DonT has passed me the baton, which I shall pass back for SNF. Apparently, this is “broadcaster experiment” week at The Shield, with both CBS and Fox putting on doubleheaders (so all kickoffs are 4:25, instead of the typical split with 4:05). What a time to be alive.
Fat Humps (+4.5) at Donks (4:25, CBS)
Seven-seed tiebreaker implications ahoy! Denver also soon travels to WKRP broadcast range for a head-to-head with the other possible 7. I think I speak for all the 2-seed hopefuls out there that they’d all rather play Indy or Donks (WOO) rather than the Burrow/Chase nightmare. A little worried here, in that Indy might be able to run effectively against a fairly undersized front seven.
Bills Mafia (+2.5) at Fuck LioUns (4:25, CBS)
Game of the Century (uh duh WEEK), for sure. This is quite the loaded window, truly. I get the sense that prognosticators sense a Buffalo wagon-circling here, since (i) they are the more desperate squadron; and (ii) have the best individual talent on the pitch. But Dan Campbell’s men seem to relish “prove it” moments like this. Hippo is sticking with the best position group in the NFL (ie, Fuck LioUn OL).
P*ts (+6) at Qards (4:25, CBS)
Oh, one feels bad for those stuck in this broadcast area. As small as it must be, given the complete lack of stakes and storylines. I don’t even have to stress about whether Trey McBride will bail my fantasy arse out yet again (bye week WOO).
Yinzers (+5.5) at Iggles (4:25, Fox)
Oh, how Coach Epps loves being in this spot. Almost a full-tuddy underdog? And with a defensing unit that can force Philly into reliance on the pass game? This is Yinzburgh crack, imaginary ppls. Another excellent watch. Hey, 4 outta 5 is pretty doggone good.
MRSA Men (+3) at Clippers du Merde (4:25, Fox)
It pains me to admit how good a jorb Lesser Harbs has done with his Spanoi-hexed charges. Watch him flummox Baker, Baker into being his true Turnover Maker self. But Justin Herbert has been battling various knocks all season, and I worry about his ability to navigate the Dec/Jan gauntlet in one piece. Tampa has quietly fixed its shit quite nicely, too.
NIX PIX NAWT FIXED
https://x.com/lockdownSB/status/1868436106599137494
https://twitter.com/lockdownSB/status/1868436106599137494
WTF was that?! A commercial injected into RedZone!? BLASPHEMY
It’s been happening increasingly often this season.
AND THIS IS WHY PLAYERS HAD SHORT CUTS FOR THE FIRST CENTURY OF THIS STUPID FUCKING GAME
Johnathon Taylor did an whoopsie-doodle.
Native Baltimoron. I fucking hate John Waters, he’s the most overhyped asshole “artist” in the world. It’s crazy how we cling to him because not much else has ever come out of our city.
when your black magic takes out barkley
Nope, he’s back. Must have missed and hit Chubb.
This is great.
Sitting on the couch watching football and giving direction for dinner.
It’s like “Ratatouille!”
With beer!
Sausage dogs with cream cheese, grilled onions, and horseradish are a great, great, great thing. Especially when eaten standing up outside of a stadium. #vibes
part of NFL future growth for stadium revenue to include emergency Cardiology surgery suites
Tesla X Cybercardio robotic surgeons. 3 surgeries will be a success, one removes your liver by mistake, one locks up with a scalpel in your heart, and one bursts into flames.
yeah but its gonna lowe r taxse and beet infleightshun
plaid blood infusion optional upgrade package
also do not go into rain or even take a shower after surgery
Have you been to Biker Jims in Denver?
Cause that sounds kind of like their dogs.
Ford Field’s mighty windy.
https://offthelakes.wordpress.com/tag/bubby-brister/
It blows in from the lake.
Gay joins Mile High Club
Catastrophic injury ices kicker! Shan’klor is merciless.
Goddammit. I didn’t get my Strip room upgrade I requested. Now I’m stuck in like a studio for two nights. GROSS.
Just fart behind the curtains man. No biggie.
shouldnt have slipped them comp Raiders tickets
HAIL SHAN’KHOR
Strong year!
