Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
One of the deep secrets in life is that all that is really worth doing is what we do for others [in bed].
Lewis Carroll

So, it’s better to give than receive. Still think it’s funny that this dumb bit work with almost every quote.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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We could do a week’s worth of hate just on Fanatics and their incredibly shitty merchandise.
Horatio Cornblower

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*Green Bay Packers*

I wish for Green Bay to put a ban in effect, lasting a full calendar year, not allowing the sale of jerseys of white skill position players.

Just because I want to see what happens first: either white packers fans are forced to break their not so subtle biases, or they stop supporting the team altogether.

The fact I’ve seen more John Kuhn jerseys in my life than devante adams…. IYKYK
Brocky

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After today’s experience with another fuck-face, assbrain Tesla driver, I have decided that the dual 50 caliber machine guns on the hood is just . . . not creative.

I have recently installed a harpoon gun on the roof, and cut a hole to facilitate aiming and firing, I can drive with my feet.

Once the harpoon has penetrated the Tesla, I’ll zig zag back and forth until it hurtles like a torpedo into the wall.

I will pull over and then scalp the driver, what ever is left of him or her.
jjfozz

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I am being a super lazy tourist, but in my defense it’s hot out and I forgot to pack my sunglasses
Doktor Zymm

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Since we’re hating on things, I’d like to offer one of the dumbest sports announcer cliches (and that’s a tough competition):

“A two-goal lead is the most dangerous lead in hockey.”

Well, no. That would be a one-goal lead. Because if you have a one-goal lead, and they score, you’re no longer leading. If you have a two-goal lead, the worst thing that can happen is that it becomes a one-goal lead.

If what you want to say is that it’s easy to get complacent with a two-goal lead, just say that. It’s not difficult. You don’t need to say dumb shit that is plainly not true.
Dunstan

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Tom Brady is going to be in the broadcast booth? Well, shit.
BugEyedBoo

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/watching a doc on Harold Ballard, the owner of the Leafs in the 70’s/early 80’s

-after his wife passed he moved into Maple Leaf Gardens 24/7

-he didn’t pay for food-he just ate whatever was at the concession stands

-he really liked the boat mechanic at his cottage so he made him the team trainer

-after firing a coach in the media he asked him to go back behind the bench with a bag over his head
scotchnaut

[editor: fuck the Leafs]

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So what I’m reading is Fozz recommends watching Emily in Paris in lieu of the Super Bowl.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The last time my brother’s company sent him on a business trip, he landed in Tokyo the day Abe was offed.

He’s currently in San Diego, where they’re experiencing Storm of Century conditions, and now a Marine helicopter from the nearby Marine Air Station has gone missing.

I thought my brother worked as a professional culinary consultant, but, evidently he’s an Agent For H.A.R.M. without realizing it.
WCS

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It’s funny, but if (Shan’Khlor forbid) the Chiefs win the Super Bowl this year, I won’t be filled with the same jjfozz-watching-Emily-in-Paris levels of rage as in previous years, because it feels like this year, more than any other, they’ll have earned it. In previous seasons, things kept falling nicely into place for them to coast to homefield advantage in the playoffs and when they needed a flag thrown on their behalf, NFL officials were happy to oblige. Now I’m not going to say that that BEERGH wouldn’t have interceded on their behalf this year, had its favor been needed, but…it never was. They won not one, but TWO playoff games on the road against teams that looked like they were peaking, so if they do get another title, it will feel like less a product of THE NARRATIVE and more just because they’re a really well-managed, well-coached football team who traded up to draft the possibly the most physically gifted quarterback in the NFL’s history as well as the best at manipulating the NFL’s rules to his favor since Tom Brady.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Richard Blade just played a Gumbygirl Double Shot!

The Cure’s A Forest followed by The Cult’s Fire Woman!
ballsofsteelandfury

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Dude.

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I’ve got bad news for you. Tay Tay is releasing a new album.

Back to the content mines with you!
ballsofsteelandfury

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Don’t ask me how, but I fell down a youtube rabbit hole and ended up watching Irish rugby fans sing Zombie after their wins during the last world cup and I came to a conclusion:

DFO NEEDS a meetup during the world cup when it’s here in 2031, and go to a match if possible, preferably Australia (for obvious reasons), Ireland or New Zealand.
Sharkbait

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I don’t think I did well on my second interview. Though I hardly think it’s my fault. They asked me what my experience was in areas I told the first round I have very limited experience with. Apparently my resume has a typo in it, which unless he’s looking at it in a weird format, it most definitely doesn’t. Then I was asked about software development in a production environment because I was in T2 production support….in broadcasting. Then the interviewer said he didn’t read the bullet points of that part of my resume.

