Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 10, 2024 Season

Hippo is of two minds.  There is nothing left in our world worth fighting for.  Small-l liberal democracy is dead andburied, or at least with extreme gangrene that can’t even start clearing up for 20+ years.  Either way, I won’t live to see anything improve.

But this is our last football season before the Tribulations begin in earnest.  So we really need to have a go at TRYING to appreciate it.  Football is the best accomplishment of the human species, perhaps the only real accomplishment.  The quarter-ass I have to give will be as written below.

If you don’t like it (I mean FFS, I don’t goddamned like it either) feel free to skip what I have to say).  But I will try to be less of a bummer the rest of the way.

Germany can eat shit.  They betrayed the people of Ukraine every bit as badly as we did.  I didn’t watch, but Black Panthers somehow won, 20-17. Seems like a fumble recovery/easy FG (harbinger of doom alert) in OT, after blowing a 10 point lead to Ha’penny Dimebag.  TWICE.

True Hippo Story – I turned off RedZone thinking the Donks had excruciatingly beaten the Chefs in Arrowhead, thanks to some heroic defending (especially inside the 20).  Why did I turn it off?  Because it was so depressing to realize I was feeling no joy whatsoever.  Am I no longer capable of feeling joy?  PROBABLY.  But also, there was no joy in Mudville, as KC blocked Denver’s presumptive walkoff chip shot to win, 16-14.

Hey, at least Charmslinger won.  And he was totally too nice to snicker to himself upon learning what happened to Fatty Payton in Missouri.  Good back and forth battle with the Commies, Yinzers score exactly 7 in each stanza to win, 28-27.  They had like half the crowd in attendence, which is kind of sad given how plucky and overachieve-y WAS has been this season.  But such is life.

Bad Brokeback was in full force and effect today, but Mister ELITE and his Fat Humps just kept fucking up double.  I swear to God they turned the ball over 8-9 times.  Buffalo gets the road win, 30-20.  Surly Duff division is some scarily bad stuff of late.

Speaking of reverting to type, Touch of Downs looked like the paste-eater we’ve seen prior to 2024.  But the Vikes defense stepped up and dragged the team to a win in DUUUVAL anyway, 12-7.  The Swampass Legend of White (Helmet) Mac led one really impressive TD drive early, otherwise just shat himself completely in front of dozens of home supportes.

I regret not paying better attention to MRSA/Tomsulas, which was a fun game with a madcap ending.  After missing THREE field goals in a row (from medium distance), Jake Moody quasi-redeemed himself with the game winner, 23-20.  Tomsulas have NFC West/Wild Card life again.  Speedholes even caught a tuddy!  Sure beats catching a bullet amirite??

But the MRSA Men are likely fine in the NFC South, as Younghoe Koo had an even sketchier day than Moody – only going 1-4 indoors on FGs in a 20-17 loss to the reeling Saints.  Two Emo Carr scoring tosses to MVS (yes, he’s somehow still in the League) would give NO all that it needed to break their duck.

Nobody does misery quite like the Bearistocrats! – who lost 19-3 to…Fucking NEW ENGLAND?  At HOME??  Christ, is that Eberflus ever getting the sack.  Only question is whether he survives tomorrow morning.  Caleb Williams put up a robust 4.0 YPA.  To the goddamned, XFL-calibre P*ts.

(I didn’t watch the crappy 4p window games, but will list the basics below)

Lesser Harbs is – and it pains me to say such – doing a great job with the Shitty Clippers.  I read somewhere that “not beating yourselves” is an underrated trait in the NFL, and the Clips have that in spades.  Another week, another crap opponent bored to death (TN this go), 27-17, with last Tits score being pure garbage time and surely due to my starting Clips D/ST in fantasy.

Are Wee Kyler’s bollocks dropping?  He sure as shit shredded Q-aron and the Jest, 31-6.  Ready to hang up the cleats, you old fuckweasel (84 yards passing through three quarters in the desert)?  Hey, I’m just asking questions bruh, funny how u have a problem with that smgdh. 

You might expect the Iggles to make easy work of the Cooper Rush Cowpersons.  You would be right, to the tune of 34-6.  The doorstop that Jerral traded a FOURTH round pick for?  Healthy scratch, coach’s decision.  N-GCp are 0-4 in JerralWorld.

500s get a home national showcase, against everyone’s Owl Favourite Fuck Lions.  Surely, we’d get sommet good to distract us?  I mean, Houston sure enjoyed the first half, taking a 23-7 lead.  Then, I went to bed.  It’s cold and rainy and the cats suggested slumber.  Your cat(s) are always right.