Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

It’s almost Canadian Thanksgiving Eve weekend tonight and I’m feeling fine. Will I be cooking a turkey because we’re hosting a get-together? Nope. I’m roasting a bird for the sake of heavy pepper and mayo-laden turkey sandwiches and a pot of turkey chili. Life is good in the fall.

Shall we take a peek into the goings-on of the football? Let’s.

Nugglets-

-Nathaniel Hackett (it’s right there in the name, amirite?) has been demoted. Someone in the comments tell me what’s lower than being a Rodgers lackey. Anyway, he no longer has play-calling duties. The new guy that will be ignored by The Complicated Fella (stolen) is Todd Downing.

-Spencer Rattler is the new starting QB of the Saints. Dennis Allen’s Plethora of Pedantic Quotes came fast and furious. “He gives us the best chance to win” and “He’s the next man up”, dribbled out of his mouth hole. It’ll be curious to watch the Saints on O because Rattler offers a spontaneous running option as opposed to Taysom’s scripted ones.

-Bigsby’s Dichotomy: He’s the latest Fantasy Pick Up Darling because he’s had two long runs in as many games. When those runs are taken out of the equation he’s your typical 3ypc dude. My guess is that he can’t do this on a regular basis like Jamaal Charles and Chris Johnson did back in the day because he’s not a speedster.

To The Game!

Niners/Seahawks:

-Aiyuk finally broke out last week but vs Seattle he’s been held to less than 75 yards in six of seven games.

-Seattle has four defensive starters labeled as out or questionable-that’s no good.

-Geno Smith’s cherry-picked stats are a bag of contradictions. He leads the league in passing yards, has been sacked 18 times and has yet to play a game whereby he’s thrown for more than one TD. Something has to give-the wr talent tells me he’s eventually going off, the sack total screams that he’s going to get injured eventually or his turnover totals are going to escalate. He’s currently walking a tightrope like a Wallander.

-Silly Coaches Alert- Does anyone else find it bizarre that coaches that have a direct effect on certain players say, “We’ve got to give X more action/touches/plays going forward”? This is what Mike McDonald and Ryan Grubb said about Kenneth Walker. I get that this might be said to soothe a player’s ego but in most other circumstances, to me, it’s an acknowledgement that the game plan was flawed or that they failed at making in-game adjustments.

-Beware Fred Warner-He has three forced fumbles already and more INT’s than the entire Seahawks D.

Let’s watch some football.

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LemonJello

SUDDEN CHANGE, PART DEUX

Gatoraids

GENOKER: Folie à Deux

Gumbygirl

Kittle just did the poop run

Gatoraids

Kittle a doodoo runs run, runs run

Horatio Cornblower

Grey’s Anatomy is still on?

What fucking time wormhole have I fallen into here?

litre_cola

At least you didn’t have to watch Emily in paris season 2

Senor Weaselo

/Runs into clubhouse with pinstriped bandana wrapped around his wing-wong

THE CHASE CONTINUES, BAYBEE!

(In the meantime, Brooklyn lost their diceball game 9-2 on account of some absolute bullshit in the bottom of the 1st. Four 20s? Never had a chance.)

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
Doktor Zymm

We’re doing that for dirtball now?

Huh, now that I’m thinking about it, it’s become fun to be a Washington fan again now AND they don’t suck so I should probably start thinking about what I’m gonna wrap a burgundy and gold bandana around at some point in the future possibly!

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees win and advance to the ALCS, and for the love of God please don’t let Bob Costas have anything to do with that.

Doktor Zymm

Did Deebo fall on his keys?

WCS
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

How was there no penalty there?
/punt

Last edited 1 year ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
Brocky

I think it’s time for my yearly tradition of watching my favorite Halloween movie

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Sharkbait

Mine for some inexplicable reason is The Fog with Adrienne Barbeau and Jamie Lee Curtis

Gatoraids

I’ll lock in on Hellraiser anytime i see it this month

WCS
Gatoraids

Dolphins fan rally speech this year

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

No fav movie, but love the Simpsons tree house of horrors episodes

Gumbygirl

Boobs. It’s boobs.

ArmedandHammered

In that case, Zombeavers.

jjfozz

Sleepy Hollow – the overall look and feel of the movie is just perfect. And also Ms. Ricci can really fill out that authentic dress . . .

Sharkbait

Excellent choice

ArmedandHammered

Killer Klowns from Outer Space double feature with any Vincent Price movie.

Gumbygirl

The Abominable Dr.Phibes!

jjfozz

Let it be known that to me, it’s Columbus Day.