“KICKING HAS BECOME TOO EASY!”
If cats have nine lives then how come so many LioUns players are ded?
Like any cat, they just went and hid for a while, plotting our doom while their next life regenerates.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/42989823/browns-rb-nick-chubb-breaks-foot-loss-chiefs
This is what Cleveland does. It needs to be stopped, people.
“Witness the power of this fully armed and operational sadness factory!”
If gifs could banner…
Aw, thanks WCS. Nice of you to say.
We can still banner the text
THAT is not supposed to move that way.
CURVEBALL DOINK, AND IN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuI5YPaZXIQ
the special hell reserved for the people behind the jesus gets us commercials i bet is extra spicy
I have to imagine it’s very ironic.
There’s a thousand+ years of organized religion that needs to be worked through before we get to those guys.
My mother in law LOVES those commercials. Not a shock.
Mandated DFO Drunk check-in: https://giphy.com/gifs/5YhFFUFq6ZTry
Fighting a cold that seems to be back for round 2 this week, so I’m afraid I’m just drinking hot tea.
It’s a bastardo. Duke WCS hopefully finally shook it for good; it’s been ten days or so.
Hopefully. Little kids with colds are miserable.
At least adults like passing out on cold medicine in the middle of the afternoon.
least 4 sets of family and friends been laid up with this week long+ cold/digestive problems flu thats been going around, good luck least its not your dick!
Sober. I gave yesterday.
Oh I’m not sure about that, that didn’t look very slide-like
Horseshit call
They probably owed Fields one, a’la Can Newton.
Brokeback is terrifying when he’s got his mind right.
“Him and the next President. Amirite?”*
-*Future News Report-Scotchnaut was indeed right. But in the end it meant nothing.
Somebody finally got a valium in Dreamboat’s unflavoUred oatmeal. Easily his best broadcasting week.
Less is more?
very much so
“Unflavored oatmeal? That guy is flirting with disaster.”
Yay! The Lions finally got a BIG DUDE DOWN! They’ve been trying to do this since last season and stupid refs have effed it up continually.
FATGUYTD!
FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN
“No that’s ok. Make yourself comfortable.”
Buffalo has replace Allen, et al. with a pudgy America. dentist on safari.
This bar is crawling with Iggles fans.
Turn on the lights; roaches scatter in brightness.
“Crawling” be a very good description. Which toilet did they come up through?
They tend to slither more than crawl
If any of you have been following along, we have bought and returned two 3d printers. I almost destroyed one with a sledgehammer. Sooooo, we bought a third one for Youngest Fozz as an Xmas present. If it doesn’t work, you will read about me in the news. Just Google “Baltimore” “Insane father” “five alarm fire”
That will not be enough to narrow it down.
You’re right. type in “white suburban dude”
Let’s go Buffalo!
Woo!
Had to tag out of kitchen detail.
Right knee is being an asshole.
I can shout cooking details from the living room couch with no problem.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU SON? YOU GOTTA PLAY THROUGH THE PAIN!
Yeah, I been having that kind of knee-related December, too. No me gusta.
Completely agree.
Bloody fucking weather.
Easiest prop bet of the day was an AJ td.
Go birds.
Hush, you!
Could have used that last week, why don’t teams tailor their schedules and playcalling to my specific fantasy needs??
If I was a WW1 commander and we were going over the top into withering machine gun fire, I would make sure the first wave was comprised of only Ren Faire reenactors.
You are missing the group of people who want to circle back to synergize in meetings.
Damn, maybe in the second wave
“Shoot me an email and we can collab over a salad.”
“I really think we need more synergy on this project.”
The generals should have led from the front in that war.
“Lions led by donkeys”
Down town AJ brown, need a good performance from him today to salvage my match vs Davante Adams. He should be well rested from being out most of season.
18-17 Stillers final on six field goals.
The Mike Tomlin Perfect Game
Remember folks:
CHOOSE LOVE
Depends, what are the other choices?
Rodgers, wasn’t it?
I’ve either had 8 beers or 12 beers.
How many are left in the case?
