That wasn’t that bad, was it? (if you’re a Bears fan-and I’m typing this early in the 2nd quarter) With four teams on the bye you’d think one of the windows would be lacking in quality but I think we’re ok here.
To The Games!
Texans/Pats:
Why would you start Drake Maye now, against Houston? I realize New England has their own timelines and internal processes but why not wait for the Titans or Jags which are coming up in two of the next three weeks? Instead, you’ll likely see the Texans get up early and then start blitzing the rookie and getting him all flustered. He ran for over 1,000 yards last year and I’m thinking we’ll see plenty of that today but not in a controlled, disciplined way.
Commies/Ravens:
Who’da thunk this would be an eyeball-worthy tilt? Well, t’is and the only reason is the rook qb Daniels-his play has elevated the entire gotdamn team to be taken seriously (maybe not the secondary) and that’s a helluva accomplishment. He’s the only QB to have a 75% completion rate with 1,000 yards passing and 350 rushing in any five consecutive games since 1970. My guess is the last one is Fran Tarkenton but I’m not looking it up. He can thank Lamar and his skillset for leading the way.
Browns/Eagles:
Watson’s mediocrity manifests itself in many ways including this one-in all five games this year he’s had 25+ pass attempts and yet he’s still not crossed the 200 yards barrier. And it’s not like the running game has pitched in either-Ford has all of one rushing TD so far this season. Things look bleak given how well Hurts has been playing and now he gets wr’s Brown and Smith back.
Cards/Packers:
Did anyone play stonehands Wicks last week, chasing the points from two weeks ago? [raises own stonehand] You would think that Michael Wilson would be the biggest beneficiary of all the attention being given to Harrison Jr. but he only just put together a half-decent game seven days ago. Love is hella consistent when he’s on the field, having scored 2 or more scores in seven straight games.
Bucs/Saints:
One thing I tend to do is not pay attention to bye weeks when drafting guys and that’s why the rookie Rattler is my guy today. Ugh. Will he be able to find Shaheed downfield at some point? That dude averages 48 yards on his TD scores for his career.
Colts/Titans:
Flacco has breathed new life into his career by being the most competent backup Qb in the league. I can see him fetching a fine draft pick if a playoff-bound team suffers an injury at that spot in the last few weeks of the season. For now AR is back behind center so let the INT’s rain down once again. With Levis on the other side of the field I can see this tilt being a sloppily-played one.
Go get it.
What’s the purpose of having TEs anymore? Can’t we just classify them as WRs?
Or is it one of those formation on line things?
Drake’s fumble cherry has been broken.
Some people are timid when they start their rumspringa, and some dive right in.
If only I had the foresight to pick up Bub Means on the waiver wire. Dude sounds like the world’s 6th-best ranked competitive eater.
i did let name be the tie breaker into picking up Cameron Dicker this week
Come onnnnn….
Need a MHJr Touchdown right before the half
That would be ROCKING!!!!
He in the locker room with concussion symptoms
“Has he tried rubbing gravel on his brain and getting the fuck back out there like a real man? Huh?”
-B. Parcells, old age home in Hoboken
Saints vs Bucks is ROCKING!!!! 🏴☠️
What the bananacakes is going on there?
Deshaun 5-11 and sacked three times and Cleveland can’t sit him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
What a shame that he’s being subjected to physical violence against his will.
This Kamara guy could be pretty good. MAYBE.
Drake Maye starting to think he’s people.
Lmao 🐕
For those of you that are not familiar with partridges-they are the dumbest animal in ever. They tend to hang out on the sides of backroads up here and if they’re headed in a direction, they will not turn around. So if you’re driving near them they’ll run under your tires when scared-that’s how lentil-brained they are. Also, think of the smallest chicken breast you’ve ever seen and divide it by half-that’s the meat they provide.
/there’s no challenge in hunting them and you get 1.5 ounces of breast-what a waste of time and energy
You could also think like a cat and just enjoy the killing part.
If I thought like a lazy cat I wouldn’t even be able to get to the killing part.