WCS
Horatio Cornblower

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litre_cola

Is that on Monday like our Thanksgiving?

Unsurprised

It’s not a day off, so who cares?

jjfozz

I do, my family does – it’s not about retitling the day – it’s about a holiday that Italian Americans cherished, because back 100 years and even today, it gave them something to be proud of, the contributions to this country.

Doktor Zymm

I dig the paisley physio tape!

SonOfSpam

ooh lookit Prince over here

jjfozz

The latest version of Salem’s Lot was an epic river of shit and offal.

SonOfSpam

What? A Stephen King adaptation is never bad!

Horatio Cornblower

One of the better adaptations was the movie version of The Gunslinger, in that it sucked almost as much as the books.

SonOfSpam

I will abide no Dark Tower slander here. Even if it ran out of steam.

jjfozz

I read that entire series, and decided to read the end, despite King’s warning. I ranted and raved for an hour, scaring the wife and the dog. What a fucking raft of utter bullshit. Now I’m mad all over again.

Horatio Cornblower

The first three books are great. After that it’s a steep decline to Shitsville.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stKUzqEi4kQ

Blaine is a pain, and that’s the truth.

(loved the series)

Doktor Zymm

I read it in high school when it wasn’t complete, then totally forgot about it and hadn’t read a King novel in ages when the later ones finally came out. Kinda like Game of Thrones except I’m pretty sure that series will never ever be finished

jjfozz

Apparently if you get bit by a vampire, an anti-rabies shot can keep you from turning. Holy fuckshit.

Gatoraids

has to be the most timid R “movie” ive seen

Doktor Zymm

Are the Niners really gonna strangle this away?

Gatoraids

Their tribute to Robert Mapplethorpe

Brocky

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Sharkbait

The one downside of city living is the northern lights are pretty muted down this far.

litre_cola

Can’t believe we are sharing them with you lot.

SonOfSpam

Always love the focus on the Special Teams coach after a big play.

Like Mr. Burns watching Darryl Strawberry in the softball episode “I TOLD him to do that.”

WCS

“No hustle, either, Skip.”

Gumbygirl

Wow!

SonOfSpam

Glad I started Laviska Shinault.

litre_cola

Deep league

Gatoraids

time capsule from 2021

Brocky

I remember on the old site we did a 16 team league, someone autodrafted TO.

He had been retired for four years

litre_cola

Beerguyrob had probably the worst autodraft I have ever seen. He drafted 2 kickers.

Gatoraids

best mis pick was 10 years ago and someone picked up Adrian Peterson in the 3rd rnd but it was the wrong

Doktor Zymm

Vaugley Frenchdown!

ballsofsteelandfury

This game sucks, doesn’t it?

litre_cola

This game sucks, Geno Smith doesn’t it he?

There ya go.

Sharkbait

Genos need not apply apparently.

Gatoraids

Having that greedy CMC out of the way been a blessing for us Kittle believers

ArmedandHammered

Watching “In a Violent Nature” which alternates between a walking simulator and acts of horrifying violence and gore.

Gatoraids

accurate summary, saw on Shudder and quite alot of slow walking but the bend back kill makes it worth it this time of year

ArmedandHammered

Yep

ArmedandHammered

This is both boring and disgusting.

Gatoraids

really need that football dvr feature of catchup by key plays

Doktor Zymm

At least this was a quick half!

Horatio Cornblower

If I were an infielder and my manager told me to “bring it on” on Giancarlo Stanton I would become a conscientious objector immediately.

Horatio Cornblower

‘Wow, the 49ers are apparently kicking ass! I should check FF and see how the one decent move I made this season, picking up Jordan Mason, is doi…”

aaaaaannnnnnnd he’s dead.

Sharkbait

Apparently hes back on the sideline

Horatio Cornblower

The way my season’s going he’s much safer there.

Sharkbait

I feel you. Boris told me last night he thinks it’s hilarious that he’s gonna replace me in Freezer Vodka

LemonJello

A beating like this from San Franciscans usually requires a safe word.

ballsofsteelandfury

And it usually takes place at a Giants-Dodgers game

Doktor Zymm

THESE 49rs I CALL THEM DEANNA FAVRE BECAUSE NIGHT AFTER NIGHT THEY AREN’T ABLE TO FINISH

ballsofsteelandfury

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Horatio Cornblower

Boy, her neck must be really knotted up!

Brocky

The seashawks better be careful.

Last time a Seattle team played this badly in a half, they were playing next season in Oklahoma City

litre_cola

Mason injury! Huzzah!

King Hippo

I just got that Isaac Guantanamo Bay (or whatever his name is) on Maths Is Hard waivers!

