’ll be dreading the ensuing Buckeye scalping.
…or not. FSU is playing GA in the Consolation Bowl.
Steve Spurrier is sending a box of live hornets to Doak Campbell Stadium in lieu of flowers.
Darkest Timeline is also the Weirdest Timeline because everyone actually wants Alabama to make the playoffs.
pulling for the Carolina Panthers as the 4th
Eagles clinch playoff berth with:
OK, here’s a question for all the people here that aren’t as stylistically challenged as me… Why the hell does one need to buy more than one multi-pack of holiday-themed paper napkins? I tried asking wifey, but the look she gave me … and the “don’t worry your daft little head” type of non-answer… didn’t, y’know, enlighten me 😀
It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Now, does anyone actually need holiday-themed paper napkins? Well, that’s. question best left unasked.
“That’s the same thing I said to myself when I suppresed my instinct to ask Janay Rice what she had done that made her husband so angry, and whether she thought she’d be able to refrain from doing it again in the future.” – Roger Goodell
That’s essentially the answer I got and while I agree in principle, I know for a fact that we have unopened packs from last year.. and the year before that. On the plus side, after a certain point, I learned that if I stop asking questions and and just listen to footy online is healthier for me 😀 Another unforeseen plus is that I discovered a hobby shop, so I am as happy as a Hippo mulching a boat with annoying tourists 😀
The path of least resistance on the little shit, is to just go ahead and get it. When the supply builds up to ridiculous proportions be sure to conspicuously display the holiday napkin stacks prior to Black Friday. Set them up like a tackling dummy in the living room… should make a solid point.
however, “The point” as seen by Mrs. bk109 would b: “Ooo. the holiday napkins we have are all old patterns, & we need to go get some new ones.”
That could very well be the answer, even if I don’t see any discernible difference between the prints. Then again, despite like 15 years of wifey trying to force come “refinement” and sense of style, I still don’t see why we just don’t use those instead XD
We do the same but xmas cards. We have like 100 left over from previous years but MUST get new ones each year. Even though no one would remember what was sent last year
/don’t even get me started about why we’re still sending cards at all
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [flips channel to New Orleans game to see how Carr is doing]
DEREK CARR: GO AWAY!
There’s no way Emo Carr does actual drug-drug drug-type-drugs.
Yet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deHEnRoqt7A
Cherries popping again, a regular Zoot Suit Riot
That was a hell of a game.
There might be real chemistry going on here.
GAMBLOR rattled them Dr. Bones
Yeah, that giveaway/goal by Mavropanos over in the Hammers/Palace match was..not good.
Donks/500s is CBS’ lead telecast. What a time to be alive.
Of course, they decided to give Romo and Jeeeeem the week off, I guess such an assignment was beneath their dignity.
…beneath their dignity.
Hi team.
Ole Napoli!
They need a win tonight or they’ll slip into 5th place.
… Huh, Everton’s point total doesn’t make any sense. Hippo, as one of the few people I know that are afflicted with Evertonitis, can you explain the fuck you guys did to get dinged so early in the season? Also, hi all
They’re not Man City or Chelsea and cannot afford good lawyers?
That’s a given, because “financial irregularities” is about as vague as my main gig’s job description :D. That’s why I asked our proud fookin’ Evertonian for extra info 😀
They exceeded “maximum loss” for one accounting year by 20m or so, despite super-duper inflated #NuAIDS losses. Basically, Fahrad Moshiri has no fucking idea what he’s doing and was likely just money laundering for Aliser Usmanov before the RUS/UKR unpleasantness.
I expect the 10-pt deduction gets reduced to 6 or 8 on appeal. Based solely on my intuition, as you know to usually just be gas.
Ah, I get it now… Your guys didn’t come up with enough bribe money to make things go away. I feel your pain, Juventus had similar issues when they wanted to make the whole “massaged football results for like a decade” go away thing from awhile back
In case I read like a drunken git, it’s ok – I’m not drunk, just hangry for being volunteered to “help out” with wifey and her sisters’ holiday shopping, so I couldn’t be arsed to compensate for my subpar touchscreen typing 😀
oh, no worries. Yeah, there’s deffo no bribe money left in the banana stand.
“massaged football results”
/Deshaun Watson has entered the chat
Absolutely the kind of game Tomlin loses. HIGH END TALENT pulls away in the fourth in another septic tank of offenses. Sigh. STILLERS GANTA SUPERBOWL
Urg. Yup. Today’s & Thursday’s tilts give ’em two chances to epically shit the bed.