Request Line: Holier Than Thou

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER sits at the sound board, finishing up the setup for the upcoming show.  DJ 3000 is alert, sitting in his regular position in the studio. 

PRODUCER: Hey man, thanks so much for saving me from Derek Carr last week.

DJ 3000: YOU MEAN DAVID CARR, AND YOU’RE WELCOME.

PRODUCER: [sarcastically] Immortality…I mean, who needs it, right? Really appreciate you making that decision on my behalf.

DJ 3000: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT, HE WASN’T GOING TO TURN YOU, HE WAS JUST GOING TO DRINK A BUNCH OF YOUR BLOOD AND MAKE A HUGE MESS. CLEANING STUFF LIKE THAT UP IS NOT JIMENA’S JOB.

PRODUCER: Says the guy who messed with her cleaning supplies.  Sure was weird seeing him turn into a cloud of gas and flee through the vent.

DJ 3000: I REALLY SHOULD HAVE ANTICIPATED THAT AND BLOWN SOME SAWDUST UP IN THERE.

PRODUCER: [looks confused] Sawdust?

DJ 3000: YEAH, SAWDUST.  CEDAR IS THE BEST, BUT LINGONWOOD WORKS TOO.

PRODUCER: What on earth are you talking about?

DJ 3000: THEY GET AN ALLERGIC REACTION FROM THAT STUFF.  DAMN, DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM VAMPIRES AT ALL?

PRODUCER: In my entire life I have never heard a single thing about vampires being allergic to cedar sawdust. And what the hell is a “Lingonwood” tree; I’ve never heard of that before either.

DJ 3000: [SIGHS] WELL DID YOU AT LEAST LISTEN TO ME AND GET YOURSELF SOME PROTECTION IN CASE HE COMES BACK?

PRODUCER: I sure did.

The PRODUCER pulls his sportscoat open to reveal…

DJ 3000: HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? ARE YOU PLANNING TO CHALLENGE HIM TO A GAME OF NAUGHTS AND CROSSES?

PRODUCER: [glances down] Naughts and Crosses? You mean…Tic Tac Toe?  What? No, it’s a crucifix.

DJ 3000: YOU THINK SOME SILLY WEIRDO CULT SYMBOL IS GOING TO KEEP A VAMPIRE AWAY? WHY NOT USE ONE OF THESE ONES SO YOU CAN AT LEAST LOOK COOL WHILE YOU’RE GETTING ALL THE BLOOD SUCKED OUT OF YOUR ARTERIES?

DJ 3000 flashes a series of symbols across his console. 

PRODUCER: [looks thoughtful] Actually…

DJ 3000: HERE, I GOT YOU COVERED.

A slot opens in DJ 3000’s front console, containing a pendant hanging from a gold chain.

PRODUCER: A Star of David? What kind of vampire is going to be scared off by that thing?

DJ 3000: UM, ALL VAMPIRES? THEY HATE HEXAGONS.

Suddenly, DJ 3000 emits a chiming noise.

PRODUCER: Oh, shit, we’ve got to get the show started.  [punches talkback button] Hey, are you all set to go in there?

CUT TO: INT. – RECORDING BOOTH where their guest is waiting cheerfully and munching from a big bag of…we’ll get to that in a moment.

KOLTON MILLER: [munching away] Yeah, I’m doing great!

PRODUCER: Have you got a theme for today?

KOLTON MILLER: Oh. Um…no. How about…um…

KOLTON MILLER glances down at his lap.

KOLTON MILLER: Oh! How about holy things?

PRODUCER: Holy things?

KOLTON MILLER: Yeah, things that are holy.  Like, uh, cows.  And saints and stuff.  Things that are sacred.

DJ 3000: YOU MEAN LIKE THE PRECIOUS LITTLE MATHEMATICAL SIGN THAT A CERTAIN SOMEONE IS WEARING AROUND THEIR NECK?

PRODUCER: [ignores him] Yeah, I think that works.  You got something you can start us out with?

KOLTON MILLER: Um…

PRODUCER: Don’t sweat it, big fella, I got you.  DJ 3000, cue up a little Led Zeppelin for us and let’s get this show on the road.

Today’s theme is “holy things”.  We’re looking for songs about things that are often described as “holy” or “sacred”.  Songs about saints are okay too.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?hY4c!NTh and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle song of “Blood Money” by The Church was ably solved by BeefRiverLives.  Special thanks to BugEyedBoo for requesting “Bloodletting” by Concrete Blonde, which was supposed to be the intro song but I somehow forgot to use (despite having made a note to myself ahead of time).  Let’s get to it!