Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Ghosts were created when the first man woke in the night [in bed].
J.M. Barrie
See mom, I TOLD you they were real.
-Eli, to Olivia about why he still sleeps with the light on.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Never forget in this time of year:
ballsofsteelandfury
Reads “Biden Pardons Turkey”
I thought Biden said he wasn’t going to pardon Hunter.
Redshirt
Well fuck. I think I need advice but not even sure what or how to ask. I’m just gonna have a bourbon and watch the rest of this game
Doktor Zymm
No, you can’t wear your bathrobe to work every day.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Bullshit, can and have and will
Doktor Zymm
Jesus, when Harbaugh looks at a map with those ridiculous fucking glasses, he probably sees people waving at him.
Fronkenshteen
I would prefer to listen to the screams of my family trapped inside a burning house than to listen to a Cris Collinsworth football broadcast.
But something I’d prefer to listen to even more would be the screams of Cris Collinsworth trapped inside a burning house.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“….sorry, sir… uh, phone’s…. -out… ple….ack…”
— other WCS
WCS
Too Many Harbs
King Hippo
It’s a Harbinger.
Gumbygirl
[Meirov] Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was asked on @1053thefan if it would be crazy to think McCarthy could receive a contract extension: “I don’t think that’s crazy at all. That’s not crazy. He’s an outstanding coach. … This is a Super Bowl-winning coach.”
Nobody put it better than our own Right Reverend Electric Mayhem:
“…and frankly, I don’t want to know. I want Jerral to continue to grope blindly for the key to success in the salary cap era, with his dick in one hand and a paternity suit in the other. He’s going to try to fix the problem of hilarious flailing losses in the playoffs, and the solution will be “suck badly in the regular season and don’t make the playoffs.” The league is a better place when the Cowboys suck. The old Sideshow Bob rake gag isn’t funny if he stops after the second rake. I want to to see Jerry Jones hit in the face with a thousand rakes, die, and then have his eight hooker pall-bearers each step on another rake.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rolled a 224 in the first game tonight. A good 40 pins better than my previous best. Then 170 and 132 and we creamed the opposition in Tuesday night mixed league. I’m on a bowling high.
BC Dick
Where the fuck is everybody?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
An old friend came in from out of town.
My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners.
My car ran out of gas.
I got a flat tire.
There was earthquake!
A terrible flood!!
Look, it wasn’t my fault I swear to Gooooooooooooooood!!!
Horatio Cornblower
It’s raining, so tennis is off for tonight. Instead, we’re going to head down to the Morrison, grab a cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m still 1-11 because Gus Edward’s got that garbage time TD.
Oh, and all the bad roster choices.
Beerguyrob
I just love how every version of this joke both keeps getting worse yet all is within the realm of possibility.
Redshirt
You know how mixing all the colors of paint together kind of gives you a weird greenish-brown color that’s fine or whatever but lacks the flair of any of it’s components? That’s Kirk Cousins except with QBs instead of paint.
Doktor Zymm
Ed Zitron on Bluesky is describing just how fucking evil Facebook is.
@edzitron.com
Unsurprised
Yeah pretty much. It’s weird with my new job. I’m realizing both how unhappy and disengaged I was at FB but also how much I learned. Granted, among the useful stuff I learned was a lot of stuff that shouldn’t be useful e.g. Dealing with shitty managers and a lotta CYA shit, but turns out when you aren’t in a toxic workplace all that same stuff actually just makes you awesome.
My manager (who is amazing) thanked me today because she said she doesn’t have to worry about whatever task I’m on. And while that felt super good I realized later that it’s all stuff I originally taught myself because I had no support at all.
So yeah, I’m drunk and reasonably happy with life right now. I may have handled my love life horribley over the years but I did have quite a bit of great sex, I have fantastic friends, I just painted my hallway and it looks good, and the whole work/money/supporting myself thing has been pretty easy for me. Like, I was probably only working about 20 hrs a week my last couple years at FB.
This is super long, I think I mentioned the drunk thing. Anyway, y’all are awesome. Cheers and I’m thankful for here and all y’all
Doktor Zymm
Just back from the bar where I picked my son up from Black Out Wednesday, when all the young’uns come back from wherever they’re currently living and run into everyone they knew in high school and get themselves too hungover to eat tomorrow.
The bar was packed, and all I can say is that there are going to be so many unwanted pregnancies in this area tomorrow.
Horatio Cornblower
How many are yours?
Mr. Ayo
None. Not many young chicks into balding 50+ year-olds who came to the bar, unshowered and unshaved, to pick up their son.
No one believes in magic anymore.
Horatio Cornblower
Follwup, Lowratio’s total?
Mr. Ayo
Several, all gymnasts.
