Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Pre-JPP Edition

Remember, keep your fingers away from your lit fireworks tomorrow! Not that there’s much to celebrate this week. Somewhere, remember, sic semper tyrannis. Granted, the state motto of Virginia was exclaimed by one John Wilkes Booth after shooting Abraham Lincoln, but the words themselves are useful!

We hope?

Listen, I’ve got some lovely tea to throw into a harbor (or I guess the upper Hudson Bay), but 1) it’s Chinese, not British, and B) Senorita Weaselo would kill and/or break up with me. And III) I love that aged white tea, it’s my favorite, why would I throw that out?

Meanwhile, I’ll be spending my July 4th inside a hall in *checks texts* Kiryas Joel playing some event. Wonder if there’ll be any fireworks visible, considering I’ll get out at 11.

Anyway, is there football news?

-FA (formerly with the Niners) Tashaun Gipson, Sr. gets popped for PEDs.

-THIS GUY, I CALL HIM STILL NOT GETTING EMPLOYED. (Gruden loses his court case.)

Yeah, we’re still in the doldrums. So in the doldrums that there isn’t even Copa action tonight! (Quarterfinals start tomorrow night, Argentina v. Ecuador)

Prime is cursing out me at this point (and other beisbol selections)
The Original FJM Style vs. Literally just Aaron Judge and Juan Soto at this point (CIN vs. NYY, 7:00, Prime)

Squeeze the Wheeze vs. Small Bears (PHI vs. CHC, 8:00, MLBN)

Papa Can You Hear Me? vs. Walker, Canceled TV Show (again) (SDP vs. TEX, 8:00, MLBN)

MLS on Apple TV? No, fuck that, we have some standards here. In short, I’d say check your local listings but they might not be that great either. In the meantime, feel free to watch resident menace to society Shohei Ohtani hit a kid in the face from 400+ feet away. Or feel free to search on the internets for things! I hear there’s phenomenal Youtube links to God Bless America & Take Me Out to the Ballgame… (he said, keeping plausible deniability).

Your discussion topic: What’s the word you’ve been using to describe levels of fucked? For me, it’s been “interminably.”