2024 Copa América: Uruguay, presented by Marcelo Bielsa

Before elaborating on Uruguay, let me address The Thing for single-issue Uruguay observers: Luis Suárez, 37, is in the squad.

Uruguay won the first three recognized world championships of fútbol early last century, and later the 1950 Mundial in Brazil. Those championships represent the four stars atop Uruguay’s crest:

The wheat, of course, represents cows.

These accomplishments suggest Uruguay is the ancient Greece of fútbol: a beacon in the distant past, “Whatever became of?” at present. Uruguay almost missed the 2022 Slave Labor World Cup. La Celeste had terrible form during qualifiers and its legendary coach, Óscar “El Maestro” Tabárez, was fired in late 2021. For cause, I think: Uruguay under late Tabárez (2016-2021) was stale, unwatchable, and scored less than a leper in a nunnery. Playing in the heights of Bolivia is no picnic by the Titicaca, but Uruguay losing there 3-0 is embarrassing shit. Right after that, Diego Alonso was hired as manager, gets wins in the last four qualifiers, and Uruguay goes to Cutter—where Uruguay failed to advance from the group stage

Diego Alonso quit, hasn’t been missed for a second, and let’s never speak of him or Qatar ever ever again. And we don’t have to, because it’s Bielsa time baybeh!

Marcelo Bielsa is an Argentinian coach who comes from a family of jurists and politicians. His brother was an attorney and his sister an architect, and both became government ministers too. Marcelo chose fútbol, which he studied and analyzed endlessly, with a lot of rigoUr. Since infancy, Bielsa subscribed to fútbol magazines and started collecting fútbol videos from Europe in the 70s. By the mid-90s, Bielsa had one of the biggest video collections in the world. Bielsa coached the Argentina National Team in 2002 and took to the South Korea / Japan World Cup 7,000 videos. Fútbol historian Jonathan Wilson wrote that someone once asked Bielsa how he planned to spend Christmas and New Years. Bielsa answered: two hours of physical exercise, and 14 hours watching video. In other words, Marcelo could keep NFL coach hours.

Bielsa is nicknamed El Loco—“the madman”, just like Argentina’s President, Javier Milei. (Heaven help you if you stray from convention in Argentina, because they will brand you crazy for life; hooray comformity!) Bielsa’s brand of crazy sauce, it turns out, is outworking everyone and having integrity. His training sessions are very demanding and players who are overweight cannot practice. In his first coaching stint, at Newell’s Old Boys, Bielsa proposed scouting all over Argentina (instead of just the capital and bringing players from the provinces), and divided Argentina in 70 sections. He and another scout covered the whole country and discovered future figures in international fútbol: Gerardo Martino, Mauricio Pochettino, Gabriel Batistuta, Jorge Valdano…  When Bielsa was going to interview with Athletic Bilbao, Bielsa watched twice each one of the team’s games the previous two seasons. When Bielsa coached Leeds in the English championship, a Leeds assistant was caught videotaping an upcoming rival’s practice. Bielsa was threatened with a sanction and he admitted to it in a press conference (“this is usual in Argentina”), AND he showed what he taped and explained what for. He paid the fine personally, not allowing Leeds management to pay for the violation.

Another time while Leeds was in the Championship: during a game, a player from the opposing team was writhing on the ground, injured. Leeds continued the play and scored a goal, instead of kicking the ball away to allow the opposing player to recover. The other team complained of Leeds ungentlemanly whatever and Bielsa ordered his players to score an own goal to undo the potential… Unsportsmanlikeness.

Bielsa did not do multiyear contracts at clubs, insisting on a year-by-year basis–a dynamite model to ALL romantic relationships, but I digress. Bielsa negotiates all the terms himself, without an agent, and proposes conditions even as to refurbishing training facilities. Twice he walked out from teams (Lazio and Lille) because Bielsa felt the teams changed the terms unilaterally—particularly about player signings, not compensation to Bielsa. Teams did not abide so Bielsa walked away: THIS is “madness”? Smells a lot like dignity, I dunno…

