We close the Flacco-Free Flacco Eight, with two very good games. One winner more likeable than the other, but such is life.
Fuck or Walk time is upon us, and the Lions? Well, they FUCKED. Was a slow burn, this game. Two heavyweight boxers feeling each other out. DET gets 3, MRSA responds in kind. First Lions TD, first Bucs TD. Second Lions TD? You get the picture.
But TWO Q4 Detroit TDs created a hill too steep to summit, even though Mayfield and pals converted a 4th and 15 en route to a mad scramble score that kept things interesting. They even managed a late stop right before the 2-minute warning, needing 90 yards and the octopus. Still, a chip and a chair – but they only got 5 of it before a really nice pickerception sealed the 31-23 win. Yes, the Detroit Muthafuckin’ Lions will visit the Santa Clara railyards next weekend, with the NFC championship on the line. Even if I don’t see how they manage to beat the Tomsulas, full credit for making it this far. One hell of a story.
Plus, I am wrong a lot.
Not scotchy, though. He had the exact formula for beating the Chefs, and it revolved around controlling possession and James Cook running the damned ball. It worked early, truly it did. But KC contained the big play impulses of the Bills Mafia, and they eventually lost patience. They wanted shot plays, and they wouldn’t really hit any. But they put themselves behind the chains all second half, and made Allen play hero ball. He may like it, but it’s not the winning formula.
Many twists and turns along the way (I mean, FFS – everyone saw THIS one) – but in the end, it all balanced out to a narrow KC advantage. Such it was, 27-24, as Allen embarked on their fateful last drive. When they settled into the short passing game (serving as an outgrowth of the rush), they chewed up clock and seemed to be wearing the defense out. 3rd (and 4th) down situations were manageable, and they used motion to create easy pitch and catches.
But they lost patience again, going for the home run ball – with too much time for Mahomes to respond, anyway. But it fell incomplete. 3rd and 9 – again behind the chains, and Allen threw the ball away trying to make something low percentage happen. It’s a home game, but still a weather game – and the WNY winds took the long placement attempt wide right. Oy. They needed to score the winning TD inside of 30 seconds, otherwise (in my mind) they were gonna lose this game, based on what I saw. They played for a TD too fast, then they played “all or nothing” instead of making 4th down maybe manageable. The kick was almost immaterial, you knew Mahomes would score with almost 2 full minutes and timeouts to work with.
Because BUF’s defense was tired, and too generally beat up. It was asking too much. There would be no desperation attempt, thanks to two runs picking up the only first down needed before kneeldowns.
Again – I don’t see the visitors winning in Baltimore next weekend. But this time, I sure as fuck hope I’m right.
Regardless, though. It’s been a great season and a very good playoffs. Let’s keep the journey moving, see what happens.
Just heard that my grandmother’s funeral mass and internment has been scheduled. Apparently one of the sisters, legendary for her prowess at clipping coupons before that was even a thing, was lobbying to have the after-lunch in the church basement, (picture cold cuts and bread on a table no doubt covered with Halloween-themed paper, because the latter was on sale), and was roundly shouted down by the others.
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one.
It’s times like this that I wish you were a child of Bristol*.
*Palin, I mean
And to drink? Off brand fruit juice.
I will guarantee you that at some point in their lives my cousins drank Kewl-Aide.
So do we have a name for the Brick sub? I nominate the S.S. Kolber to honor the matron saint
S.S. Big Black Tube
only if Big Black Richard comes back!!
“What is big, black, and full of seamen. I’ll take ‘Dick Jokes’ for $800 please.”
SS Yellow Submarine
OR
SS Titan
S.S. TITan
After doing six goddam patrols on a goddam submarine in the goddam North Fucking Atlantic Ocean, I studied Literature at American University in Washington DC, my home town.
Which gang coloUrs did you sport?
I’m actually from Arlington, across the river. You do the math.
oh shit, THEM MUTHAFUCKAS HARD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeL9gagV_VA
THIS LADY THE DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET) I CALL HER A RUSSIAN ORPHAN BECAUSE HER PRIMARY MEALS FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS HAVE CONSISTED OF CABBAGE SOUP.
