Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn. And where we end up is really in fact where we always intended to be [in bed].
Julia Glass
FUCK YA, NAPS.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Found a funny:
inventing 0 carb, 100 calorie, 15g protein alcoholic seltzers. you have no idea how many morons like me would drink that bullshit
rockingdog
You were talking in the earlier thred about how you were saved from certain doom by Playboy magaine. It reminds me of the time…..
It was the summer of 1975. My sister Nancy, her boyfriend Marc, the boyfriends friend Keith , and I were heading to the movies to see Jaws. We were just about to light a doob when a cop lit us up. I was the only one still a juvenile, so didn’t those fuckers toss all the weed and papers etc back to me. The cop kept us by the side of the road for what seemed like forever. We were so rattled after that, we never did go to the movie. Which is why, to this very day, Gumbygirl has never seen Jaws.
Gumbygirl
LemonJello
I got up at the ungodly hour of 5:45 to drive Mrs. Horatio to the airport. Lowratio’s feet don’t reach the pedals, so he wasn’t an option.
Then I came back and, rather than crash for a nap, started working. It’s kind of amazing how much you can get done before everyone else gets in and starts sending emails and phone calls and being generally interruptive, but now that’s starting and it’s nap time.
Horatio Cornblower
I’ve got a newest bestest buddy in QA, that thinks my purpose in life is to tell him how to do his job. “Can I have five minutes to ask a question?” That was at 12:15 my time, and that five minutes ended at 1:40. Meeting at 2, so Boo gets to have a working lunch. And Boo hates working lunches. I’m convinced he’s pestering me because he doesn’t want to look like the moron he is in front of his boss.
BugEyedBoo
Me, standing anywhere near that French fan with the drum:
Horatio Cornblower
Good thing you’re a CORNblower
Doktor Zymm
I solved the puzzle in this post and am feeling very clever about it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Puzzle?
Game Time Decision
Maybe it’s not a puzzle so much as…an opportunity for an unexpected sexy encounter (among other things).
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m sooo lost right now. I’ve read the post twice and still have no clue.
/feel like I’m missing some inside joke but that I’m supposed to know
Game Time Decision
Hint: reading won’t help.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“I knew it!”
LemonJello
Would like to know the back story here.
2Pack
There should be awards for the bestest reaction to being “fouled”. Might as well lean into it
Game Time Decision
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Some quality Fallon D’Floor winners in that montage.
Sharkbait
I haven’t seen an Argentinian go down like that since the General Belgrano
Sharkbait
Sharkbait
Not sure who I want to win this, but I guess England because it’s more fun for them to lose in the final.
I discovered the window AC I have in Chicago is old enough that you can unplug it while it’s running and it’ll start running again when you plug it back in! That means I can stick it on a smart plug, which I’m pretty happy about
Doktor Zymm
The look on Foden’s face after he nearly misses reminds of how I look while walking away from my wife before I say something ill-tempered.
scotchnaut
I propose shortening The Paris Olympics to simply The Parilympics.
blaxabbath
I appreciate Uruguay’s tribute to democracy, but reenacting January 6th seems like a questionable choice at best.
Horatio Cornblower
Off to see the Taxpayers tonight, a punk-band reunion show.
You can tell it’s a reunion because one of the things I’m bringing is earplugs, (tinnitus), and I guarantee I won’t be the only one.
/cut to a mosh-pit consisting of sweaty 50+ year olds bobbing their heads to the music, then panicking when an earplug falls out.
Horatio Cornblower
Taxpayers Singer: “Are you all Taxpayers fans!”
Crowd: “WOOOO!!!”
Taxpayers Singer: “Let me hear you-LET’S ALL PAY OUR TAXES!”
Crowd: [Scattered applause and intermittent booing]
Taxpayers singer: “Here’s our latest song, ‘Fill Out Form 1080′”.
