Hey.
Oh, you’re going to come at me with “I thought we changed the locks.” and “Can’t you take a hint?”
Hurtful.
It’s time for the (now) weekly DFO Fantasy Football Leagues recap. Week 8 is in the books.
What do the standings look like now?
First up, Freezer Vodka League:
There’s a four-way tie atop the standings: Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, Musical War Propheteers, JD’s Chesterfield Dreams and Stoma Fuckers Utd all with 6-2 records. It’s anyone’s championship and that’s why they play the games! Hot on the their heels we have We Are Spamily, Sofa Loren, Original Recipe White Claws and AJ Hawk Tuah Tagovailoa at 5-3. In sole possesion of the Jeff Fisher Zone is Heinous Fuckery at 4-4, followed by Big Bag of Suck at 3-5. These last teams are all on the Struggle Bus and in real danger of relegation: Dead Hobos and Free Thursday Night Points sit at 2-6, The Schlitzstains at 1-7 and poor Unnatural Gas, like the last debutante at the cotillion, is sitting all alone at 0-8.
Remember, True Believer, that the bottom four (4) teams in Freezer Vodka League will be relegated to Lowratio League for next season.
Now for the aforementioned Lowratio League:
Duke’s Chicago Waffles maintains it’s iron grip on the top spot and it’s perfect season with another victory this week, taking them to 8-0. Rod Rust never sleeps, War and Peace and Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks round out the denizens of the Promotion Zone with identical 6-2 tallies. Sitting in the Jeff Fisher Zone we have Shiba is for the People! Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses, Casa do vinho FC and the Bearsenschiesse Barons, all at 4-4. Another cluster just short of that .500 record at 3-5 contains Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers, Sebastian’s Swag Team and Gimli’s Groin Grabbers. Heather’s Horrible Hikes and The Brick Experience share a 2-6 record, leaving A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge in last, but no longer sans victory, at 1-7.
Top four (4) from Lowratio League get that coveted promotion to Freezer Vodka League for next season.
Until Next Time!
I’d like to point out that the director of one of our sister companies claimed in a meeting on Tuesday that all his old products have been sold-I just visited his website and there are a ton of 2023(!) products on offer. Shits gonna hit the fan tomorrow.
Recently Horatio pointed out how great his wife was and I thought we should have a competition. I respectfully ask that mine is in the non-vacuum division.
Wife carrying competition or GTFO
Though that may just seal it for Horatio so nevermind
He also has to carry Lowartio.
You clearly never watched Lord of The Rings: Dwarves have tremendous lower body strength, and Lowratio will be carrying us to victory.
Youngest skull-fractured son always gets a free meal from his last stop of the day on Wednesdays so I asked him today-
Me: “What was your free supper? Was is it cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger?”
Him: “No, it was a gyro with fries.”
/these kids-no matter how hard I try, they never get pop culture references from the late ’70’s.
“We are Greek. We dance.”
No coke, pepsi?
An Evertonian must NEVAR be relegated…
I hate how accurate that meme is.
Also those two chucklefucks will be back there for game 5They wont be back, only because MLB asked/told the Yankees to ban them for game 5.
How the fuck are they not in jail? That’s literally assault.
Season ticket holders, broseph
https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/30/politics/kamala-harris-joe-biden-garbage-comment/index.html
Okay, who let Grandpa Joe go near an open mic?
“We are not going to — we’re not going to restore the greatness of American civilization if we get offended at every little thing.”
-A Prominent Couchfucker Defending Racist Jokes
I like how the quote helps to illustrate the mentality cartwheels necessary to defend Trump and his sycophants.
This is Mrs. Horatio. Friend of hers winds up in the hospital with a myriad of issues. She’s a caterer by trade, and has her own kitchen located below another business. She’s due for a health inspection in a week or so and is worried that her health won’t let her keep it to the required conditions.
So Mrs. Horatio is now on her second trip down to the kitchen to get it to her own standard, which I promise you will exceed anything the health inspector can come up with. She’ll be there for multiple hours and will be paid in chocolate chip cookies, which she doesn’t eat.
But which I do.
Talk about out-kicking your coverage. Way to go, me.
Tell me that Mrs Horatio is in a fight club without telling me she’s in a fight club
Mrs. Horatio was undefeated in her weight class back in high school. She denies this happened, but early on one of her friends told me that there was an incident where two girls followed her into the bathroom with the intent of beating her up, and Mrs. Horatio was the one who walked out three minutes later.
Apparently they messed with the bull… Umm… Or… In this case one bad azz Lady…
It’s really great for us that good women have blind spots!
(Slap your wife in the ass, hard, when she gets home. That’s good hustle!)
You need to get her some Sunrock or Moonrock strain weed for her. The very best.
I forget what strain she’s partial to. I used to occasionally get her
weed as a surprise back when it was illegal, uh, stuff that was absolutely legal, but now that it’s a matter of walking into a store and pointing it’s like going to the store and buying her chocolate bars.Which I actually do, because unlike strains of weed, I know which chocolate she likes.
We did it all for the cookie
…yeah I definitely walked in at the wrong time.
I’ll show meself out.
Shero!
102? Do they live in Minnesota or some other northern state?
102 is fucking balmy in AZ, TX, CA, and all those other states where people complain about the people who do the actual work in the summer.
You know what we have lots of in CA? CROPS. And do you know who get them out of the ground and into supermarkets for reasonable prices? NOT WHITE PEOPLE.
I swear, human decency aside, voting for MAGA is so fucking stupid economically.
They KNOW they’ll never actually carry out their threats, which has the benefit (to THEM) of keeping the issue alive forever.
I thought that the settings were the same between the leagues, so surprised that the Lowatio league’s Points For is lower than the vodka league.
The numbers aren’t right. Those are last weeks numbers.
The correct ones
Ha, never mind, I was looking at the points against! I am mathematically challenged, just put me on the short bus with my drool cup
fancy lady with her drool cup
/me over here, just drooling on my shirt
It’s sterling silver and engraved with the Gumby crest, because I’m a fucking lady!
That Lowratio gif is magical.
I could stare at it all day.
Careful, he’ll start charging you.
My FF team has a worse record than the Titans. Yet, Unnatural Gas has a motivated locker room and players who can string a coupla Ws together when any–and I mean ANY–opponent gets fucked by bye week unawareness. Were there any byes last week? Well there you go. That’s how you get to 0-8.
Gotta add that I could do topic deflection for you at a cost (DM).
Important update from Randy Rainbow:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbuOVqpuifM&ab_channel=RandyRainbow
I love Randy Rainbow!
Theater Kid is living his best life.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FDePd-mHOL4&pp=ygUgaSdtIGdvaW5nIGRvd24gYnJ1Y2Ugc3ByaW5nc3RlZW4%3D
NOT LAST
WOOOHOOOO