When the Roomba breaks down
After a series of bad decisions last night, I had to settle for a RADIO broadcast of KC @ BUF. No matter, fell asleep midway at the 4th QRT 😝
“Oh, that won’t do at all.” – Roger Goodell, alerting NFL Security to your trangression
That was actually a GOOD decision because Kevin Harlan is the best and he was announcing that game on the radio.
Best I could do was two Bills’ fellas commenting on plays. Worked great, for a lullaby.
I caught the “wide right” right as I parked by Senorita Weaselo’s post-gig
Up to the minute…
There you have it!
It’s a shame because I suspect a lot more people would be interested in seeing the Lions make it. But THE NARRATIVE will not be denied.
Just finished my final interview for job I actually want….and now the waiting. I never feel like I did well in interviews, lucky for me I’m pretty good at making myself not think about things that already happened.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KJPP7GkuPU
I just had an intro call with a recruiter. Not that I’m looking, but if someone wants to give me more money for what I do, I’m all ears.
That wasn’t a recruiter, that was me, asking you if you had a key for the Google Maps API I could use, for free.
Good luck.
Thank you!
We all trust you knocked ’em dead kid.
In important Marika-related news, Napoli plays Inter in the Italian Cup today.
I’m pretty sure Marika would be in charge of flotation devices on Brick’s Yellow Submarine.
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Bellessima
Pretty sure she would be the flotation devices on said submarine.
Kick him when he’s down: an excerpt from a NY magazine about Ron DeSantis in July, 2022:
In person, he often comes across differently. “Ron is at his best on paper,” a Florida political leader who knows DeSantis told me. “Then you meet him and you say, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ ” People who work closely with him describe a man so aloof that he sometimes finds it difficult to carry on a conversation. “He’s not comfortable engaging other people,” a political leader who sees him often told me. “He walks into the meeting and doesn’t acknowledge the rest of us. There’s no eye contact and little or no interaction. The moment I start to ask him a question, his head twitches. You can tell he doesn’t want to be there.” (DeSantis’s office declined requests for comment.)
Nearly everyone I talked to who knew DeSantis commented on his affect: his lack of curiosity about others, his indifferent table manners, his aversion to the political rituals of dispensing handshakes and questions about the kids. One former associate told me that his demeanor stems from a conviction that others have advantages that were denied to him. “The anger comes more easily to him because he has a chip on his shoulder…”
No wonder the Very Online Incel cohort loves/loved him!
I’ve read some accounts from people who were in law school with him, I’m amazed he’s been as successful as he has in politics
Florida Man is a real phenomenon
Yeah, there were some comments farther down in the article I stole that from. Said he was the smartest person a lot of people ever met, and was at the same time a total prick. Which, coming from people going to Yale, must have meant something.
We were up in the North Atlantic and this is the math they were constantly doing up forward. We weren’t going to shoot at anything, but they targeted every contact that we had, and there was a lot of math.
The middle of our boat had rockets, and you don’t need to know about that.
I worked back aft, splitting atoms and making steam.
So what do the double vertical bars mean?
I dunno. I wish I did, I’d feel smart. But if you want to know about the engines, I’m all over that.
Google-fu says it means there’s a vector inside, not a scalar.
You would have definitely been a forward guy, doing the targeting,
I was an engineer back aft, making turns on the main shaft.
If we were ever surfaced (rarely) I would to the conn and ask to go up and visit the bridge and it was the greatest place ever.
Doing what to the main shaft?
/Buddy Cole approaches…
The what?
It’s usually to denote a norm, or standardized way of measuring magnitude. So basically a more generalized version of absolute value denoted by single bars.
Submarine skipper Dok
That Japanese Maru is going down
Us land pirates had it much easier. Stationary = aim center of mass, burst. Moving = lead adjusted to speed, full auto.
US Army artillery: best military force ever
US Navy submarine force: well we just tried to keep up.
This is how I would rank the strength of each remaining team:
1) Ravens
2) Tomsulas
3) FUCK Lions
4) Chefs
Go ahead, fight me!!
