Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Courage is grace under pressure [in bed].
Ernest Hemingway
This is when you can get out of bed in the winter from all the extra blankets without falling over. Note that I sometimes stumble getting up from the couch without blankets, so this ain’t me.
Got out golfing Sunday afternoon. It was an unseasonably warm here, low 20Cs and sunny, so a great day to be outside. The bestest thing about my round was that I only lost one golf ball. Could not hit straight at all, so could have been much much worse. But that’s not why I’m mentioning the round. We got paired up with 2 ladies. They were just out to have good time golfing, so not serious golfers at all, which made for a fun round, as that’s how I’ve been playing. Anyway, on the last hole, the Bluetooth speaker that they had on their cart fell off, so the driver quickly turned around to go back to get it. However, the passenger, was possibly a bit drunk, and not ready for the turn fell out of the cart, and then rolled to a stop. This was a total Jackass or crazy clip of golf cart shenanigans moment. Thankfully the passenger was not hurt at all and we all had a good laugh at her exit from the cart. I think that “cart girl” is going to have a different meaning for me going forward.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
This feels like an average Bengals season post -win Monday (1995-1997, 2003-2004). We got the win but it wasn’t pretty and made us fans feel dirty but we’ll take it I guess.
Redshirt
Meanwhile, Jaguras fans are over here in the corner:
LemonJello
While us Black Panther fans realize this is the best it’ll be for the next few years
BaldingSpiritually
Wow, really getting a lot of use out of this one today!
Horatio Cornblower
Now you need to post this everyday until Christmas. Bonus points for every post.
Redshirt
Sharkbait
You’ve made a lifetime enemy
Mr. Ayo
Buy you a beer if/when were at a DFOCon to end the blood feud?
Sharkbait
That’s not how this works, and you know that.
The two of you, two Big Turk bars, Lowratio, steel cage.
WCS
Not looking for sympathy, but my dad passed onto the great pizza parlor in the sky today. Dammit.
jjfozz
You’ll accept our sympathy AND LIKE IT!
But seriously, condolences and sympathies for your loss. Its never easy.
LemonJello
My mom: “Your dad wanted to be cremated. I’m not doing it.”
Me: “You have to. That was one of his only demands.”
My mom: “So what will I do with his ashes? Keep them in my room?”
Me: “Well, every once in awhile you can open up the urn and yell at him.”
She smiled. A little.
jjfozz
Good night, imaginary internet friends. I’m goign to go have a few more drinks on teh porch and be sad, but never you mind cause I know my dad will make sure th e reavens win the superbwol
jjfozz
Fuck, forgot to thank you asll for the comments and support, it means the world to me
jjfozz
DOINK: Folie à Deux
Mr. Ayo
Rogers completing more Hail Mary’s than a horny teenager saying confession
jjfozz
Rodgers gets another friend. Adams to the Jets
Sharkbait
Hunter Renfrow upon hearing the news, dramatic re-creation:
LemonJello
Him, too.
WCS
Amari to the Bills!
Getting to play in Cleveland and Buffalo in the same season is something.
SonOfSpam
Cooper RN
Sharkbait
Green contacts update:
They arrived yesterday and I put them on. Good reviews from the family and Lady Balls.
Hell, I’d do me.
ballsofsteelandfury
LemonJello
This is Gumby’s third place punt pass and kick trophy from 1969
Gumbygirl
In the Texas Senate debate tonight, Colin Allred (former NFL player) said Ted Cruz shouldn’t be opining on sports issues, because the only position he ever played was left out.
He should give Ted a swirlie live on camera.
SonOfSpam
Redshirt
We had the monthly call with Gumby’s pain management team. They are the nicest people in the world. The call goes something like this: Them-How’s it
going ? Do you need more morphine? Us- Yes please. Thanks! Them- On it’s way! Call if you need anything else.
This is the way it should be for everyone with cancer, but I suspect it’s not.
Gumbygirl
Redshirt
I officially like my new job, a little over one month in and I’m working on super interesting stuff
Doktor Zymm
For all you Warhammer fans, especially this young lady.
BugEyedBoo
If she gets through his entire time-share pitch, which is 9 innings long, without leaving she gets $10 million.
That’s the only possible explanation I have for this photo.
Horatio Cornblower
https://variety.com/2024/music/news/liam-payne-dead-one-direction-1236180399/
Liam Payne went one direction and then many.