Horatio: “I remember them before they sold out and filed after the deadline.”
scotchnaut
Let’s all dance if we want to! (I am not dancing, I am sitting in a low chair)
Doktor Zymm
I didn’t realize Lowratio was in this video!
Doktor Zymm
Moping tonight since pretty sure I screwed up the Amazon interview. Especially irking since it’s stuff I really should have done better on, and I even fucked up the stuff I really like. Not sure I want to keep pursuing jobs, either going full on with my startup ideas or pulling full back on expenses and semi-retiring. I don’t know.
Doktor Zymm
Stay with it a bit longer. Always darkest before the dawn. Start up as plan B can move into the planning and research phase as you look around a bit longer. I wish you well, I trust it’s close.
2Pack
Biden is on the good stuff but his voice is still on “FM radio station almost out of range”.
Redshirt
He sounds like my grandad near the end of his life 20 years ago. This is meant both with dark humor and genuine fear.
WCS
Didn’t get the hall painted, but did finish the crown molding and put a lightstrip up. Looks pretty good I think
Doktor Zymm
blaxabbath
Why are cords so short on everything nowadays? Even most power strips and phone chargers have short cords. I suspect this is the work of Big Extension Cord
Doktor Zymm
The ascendance of Lowratio means I don’t make as many Doug Martin jokes as I used to.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Found a funny:
baby gronk’s silence is deafening
rockingdog
Nice to know you guys here at the end of civilization. Let’s hope for a shorter Dark Ages this time, but the Evangelicals are already gettin’ their Inquisition together.
ArmedandHammered
My reaction to #1 based on how she left the flat surface of her board lying on top of a rock, just begging to be given a key to ding city:
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Aww, Madre Weaselo paid my AAA for the year. That was nice of her!
Senor Weaselo
Just double check that she didn’t pay for a year of AA for you.
LemonJello
Put them at Half Staff for Dr. Ruth…not that going to half staff is anything to be ashamed or worried about
Redshirt
Just found out the following:
Also Jewish and born in Germany in 1928. Her parents sent her to Switzerland in 1938 and then her parents were killed in the concentration camps. She then served as a sniper in the 1948 Arab-Israeli War (never saw combat as a sniper) and almost lost both her legs when hit during a mortar attack. She came to Paris and then the US shortly afterwards and didn’t earn her PhD until she was 42 from Columbia. She was also only 4’7”.
She also appreciated a good dick joke, and the field (or is it more of an art) of dick jokery would still be in its infancy without her tireless contributions. As a society and as a site we owe her a debt that can never truly be repaid.
RIP Dr. Ruth
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Woken up this morning by a call from the police telling me I had failed to appear for jury selection and that the I was scheduled for arrest under a federal warrant for failure to appear. Also that I had signed the summons and sent it back saying I would be there. Fear central, but after my lawyer wife got involved we figured it out was a scam when I asked for his supervisor’s name. Was very convincing and I was very confused, non-caffenated, barely awake, and really needed to pee. So beware of the scammers. At least I now have something to write about on Monday.
ArmedandHammered
Remember people: the police do not call to tell you you’re under arrest. They show up.
Horatio Cornblower
Unsurprised
Wife: “Where are the documents that need to be burnt? Where did you put them?”
Me: “The ones that were in the empty beer case?”
Wife: “YES! Where did you put them???”
Me: “I didn’t touch them.”
Wife: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes. [looks over at fire she’s about to start, sees pile of papers in empty beer case, points] Do you mean those papers over there by the fire?”
Wife: [dead silence]
/it’s a small W but I’ll take it and never reference it again ever.
scotchnaut
Oh shit.
“the shooter must be from Buffalo cuz this is wide right III”
Doktor Zymm
(almost verbatim)
MSNBC Reporter: “You witnessed the person in the stands getting shot. What was his condition?”
Man: “They were dead.”
MSNBC Reporter: “Did anyone come to their aid?”
Man: “What part of dead don’t you understand?”