Something about the tomasulas w/o deebo though…
Yeah, they deffo are vulnerable – but fairly favoUred. I also have a nagging hunch they match up well with DET, but dunno exactly why it is I think that.
Have there been any clear injury updates there? I hope he’s good if for no other reason than the team is more fun to watch with him in
Nope, but “fucked up shoulder” is about as bad as a bum hammy for a WR
#👀
DFO boards Brick’s Submarine:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5P9uWxlV4E
Reality:
Oh man, I gotta watch that movie again.
My military service. They gave me medals for this:
Is there something about consistent success in the NFL that makes everyone insufferable? I’ve always thought Mahomes seemed like a decent guy, but he’s managed to be both a visibly bad loser (the offsides) and visibly bad winner (blowing kisses to the crowd after the missed kick last night) this season against the Bills. Just a total dick move.
I believe we were talking about foot health on submarines (a subject that doesn’t come up every day) but please, professor, continue.
Alpaca socks. They’re great, super comfy, don’t smell for way longer than other sock materials, and warm even when damp or wet.
I think Dok just earned a vice-captaincy on Brick’s Yellow Submarine…
Perhaps we could even add a small alpaca farm to the venture!
Dok has a great sock suggestion, except there were no women allowed on boats at the time I served. I’ve met Dok, and she’d probably be the best submarine skipper of all time, doing the targeting math, because submarines are all about mathematics. But is she a killer? That’s who wins the playoff games.
Um, in DFO lore, she’s an assassin that travels the world for work.
So, yeah, she’s a killer.
Interesting. I love slippers, but have sweaty feet. NOW I will buy Alpaca fur-lined slippers and when my wife says “Why have you done this lavish, expensive thing you stupid, selfish man?!” I will say “No, no! These slippers were PRESCRIBED to me by a Doktor of Science! They are MEDICINE!” and then I will smile to myself and wiggle my warm little toes inside my Alpaca slippers and ahhh, bullshit. I’m just gonna keep sitting here sweating toxins into my Wal-mart clearance slippers I buy every year after the holidays and throw out in summer because they are so ugly and horrible that dogs will not even approach them. Submarines? I know nothing. But I WOULD like to put out as a possible topic why the U.S. government brought the Japanese submarine commander who sunk the U.S.S. Indianapolis to the Captain’s court martial to testify that the captain had not employed the proper zig-zagging maneuvers necessary to avoid the torpedo strike, when even the submarine commander knew that was a farce? I watched that documentary (unbelievable. horrifying.) and could not read what was between those lines.
you can bet your arse I am looking up those magick slippers
There are indoor only knit ones, which are better if you tend to run hot, BUT the moccasin style will let you go outside to do stuff like get the mail while keeping your tootsies snug
I will TOTES drive to food or meds pickup window in me slipsies!
Tomorrow (01/23) is my birthday. I don’t need much, just entertain me a bit. I appreciate it..
Have you considered renting and/or commandeering a submarine for the day?
If I do, BFC, you’re gonna my XO.
A proper submarine is a hybrid nuclear/diesel/electric AC/DC power plant.
You and me? We’re gonna blow the shit out of everything.
Bring extra underpants.
Good socks, too?
You’re invited too, Hippo. Every guy has two (or more) jobs on my Yellow Submarine, so you can serve as navigator and sock king, reckoning our position and also making sure every crew member has clean socks and good foot health. You can get promoted up to full lieutenant for that job.
You can hit up one of those restaurants with their own docks for tater tots and cake!
♫ On the first day of Meathook the bloggers sent to me ♫
♫ A fart-smelling su-ub marine ♫
I”ll be honest: I look at pornography once in a while. But I find I’m only attractd to women who were MY age in the 1980s. Good lord they were good looking, and had good attitudes. At the same time I was out with a bunch of guys on a submarine defeating the Soviet Union, and I’m pretty sure I was the dumb one.
Looks at pornography? No way!
I thought you hoped you were wrong…
The only thing that can stop Baltimore going to the Super Bowl is The Narrative.