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Payne’s are so hard to replace when they fall out of windows
ArmedandHammered
His manager, yelling out the window “LIAM, WHEN I SUGGESTED A TRIBUTE TO CLAPTON THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT”
SonOfSpam
My daughter was big One Direction fan, (Niall Horne, who fortunately still walks the Earth), and she sent me this.
I replied
“Looks like the one direction Liam shouldn’t have gone in was…
/whips off sunglasses
…down!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Anyway, apparently I’m a monster.
Horatio Cornblower
911 is down for most of us here in the Coachella Valley. Imma put a public service message on Nextdoor, and tell everyone to call Allegheny County 911 and ask for WCS.
Gumbygirl
Cybernutz. Nice. Reeeeeeeeeeal nice.
(& OF COURSE it has Texas plates)
BeefReeferLives
“If you have a truck with balls hanging from it, and your truck wasn’t born with balls, and you put the balls on an elective process, you have a trans truck. Congratulations”
— Lauren 🩲 (@lllaurenA) August 15, 2022
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Finishing up the second of the Horatio Hornblower novels. Really looking forward to whichever book a dwarf shows up in.
Dunstan
Havent seen a group so embarrassed without a working Carr since the last Tesla demo
Gatoraids
MY DAD PASSING AWAY, I CALL IT INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM CAUSE IT FEELS LIKE MY HEART GOT RIPPED OUT
jjfozz
TNF Español hosts just called Groper Cleveland an “authentic disaster”
Unsurprised
Who has two thumbs and will be semi-coherently providing a boots on the ground for Commies V Black Panthers at the stadium formerly known as Little Danny Snyder’s House of Horrors?
This guy.
LemonJello
Dont drink the water
Spur
And stay out of the “rain”.
ArmedandHammered
When you watch tonight’s [TNF] game, have one thought continuously rolling in your mind:
Amazon paid $58,823,529 for the rights to broadcast this game.
Oh, and forty-one cents.
Redshirt
Being outnumbered in the household by women 3 to 1 means:
Yes you will buy the pumpkin spice Starbucks “seasonal special” at the commissary that she impulse insisted on.
And yes you will make a pot of it tomorrow morning since they have all now ganged up on you.
Sometimes it’s not easy being an alpha male.
2Pack
Whatever, cuck.
/does dishes, cleans toilet
Horatio Cornblower
County Antrim. Giants Causeway. Northern Ireland.
U.K. For reasons I still don’t understand.
Mid September 2024.
The sky cooperated.
yeah right
Goodbye dad, you were a fucking legend and a man for all ages. My measurement of success will be to measure up to half the person you were.
jjfozz
/snuggling with wifey
Me: “Of all the belly buttons I’ve fondled, your’s is the best.”
Wifey: “Just how many belly buttons have you fondled?
Me: “Hundreds for sure.”
Wifey: “Hundreds?”
Me: “I mean, I had my fair share of girlfriends and when you think of all the prospective employee interviews I’ve conducted…”
Wifey: […] “That’s not funny.”
Me: [smirking] “Really, though?”
scotchnaut
THAT GOAL BY RYAN CHRISTIE I CALL IT LIAM PAYNE BECAUSE IT FOUND ITS WAY THROUGH A WINDOW.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
House is full of women for Sistershirt’s Bridal Shower.
I welcome all your thoughts and prayers and alibies.
Redshirt
GET BACK IN THERE, soldier, and don’t leave until you get laid*!
*sistershirt excluded obvs, since OH is nae WV
King Hippo
My daughter met her boyfriend’s family this past week. They’re Eye-talian.
She comes back to our house and tells Mrs. Horatio “All they did was yell at each other. Even when they were just talking normally they yelled it at each other.”
I’m like, he doesn’t live in the Baltimore area, does he?
Horatio Cornblower
Guess what DFOernos day drunk again?
My “big brother” is moving from Maui to Bermuda and is here for the weekend. 5 bottles of wine deep.
“We should break things up with shots”
“The fuck we should, but I ain’t busy, ok”
Melissa Cola furrows her brow
litre_cola
Why does Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets already sound like a porn parody?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
THIS JAGURAS TEAM, I CALL THEM A JAGUAR SEDAN BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT, THEY’LL FAIL AND BREAK DOWN ANY TIME THEY ARE DRIVING!
