Your NFL Monday Night Football Open Thread

Let’s get to it.

Fallout:

-As another Brooks once said, “It’s good to be king but it’s not good being a Panteros running back”. Johnathan, after a laborious rehab regimen, was showing his wares and almost immediately tore the ACL in his previously injured knee. Thing is, he may have been able to help Carolina get a step up. They are now a surprisingly tough out. Since losing to the Broncos they have one and three point wins and their last losses are by 3, 3 and 6 points. Canales is doing something good here.

-Does anyone in their right mind think Belichick is going to take this UNC job? He just wants to keep his name in the news. Above everything else, he wants that all-time coaching wins record as well.

-Jameis keeps the starting QB job going forward because once you’ve moved on from the ickiest player in the league it’s up to the bean counters to do their [waves fingers] “abacus tricks” and figure when it’s best to jettison Watson.

-“Everything Detroit Touches Turns To Gold” is a thing that has never been typed/thought about before but here we are. The Lions/Packers tilt set a streaming audience record. Oh, did you think it was Green Bay that everyone wanted to watch? Streaming audiences overall are up 15% overall over last year which was up 9% over the previous season.

-The Lion In (Early) Winter: (great movie, btw) Cousins has to go a long way to prove that he’s not washed. Over his last four games he has 0 TD’s and 8 INT’s. (Darnell Mooney went for 142 but being a Bears castoff he’s uniquely suited to adjust to lousy QB play). Everyone keeps waiting for Darnold to collapse but it’s been put off for yet another week. Vikes coach O’Connell might be the very first coach that plays to his strengths. He had 5 completed passes of 15+ air yards and three that were 30+ yards.

-I Remember The NFC West: Seattle is on top and their point differential is +19. The Rams sit second in the division and their PD is -19, the Cards are at -5 and the Basement Niners are at 0.

To The Game!

Bengals/Cowboys:

-ESPN (they’ve gotta do some sort of hype job, right?) described Dallas as “suddenly surging”. They’re 2-5 in their last seven and if you’ll recall, they beat the pathetic Giants by just one TD back when we were all stuffing our faces with bird. Those 5 losses were by a combined 102 points.

-I figure this will be a high-scoring tilt but it’ll be by virtue of defensive breakdowns, linebackers tripping over refs, safeties blowing assignments, too many men on the field-that sort of thing.

-Can we institute a “Shining Diamond in the Outhouse” Award? Good god, Burrow leads the league in passing yards, completions and TD’s.

-Despite Joe’s Herculean efforts, Cincy hasn’t yet beaten a team with a winning record.

-The Lamb Lays Down In Arlington: Ceedee’s catch percentage on the road is (rounded up) 70%. At home he’s sitting at 53%.

Have at it.

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Gatoraids
Unsurprised

I started watching the old national parks series from National Geographic. They were talking about all the rafting and how running the full Grand Canyon would take two weeks. Then they show a goddamn rattlesnake swimming. Because the rapids aren’t bad enough. You may be out there when all the sudden a snake swims past.

WCS

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yeah right

I’ll hold off on saying where next falls trip is gonna be because planning a vacation in my family is like solving the 3 Body Problem.

Looks like Milan and Interlaken again at this point.

Just tell me what language I need to set my learning app to!

Someday that month of Japanese language lessons will pay off.

Unsurprised

I’m sure there are Japanese people suffering from Paris Syndrome in Milan you can console.

Col. Duke LaCross

Ryan Clark adds a Marmalardian bolo tie to his karate villain suit.

Gumbygirl

I’m squashed by this pretty boy

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WCS

That cat looks insanely like the ex-wifey’s old cat from back in days of yore.

Buddy (el gato) only like ex-wifey’s mom and me when I fed him. Otherwise, that cat loathed social interaction more than any other creature I’ve been around for any appreciable time.

Gumbygirl

This one is a ginourmous cuddlebug. His name is Loki. My nephew found him in a drainpipe, he was the ugliest kitten I’ve ever seen. Nobody had any idea he was a gorgeous Maine Coon.