Well, it started with beers in the cooler, and then there were beers in teh fridge, also beers in a soggy 12 pack container on the proch. i rotated so the count is kinda fuzzy.
Pussy!
At least you know it is a multiple of 4!
Fish and chippie in PA
STILLERS BULLSHIT IS REAL TOMLIN VOODOO
He became a the head priest over the off season which he spent in Haiti.
That ref gonna wake up with his penis missing, not severed, there is no blood or incision, just missing.
Baron Samedi a great addition to any team in exchange for a 3rd draft pick and first born to be named later
BEANIE BISHOP STILLERS GAHTAH SUPERB OWL
The joy of grating hard cheese.
Didn’t need that skin on the knuckle of my ring finger anyway.
Sliced half a finger nail off yesterday. Pain.
That fucking sucks.
Hope it wasn’t in the salad.
I have one of those “no cut” gloves and I wear one to grate cheese due to once seeing my knuckle bone and having to throw out a lot of grated cheese.
Growing up, living across from my grandmother, we dreaded being asked to grate the cheese. Never walked away without skinned knuckles.
only more dangerous kitchen implement is listening to the Mandoline rain, listen to the blood on the floor, listen to the bandages wrap , listen to my promise not to do that again as she turns to go
I use one for my gratin potatoes and choose to shit can the butt of the potatoes rather than cut my hands.
same with last bit of cheese, just handle crumble or cut, or better yet just eat
That’s called the chef’s prerogative.
Fins may have squandered another week, season and decade but partially redeemed by the value and flavor of a Costco Potpie and excuse to day drink.
Wait did I just heard the Dead Milkmen being played as the game went to commercial?
Punk rock girl? So damn good.
Yup.
Goddamn I am old. Used to listen to that song drinking warm beer next to a homemade skate ramp in a parking lot
Jumped into a car/Away we started rollin’/I said “how much you pay for this”/she said “nuthin’ man, it’s stolen”
bonus points for Gratuitous Mojo Nixon reference
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvgMB4gA8CA
Your store could use some fixin’.
Two plays, two injured Cardinals.
They really should take that mirrored glass off the field.
Someone spread DDT over South Philly. All the DDT.
Iggle ded.
OK I lied, I only want 4 teams in the loratio league. Knocked the fuck out by number 6. How the fuck do the ravens and bengals score 37 and 35 and neither flowers or chase have a fucking td? And all of a sudden rogers and adams are back to 2020 form and the italian stereotype gets another 19 for nabors. Fantasy is dumb, I guess I get to fuck off to the golf course early
See ya next year!
No Henry TD either, who was doing that scoring?
also cant believe Ravens D not catching alot of points from that, cant believe gints dont have one pick 6 per game in them
Oh good, it’s Tom Brady.
(Autocorrect thought it was Tim Breast)
the autocorrect was almost right, brady is a boob
I’ve been trying to watch that Netflix roast of Tom Brady and it is just fucking painful. I can get through maybe one performer at a time before I have to go find something else, then a few days later it’ll be on my “finish watching” list and I’ll think “ah fuck, might as well” and then five minutes later remember that it’s no fun watching a bunch of hack comics and former NFL players battling CTE make unfunny jokes about a guy with no sense of humor who half of them don’t know.
The only exceptions were Nikki Glaser and Sam Jay, who killed. And I would bet that Brady had no idea who either of them were going in.
I just want people to have
healthcareBills-Lions to be a preview of the Super Bowl, honey.https://theonion.com/horrified-pope-calls-philadelphia-humanity-s-greatest-s-1819578276/
Here we go Stillers.
They’re calling this ‘The Battle of Pennsylvania.’
Winner gets to move out of Pennsylvania. Loser has to stay and explain to all the Trump voters why their grocery bills didn’t go down.
“What happened to my Medicare? Must have been Joe Biden!”
They’ll blame NOBUMMER
Just staying in Pennsylvania is bad enough. That state is the clogged hair follicle on the asshole of life.
Trump is already backtracking on lowering grocery prices while going full steam ahead with the deportations. This is gonna be some insane backlash/comeuppance
Blame senator ogre