Request Line: Toeing the Line

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The regular one again?

WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP I’M ON A TIGHT SCHEDULE HERE.

[huffily] INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER sits at his desk, with a pile of items in front of him.  DJ 3000 is standing nearby, looking apprehensive.  The PRODUCER carefully builds the items into a pyre that consists of…

a matchbox-sized version of a Ford Bronco…

…a home perm kit…

…a VHS tape of the low-budget comedy movie Beach Fever…

…and a pair of Bruno Magli shoes.

DJ 3000: ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

PRODUCER: Come on, it’s tradition!  And besides, we’re an NFL-focused show.

The PRODUCER douses the pile with lighter fluid and drops a match on it.

— [portal to the spirit realm flies open] —

REX RYAN: How the fuck you doin’, boys?

DJ 3000: HEY ROB, THANKS FOR COMING BY.

PRODUCER: It’s Rex.

DJ 3000: NO IT’S NOT, IT’S ROB.

REX RYAN: No, it’s Rex.  Did your circuits get scrambled, little buddy?

PRODUCER: I gotta be honest, Rex, I wasn’t expecting to see you.  What’s with the horns?

REX RYAN: You didn’t know I was evil?

PRODUCER: Well…no.

REX RYAN: Anyhow, can we make this quick? I’m dealing with a new intake and things are kind of hectic around here.

PRODUCER: That “new intake” is actually who we were looking to speak to.

REX RYAN: He’s, uh, kind of busy.

The three fall silent for a moment, which allows us to hear the sound of tormented screaming in the background.

REX RYAN: But I’m authorized to speak on his behalf, so shoot.

PRODUCER: How are you authorized to speak for him?

REX RYAN: The lawyers here – there’s lots of lawyers here – make all the new recruits sign away power of attorney to someone before we get started with them.  O.J. and I have got that Buffalo Bills connection, so he picked me.

DJ 3000: GIVING ROB RYAN POWER OF ATTORNEY, WHAT COULD POSSIB-LIE GO WRONG?

REX RYAN: [looks at him] It’s Rex, and…wait, hang on a second…

REX RYAN looks over DJ 3000 very carefully.

DJ 3000: WHAT?

REX RYAN: Ah, shit.  Looks like we’ve got a cross-contamination situation going on here, better call my brother.

REX RYAN intones some mystical words in an arcane and unmentionable tongue. 

— [second portal to the spirit world flies open, accompanied by the angelic tones of a celestial choir] —

DJ 3000: OH, HEY REX.

PRODUCER: It’s Rob.

ROB RYAN: [looks at DJ 3000 very carefully] Ah, shit. [to REX] Is this what it looks like?

REX RYAN: Afraid so.

ROB RYAN: Shit, sorry guys, we’re gonna have to make some calls and kick this one upstairs.  [checks watch] In the meantime, don’t you fellas have a show to do?

PRODUCER: We do, but we need a topic.

REX RYAN: Oh, I’ve got a topic for you.  I’m amazed – and frankly, a bit disappointed – that you haven’t done it before. I’ll get you started with the theme song from the greatest movie of all time and you can see if you can figure out what the topic is.

ROB RYAN: [rolls eyes]

REX RYAN: Okay, okay, maybe it’s not really the greatest movie of all time…but it’s pretty great.

ROB RYAN: You just like it because violence solves everything at the end.

REX RYAN: That’s true.  But mainly I like it just because that pious fuck Tony Dungy hates it so damned much.  And for one other reason…

Today’s theme is “feet”.  We’re looking for songs about feet and footwear – songs that mention feet, toes, boots, shoes, heels, and even ankles are fair game.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?g!V3iTuP and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “The Real Me” by The Who was solved by SonOfSpam. Let’s boogie!

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
148 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

Do you know why the normal Sexy Friday post is late?

It’s because Mr Ayo is so fucking l lazy.

He’s so lazy even I noticed it.

Mr. Ayo

It published on time, sport. Check your clocks.

Brick Meathook

comment image

BugEyedBoo
scotchnaut

God, this tune brings back great memories-when my dad felt obligated to beat me but his heart just wasn’t in it, what did he use?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpMvKaQPsKQ&ab_channel=JohnBow

Last edited 6 months ago by scotchnaut
BeefReeferLives

Thanks as always for the fun, RTD!!

Signing off with a banger. Lou & GE Smith playing a cover for Bob-fest:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faltwKcVmzI

BeefReeferLives

Grab your coat and get your hat.
Leave your worry on the doorstep.
Just direct your feet
To the sunny side of the street.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emHubzoUT30

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

“Now there’s a band name you can set your watch to…”

comment image

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

A bunny & a dachshund. What could be cuter?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at4w53aZgYk

BeefReeferLives

Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jow9HujXZ00

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut

Remember when Steve Martin did standup? Neither do I.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnksquL557s&ab_channel=MichaelHallb%C3%A4ck

BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut

Rocky’s mother Carol was supportive but thought his music was trite and uninspired.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qNV8mbn_1A&ab_channel=daveinprogress3

SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives

What the hell… Quad shot!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1RpWuyZBJ4

BeefReeferLives

I stand corrected. QUINT SHOT!!

comment image

scotchnaut

“What’s your position on heels over head?”

-Christy Canyon

SonOfSpam

Really great porn name. Very visually evocative.

BeefReeferLives

She’s well-acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multicolored mirrors
On his hobnail boots

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdvnOH060Qg

BeefReeferLives

Seasick Sarah had a golden nose
Hobnail boots wrapped around her toes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDWTc5qRoVA

scotchnaut

One of the lesser-known Canadian comedy groups, The Frantics, and their seminal skit called “Boot To The Head”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfMcxmOBmpk&ab_channel=jaimelive

scotchnaut

“I leave my entire estate to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move to somewhere decent.” HA!

SonOfSpam

Remember this from Dr Demento

scotchnaut

In residence at university we would listen to them on CBC Radio Saturday mornings-there was one running gag about a Brontosaurus detective with a brain the size of a walnut and all that implied. Loved it.

BeefReeferLives

People talking in movie shows
People smoking in bed!
People voting Republican
Give them a boot to the head!

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives

Song Title: “Never Could Toe the Mark”

Horatio Cornblower

My brother just called yelling about his car insurance being jacked up and since I’m an attorney I must know what to do about it.

Me: “It’s your fucking insurance, you figure it out.” Christ, get a law degree and be prepared for the entire extended family to ask every stupid question for every situation that they get themselves into. Next question I get I’m going to stop the person and say “My friends and family rate for legal work is $230 an hour. I want you to consider that and then consider how badly you want me to answer the question. Otherwise I have shit to do.”

BeefReeferLives

My brother is an attorney. Me at the thought of my calling him because my car insurance goes up:

comment image

scotchnaut

Worst. Lucy. Liu. Rendering. Ever.

SonOfSpam

That’s racist. It’s obviously Kristi Yamaguchi.

scotchnaut

Where are the skates, Spam? Where are the skates?

SonOfSpam

Same energy

comment image

BeefReeferLives

To smoke weed with, Milhouse…

Duh.

SonOfSpam

Thanks Biden

Game Time Decision

I get these but from my parents about anything “computers” as I’m an IT type person.
GTD I need help with some random application that you have never heard of, but then gets mad when I don’t instantly know what to do or how to fix it. They also get mad when i just googles the fuck out of it to figure it out.

BeefReeferLives

No matter what you do, they get mad, GTD.. Ya just can’t win.

comment image