Unsurprised

He look like a Spanish noble in a Velasquez painting.

yeah right

Lovely regal collar he’s sporting.

Gatoraids

We also had a drainpipe Maine Coon found with his sister after Hurricane Charley down here. Raised him as step kitty after reclaiming from her ex, was dawg person but now we have 3 kitties in the tabby type. Sweet guy after teaching him wasnt okay to hump legs.

Gatoraids

was looking to make a Carolina on my Mind joke for some qb but only found they are pick 4 in the mock draft so no fun there,but stumbled on More than Words somehow having god knows how 750+million views on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrIiLvg58SY

WCS
Redshirt

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Ja’Marr Chase’s night<br><br>14 rec, 177 yds, 2 TD + 1 donut smashed into Joe Burrow’s face<a href=”https://twitter.com/ESPNNFL?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>@ESPNNFL</a> <a href=”https://t.co/aYza2CSDCB”>pic.twitter.com/aYza2CSDCB</a></p>&mdash; Phil Murphy © (@Phil_Sports) <a href=”https://twitter.com/Phil_Sports/status/1866338582769676664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>December 10, 2024</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>

Unsurprised
yeah right

Plus one for the quality assist.

Unsurprised

Sometimes being terminally online has its benefits.

Unsurprised

You just have to post the URL, but it has to be “twitter.” Not “x” and not “xcancel” for those of us who only lurk on twitter.

Youtube – I think only the shortened links work. “youtu (DOT) be”

Reddit automatically embed using the URL, but you should only browse reddit using old (DOT) reddit …. Actually, no one should be using reddit, but I can’t judge.

Anyway.

WCS

About the only thing that really throws me off on this jorb is when a child is sick or injured. Not even injured, because it’s almost always kids being kids, so whatever.
But when they’re sick, and can clearly be heard in the background, I do get a sad.

Thanks, Dallas, for the quick pick-me-up laugh!

Redshirt

That describe the worst part of ALS. Your loved one is in pain, both mentally and physically. Their health and dignity are being stripped from him slowly. And their nothing you can do to stop it.

The secret that we’ve learned: Don’t dwell on the negative things you cannot control and instead embrace the little things.

WCS

You’re doing yeoman’s work, Shirt. Karma owes you better sprots luck.

Redshirt

My mom’s the hero, she does far more than I do. I’m simply the muscle and the relief pitcher.

Gumbygirl

Amen, my darling dear.

ArmedandHammered

Has Bug Eyed Boo been on, I was hoping he was feeling better.

Gumbygirl

My shitty phone has been charging since 2 pm. It sucks to watch Monday Night Football without yinz.

Redshirt

Just your typical MNF Bengals game.

(pops another Sertraline pill and chases it with another shot of liquor)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Except for secretly replacing the Cowboys with the Bears/Jets/Browns/Raiders.

Redshirt

…or a Mirror Match. Bengals vs Bengals

WCS

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Where’s the Spiderman meme?

Doktor Zymm

Kinda feel like I should find and purchase this waffle maker

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Gumbygirl

Yeast waffles

Gumbygirl

Twatwaffles

ArmedandHammered

O’Keefe cakes.

ballsofsteelandfury

Twaffles!

Doktor Zymm

Gotta serve with raspberry jam I think

Gumbygirl

Eww, lol! Maybe some clotted cream?

Unsurprised

That has to be the trade name.

Horatio Cornblower

Just the dumbest goddamn team on the face of the Earth.

Which is really surprising, given that Mike McCarthy is the coach.

WCS

Which is really surprising, given that Mike McCarthy is the coach.

I would say it’s the opposite…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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WCS

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Redshirt

Its nice seeing Homer facemask Bart. I’m cuing up the Blocked Bad Touch Punt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard that Mina Kimes makes a “…and here come the pretzels!” call.

Redshirt

Even the Simpsons Game Simulation is stumped.

LemonJello

Well, Rush tried to Roll the Bones, but just came up short.

Bogdanski

Dallas just leaving a bunch of vapor trails

WCS

Time to Exit Stage Left and back to face their Counterparts at home.

