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Saturday Night De-Motivational – Doing the Percentages

King Hippo

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,

Did you ever stop to think how much of life is absolute bullshit?  Depending on my mood, I would say 95% to 98%.  Cats and football are unequivocally good.  Can’t say that about almost anything else.

And boy, this Saturday is a bleak reminder of the February still to come.  Not even a solitary NFL fixture to tide us over.  The powers that be finally relented and allowed ONE JV exhibition to “steal valoUr” from the Army/Navy game (which will have been over for like 3+ hours), on the condition that (i) it bear a jingostic title; and (ii) be of comparably poor quality.  Without further ado…

South Alabama (-8.5) v. Western Michigan – Salute to Veterans Bowl, Birmingham, AL (9:00, ESPN)

USA!  USA!!!  Yes, that is indeed the abbreviation of the first participant, and I guess that’s why they’s favoUred.  Also, they don’t even have to fly to the vanue.  But man, a 9p kick in Birmingham??  Fuckers won’t be able to get back to their cars without a proper military escort, if Wolven Sort stories about a previous Bormingham-based exhibition are to be believed.

Though TO BE FARE, (i) Wolven Sort tend to be a paranoid sort; and (ii) Russell Wilson was still with the program, so it was approximately elenty-billion years ago.  Anyway, I will watch because fuck else am I gonna do?

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Doktor Zymm

4 am on a Sunday is a great time to go to the airport. No traffic, lol

2
WCS

Glad yinz made it.

0
blaxabbath

– Saudi Hijackers, Trying unsuccessfully to convince their boss to reschedule the WTC attacks to a weekend

3
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqKK0vZTwhg

I’m going to start calling myself “Marcus” and see if anyone notices.

1
2Pack

If you do it in the in cognito mode they probably would not.

1
Unsurprised

“One day you’ll wake up, and you are old.”

JFC

2
BugEyedBoo

I hear that.

0
Unsurprised

I figure I’m going to have to start putting together a nonprofit in about three months, depending on how things go at work. I like my current job, but I don’t want to go back to the one I had before this rotation began.

0
Unsurprised

This is such a well-crafted movie, but the subtleties of how Max and Vincent change have been lost on people for … 20 … years.

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXfBEwuwhSg

Such a great song, used perfectly. I nearly shat meself when this started when I was watching for the first time.

2
Doktor Zymm

Okay, bedding in for 3 hours. Sweet dreams all ya lovely imaginary peeps!

4
Unsurprised

Something that annoys me about Jada Pinkett in Collateral. She doesn’t represent the DOJ. I’ve seen those briefs. She represents The People of the United States of America. There’s a huge difference (IMO). The DOJ is a bunch of striving assholes. The U.S. is the U.S., the 330 million residents of the most powerful democracy and country that has ever existed in human history.

0
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, movies and tv suck at realism. I can only do suspension of disbelief nowadays for really good stuff and mostly comedies where they don’t even try to be plausible but ARE consistent

1
Unsurprised

It’s Michael Mann. I assume that’s just what someone told him, but that just annoys me more.

1
Doktor Zymm

Anyone else really paranoid about their teeth? A lot of guys I have met seem to be quite blase about their teeth and it doesn’t end well. I brush like whoa, and do my cleanings every 6 months, but don’t really floss. I get good feedback at the dentist though so probably fine. Dude had a chunk of molar break off and that’s like a stress nightmare for me.

0
Unsurprised

AHHHHHH

I pick my teeth constantly using those Oral-B picks. My last two cleanings went well, but I still need to do one or the second half of 2024. I’ve only had cavities at one visit in all my life, and I would like to keep it that way.

2
Doktor Zymm

Damn, that’s solid. I’ve had a few cavities and was clenching my teeth for a while before I realized I was doing it and trained myself out of it. Still some acid erosion too, but been mostly good the past few years

1
Unsurprised

I had to get a night guard six months ago.

0
BugEyedBoo

Only floss the ones you want to keep.

1
BugEyedBoo

ETA: bring a big hypocrite. I don’t floss nearly as much as I should.

0
BugEyedBoo

*being. jfc

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m sleepy.

0
Doktor Zymm

Normal sleepy or hypnosis sleepy?

1
WCS

There’s sleep for that.

3
SonOfSpam

“There’s a nap for that” was RIGHT THERE

1
Doktor Zymm

I changed my flight to a 6:30 am because I wanted to keep drinking and playing Cuphead with my Chicago dude. That game is fucking difficult. Even co-op we only got a few levels further in. But yeah, gotta wake up and get in a Lyft in like 4 hours so gonna have a slice of Detroit pizza and half a beer and try to get a couple hours sleep after this ep of What We Do In The Shadows

2
Horatio Cornblower

Oh my god, the one where Laszlo’s father shows up nearly made me piss myself.