King Hippo

One week from tonight, I will have voted, and my mind can then be a little bit at ease.

FFS, though. Bo Nix v. Rattlesnake Kid on TNF. Bet. The. UNDER.

Brocky

I actually voted earlier this week, on the first day of early voting.

Not because I planned it that way, they opened a new site by my job.

I felt like an adult. I might actually mail a letter tomorrow.

Doktor Zymm

My ballot should have arrived today, if it didn’t require pants I would go get the mail

Brocky

Could ways wear a kilt

Gumbygirl

I went out and got my mail yesterday in a tshirt and my gutchies. Didn’t even notice it, until I came back in. This place is full of old fucks, the nabes probably just figured I’ve gone senile.

Doktor Zymm

The Niners really need to stop serving Malk at their practice facility

Spur

Biden sending the Northern Lights to swing states to spell out “Kamala 4 Prez” is a genius move

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Gatoraids

just the space lasers misfiring again

LemonJello

The weather control system is recharging.

Brocky

I’m pretty sure those are drones.

Lord knows our government has enough of them

litre_cola

Birds aren’t real.

Brocky

There’s a ben Sharpio joke here somewhere

Spur

why cant I edit my post?

Doktor Zymm

Ka the llama doesn’t want you to

King Hippo

teh JEWS obvs

Horatio Cornblower

Because that’s my job

Spur

then why is there an option available? DFO cock teasing me!

Brocky

Sudden change!

Brocky

These throwback seahawk jerseys are giving me flashbacks to madden 2002

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Spur

https://x.com/MatthewCappucci/status/1844524813177548862

maybe we’ll see a nice camera shot during game.

herodotus450

Haven’t watched basedball in a while; they’re letting Italians play nowadays?

Redshirt

I have followed baseball in forever. As long as they keep those dark skinned boys in their Affirmative Action league, I’m happy!

Brocky

Right around the time ty cobb had to retire

LemonJello

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King Hippo

My feed was laggy af, so I switched to TNF en espanol. I understood “Mason!”

Doktor Zymm

RB de los muertos

Redshirt

For those trying to take pictures of Northern Lights, set your phone to Night Mode and your exposure to its lowest negative value.

jjfozz

THIS REDSHIRT, I CALL HIM ANSEL ADAMS CAUSE HE’S ALL FANCY AND SHIT WHEN TAKING PHOTOS!

litre_cola

If you were in university and had an ansel adams poster up you were considered ‘interesting’ and ‘learned’ by the ladies.

SonOfSpam

GAH IT’S COLLEGE

jjfozz

I SHOULD HAVE REFERENCED ALAN FUNT!

Spur

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King Hippo

WHASSAMATTA YOU, GENO??

WCS

Redshirt, is Columbus just some void like a black hole that just attracts all of the bad vibes in Ohio to its central hub?

https://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/41720291/jackets-boone-jenner-miss-6-months-surgery

I don’t know what that city did to deserve such a mess as a hawkey franchise, but it’s just depressing at this point. I can’t be snarky or sarcastic. It just sucks there now. It’s a genuine shame.

Redshirt

It’s technically the whole state itself is a black hole of despair. All hope that touches any part of the event horizon is sucked into unfathomable, unimaginable nothingness.

jjfozz

Whelp, I’ve put off my self evaluation up to the deadline – god I hate those fucking things – so here are a few lines I’m using, lemme know if they’re spot on:

  • always ready to bring the pain
  • committed to killing those who need it
  • happiest when surrounded by flames
  • stomping on PC co-workers a favorite
  • doesn’t give one solid fuck about you
WCS

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fozz, pre-meeting warm-up (artist’s rendering)

herodotus450

Oh self-EVALUATION.
/it’s a masturbation joke, you see

Gumbygirl

Proficient in defenestration.

Horatio Cornblower

Once I filed out one of those and when asked how I thought I was doing I wrote “If I were doing any better I’d have to be twins to handle it,” which is a line I swiped from somewhere else. Can’t remember now.

Anyway, right about after that they stopped having me do self-evaluations.

ArmedandHammered

You forgot the one I always put : the absolute best at my position.

LemonJello

“Admired by some, feared by many.”

Gumbygirl

Gumbywrote an eval for some shithead when he was in the Navy. He said
” Petty Officer whoever performs most of the duties expected of a 2nd class petty officer.” The guy WAS a 2nd class. Oof.