Too busy licking yourself?
I released Mark Andrews this AM. I regret nnnnnnnFUCK YOU
If it makes you feel any better I left Josh downs and Gabriel Davis on the bench
Café Bohème, Playa del Rey
right now
https://ibb.co/X5BSshS
If you were in Playa del Rey right now you could have stood outside that window and watched me eat.
https://ibb.co/4m40zCn
Fun Fact: That Mobil station sells regular gasoline for like nine dollars a gallon. Also, the street next to it is the same street that So-Fi Stadium is on. TRUE STORY (mostly).
Just letting you know that youngest skull fracture kid is doing his part for the environment-he shot four partridges this morning. [rolls eyes]
Great! Fucking boids…
Ok, Rattler in the red zone. He’s 7 of 9 so far but I’m sure doesn’t have great tits.
Tits so great they gave us Barack Obama.
Jeri Ryan knows all about great support.
Groper Cleveland got double-teamed? Oh well.
Will Levis, figuring his passes might be less-interceptible if he throws the ball end-over-end.
“If my passes hit the ground, I’ll give up no interceptions and a gentlemen’s 39.6 QB Rating. It’s foolproof!”
/loads chamber with “Oh, Bears fan with a QB opinion”
Hey, we know shitty quarteredbacking when we see it!
🤣🤣🤣
Stroud is a great horror movie name, villain or heroine can do it all
Found a funny:
🐆 🏈
A deflection off a receiver should not be counted against the QB as an interception-that’s a caveman stat that should have been fixed at least 20 years ago.
Same with the pitcher’s win-loss record. If you go 7-8, giving up 2 runs and only lose because your offense didn’t even touch 3rd base on a flyout, you shouldn’t get the L.
Geez-if Mixon had any tread left on the tires that would have been a TD. It was still 59 yards.
That was the Bengals fans opinion of Mixon: the talent is still there but the legs aren’t keeping up.
That’a what the voters of Texas say about Abbott
1600+ carries-that’s uh, quite a bit.
Café Bohème, Playa del Rey
right now
https://ibb.co/7CTJsqf
Damnit, Brick-the eggs are getting cold!
Hopefully this Packers vs Cardinals game is high scoring & fun!
That would be ROCKING!!!
I’m sure it’ll be high-scoring.
I need Marv to do something
I don’t think biting is allowed in THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE
Only if the Kansas City Chiefs do it. It’s considered being scrappy.
Is Mark Andrews dead? Putting up numbers of a dead guy this season.
took over full time Isiah Likely fluffer role
He lives!
Finished my blistering objection to the first motion. Looked at some exhibits, found they filed a second motion. Got revved up to write a second objection, read through it and went “Oh, shit, nope, they’re actually right about this one.”
Well, it’ll save time anyway.
Your objection should be “You’re right, but go fuck yourself.”
The best thing related to the Jets since Buttfumble.
“You’re not wrong. You’re just an asshole.”
Saving that for the closing argument.
Ah, the Social Network argument.
Respond with a 900+ page nonsensical counter-objection written by an AI program.
Then start drinking heavily while downing opiates and then make lots of unintelligible phone calls.
That’s the court’s job.
Right out of the Hippo playbook
Sideline Reporter: “Demeco, what’s been allowing you to move the ball so well?”
Demeco: “The Patriots aren’t very good.”
(I was writing this as a joke, but even paraphrasing that’s pretty much what he just said)
How did Will Levis get a commercial for anything, even mayonnaise, (which actually sort of makes sense for a dull white boy): “Hey, this guy sucks! Eat what he eats!!”
Maye just broke his INT cherry.
Mayday! Mayday!
Got the tackle too.
Cries of “PUT THE DAHKIE BACK IN!!!” echo throughout Southie.
That’s horrible-wish I’d thought of it.
We’re all batting second to Redshirt on this one.
Just like I planned to lo lose mine: publicly with a complete stranger.
We lost to this team?
God, I hate being a Bengals fan sometimes. Most times. Eternal hatred.