Not looking good for a move to this company this evening
Sharkbait

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The “Fail Mary” game, which ended the officials strike.
Was in attendance, was a very strange ending as they refused to show a replay in the stadium.
litre_cola

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So I’ll share something with you.

About six weeks ago I was at the doctor, and he recommended that I shed a few pounds, but he’s been telling me that for five years and I never have. Finally, out of frustration, I asked for an Ozempic prescription, which is wildly popular and fashionable right now. It has other uses, but one of them is weight loss.

I was given a pen that you use to inject measured doses once a week into the abdomen. It doesn’t hurt at all. You start with four weeks of .25mg (the pen is set to calibrate the dose) and then the next four weeks you double it to .5mg.

Well, it sure killed my appetite. Actually I barely could eat anything, and I have definitely shed some pounds. But it came at a cost, especially after I went up to .5mg. I was waking up wretching with nausea; I was constantly dizzy; I would be sitting at my studio desk and suddenly feel like I was falling unconscious.

At first I didn’t put two & two together. I thought maybe I was drinking too much (which I wasn’t, and anyway I’ve been drinking excessively for 40 years and never once felt like this; I’m an expert after all). Then I thought maybe I was dying, and I was starting to wish I was dead. Then finally I Googled “side effects of Ozempic” and there, in the official literature in black & white, were all the exact symptoms that I had, and mean it was exactly the same.

So I think my Ozempic days are over. I was voluntarily injecting it, and now I’m going to voluntarily not inject it. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.
Brick Meathook

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OJ Simpson apparently has cancer. Where’s Norm MacDonald when you need him??
Sharkbait

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This here West Ham Stadium, I call it Joaquin Pheonix’ holiday house because it’s a shooting gallery for the visitors.
King Hippo

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This is Reedforth Shirtowsky from DFO Sports. Now much has been made about President Biden not having another Pre-Game Presidential Interview, but he says in a statement that it has nothing to do with his diminsed mental capacity, but he doesn’t want to draw attention away from the AFL Champions Dallas Texans led by NFL Superstar Len Dawson and the NFL Champions San Francisco 49ers, let by young QB Joe Mantegna. We reached out to his President Trump who went on a 60 minute rant saying the NFL would never be as good as the USFL, how the woke Taylor Swift isn’t as good or as sexy as his wife and mother and then trailed off wailing “Why didn’t Daddy love me?!”.

I believe I speak for everyone when I say “America is finished.”
Redshirt

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Found a funny;

[during sex] if im good can we get ice cream?
rockingdog

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Mecole Hardman with the rare honest quote – “I blacked out there when I caught the ball.”
Beerguyrob

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So I’m just gonna say it….

This year was definitely the year people turned on the chiefs, but to me it felt different than previous other “teams that win all the time”

People “turned” on mahomes after he complained about one call, while seemingly forgetting about brady being a diva.

People said he did “too many commercials” after letting that arrogant piece of Human garage rodgers do it for so long

They got pissy about taylor swift despite there being literally decades of instances where players dated celebrities.

I guess I’m saying I grew to like the chiefs this season because they pissed certain people off, and after decades of tolerating far less likable teams, I’m all for it
Brocky

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Well, Kyle Shanahan is now the first coach be a part of TWO teams that lost Super Bowls in overtime.
Senor Weaselo

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THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM AETHELRED THE UNREADY BECAUSE HE INHERITED HIS POSITION THEN INSTIGATED A SERIES OF INEFFECTIVE ATTACKS AGAINST THE INCUMBENT CONQUERORS OF THE REGION
Doktor Zymm

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Good night you sweet bastards. Only 364 days until I come back out of my dank pit again!
Porky Prime

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The good news for Nick Bosa is he doesn’t have to go the White House now.
WCS

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THIS KYLE SHANAHAN I CALL HIM AN ASPIRING SUPPORTING ACTRESS BECAUSE HE CANNOT STOP BLOWING LEADS
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Oh you have NAWT known joy until you hear Germans saying doink
Doktor Zymm

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Instead of making that grand daughter do 2 full ass skating routines, living in an non-ADA compliant house miles away from any health facilities, after a 3 hour drive, they could’ve just live streamed the fucking skating championship.
ThePirateSloth

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HOW THE FUCK DOES TONY ROMO KNOW ABOUT PRESSURE IN THE SUPER BOWL?! He couldn’t handle pressure in an NFC Wildcard game.
Beerguyrob

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So glad the SB halftime moved away from tired old rock acts from 20 years ago to…to…ohhhhh.
Porky Prime

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Since that Feet Washing ad Rex Ryan has been blowing up on Twitter.
Col. Duke LaCross

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Romo describing McCaffrey as a scat back has resulted in him becoming Vince McMahon ‘s favorite player
Wakezilla

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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