Bielsa’s trophy shelf has lots of room. The 7,000 videos taken for the 2002 World Cup did not help Argentina make it past the group stage, but Bielsa took the Argentina U23s to Olympic gold in 2004. Bielsa redid the Chile National team program (2007-2011), but resigned just before Chile won its first Copa América in 2012 with the players he scouted and developed. He does not grant interviews and has gotten into trouble for lack of media access. Bielsa wants to give all reporters the same access, whether from a small regional outlet or big multinational conglomerate. So he speaks only in press conferences and seems more animated discussing the process than the results. Bielsa is stubborn, as is anyone who develops a clear vision, is a stickler for details, and wants to see a project through. Personally, I think Bielsa is the opposite of superficial and a very deliberate leader who takes preparation very seriously. Oh yeah,

Uruguay, with a population of over 3.4 million, has to be the most talented fútbol nation per capita. Uruguay has 15 Copa Américas, same as Argentina (pop. 46 million), and six more than Brazil (pop. 216 million). Uruguay has won at least one Copa in every decade, except the 1970s and the 2000s. Curiously, Uruguay’s love for Bielsa took time. First, there was the basic offense: hiring a non-Uruguayan for the Celeste job. Then there was the knife twisting, hiring un argentino, the proverbial Big Brother who gets all the fame and cars and status on account of an embarrassment of resources. Bielsa does things his way and is a blue ribbon micromanager, not the best qualities for someone called “carpetbagger” behind his back.

It did not help when Bielsa started calling up new players instead of team stalwarts who were having solid club seasons (Edinson Cavani in Argentina, Fernando Muslera in Turkey, Sebastián Coates, i.e., the captain of champion Sporting CP in Portugal)… Then late last year, in 2026 Qualifiers, Uruguay beat Brazil 2-0 in Uruguay and Argentina by the same score IN ARGENTINA (a match that almost turned bloody). Yeah, that got the hinchas charrúas to get warm with Bielsa.

Uruguay plays a 4-3-3 and has been cookin’. Players to watch on BOLD:

GOALIES

Sergio Rochet (Internacional)

Santiago Mele (Junior)

Franco Israel (Sporting Club)

DEFENDERS

Ronald Araújo (Barcelona)

José María Giménez (Atlético de Madrid)

Sebastián Cáceres (América)

Nicolás Marichal (Dinamo Moscú)

Mathías Olivera (Napoli)

Lucas Olaza (Krasnodar)

Matías Viña (Flamengo)

Guillermo Varela (Flamengo)

Nahitan Nández (Al-Qadisiyah)

MIDFIELDERS

Manuel Ugarte (PSG)

Rodrigo Bentancur (Tottenham)

Federico Valverde (Real Madrid)

Emiliano Martínez (Midtjylland)

Nicolás de la Cruz (Flamengo)

Giorgian De Arrascaeta (Flamengo)

Agustín Cannobio (Paranaense)

Valverde is crushing it at Real Madrid and Giorgian De Arrascaeta, highest contract in Brazil, is currently my favorite player. Bielsa says that he favors Ugarte for his defensive skills and Betancur for his offensive creativity—both passing the ball and arsenal of “Yo Mama is so Fat” jokes.

FORWARDS

Brian Rodríguez (América)

Brian Ocampo (Cádiz)

Facundo Pellistri (Granada)

Maximiliano Araújo (Toluca)

Cristian Olivera (LAFC)

Darwin Núñez (Liverpool)

Luis Suárez (Inter Miami)

Darwin is top dog. I could see Suárez as a very late sub, especislly for pennos for the knockout stage. Remember: no extra time in the Copa. For the knockout rounds, it’s straight to penalties after 90 minutes if still tied. Flashback: Paraguay, back then coached by Gerardo Martino, parked the bus in knockouts and went on to the finals through pennos at the 2011 Copa América in Argentina. That’s where Iruguay won their 15th.

Uruguay plays in Group C,

And has the following schedule, all times Central:

Uruguay vs. Panamá – TODAY WOOO, 8:00 PM

Hard Rock Stadium, Havana 2.0

Uruguay vs. Bolivia – Thursday June 27, 8:00 PM

MetLife Stadium, New York / New Jersey / Milky Way

Uruguay vs. U.S.A. – Monday July 1, 8:00 PM

Arrowhead Stadium, Missourah

Predicción: Uruguay wins its 16^th Copa América. But fútbol is a screwy sport where anything can happen, so I will be super humble either way.

Banner via latercera.com