Congrats to all those who played Hyphen-Fella for Tennessee.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DBDN0ydAj80/?igsh=cHVrbjUwZXhqZnJv
.
I figured Horatio would get the biggest kick out of this.
I laughed, and thought of more than a couple of attorneys I know this would apply to.
So one thing I do when I stream the qb spot with a shitty guy is I try to play the opposing D and hope for twenty points between them. Currently in Math Hard! Rattler has 1.44 and the Buc D has 27. #SMRT
Tampa’s D is the only thing that may save me, as the wee QB Kyler and Marvin Harrison are so far combining to get me, (whips out calculator, furiously punches buttons), (ah, yes, there it is!) 0 points.
Woot Woot Texans riding that Puritan ass.
ELITE TITS
That’s 2Pac’s music!
Indeed
Jerome Ford limps off. Just fucking great.
the reliability of a ford mustang
Found
On
Road
Dead
Zay Flowers and Tank Dell look like the exact same player-small, speedy, good hands, super agile, etc.
Hadn’t thought of that but very apt
In researching for my player-performance parlay, I noticed Rotoworld writers are at the stage of throw-up-their-hands fury at Dell’s lack of production in the face of massive potential.
Diggs and Nico are ballhogs.
Math Hard! is showing Blax’ Caleb Williams as having all of .14 points.
Fixed now-a mere 37+ points.
Break out the unflavored ice milk. Joe’s dealing for the Clots.
Really happy I didn’t know that Robinson was out for Washington. Only have him starting in 3 leagues. Rage rising.
He was ruled out yesterday my ninja
I was very drunk all day.
Tankdown!*
*non-Bigsby variety
YOU’RE WELCOME
Houston, you’re supposed to wait until the Pats are on the field! [puts finger to earpiece] I’m being told that the Patriots are on the field. I apologize for the error.
Gene Steratore has already opined that the Patriots were victimized by an unwarranted PI call down at the goal line.
From the marshes of Bahstahn propah to the hills of Concahd the cries of “NAWT FAIR, NO ON UNDASTAHND OWAH SUFFAHRIN'” ring forth.
Early pickerception in Balmer!
That’s good callback gif hustle
Love the Pats throwbacks. So much better than their current kits, but I suppose one has to give the unwashed masses as much merchandise to purchase as possible if one is to soak them for the most money as possible.
Ain’t nuthin but a Zay Day, baaaaaaby
Ain’t nuthin but a turnover, baaaaaby.
Settle down, Andy, not that kind.
Unfadable?
TD scorer parlay:
Chris Godwin (TB) @ NO
A.J. Brown (PHI) vs CLE
Joe Mixon (HOU) @ N.E.
Marv Harrison Jr. @ G.B.
and my long shot throw-in…
Jeremy McNichols (WAS) @ BAL
To the pylons, men!
Gotdamn that took a long time-four open threads and some work paperwork and I forgot to have a morning Caesar! [begins remedying oversight]
Well deserved
Dear Travis Etienne. Fuck you for your -.1 pt you cunt.
I vodka started Tank. It ain’t go no better.
If the Iggles lose today Sirianni had best be fired by the end of the day.
That Meatball is gonna be the Philly Coach until Santa gets an apology. So never.
I see what you are doing, and I don’t like it. He should have been clipped last year.
Ooh, I could go for a grinder.
Isn’t that why they have a site with the exact name?
As soon as I hit “post comment” I thought “You idiot! You fool! You know the consequences of this action, and you deserve them!”
Redzone countdown has commenced.
Good idea.
And the ppls say AMEN
picks for this week
Bears -1.5 (check)
Texans -6.5
Commies/Ravens Under 51.5
Bucs -3.5
Cincy -3.5
You bet on Cincy?!
(held back by rest of commenstrait)
You bastard! I’ll get you for this! (crying) I don’t wanna lose to the Giants…
An under bet? BOLD!
Extra caffeine imbibed. Pill bottle making eyes at Hippo. Let’s fookin’ GO!