It’s Week Zehn in Germany but there’s none to be had in these here parts. I guess the most I can ask of you is that you have this on in the background while you do something productive-those leaves won’t rake themselves! Guh, here we go.
To The Game!
Giants/Panteros:
-New York finally gets back one of the few players they’ve been able to count on over the last few years-kicker Graham Gano!
-Former high draft pick/washout Evan Neal is off the shit list and starting on the o-line. He graduated with flying colors from Turnstile University.
-Carolina has given up the most points to date with 293. That stat dovetails nicely into a horrible point differential of -146.
-The Giants are favored for the first time in 25 games and as a road team no less! [rolls eyes]
-Feel like betting? Take the props on Tyrone Tracy Jr.-Carolina has the worst rushing D by far so the rookie’s number of 74.5 and anytime TD (-120) look quite doable.
I’ll be over here watching Witchcraft V: Dance With The Devil. After that it’s an Andy Sidaris flick.
Black Eyed Peas? These Germans really love committing war crimes!
Fergie did piss herself on stage which has to put her up there with Hasselhoff on Germanys top artist list.
Interviewer: “Daniel Jones is being asked to lead a game-winning drive with less than two minutes on the clock. What say you?”
Math: “Are you kidding me? BAH. HA. HA. HA!”
LAW OF AVERAGES: “Maybe this time? You never know when we might kick in…”
Oh boy!
With any luck… the fans in Munich will be “treated” to overtime!
Just the the GI’s treated their grandparents to tour of the camps everyone swears they didnt know existed.
If these chucklefucks tie it up they must end it with a glorious tie.
new Entry into Germany’s Most Disturbing Videos
Das Scheißhaus
What channel is this game on? I’m in Alaska, jet lagged to hell, and I can’t seem to find fuck all on my hotel TV.
If you’re talking about the early game I think it’s only on NFL Network.
I’m amazed. I’m in what is supposed to be a four star hotel in Anchorage.
Not only do I not get the NFL network, it’s all low definition channels.
It’s like I took a time machine to 20 years ago.
“I’m in what is supposed to be a four star hotel in Anchorage” sounds like the inevitable divorce sequel song to “Cat’s In The Cradle”.
That would be a 6 star hotel in Moldova!
“It’s like I took a time machine to 20 years ago.”
Buy all the Bitcoin!
Fuck that.
Look, there’s this guy named Donald. I need you to do me a huge favor…
Or at least tell vice president Biden the best way to honor his son‘s memory is to run for president in 2016 well you’re still young old and your mind is mostly there
Daniel “Stuka” Jones
Super tempted to get the fancier Coravin wine preservation dealy, but then I realized there’s no reason I would ever take more than 2 weeks to finish a bottle of wine
This little fella has been all we’ve ever needed.
2 weeks! I don’t want to know anyone who doesn’t finish a bottle of wine in 14 days. That’s obscene. I’m offended by the very notion.
Why can’t we have those beer mugs at our stadiums?
Make American German Again!
Daboll slowly figuring out that with Tracy Jr. being a running threat that play-action just might be effective.
/his play-calling in his first year was so good that it compensated for the lack of talent on offense. And now he’s a dumb conservative guy just trying to save his job
You can see those gears turning
Nabers hasn’t been the same since the head owie. I bet his life flashed for him and he decided to learn how to read
And he just got another
headback owieI can tell I’m getting old and crabby because I’m watching the game on an illegal stream to avoid the ads. I hope whoever sold the ad time to Peloton sits on their nads when they use the restroom
Morning Folks
Morning.
That’s one way to describe it.
What’s Balls’ favourite Andy Sidaris film? Well, I’m glad you asked! Really, they are like children. You can’t pick a favourite.
However, if you were to hold a pair of Double D’s to my head, I’d say I like the earlier films. Hope Marie Carlton was a goddess to Wee Balls and Dona Speir and Cynthia Brimhall and Roberta Vasquez made a great team.
Given that logic, I choo choo choose Picasso Trigger.
I saw an interview of Sidaris and he said that Brimhall constantly asked him during filming, “What Is The Plot?”. Which is a big word for her, if you think about it.*
*sexism is really funny and easy these days, don’t you think?
She was quite a talented singer and dancer. I think she was the most talented cast member of the entire series. I’m sure her singing and dancing scenes were added because she wanted to do SOMETHING besides looking hot in a bikini.
I’m sure her singing and dancing scenes were added because she wanted to do SOMETHING besides looking hot in a bikini.
I mean, that’s why I got a law degree, so I can relate.
My gym rat Bunny
She was an A Cup before she started doing crossovers.
At least Alberta-born Chuba is having a game.
As a Black Panthers fan I’m conflicted by this game. While I’m enjoying seeing them competent I’m scared this is going to screw up our draft pick, and give Young another year.
God I wish this was a [tank for X] year, with that loss to the Panthers under their belt it really feels like the Raiders have an inside track on Jamarcus II: The Jamarcusing.