SonOfSpam
Thankful for this place. I’m first-year teaching on a provisional license right now, and I’m getting an adult dose. I’ve been assigned Economics, a subject which I’m unfamiliar with and uninterested in. I’ve been teaching the material to high-schoolers the day after, sometimes hours after, I learn it myself. I lesson plan until I fall asleep in anger. When it comes time to teach, I am simply doing an impression of teachers I have had or seen on film. My classroom management skills are non-existent. My professional comportment is undeveloped and raw. My new schedule has pulverized the structure of my sobriety, but I’m still not drinking, so I’m white-knuckling it like Ted Striker over Macho Grande. Then, recently, I got the double, body-shot hooks of the election and pneumonia, which knocked me out of school for a week.
I have thanked this place before for being my psychic anchor, but Thanksgiving seems as good a time as any to thank you palookas again for letting me lurk, laugh, and occasionally try to add something worthwhile to the proceedings. I am truly not sure what I would do if I didn’t always have the option of looking at the world through the lens of the collective brain of this commentariat, and I don’t know what I did to deserve friends like you. Pretty sure in the real world I’d be the guy serving the drinks.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I love you guys.
Fronkenshteen
Redshirt
Oh! Poor clock management! I didn’t even think of that but it’s perfect!
Doktor Zymm
The game ended with the Bears a) in field goal range b) with a remaining down to play and c) with a time out remaining. With a national audience watching.
THIS IS TRULY PEAK BEARISTOCRATS! THESE GUYS ARE GONNA CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT BEARENSCHEISSENING!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“I haven’t seen a job in Dallas finished off so thoroughly since LBJ personally handed the Locarno rifle to Marina Oswald in the second week of November!”
-J. Ruby
scotchnaut
This game [NYG vs DAL] is now part of the enhanced interrogation techniques at Guantanamo Bay.
Sharkbait
Lil’ WCS pulled me aside today to tell me she’s thankful for me.
I caught Lil’er WCS mocking/imitating me in the rearview mirror earlier, mimicking me singing while driving.
I’m proud to report this is one of her favorite songs, too. Kid’s going to be a Marine; I can tell. I blame LemonJello.
Also, I’m like, stoopid in love with the princess. Her semi-royal butt saved mine from the pit of depression and booze, and then we had a miracle of a son together. She puts up with my inanity and insanity — willingly. God bless her.
Duke WCS actually puke thrice today; he’s presumably got a stomach bug to cap an already crappy week. Give him credit: he never cried or tantrumed, even if justified. He just got quiet and erupted.
Lastly, thankful for yinz chucklefucks, for always keeping me laughing.
WCS
Brocky
You want to hear something cool.
Eldest granddaughter remembered that I gave her a notebook when I came back from Portugal and she brought me a notebook back from her studies abroad in Madrid.
I’m going to hand write my next trip in that book and we’re going to keep this thing going forward.
Super cool thought.
That shit touched me.
yeah right
How bout dem Bears?
Doktor Zymm
“Dolphins and Packers? I wish I was at that game.” – Tua, putting on his helmet.
Redshirt
I feel like it’s not nearly as bad as the Bears, mainly because it was some poor rookie kid stuck playing for the Raiders that fucked up and not the highly paid coach that’s supposed to know wtf is going on
Doktor Zymm
There also appears to be immense controversy over the officiating decision to change the call from a false start to an illegal shift (despite the fact that an official is running in from the sideline abandoning his assignment waving his arms and blowing the play dead), which – surprise surprise – ended up favoring the Chiefs.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
if Taylor spent as much time rigging the election as she does every Chiefs game….
Gatoraids
MAGAdiots: “We don’t follow celebrities, just because they are popular.”
Trump: “Shut up, peasants.”
MAGAdiots: “Yes, savior, sir.”
Redshirt
Jesus Christ, that was the Jetsiest thing the Raiders have ever done.
Gumbygirl
10th OT: Starting Offense vs Starting Offense
11th OT: Starting Defense vs Starting Defense
12th OT: Essay Contest
13th OT: Bake Off
14th OT: Armbar!
15th OT: Home Run Derby
Redshirt
There are quite a few common allergens on this flight, the kid that ended up next to me is eating some sort of peanut candy, the dog, and someone spritzing perfume. Waiting for someone to whip out a bag of shellfish next
Doktor Zymm
He’s eating the dog and someone spritzing perfume?!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
He’s a fat kid. They’ll eat anything
Gumbygirl
How I have spent the hours after the Buckeyes loss
Loads CBS Sports website.
“Why is Ryan Day not fired yet?”
(presses F5)
“Why is Ryan Day not fired yet?”
