Why yes, my elder child (aka The Deacon, aka MonkeyButt) went off to kindergarten for the first time this morning. And yes, I am having the Parental Feels regarding this development.

And my favorite dog in the world passed away this afternoon.

Hence Weeknight Drinking!

Drink 1: Darkest Manhattan.

I’m not usually a Cocktail Person, because I am lazy and would rather just pour something into a glass. However, my very favoritest restaurant in town just closed, and this was their recipe.

2 parts Bowmore 15 scotch

1 part La Fuerza Rojo vermouth

2 dashes of Cherry Bark Vanilla bitters

2 maraschino cherries

1 giant Death Star Ice Ball

NOTE: I am told this is more properly referred to as a “Rob Roy”, as it utilizes scotch. To which I say: fuck you. The restaurant called it Darkest Manhattan, and it was a Scottish place. No offense intended to Sharkbait and our own fine Cocktailiens, who seem above this sort of snobbery, but all the obscure bullshit names for slight variations on the same drink make me want to brain someone with a bottle of Mirto.

ANYWAY: It’s peaty. It’s sweet. It’s smokey, though if I had a cocktail smoker I would probably add more. Two cherries mean you get one off the bat and one at the end, unless your significant other has stolen it. Which they did.

Drink 2: Red Stripe Beer

HOORAY BEER!

Due to past experience, I associate this beer with Hot As Balls weather. It’s simple. It’s delicious. It tastes like something, but is eminently quaffable. FUN NOTE: the beer may be made in Jamaica, but the recipe is from Galena, Illinois. If you’ve never been to Galena: don’t. It’s a busted boomtown (lead mining) about as far from Jamaica as it’s possible to get, metaphysically.

Drink 3: Monkey Shoulder!

I’ve reviewed Monkey Shoulder before, and it remains my go-to. Scotch plus monkeys- what could go wrong?

NFL NEWS:

-AiyukWatch 2024: nothing. Apparently the Niners have a deal with the Steelers and a long-term offer on the table for Aiyuk.

Frankly, this is all trending toward farce. I understand why Aiyuk apparently nixed trades to New England and Cleveland, but why choose Pittsburgh at this moment? Preseason should always be taken with a grain of salt (except for indications of player health) but Russ and Justin Fields are doing their damnedest to out-shit each other so far. Maybe 2024 is the year they finally have a bad enough record to draft a reasonable quarterback, but they it’s gonna be a long two years (minimum) before the Steelers see good quarterback play. Sure, Mike Tomlin seems like a good dude to play for, but he comes packaged with Arthur Smith as your actual coach.

At this point, I think Aiyuk’s endgame is either pushing for the cost of living adjustment or waiting for a Mystery Team (Detroit?) to decide to jump into the discussion now that the market has essentially been set. If he actually wanted to go to Pittsburgh, he’d be there by now.

-CRIMEBEAT!: Former Lions/Clots/Tampa tackle Gosder Cherilus was arrested on a flight from Boston to Dublin for urinating on an elderly passenger, hitting another passenger then taking that person’s seat. I’m literally at a loss where to start with the jokes here.

–HAHAHAHAHA fuck you, Tyreek.

WHAT TO WATCH TONIGHT

 Don’t watch anything. Take your dog for a nice extra-long walk. Or sit on the couch and read to them. They don’t care about plot holes or inconsistent characterization. They’re just happy you’re doing it.