0
WCS

First-ever train vs. passenger vehicle.

No injuries, and the vehicle was launched and landed on its side. Someone from Norfolk Southern is in trouble.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I would think the only reason someone from Norfolk Southern would be in trouble would be if the train were on the highway instead of the tracks.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And even then, as a lawyer I’m sure you could conjure some right-of-way sleight-of-hand that demonstrates that the highway actually technically belongs to the railroad.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Under US law I probably wouldn’t have to try to hard. You’d be amazed at how hard it is to hold a railroad liable for pretty much anything.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Having dealt with the railroad industry in an ancillary capacity, I would not at all be amazed.

2
Unsurprised

I’m going to have to side with Team Choo-choo

2
WCS

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Unsurprised

IN THIS HOUSE, RAILROADERS ARE HEROES! END OF STORY!

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Naix-f6KSIg

Trains are holy, blameless creatures.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
1
yeah right

I had cousins.

Real actual relations that had a car stall on the tracks in Hinkley California.

One got out early and crossed the tracks.

The second came out of the car late and didn’t cross the tracks.

The train smashed that car so small that it fit in the bed of a Datsun pickup.

Each one of them had 5 minutes of absolute horror.

And they both lived to tell about it.

7
WCS

You’re going to have to elaborate on the “had cousins” part, since they obviously survived this incident…

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I never thought about how easily that could happen until a couple of months ago when I got myself into a bad spot. There was room to the side for me to pull up off the tracks but no more than two minutes later a freight train came through and I realized that things could have very easily gone very differently.

1
Doktor Zymm

Apparently these are fairly common which, damn, yield to the train people

2
yeah right

That is the correct answer.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are train people like crab people?

0
Doktor Zymm

Can’t move sideways, so seems pretty different

4
Horatio Cornblower

Hol shit, a guy just got absolutely pole-axed in what had, until then, been one of the dullest fights I’d ever seen.

0
litre_cola

Who has action on S Bama v W Mich?

0
WCS

W Ohio and N Illi

0
Redshirt

Die Hard II. I thought the Terrorists were due.

3
litre_cola

Just had a dinner with friends. Most days it turns sideways. They were another level of hungover, and we’re here to be polite. I fed her 2 beer. And him 5 whiskys before leaving.

Am now in the basement pub loaded as I looked at the dinner as an opportunity

2
Horatio Cornblower

Watched UConn beat Gonzaga in a very good basketball game that the referees did everything they could to ruin. Now I’m watching two Mexicans whale away on each other while a crowd of mouth breathers cheers them on.

Surprisingly I am not standing out side Hot Shots in Willimantic, but am at home, watching the UFC fights.

1
Unsurprised

Typical night in more and more of this fine land.

0
WCS

Always interesting when a clearly intoxicated person calls to bitch their dealer ripped them off, explains what it was (fentanyl, because of course), and how much caller was supposed to get.

I love this shit. Hunter Thompson should have done this for a while, just to experience it.

8
Redshirt

(Artistic Interpretation)

WCS: “It sounds like you took just below a lethal dose.”

Caller: “Yeah, bitch screwed me over. I was supposed to get more.”

WCS: “Now both of us are pissed off.”

(boss clears his throat behind WCS)

WCS: (slow soul swallowing sigh) “I’m glad you’re not dead. Now let’s work to keep you not dead.”

8
Doktor Zymm

When he ran for sheriff one of his campaign promises was that he would arrest dealers who sold bad shit

2
Redshirt

Kristin Chenoweth Defends ‘Wicked’ Against One Million Moms’ Movie Boycott

The play ends with the female protagonist leaving her repressed homosexual crush and running off with her boyfriend. This story doesn’t present an anti-heterosexual narrative; it reinforces it.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Why even give that group the attention? Just ignore them.

Also, it’s a musical. It’s already

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4
Redshirt

We’d tried that strategy before in 2016 and it slightly backfired.

0
Unsurprised

I thought that was the anti-gun group.
All these PACs can shut the fuck up.

0
Redshirt

On the contrary: All PACs can shut the fuck up.

We cut off the lobbying and the money, then the politicians can get to work. Or go away. Either way, the problem is solved.

1
Unsurprised

I remember in the 90s there was this ideal of civil society being these nongovernmental organizations that would keep governments in check.

I was in high school. So I could be forgiven then for not realizing that just meant that it would be an extra governmental means of dominating public opinion and public policy because whoever has the most money makes the rules.

3
Unsurprised

And once again, SCOTUS proves itself to be an enemy of democracy and not a guardian of it.

1
Unsurprised

My understanding is that it is about two anorexics mutually reinforcing their respective eating disorders.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also Kristin Chenoweth has about the same esteem in my eyes as DOINK or Shan’Khlor and should be treated with equal reverence.