I’m looking forward to Jamarcus 3: Jamarcus Bugaloo
Jamarcus will surely save
the teen rec centerthe Raiders one of these iterations.Have the Raiders send all QB prospects a blank HD DVD and tell them it’s the Raiders playbook. Eliminate any QB that says they watched it
Keep pounding!
Yes, yes, we’ve all got thoughts on how Great Britain’s economy should position itself with regards to current events…
Chuba should sign a contract extension every week.
Gmen score!
This is nawt over!
Verdammt spiel!
I didn’t realize it was only Virgina
Virginia is for lovers they say.
“Not for long.” – Leonard Leo, eying Loving v. Virginia
Machine Gun Kelly? And he’s not a rapper anymore?
Almost makes me want to apologize to Germany, but they know what they did.
It’s true, those things aren’t even remotely close to…
[watches Machine Gun Kelly perform]
…well, let’s not split hairs and get into an argument about how close it is. I think we can all agree that they’re not equivalent and just leave it at that.
Really? REALLY?! What Germany has done is unfor…
(sees performance)
Maybe we went too far…
Also, in order:
So Sidaris is to blame for Erik Estrada?
That was post-Chips, so yes, he is to blame for Estrada having a career after Chips.
That’s some serious overload there Buddy. Just sit me in a recliner and start an IV of coffee.
Reminds me of when RedLetterMedia dedicated an entire episode to Donald Farmer
Reminds me very much of this book series:
“Me too!”
Lea Michele, holding the book upside down.
I have to go out and rake leaves shortly. I finally got someone who could come and take the leaves away, as I’m out of room on my property and I really don’t want to bag them all myself.
But they can’t come for another week or so, so every few days I go out and rake the 4-5 enormous piles of leaves a few feet away from where they’ve been sitting, so as not to have the grass go dead underneath them, and it is absolutely the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Literally just shuffling piles from one place to the other while accomplishing nothing.
You’re also intermittently disturbing a whole bunch of critters, so there’s that! Do you have to rake for HoA regs or something? No idea why anyone does otherwise
We do not have an HoA. I cannot imagine living in one of those. We leave plenty of leaves around the edges, in the lilac bushes, (which are probably dying, but that’s another story), and in any other wooded/brushy areas, and once I get the majority of the leaves off the lawn I leave anything that falls alone until the spring.
That’s a good one. I’ve been claiming soil health and nitrogen for my lack of raking but I’m going to mix that one in there too.
I’m very much a natural way yard owner. Once my front lawn has completely died I’ll be doing a wildflower mix.
My neighbours who literally hand place rocks in their garden and mow twice a week hate me so very much.
I’m so lazy that one time a neighbor mowed my lawn.
How do y’all not have Mexicans doing your lawn? Hell, I’M MEXICAN and I have Mexicans doing my lawn!
Damn white people still have the gardening businesses up here. Can you believe it?
The Mexicans here have jobs and healthcare. They’re too expensive for me. I think. I just don’t want to deal with it so I cut the grass and trim the hedges drunk and high and let the rest grow wild.
I have three dead animals buried in my back yard. It’s sacred ground now
“Yeah. Me too. Animals.”
-S. Naut
I just cut the lawn and mulch the leave and grass
/lazy
//hate raking leaves
Can’t you just hit them with the Whalers Zamboni mower and “mulch” them?
send me your leaves. i need for compost. I also leave some out in a secure garden bed to give the bugs a place to winter.
My compost pile is overflowing, hence the need to have someone come get this year’s leaves.
If you can get to CT I will allow you to shovel compost to your heart’s content.
i wonder how many bags Southwest will let me check
I forgot I had to start Bryce Young in my superflex league since Love is on bye. I’m against the last place person this week, they are starting Mason Rudolph as their QB as Dowdle as their superflex so Brycey is a whole lotta good enough!
I don’t like superflex for just that reason. Too many quarterbacks. Bryce Young should not be a viable option ever.
Ipswich Town for the win! Premier League title soon* to follow!!
*never
Jesus, you people are up fucking early!
I was in bed by 10 after the pig roast and slept until 8:30. Who knew going to bed that early would result in getting up that early?
That’s pretty awesome that Sarah Huckabee Sanders subjected herself to that, she’s got a better sense of humor than I realized.
You’re thinking spit roast
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Plotting our escape to New Zealand or Tasmania.
I’m watching Lesser Footy, hoping to see Ipswich hang on for the first Premier win in 22 years, but am I to understand that things are not going well for Los Gigantes?
https://twitter.com/Danny_Heifetz/status/1855637632757190987
See also: Bears, Chicago
…and Bengals, Cincinnati
Look, I root for Dallas, so it’s not like I’m not hurling stones through the glassed in walls of my house by posting this.
Totally forgot this was today. Just slept 11 hours straight and feel a bit recovered from messing up my sleep schedule the last 3 weeks
This mandatorium is sub optimal.
Germany Watching American Football for the first time (NSFW Artistic Interpretation):
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV_Zc-tsLHo
The Pennsylvania Democrats, emailing me about going door-to-door to ballot cure for Bob Casey:
(this week on CNN)
Democratic Pundit: “I think everyone agrees that Kamala Harris ran a nearly flawless campaign.”
