A bad/light slate on paper, it didn’t have any qualms about going plaid.  HARD.

Naturally, with the path to success wide open and with a bed of rose petals…the Commies face planted.  Not only did they struggle to get the offense untracked, they also gave up 27 to the goddamned Cooper Rush Cowpersons.  Yeah, 7 came on a late kickoff return, but still – just an ass-y performance, in all phases.  Stupid BlueBunny gets a mini-reprieve, 27-17 winners.  GROSS.

Dallas somehow, some way….SPIT THE BIT.  Long FG, followed by failed onside kick…but Daniels somehow gets McLaurin for an 80+ yard TD, with no timeouts and a tackle in bounds likely ends the game.  GOOD CHRIST.

Then they miss the extra point (2nd of the game).  Dallas wins, 27-26.

But Dallas runs the onside kick back for ANOTHER special teams score.  Which keeps the game alive, since they have to kickoff .  41 total points in Q4.  Jesus.  Wahsington DID get it to borderline Hail Mary range!  But it does end 34-26.

I finally figured out Will Levis – he’s a human speedball.  The ups and downs will give you whiplash.  11-12, 177 in the first half.  On the road, even!  But he took 7 sacks.  Then in Q3, he tossed a horrible pick six, giving the 500s a 24-23 lead and all the momentum they could ask for.  Come Q4?  He tosses a 70 yard scoring strike, which would be all the offensive scoring we’d get (Tits added a safety late).  32-27, Tennessee with the most improbable road win.  Houston in freefall.

I had that Tits/500s tilt as a low-scoring grinder.  I am too stupid to live.  ALWAYS keep that in mind.

Shit, even the Black Panthers showed up and made a game of it, home to the Chefs.  But playing shitty and still getting the win is KC’s fetish.  After letting Chuba Hubbard get a late, penalty-aided octopus to tie things up…Mahomes scrambles into chip shot FG range.  KC wins 30-27 at the death.

One thought “at least the Bearistocrats! played to form, as always” – until they went octopus-onside kick revovery-deep completion-spike-long FG to send us to Extra Time at 27-27.  Complete insanity.  Chi**** wins the coin flip…and produces negative 16 yards on the opening drive.  A good punt (almost fumbled) made the Vikes work a long field, but work it they did.  Game winner from 29 yards is good, and they escape the lake-effect cold, 30-27.

Thank fuck there was chalk otherwise.  Detroit slowly and methodically ground Indy into dust.  Didn’t quite have all cylinders firing, especially in the passing game.  But it was plenty to bury the Fat Humps in their Gravy Dome, 24-6.

Miami ran out to a 31-zip lead (so much for my prediction THIS would be the sleeper game of the window).  New England got two wacky TDs (one quasi-Hail Mary on 4th and 15, once defensive fumble return), but that only made the final score deceptively non-landslide-y.  LOLfins roll, 34-15 – and are up to 5-6 overall.

Rumblings around the League were that the locker room was not at all KEWL with the Dimebag benching/ritual humiliation.  And by God, they sure as shit laid down at home.  The MRSA Men just rubbed their noses in it, only a garbage time score ruining the clean sheet.  Bucs break their duck, 30-7 in the Meadowlands.

One good-on-paper game, and Wee Kyler kind of shat himself.  Like he knew I had picked him up in Vodka League.  SIGH.  As such, it is the Truthers surging into pole position.  The up-and-down Seattle defensing unit was in its manic phase this week, and dominated.  16-6, Fish Tossers.

Denver tried to let Vegas break its losing streak, but AJ Cole was their only offensive weapon.  And yes, he is the punter (NC State represent!!).  Boring wins are fine, especially over the Raiduhs.  I bet Antonio Pierce doesn’t make it to next week.  29-19, Donks (WOO)

Run CMC can indeed be contained, when your quartered back is…Brandon Allen??  Maybe invest some assets at QB2 when QB1 is making league minimum.  Just a thought, Tomsulas brass.  I really would like to set Christian Watson on fire (you know what I mean if you were watching).  Packers roll, 38-10 – as the 3 best teams in the NFC all reside in the same division.  At least they all get to play the Bearistocrats twice.

Litre and/or Spam can add his and/or their summation of Iggles/RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! as they wish, I’mma watch from bed.  Remember to start stretching your gut for Thursday.

/Balls walks into clubhouse. Sees it abandoned with random underwear on the floor. Starts typing.

So, I actually watched the Eagles-Rams on SNF! With the volume muted, of course. Here are your highlights:

– Rob McHenneny (spelling? Nah, this Hippo’s column, it don’t matter), Bradley Cooper, Will Arnett, and LeBron James were shown on camera in attendance. I did not know LeBron was from Philly.

– Dok took multiple gummies and may still be high this morning.

– Litre was surprised there were Eagles bars in LA. Here’s three: The Britannia Pub in Santa Monica, The Garage on Motor in West LA, and The Greyhound in Highland Park. Fun fact: The Greyhound is rumored to serve Malort.

– Saquon Barkley is a beast.

– Iggles win easily.

Don’t forget to also stretch your butt for Thursday!