Redshirt
/Had to have a sit-down with Youngest Skull Fracture Boy
I pointed out to him that it’s mid-July and we’re barely half-way through our first case of hot Italian sausages. It’s not all on him-I’ve not been holding up my end either. (wifey’s nefarious dalliance with Veganism is taking its toll) He assured me that he’ll do better going forward.
scotchnaut
THIS GUY YEAH RIGHT, I CALL HIM HUGH HEFNER BECAUSE BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THE PHOTOS ARE PRONOGRAPHIC, I ONLY READ HIS ARTICLES!
LemonJello
Brick Meathook
Eldest granddaughter is in Chicago getting ready to board her flight to Madrid.
I told her to try and get a deep dish from Lou’s before she left but she didn’t get a chance.
She’s such a sweetheart, she said she’ll text me right before takeoff because she’s going to be using a burner phone in Spain.
Love that kid.
yeah right
a presidential candidate gets shot and the next day your granddaughter leaves the country and will be communicating via burner phone okay totally sounds legit
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
So there I was, commenting on last night’s post, like a jagoff. But I am all excite, my electric bill was only $618 American dollars, wheeeeeee!
If you used wet towels instead of the air conditioner, you could save up to $100 per month maybe.
I would die without AC.
Big mistake not to structure those bribes as “gratuities”.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/democratic-sen-bob-menendez-found-guilty-counts-corruption-charges-rcna159955
RIGGED CORRUPT ETC ETC
or whatever, he’s a crook, fuck off
So sad to see Biden once again targeting his political enem…
Oh, wait.
What people forget is how the Bush DOJ went after a shitload of democrats at the state and local levels. In fact, that’s how they forced Eliot Spitzer to resign.
I haven’t forgotten.
I’ll even take a pre season game right now.
Just as long as you’re not longing for an AFC South TNF game.
Squats in a corner by a dumpster.
Looks around nervously.
Sweats profusely in an M1950 field jacket in 95 degree heat.
Scratches all over.
Yeah man… I’ll take it…
As opposed to Florida, which has Incompletion Jesus
I thought we called him circumcision Jesus
I’d call him Baseball Jesus, but there are probably twenty of those guys in the MLB already.
Great, really reassuring. Especially the third time it shows up.
Volcano Lair AI upgrade?
Even evil lairs run Windows 11
The evilist run Windows NT
You can call this dude I know in Calcutta.
Aah, GTD Reflections. Back to its usual (mostly) Brick-free zone.
None, to worry, because I just fried an egg. Brick can perfectly fry the shit out of an easy-over egg, in his special non-stick pan in which nothing but eggs, butter, and milk/cream shall ever enter, coupled with silicone utensils.
Observe, the easy-over egg freshly laid upon a bed of smashed avocado on whole wheat toast, with fresh ground pepper:
https://ibb.co/7g2TSbb
Now, it has been diced in preparation for the “subsequent” eatin’. Note the use of a steak knife for precision incisions:
https://ibb.co/TPNj5H2
The special non-stick eggs-only pan in question, with a silicone multi-purpose utensil:
https://ibb.co/X79Q6GW
I’m a fan of fish spatulas for flipping eggs
I guess that should actually say “over-easy,” although in fact the egg is cooked over-medium. Just putting that information out there.
It’s been quite a week!
The job hunt is already back to the optimistic phase, with 4 recruiter calls scheduled this week. I like the optimistic phase.
Happy Prime day y’all, although smh I can’t believe how commercial it’s gotten
Let’s be real: if you saw an old man with sun-damaged skin and blood coming out of his ear screaming “fight fight fight” as he’s dragged off by a bunch of people in uniforms, you’d assume he was some mentally ill vagrant and pray for him to get the help he needs, wouldn’t you?
Well, maybe all but the pray for help part.
Good point, as an atheist for me to say that I’m “praying” for something to happen basically means I am leaving it up to the random dice roll of a cold uncaring universe.
That’s when you know it’s officially summer in Portland.