1
Unsurprised

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0
Unsurprised

Is $9 too much to pay for a bag of chicken and waffles-flavored chips?

1
WCS

Not if it has enough chips to fill a swimming pool, otherwise, absolutely.

3
Unsurprised

I wish

0
litre_cola

No. -SNAXX

0
yeah right

Hippo inspired.

We’re listening to Jesus Built My Hotrod.

Full circle!

3
King Hippo

oh noes, teh Leafs lost. Is Canadia ok???

0
Unsurprised

I’m sure the 12 people who don’t live in Toronto are elated.

1
litre_cola

1/12 down for it.

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEyGZlBdkaA

Why doesn’t this get more airplay?

2
King Hippo

like, 4x more than the Proclaimers eh?

3
WCS

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0
Gumbygirl

They only play it at Christmas, that’s a shame. I love it!

0
Horatio Cornblower

More than TLDB, that’s for sure.

0
Redshirt

Welcome to Jacksonville, Travis.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m seeing him mocked to Handjob Headquarters, actually.

1
Redshirt

Oh, yeah. I forgot about Maye.

Yeah, he’s screwed.

0
yeah right

He earned that.

0
Gumbygirl

This bowl game is in Montgomery, not the Ham.

0
LemonJello

Is that better or worse?

0
Gumbygirl

Worse. It’s where all the politicians are. Governor Meemaw, Vicious Cunt.

4
SonOfSpam

She is terrible, but I can’t use that word. Only you get to. Or Zymm.

1
Gumbygirl

I rarely use it. Only for the worst of the worst.

1
Gumbygirl

Howie enjoyed saying it way too much!

1
yeah right

Even the Irish get by with twat.

I don’t often get to use cunt in a sentence.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Litre’s part Scottish, I think, so he has to use it.

1
King Hippo

ah, so they won’t get shot, but rape is on the menu

1
Brick Meathook

Johnny Football sighting!

DRINK!!!

4
SonOfSpam

You’ll never catch him

0
Gumbygirl

He looks turrible, but not everybody can be as handsome as Lil’ Wayne.

1
Col. Duke LaCross

Did he have wing eyeshadow going on?

0
LemonJello

2024 Heisman Winner – Travis Hunter

2
Gumbygirl

It’s crazy, man. That’s the speech

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2020 Heisman Contestant – MILF Hunter

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7
Brick Meathook

https://ibb.co/nCLQwTB

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which legion post tonight?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s also a roundball game on tonight. Non-Down-Under Thunder vs. the Basketball Asterisks.

0
ArmedandHammered

Got a 4k vid of a roaring fireplace on the TV, a new vape cart, a good book, and a diet coke. Gonna get set and do some readin’!

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that sounds nice. I’m currently 90% of the way through Horus Rising.

3
SonOfSpam

I like Whores a-rising too.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You mean when they wake up? Dude get your dosage right smh” – Bill Cosby

1
Gatoraids

Was watching an old MST3k episode about a dating test of who youd rather be you father in law Bill Cosby or Marvin Gaye Sr. too old to add none of the above

4
Col. Duke LaCross

Currently reading one called “Dead Mountain” about the1959 Dyatlov Pass incident. Wack shit that went down during the Soviet era in Russia is pretty fascinating.

3
Redshirt

Stay classy, Chiefs!

Chiefs Released A Kicker On Saturday

1
Gatoraids

shoulda known better not to eat the last custard filled donut

5
Redshirt

(Misogynist Butker internally laughs evilly) “Hey, Wright? Want a donut?”

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DTwLqR071M

3
Gumbygirl

And a beer!

0
blaxabbath

We did our shop BBQ yesterday. I brought home two huge beef ribs. Really good.

Can I turn these babies into a stew or something? They’re too greasy/fatty for me to just slam straight (again).

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You could probably make a damn good chili with them.

2
blaxabbath

I’ve never made chili. Maybe you are right.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just don’t ask scotchy for his “hobo chili” recipe.

3
WCS

Or just don’t ask what the “secret” ingredient(s) is/are.

0
Unsurprised

Oh hell. Chili is the way to go.

You could also try pot roast stew if you’re not feeling spicy.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Also, Gumbygirl, did you see me wave hi when I went to and from Indio today?

Lovely weather, btw.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sure you noticed my car…

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6
Gumbygirl

It’s kind of yucky now, the wind kicked up. Scirocco, baybee! HABOOB!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, the Bowl games have started?!?

0
Redshirt

John Schriffen, Crosstown Shootout play-by-play, repeatedly refers to ‘Oscar Robinson’

I would also like to congratulate the Navy. They have made legendary Navy QB and NFL Hall of Famer, Roger Strawberry very proud!

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