LemonJello
Club level seats.
LemonJello
why does breakfast ball logo look like a gizzy throwgasm, is sex cannon a host
fleshwound_NPG
Non-football rant as I catch up on the Seahawks game.
Being diagnosed at the big age of 46 as very clearly ADHD (doc’s words), I’ve spent the 2 months since putting certain moments, relationships, behaviors, etc of my life over the last 30 or so years into some context. I gotta say, now that I’ve spent a week on Adderall… I want to be really fucking angry at all of the gotdamn adults during my 80s childhood and 90s teens that minimized my signs/symptoms of ADHD with stupid shit like “oh, intelligent/creative kids all have strange quirks, Einstein had odd behavior too!”, because if I had access to help and coping strategies at an early age…
I now understand why my doc put me on a mood stabilizer before starting a stimulant.
ThePirateSloth
A) better late than never
B) hugs
Doktor Zymm
He needs to be traded to the Giants. Keep this thing going!
Redshirt
Remember those corn on the cob holders shaped like ears of corn? they had those points on the end to hold onto the cob. i want to buy 1000 of them and stick them in collinsworth’s fucking face
jjfozz
Good evening all. What a pile of shit this game is. Hope your days have gone far better than this heap of a product.
The Maestro
This SNF game is still in better shape than Deshaun Watson’s ACL.
The Maestro
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
By God, he’s done it again!
https://twitter.com/cbsnews/status/1848841764007813259
Is that why they released the Chicken Big Mac?
They needed a salmonella vector.
Watched “My Bloody Valentine” today and I was surprised about how well they did the story and characterization so the writing was good, the effects which were all practical were serviceable to really good. Watching “Prowler” now, which had a kinda good idea at the start but preferred to move to modern times, probably due to budget.
Set as the troops come home from WWII, a special forces trained pacific warfare soldier, kills the woman who dear johned him and the jody for whom she left him. Revenge doesn’t end there, he decides to hunt down and kill all the women who dear johned others in his platoon. Set late 40s, could be really fun.
https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/22/politics/rudy-giuliani-bankruptcy-georgia-election-workers/index.html
This is one sad fall from grace. Or hilarious.
It can be two things
Except for Giuliani, who now has no things.
In this case it’s only the second. Giuliani has always been a cousin-fucking scumbag. He’s had this day coming to him for a long time.
This man put it all on the line for Trump and lost everything. Stupid fucking loser.
Not everything
-Ashli Babbitt
He’s always been a shithead, but we didn’t KNOW until he MAGA’d
I need to print this out to use as a Halloween decoration somehow.
Use toner ink for the hair dye line. Oh, and smell like cheap booze and cheap cigars.
Like I need to go through some kind of “process” to get the things in my house to smell like cheap booze.
I think these ladies should be allowed to sell Rudy’s organs. Not that the liver would still fetch very much, except as a collector’s item.
Fantasy Football update is done and scheduled to run tomorrow morning.
Suppose I were looking for a independent sort of individual who may work in the greater “coming up with brands and colors and doc templates and you know all that crap including SOCIAL MEDIA” where would I look when randos off the internet appear to NOT really be able to do as they say?
Get some visual arts major from the nearest junior college. You can probably pay them in weed and beer.
I tried that.
People I pay in weed are notoriously unreliable about anything but getting their weed.
It’s time for some hard hitting follow up questions here GTD.
Was cart girl wearing a skirt?
When she took her tumble, were you able to ascertain panty color and style?
Any cleavage in play?
We’re counting on you. Golf chick stories are a thing around here ya know…
Seriously!!
Must we draw (post) a picture?
Post has been done!
https://doorfliesopen.com/2017/06/16/tgisf-9/comment-page-2/?redirect_to=https%3A%2F%2Fdoorfliesopen.com%2F2017%2F06%2F16%2Ftgisf-9%2F
First Mock Draft of next off-season
Pictures of Sexy Golf Cart Girls
Here here…
/ Spins around with his finger pointing skyward…
// falls into a stack of pallets by a dumpster…
no x 3
Honestly, it could have been so much worse, so happy that she was nawt hurt and able to laugh about it, that none of those questions were on my mind.
Yeah you never want to see a lady get hurt or endure a ruined outing.
Glad she was OK and able to laugh it off.
You, sir, are a gentleman. What are you doing here?