Republican Pundit/Host/Viewers/Me: “I agree. Expect for getting blown out, she did everything perfect.”
The parallels to my experience in 2004 are kind of interesting to me. Yankees humiliated beyond belief on the world stage, American voters happily agreeing with Fox News’ declaration that the word gullible really *isn’t* in the dictionary, forcing myself to shrug at the fact that none of this is going to impact me, personally…
I should probably go ahead and lean into this and start surfing at every possible opportunity.
2004 was great, because both my knees worked and it didn’t hurt to go downstairs.
“Still doesn’t hurt, though you could have fooled me…” – Lady Cornblower
I’m enjoying all the anecdotes of people realizing just what they voted for. The most recent one is people who have kids with IEPs realizing that their state ain’t care bout nor gonna pay for em
At some point I’m going to seek out the equivalent of r/HermanCainAward; tales of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party will bring me some small comfort.
Yup. Gonna be some fat assed leopards ’round here in 2025…
NFL network says it’s playing the game but it’s actually showing some Lawrence Taylor documentary. Beans to your lies, cable company, and beans to the media scumscramble that led to this mess.
In my youth every trip to Munich included nights at the Haufbrau Haus. I had a lucky table there, allowed me to meet girls every time. The Brit ladies really liked the American accent.
It’s weird how that works. Americans find non-American accents fascinating, British find non-British accents fascinating, same deal for South Africans and Australians…having a non-local accent in a English-speaking country fucking rules.
Everyone likes what’s different.
Unless they’re ugly.
Tru dat.
The British are probably just fascinated by our excellent dental hygiene.
They did mention liking the smile.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysYyCElzB0A
I love listening to British chicks. Italian ladies too obviously.
Flea-flicker play ending in a sack on third and one for the Giants is S.O.P.
They’re saving the Quintuple Reverse RG Run-Pass Option for the 2nd Point Attempt.
I’m watching this in the inpending train wreck mode.
With respect to the Danny Euros sign, I respectfully disagree. Danny Dimes is worth far less than 93% of the American Dollar.
Wide right.
Big week. Slammed. Lots done. Got the kid to grandma’s on Friday. Hung around with the wife yesterday. Sick today.
However. I expect to get through and returned my final patent notes today. You ever see that Arrested Development where, all episode, Michael is trying to read the plea agreement and just can’t get past the first sentence because he’s always being interrupted or dealing with bullshit? That feels like my week.
Forward progress interrupted.
Chuba has 81 yards with more than 3 minutes left in the 1st.
CMC is back so I logged back in to my FF team for the first time since the draft to set him as my starter to carry the entire squad.
Anyways, looks like I won last week. So, of all you guys who say you suck at FF, there’s actually one of you out there who is terrible.
It was the Eagles-hating guy that you beat.
Dude should just quit FF and go play pickleball fulltime.
Son of a bitch! I was hoping you wouldn’t notice until next week.
Turnstile university. That’s good
I picked up Ja’Tavion Sanders but did not play him as is the way of my people.*
*the ones that suck at fantasy
‘Morning. Checking in for a mandatory 14 hours of duty today. Hopefully a respite from the immutable shitscape that is America in fall of 2024.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b5RMpAXf7w&pp=ygURa25vY2tlZCB1cCBtdW5pY2g%3D
I first read that as *punt* differential and was like, whoa.
Also, it’s kind of wild that without the help of That’s My Raiders! that point differential would be -160.
New York Giants vs. Carolina Panthers? I mean I know Germany was responsible for both World Wars (the former officially and the literal literally), but even they don’t deserve this.
We must show we stand with Israel now.
Wow. Bicycle kick goal for Ipswich.
Napoli plays Inter tonight with first place on the line. I wonder if Marika would like me to hold her hand?
After the events of last week, using a violin for the Star-Spangled Banner is appropriate soothing.
Yes, quite soothing.
Gentlemen, its been a privilege commenting with you this morning.
Personally, I’dve put my instrument down and gotten in a boat.
“It’s open mic night, everybody!”
Just benched Amari Cooper because I can’t afford another blank space on my roster and there’s no indication one way or the other.
Except that my benching him as about as good an indication as you can get that he will play, so if you have Amari Cooper on your team, maybe go ahead and play him.
Pick two:
Noah Brown vs Pitt
Jalen McMillan vs SF
Jalen Nailor vs Jax
Jalen and Jalen
Also, will be leaning heavily on presumed 2nd 🍌 Devin Singletary for the FFs. Fingers crossed!
You: FFS 🤦♂️
Buenos días, Caribbean delegation reporting for Mandatory. Will be doing worky work through it, and with a heavy heart. I saw “Anora” yesterday and… Wow, what a film.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBfvwRQ3ec4
Time for Germany to experience another crime against humanity.
Shae Marks was in a few Sidaris movies.
Some might call her “top heavy”.