Horatio Cornblower

The best military one I ever heard of was “His men will follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”

Gatoraids

GRITIEST GRINDER in the office
Tremendous Wingspan

LemonJello

“Off the chart intangibles”

Gatoraids

doesn’t know when to quit

herodotus450

sporting events would be much cooler if we had State Anthems, and played them before each match between squadrons.

WCS

MTG would pen a 10,000 word ode to Trump and mandate it played in its entirety before the Star Spangled Banner at every event, at least in Jawja.

LemonJello

Like MTG could string together that many words.

Redshirt

You think that walking dingleberry knows 10,000 words?

ThurberHerder

I actually really like the idea. I bet some would would be directly adversarial like Kansas/Missouri

King Hippo

Grandson Bronco is in cuddle mode, so I haven’t got my stream up yet. What is Charissa’s outfit? Has Sherm thrown a fish yet??

LemonJello

FitzMagic is losing his voice live on air.

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Horatio Cornblower

Aurora Borealis going off in front of my house right now.

Photos are too large to import, dammit.

SonOfSpam

How often does that happen there?

Doktor Zymm

We might get it in the Bay area tonight, and there are pic from the space station that are amazing

WCS

Happens in his kitchen every time the school superintendent stops by for lunch.

Redshirt

Uh…Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within a kitchen?!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s happened once in my first 25 years, and twice this year alone.

I’m pretty sure the Sun is about to explode and destroy the Earth which, yeah, seems about right.

Gumbygirl

Download the Photo Compress app

King Hippo

y’all cooking steamed hams or sommet??

SonOfSpam

No, that’s more of a Utica thing.

LemonJello

Can we get a Balls Ruling on Aurora Borealis being a porn actress name?

ballsofsteelandfury

Approved!

Gatoraids
SonOfSpam

I’m roasting a bird for the sake of heavy pepper and mayo-laden turkey sandwiches and a pot of turkey chili.

Doing it right. Hosting dinner is bad, always.

Someone in the comments tell me what’s lower than being a Rodgers lackey.

Being an Elon defender on Twitter.

Also…Wallenda. Crazy bunch of fuckers. Here’s a (Canadian!) link to the falling guy:
https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/video/1.1682839

LemonJello

Eli thought you said “Wakanda” and now he’s looking for his Black Panther costume*

*Olivia put it in the back of her “intimates” drawer. Eli will never look in there

Redshirt

Eli: “Found it!!Gee, Mommy sure has a lot of black mushroom massagers.”

ThurberHerder

https://x.com/Teslaconomics/status/1756924546782003298

I mean there’s people out there making Elon family fanfiction

SonOfSpam

oh dear god

Doktor Zymm

There are many wonderful things in this world, it’s really too bad those people have completely missed all of them

Gumbygirl

That was terrible, I remember watching it on the news.

SonOfSpam

Same, really made an impression. On the sidewalk.

Gumbygirl

I saw this today, and I thought of Qaron.

c75b388106f7be5b9d7db47066b17001.jpeg
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I have that as a Tshirt. Try to wear it to sporting events

King Hippo

at least Hackett can now add Personal Fluffer to his CV/LinkedIn page

ArmedandHammered

Makes him eligible for many V.P. spots.

King Hippo

the world is his oyster, maybe even snag a Scope endorsement deal!

Doktor Zymm

In reference to Horatio’s rant in the previous thread, “rate of speed” has always bugged me. Speed is already a rate and perfectly fine as a standalone term. If you want to get really technical, and I do, acceleration is the rate of speed.

Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

Have the astronauts recently spent an extended time in zero G?

Horatio Cornblower

Asking the pertinent questions, Dok!

SonOfSpam

“Speed” is also legal currency in Jacksonville.

Doktor Zymm

It would actually be fine if it was referring to demand in Florida’s illicit substances market

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, wouldn’t that then be speed as the rate of exchange?

/is justifiably beaten to death

Doktor Zymm

I was thinking more like velocity of money, but velocity of speed. Although that’s actually completely different from what I said so I understand why you wouldn’t see it that way.

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
Senor Weaselo

And also speed is a scalar!

Horatio Cornblower

One time the local news anchor used the phrase “armed gunmen” and I almost went through the screen to strangle choke him out.

Doktor Zymm

Fun fact: “strangles” can also be a noun as it is the name of a horse disease!

ArmedandHammered

I do give them some leeway since I have always heard heavily armed gunman and I think heavily gunman sounds like you making fun of his weight. But the former could sound like the gunman had fat arms, you know the type that have dewlaps?

ArmedandHammered

And develop diabeetus.

Redshirt

Reason Why College Football is Better Than the NFL #258,435:

IMG_0323.jpeg
ArmedandHammered

Savage, just savage.

WCS

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