Gatoraids

Roll The Bones was also the promocode for Orchid of Asia

Brick Meathook

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Downfield Matriculator

Face of the man about to draft Jalen Milroe in the first round.

Redshirt

Come home, Deion Jr. Come home.

Unsurprised

Whoever bet the under on this game is probably dying of happiness.

Redshirt

We won?

Downfield Matriculator

I assume you had your eyes closed, making offering to the deity of your choice?

Redshirt

Deities of my choice. Deities. I even invented a few new ones.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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ballsofsteelandfury

You scored less than 30 points, so yes

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus, Dallas. What a way to lose.

BeefReeferLives

Peak stupid.

WCS

THE OL’ DOUBLE J’S GONNA KILL EVERYONE TONIGHT BULLEE YOU ME YEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Brocky

So for the first time since covid, I’m in a playoff game that involves money

https://wifflegif.com/gifs/536179-ernest-scared-stupid-jim-varney-gif

Brocky

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Redshirt

…?

Brocky

Ngl, I want to banner this

Unsurprised

Same

Unsurprised

Please let it happen

LemonJello

Rush has a chance to make the stadium La Villa Strangiato

Downfield Matriculator

Bengals gonna Fly By Night back to Cincy with win!

Gatoraids

Rush really showed ass tonight

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Bogdanski

He’s not getting to 2112 yards on the season like that

ballsofsteelandfury

With that Chase TD, my FF team in my money league just went over 230 points and has made the playoffs.

Prepare for the first round exit

Brocky

Hell yeah brother!

Unless chase brown throws 15 td passes to himself in the next minute, I’m in the same situation

Downfield Matriculator

O/U on the tying Dallas touchdown is what, about 36 seconds?

Redshirt

Under

Downfield Matriculator

Nice defensive stand — that sack was manly

ThePirateSloth

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Unsurprised

More ham than Dak.

Unsurprised

How close did Jerrah come to almost getting bitten freaking out over that play?

Doktor Zymm

LOL DALLAS
EVERGREEN

WCS

4th and 27?! Two NFL Blitzes in one quarter!

and a useless non-emergency to delay me posting this…

Mr. Ayo

Derpycakes!

Unsurprised

To quote Nelson Muntz:

HA HA

ThePirateSloth

Welp, he’s bout to be de-activated.

Gatoraids

We’ve entered the butter finger butter ball zone and reached MAX McCarrthy

Downfield Matriculator

Oh no Leon Lett

Redshirt

Sure, why not?!

Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit. Dallas might be even dumber than the Bears.

Redshirt

Mike Brown needs to create another Google email account to get another free trial of ShieldAssist.

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Unsurprised

God obviously hates Burrow

Redshirt

Only plausible explanation.

Horatio Cornblower

Why does this keep happening?

Gambling. it keeps happening because gambling.

Doktor Zymm

The shooter had an internship with Fira9xis when he was like 18/19 and did QA for Civ 6!

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Brocky

It’s like neither team wants to win

Unsurprised

Neither deserves to win

King Hippo

I’d root for the Draw, but we can’t have nice things.

Unsurprised

No retired cops? It can’t be Idaho

Doktor Zymm

The Manningcast is a bit scary right now

Unsurprised

The angle and lighting make Chris look like Two Face.

Gatoraids

Collinsworth was going well when he admitted it was his job to put people to sleep, but these combine pics are taking it to a dark place

Doktor Zymm

I enjoyed the story about his giant head, but yeah, that combine pic….

Col. Duke LaCross

Nightmare fuel.

Gatoraids

Karmas evil balance for hot assassin pics

Bogdanski

I did appreciate Collinsworth’s commitment to the walk-off bit

WCS
ThePirateSloth

This movie is on Disney+?!?!?! Looks like I’m gonna watch it tonight.

Gatoraids

Sad we never got a PeeWee Herman vs Ernest movie like Freddy vs Jason

Gatoraids
Unsurprised

You just willed an AI Frankenstein monstrosity into the world.

Gatoraids

yeah was doing research on this and found something 2 years ago probably before UI with like a WWE skin of them against each other in celebrity deathmatch