(this fucking guy shouldn’t even be an undrafted free agent)
This week we’re drafting coaches. I got the idea while watching the Red Sox steal 9(!) bases on the Yankees while Aaron Boone did nothing about it, other than keep pulling receivers out of his overworked bullpen and seeming surprised when it doesn’t work out. If you have a team with Aaron Judge, Juan Soto, and Gerritt Cole, you should have a good manager to oversee the team. The Yankees do not, which is why, no matter how much fun they are to watch in the regular season, they’ll once again fall short in the post-season. Drives me nuts.
So this week we draft coaches we think can get the job done. You can pick any sport, but the coach does have to actually exist. Pretend Bernard Gilkey is indeed a legend, but he is not eligible for this draft.
With the first pick I will take the reigning, defending, NCAA men’s basketball champion coach, UConn’s own Dan Hurley. My being a hug homer has nothing to do with it (yes it does and also HA-HA, fuck you Kentucky and the Lakers)
How can you not love that face?
The rest of you are on the clock.
Redshirt, are you gonna draft the bengals founder or not?
OL coach who had a yuuuugggggge hand in two Owl wins, Alex Gibbs
Draft is for head coaches, something you wouldn’t know because I didn’t bother to tell anyone.
Truly, I am an idiot.
Why
Dean Pees standing up
Yeah, I know what you’re gonna say, let’s just get it over with
He’s dead so it’s fine.
legit hand ball. good call.
agreed
I mean, that’s a pretty blatant handball.
THAT GOAL I CALL IT KING LEOPOLD’S GHOST, BECAUSE NO ONE SAW IT COMING AND IT FURTHERED THE INTERESTS OF BELGIUM WHILE RELYING ON AN AFRICAN!!!!
dammit Slovakia
Big Rom says “never mind, upset watch”
(VAR holds Rom’s beer)
Marv Levy. It wasn’t his fault Thurman Thomas couldn’t find his helmet.
/revision/latest?cb=20180730235111
I see my draft board has leaked. As Jim Kelly might say, this is jaw dropping.
I am told “slave traders” is no longer a PC way to describe the Belgians. The Human Capital Brokerage House is in a spot of bother against the Slovaks.
Are we doing worst/least favorite/most hated coaches at some point? Would love to see the venn diagram….
I don’t know if that works as a draft, but it’s be a good open thread some morning.
https://static.www.nfl.com/image/private/t_editorial_landscape_12_desktop/league/pmixv34anewyntju7ksl
I was debating adopting a strategy of drafting coaches I hate and sticking them with terrible rosters, but decided not to.
Alright since Brocky took Papa Bear before I could get out of my meeting, I’ll take Don Shula next.
#1 pick Papa Bear George Halas
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBktQHr1xvI3oTD2zVFwmqObk7Xg5iwFk4oQ&s
That man is more responsible for the success of the NFL more than any other individual, and in a perfect world, the super bowl trophy would be named after him instead of Lombardi, because Halas won more titles
Got a hockey coach and a college basketball coach. I don’t follow professional basketball, but I know enough to know that Bill Russell was a player coach for them for at least a little while, so I’m taking Bill Russell, and he can play all he wants while he’s at it.
I figure his best play is going to be “throw me the ball and then get out of the way.”
3rd round, Don Nelson… for bringing the Full Nelson to the NBA.
Not to jinx it, but Slovakia is holding onto a 1-0 lead over Belgium right now.
Going with Bill Self for my 2nd pick. He always seems to get the most out of his players, doesn’t seem to be a huge prick, and turns an entertainingly deep shade of orange when he gets excited / mad.
Gumby has a drs appointment, so I’m going with my third and final pick here. I’m going with my high school basketball coach, Charles Hurt. We called him Chuckie, before any of the creepy doll movies came out. He had bright red hair, an even redder face, and was a champion yeller. His catchphrase was “You fool around, you get Hurt!”. We were legendarily bad at basketball, never had anything approaching a winning season. My sister’s senior year, we actually made the national news because we lost a game 19-1. You know you’ve hit the big time when your school gets made fun of by Walter Cronkite!
Hope the dentist goes well
Mike Scioscia managed the only Angels’ World Series team and gave his life to work at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.
“…or…speak…at…normal…rate…” is one of my top ten all-time favorite Simpsons lines.
Marcelo Bielsa
other than keep pulling receivers out of his overworked bullpen
Why are Randy Moss and Don Hutson in the Yankees bullpen?
My war against autocorrect will never end.
