Maybe I will keep doing this once the games stop, and I need something to write about. Take it away, Onion scientists!
Yeah, no arguing with the data. At least we have some mild distractions:
Iowa State (+2) v. Arizona State – Big Twalve Championship, JerralWorld (Noon, ABC)
New blood, indeed. Shit, Cornpone State hasn’t won a conference title since before WWI. When they were 2-0 in the Missouri Valley Conference or some such shit. Sparky was a complete joke program, wrecked by Herm Edwards and pals. Hired some 20-year old grad assistant and BOOM, conference title game almost immediately. THIS is why the NIL/portal era is so great, it disperses talent and allows for true, pure chaos. I’m rooting for Cornpone, they are culturally similar to my Wolven Sort (except that they actually try to win).
Ohio (+1.5) v. Miami-OH – MAC Championship, Fuck LioUns Palace (Noon, ESPN)
Your remote will enjoy being useful, at least for a bit. Imagine the dozens of hobos wandering about the Silverdome for this shit.
Georgia (+2.5) v. Steerfuckers South – SEC PAAAAWWWWLLLLL Championship, Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, ABC)
Them Dawgs done wrecked Texas’ shit earlier this season. IN AUSTIN. Yet, UT is favoured. I don’t get it. Then again, having watched Carson Beck creepily and shittily impersonate a quartered back for most of the back half of the season? I totally get it. Just one of the inherent contradictions swirling through human existence.
I guess I will be back to preview the three night games later. Curb your enthusiasm.
Overtime more like SNOOZERTIME amirite
Moar like Quinn Pee-ewars amirite?
Playing for TexSUCKS amiret?
push it right this time, fucko
I don’t know, having a kicker named Auburn playing for Texas seems like an obvious plant.
Some of the early bowl games are finalized.
Congrats to WCS’s Mountaineers on their successful bid to make the Frisco Bowl, sponsored by Scooter’s Coffee.
If Steerfuckers South win, bet the farm on Clemson ML (because Hippo Hell Day roolz are in effect)
WTF. Just throw that away.
OR! Maybe call a run.
Even Kirby, despite his acute and obvious mental issues, told him to be safe with that throw.
The safest throw be a handoff, tho
For you wine devotees out there, this motherfucker is delightful.
Upper mid tier but punches heavy above its weight.
Why yes. I’ll have some now.
Dagnabbit, and I gots to wait till 8p before next opium infusion.
Earthy or subtle fruit?
Subtle fruit. Black cherry, plumb type of notes.
Thank you for being the adult in the room. Again…
Hell man.
I’m the last one left.
I think it’s red, probably made from grapes.
TRANS: Do it taste like dirt, or like candy?
/this is why people hated wine tasting with Hippo
SUDDEN CHANGE!!!
SF Giants sign Adames, Mets apparently have the biggest Soto offer so far.
Thus concludes baseball news for the month.
Really looking forward to Angels v Sacramento next year!!
Classic rivalry
Good fumble recoverers, that’s SEC FITBAW, PAAAWWWWLLLLLLL
I may have reversed jinxed myself supporting these stupid dawgs.
BOW DOWN!!!!
Kirby Ballsy Shenanigans!
or he just REALLY didn’t want to see that backup punter kick
Steve Sarkisian dresses like a man 100% confident that he’ll never shart on national teevee.
Found a funny:
Lisan al Gaib
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j742g8xYxDY
Et tu zymm? Starting carr
Damn straight she is!!!
Why is that surprising? You have to Start Carr if you want to Drive Someplace.
Blame Litre, he talked me into it. I was perfectly content to be lazy lol
You want fun?
I’m starting Kirk Cousins because Daniels is on a bye.
No freebies Sharky! No. Days. Off.