Monday Morning Mock Draft: Jesus, What A Disaster

Good Monday morning, drones.  This weekend we had to go away for a funeral.  The funeral itself was fine, as were the after…parties(?), no, that can’t be right, given the circumstances.  Let’s go with “functions.”  Those were all good.  Lots of chatter, good memories of the deceased, solid food and beverage options.

However, when you have to make very sudden lodging arrangements on about three days notice, at the height of tourist season, in a tourist hot spot, well, you’re going to find out what “2-star” accommodations are, and those are not good.  Makes the funeral the high point of the weekend, and you still get to deal with traffic.  The moral of the story, and I believe this might be in our charter, is that you are forbidden to die, but if you absolutely must, give everyone several months notice so that they can secure proper accommodations, ones that do not include water stains on the ceiling, cobwebs in the corner, and peeling floors in the bathroom.

Hypothetically.

Anyway, it was a long weekend and it’s shaping up to be a long workweek, so, with disaster on my mind it’s disasters we’ll be drafting.  I believe I already did natural disasters, so this time we’ll be drafting disasters in entertainment.

No, not Ishtar.

Movies, TV or cinema, (I mean, I guess you could draft a play if you knew of one), that revolve around a disaster, natural or man-made.  The disaster can be one that occurred in real life, so long as it’s the focus of the movie, and no documentaries please.

I went back and forth on this and decided to rule out movies involving mutant creatures created by man-made disasters, (Them! was the main one I considered), sort of because it’s not in the spirt of the draft, mostly because I’m running low on topics here, (fortunately the bizzaro world of Hippo’s Did Ya Get That Thing I Sent Ya recaps will be taking this spot over soon), and I might need that one for later.

So long story, (but not as long as last week’s, and with far less mountain climbing), longer, any kind of natural of man-made disaster movie, real or fictitious, (but no documentaries and no giant bugs), is eligible for the draft.

Oh, you can draft the same disaster multiple times, (hello Atlantis!), so long as it’s a different movie.

With the first pick I select The Towering Inferno, from 1974.

Tall buildings!  Paul Newman!  Steve McQueen!  Fire!  Faye Dunaway’s cleavage!  What more could you ask for in a disaster movie?

Please note that Faye Dunaway’s cleavage is a) not a disaster and b) now that I think about it, far from the worst fantasy football team name I’ve ever heard.

The rest of you are on the clock.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Comics for Kamala going on right now; free comedy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR4RYgtWE0U

Senor Weaselo

Grave of the Fireflies. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why.

Bogdanski

Yeesh, I should not have looked up that movie. I am now thoroughly fucked

Gatoraids

Chernobyl for the glorious meltdown the Patriots will continue to have this year

Unsurprised

The best kind of superiority

blaxabbath

MOST BIG DICKIEST AMERICAN EVER DEFEATS OUR HONEST NATIONAL DAUGHTER OF PURITY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Better than moral superiority?

LemonJello

3rd pick: Outbreak

Ebola in the US! Kevin Spacey, Dustin Hoffman, Renee Russo & Cuba Gooding Jr are all Army epidemoligists and our only hope!

LemonJello

Also, solution for containing the spread of Ebola? Drop a daisy cutter on the town!

Unsurprised

Turns out Spacey framed the monkey

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. i mean come on

(by which I mean the original Planet of the Apes, in case there’s any confusion)

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scotchnaut

US volleyball dude with a twee stache thanking god after a successful point. I can’t stop laughing.

Doktor Zymm

I would watch this movie

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Unsurprised

Hurricane Heist was more fun than it had any right to be. Also a guy got killed with a hubcap.

Unsurprised

Damn it. Why do I open xcancel/Twitter?

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blaxabbath

Decide what kind of life you really want
Then say no to everything that is not that.

ArmedandHammered

Well, he is just doing his part to help repopulate the earth.

Unsurprised

It’s okay. She has Commissioner Gordon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So glad we never bought that trash piece of real estate.

scotchnaut

Brazil/US volleyball is…rocking!

scotchnaut

US commenters yakking about their spikers being successful and using the phrase, “Carpet Bombing”. JFC.

Unsurprised

Logan Roy “You are not serious people” to every adult American every day.