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Redshirt
I’m sick of decluttering. Sick of cleaning. UGH! Here’s something for Balls
Gumbygirl
Today we’re unofficially 10 years away from paying off our mortgage! That calls for wine, right?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
or time to take out a 2nd mortgage to buy even more wine
Gatoraids
I feel seen.
litre_cola
Bengals are nickeling and diming themselves to Playoff Elimination.
Redshirt
[is so proud of them right now] – Mike Brown
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Fat Man Enjoys RedZone With Grandson
King Hippo
I got a horseshoe hanging around my neck.
Got told a few months ago my company was being acquired, unknown if we’d get job offers for the managers. About 3 weeks ago it was confirmed, sell would happen on Nov 30 and I’d only get a 1 month contract for December to help with the transition with the new company. I got serious about looking and landed a job after 2 weeks of looking. Work is with a large multinational, still doing Ops and a small raise.
I feel bad because rest of the mangers who have been looking for month were telling me they haven’t had any luck. I think I still got a angle to get some compensation from the new company. I’ll the only on file manager for Nevada. I can report to Nevada am no longer with the new company and they wont be able to sell product in Nevada until a new manager is on file. the manager has to live in Nevada and this new company is based in Carolina. I’m going deal that card tomorrow.
Spur
So the Jets can just cut Qaaron now, right? Only seems fair.
Mr. Ayo
They can release him too if they want.
ArmedandHammered
This is Graham Cracker. He is trying to eat my phone.
Doktor Zymm
Plan.
Fly to Buffalo.
Grab a huge mound of snow.
Shove it down Cris’s throat until he dies.
jjfozz
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Ok, now I’m invested in Spur’s work drama. What happened when you told them?
Met with the CEO on Monday, offered me a job. I declined, made a quip “if i had known a month ago you wanted to make me an offer I would have considered”.
Reminded him of my NV Director title and my last official day is this Friday. “I have to report to NV that am no longer with this company, who should I direct them to?”. He said he’ll handle. Am going to email the HR rep about my last day and reporting to NV my status. I wouldn’t want NV to think am still around. If they bill anything to NV under my name after I report, its going to open a can of worms.
Seneor Weaselo… opine if you will…
https://dailysnark.com/2024/12/03/8-year-old-cancer-survivor-49ers-fan-forced-to-leave-bills-niners-early-after-getting-pushed-pelted-with-snowballs/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR36-fEZewkQuP0xCP7ZxO62Nm2Aw49vYIoyVTsEhgRQB-WCY51TwH_9ATs_aem_37scdNvkuGYCeFAqp0GfDQ
Remember when I thought about joining the Bills Mafia on refugee status? Nevermind.
To be fair, she’s a 49ers fan…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwJsvDKQu4c
(insert sad “Sarah McLachlan song here)
I enjoyed that. Also impressed that this guy apparently owns a jersey for every team!
That is a couple K of merchandise right there.
Yeah, they don’t look like knockoffs
Some are old discount jerseys, but some were made by fans.
He’s been doing this since pre-COVID times. I’m not sure Grossi sleeps.
News: “South Korea has declared Martial Law”
I see they took our complaints about going back to the 1950s too literally.
What is going on there? Crazy.
The national parliament voted 197-0 to revoke martial law.
We’ll see where this goes, but logic and history say the U.S. is 100% behind the 19% popularity lame duck president who’s accusing the entire parliament of being pro-North Korea. And since the U.S. controls the SK military …
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: I want to buy this cast iron pan.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: That’s fine, but we already have four other cast iron pans, three of which haven’t been used in over a year.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: Yeah but this is a really good deal.
RTD starts to google how to make a cast iron vacuum.
“I want to to see Jerry Jones hit in the face with a thousand rakes, die, and then have his eight hooker pall-bearers each step on another rake.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Where do we find such men?
~ General 2pack to GTD after the raid on the bridge at DFO Clubhouse
As much as I would like to take credit for the hooker/rake bit, that was all Right Reverend Electric Mayhem.
I stand corrected. Should have suspected that, the Rev is consistently funny as fuck also.
2Pack is also funny as fuck
But I can’t take a good picture. That’s where you come in. See how we all draft off each other’s strengths.
I just did an Apple Command-F to see if the word “brick” was in this post. It wasn’t.
Move on folks, nothing to see here.
Seriously. GTD is not very good at this.
you get what you pay for.
Also, I’m good with someone else doing the comments post.
Hey, GTD is doing a fine job!
(discreetly slips GTD a $20 bill)
I sent you $50. Wrong currency? 😉
it was a picture of a $50
Come January 7, that might be all it’s worth.
Well, sure, because that’s when the all-new, best currency ever goes into circulation: TrumpBux
50 baht doesn’t buy as much as it used to…
I look forward to these every week! You are great, pay no attention to the whining.
You haven’t been around much lately.