Joe Madden – Got the Rays an AL pennant and the Cubs a WC, two of the least likely suspects to win based on their past performances.
Emperor Chaz Noll I. Took perennial doormats and turned them into champions.
[can also turn a doormat into a plethora of useful things] – Jim Tomsula
Hot damn, 3-0 to the Tricolorii!
Let’s play some Billy Ball!
3. As I said, I need a baseball guy, and nobody delivered in a bigger way for my childhood team than Terry Francona.
I’m going to matriculate this first pick right down the field. Hank Stram forever!
I’m less biased against Kansas city than some other fans, and I think part of it was my grandpa always liked the chiefs, and part of it was that Stram and Dawson were Purdue guys.
The irony being I went to IU, and got him and “IU grandpa” mug.
I need a baseball guy, but sadly Whitey Ford was never more than a pitching coach. Also, he’s dead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeWEpY3ixxU
Vince Lombardi in the second round because he used to let Hourning and the rest of them smoke in the locker room.
Les Bartley, MILL\NLL coach
from the wiki:
Bartley led the Rock to a 51–19 record in five seasons in the NLL, and 9–1 in the post-season. His overall record of 93–38 (.709) in the regular season is second all-time. Only current Buffalo Bandits coach Darris Kilgour has more. His 18–4 (.818) record in the playoffs is the most wins of any coach in NLL history.
In recognition of Bartley’s contribution to the NLL and his success as a coach, the NLL renamed the annual Coach of the Year award as the Les Bartley Award. Fittingly, two of the first recipients of the renamed award were Derek Keenan of the Portland Lumberjax in 2006 and Ed Comeau of the Rochester Knighthawks in 2007, both former assistants of Bartley in Toronto.
In June 2005, the National Lacrosse League announced that Bartley would be a Charter member of the National Lacrosse League Hall of Fame.[3] He was inducted into the Hall of Fame at the 2006 NLL All-Star Game in Toronto.
Bill Cowher
Needs more spit
1. Phil Jackson. Definitely not his time as GM of the Knicks, but that’s not what I’m drafting!
Herb Brooks
Gimme that gold medal, baby.
John Wooden is still on the board? John Wooden.
Mike Tomlin. Speaks in nothing but garbled coachspeak, can make chicken salad out of chicken shit.
I assume that the chicken shit is leftover from whatever voodoo he does to get his teams to win
Oh c’mon…
DOOR
FLIES
OPEN
Rex Ryan BABY!
1st round value…
This pick gave me a tingle in my toes!
2. Red Auerbach
Bum Philips
this man was everything that Jim Tomsula aspired to be, ppl forget that
Bud Grant.
Smithers! Find this man. I want to make him my Executive Vice President in Charge of Cheese Shopping.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7LDBwNtNlM
Sparky Anderson. The Big Red Machine had talent and ego, but may teams have had both and ended up walking off the pitch bathed in someone else’s colors. It takes a great coach to put it all together. Plus, after he was fired due some idiot GM thinking he was the smartest in the room, he went to Detroit to prove it was no fluke.
No offense to Detroit (my knowledge of the Tigers is weak), but I only recognize one or two players on the 1984 Tigers. Anyone can win with it all with a lineup that can rival the ’27 Yankees, but it takes talent to do it with anyone.
You don’t recognize Rusty Kuntz?!
Forgive me, I’m from Cincinnati. My memories are filled with chili con carne and eternal disappointment.
Ah yes, the mythical “six-way” known only to locals.
[has also participated in a “six-way”] – Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Dean Smith – he may have been the UNC coach, but he really seemed like a class act. Met him several times in the 80’s and he was as nice and gracious every time.
Tex Winter.
James T, Valvano, RIP
Name five coaches who were better at preventing thermal breakdown. You can’t!
He should have coached the Pistons.
Though he did not get it done (did he draft that uppity N-word, I think not), I like that Jon talked so much shit t/about CHILD BOSS Jed York that he got to leave.
1. John Madden. Everybody remembers him as a commentator but he was a fabulous coach; 112-39-7 (wow, seven ties in ten seasons? really?) including the Super Bowl in 1976.
Back when players where WHITEBLESSHISHEART
Came here to pick him. Anyone who can get psychos and drunks to be on time AND pay attention is #1 pick material.
Second pick: Pep Guardiola!
I don’t know why my first instinct is basketball here but I’ll take Gregg Poppovich
With my first pick, I select Pat Riley.
No one else could have handled the Showtime Lakers.