Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
To a father nothing is dearer than a daughter [in bed].
Euripides
YUCK. Mr Epstein with the bad take on kids.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
BeefReeferLives
Damn it, Luigi! First you hit me with the Blue Shell in Mario Kart 64, and now this?!
Redshirt
I don’t understand why he wasn’t trying to leave the country….
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I don’t understand why he only went as far as Altoona, PA. If you’re going to trigger a countrywide search, at least go farther than one state away.
Redshirt
The old truism still fits; after committing a murder, never flee to a Pirates’ minor league affiliate town.
SonOfSpam
I’m squashed by this pretty boy
Gumbygirl
About the only thing that really throws me off on this jorb is when a child is sick or injured. Not even injured, because it’s almost always kids being kids, so whatever.
But when they’re sick, and can clearly be heard in the background, I do get a sad.
Thanks, Dallas, for the quick pick-me-up laugh!
WCS
That describe the worst part of ALS. Your loved one is in pain, both mentally and physically. Their health and dignity are being stripped from him slowly. And their nothing you can do to stop it.
The secret that we’ve learned: Don’t dwell on the negative things you cannot control and instead embrace the little things.
Redshirt
…?
Redshirt
Ngl, I want to banner this
Brocky
You can tell the Golden Globes were announced today by the acting on the penalties.
Beerguyrob
When is ESPN gonna take Berman out back and Old Yeller him?
ThePirateSloth
How is he still alive and not imprisoned? He seems like he’d have the predilections of Louis C.K. with the charisma of Harvey Weinstein.
BC Dick
Brocky
Since you’re all dying to know, here’s my latest fantasy update:
I enter the final week of the regular season needing at most a win to guarantee a playoff spot, or at least to have the right people lose so I can win based on tie breakers.
Inexplicably I have had my best week of the season, and I currently have the highest score of any team any week this season, and it’s come against my brother, who’s leading the league in scoring, but sorely missed breece hall and Derrick Henry this week.
Behold
If you’re paying attention, last week I lost by exactly 1.5 points because jerry Judy or whatever the hell his name is decided to become a super saipan.
I got a 40 plus point league, let’s see how I screw this up
Brocky
THIS GUY BROCKY LAST WEEK I CALL HIM TONY DUNGY WALKING INTO HIS SON’S ROOM, LOCATING THE YOUNG MAN SUCCESSFULLY, THEN WALKING AWAY IN DENIAL THAT HIS OWN INTOLERANCE WAS THE PRIMARY REASON FOR THE TRAGEDY BECAUSE HE LEFT US HANGING.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Possible good news from medical science. My urine has been clear all day after that blood this morning. So the surgeon recommended that I wait a day to see whether or not I need the TURP. If my urine stays clear tonight they’ll send me home with the catheter tomorrow, targeting it’s removal by Friday. If not, it’s back to surgery. Been good so far; it would bless when I’d stand up, but it’s not doing it now.
BugEyedBoo
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna183666
(Door Flies Open and slam shut; deadbolts door; closes blinds and checks if followed)
(slowly turns around; out of breath)
“Hey, guys. What’s up?”
Redshirt
You were here the whole time and also can I see what you got?
SonOfSpam
(nervous laughter)
“What are you talking about?”
Redshirt
“Mandatory two-days leave to be used by end of calendar year, 2024”
No creepy late-night weirdness for me until Saturday.
WCS
It’s my birthday! I turn 7² today [Dec 11]!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Played hockey for the first time in almost a month. Got a win only allowing 3 goals. We put up 12 because the other team didnt have a goalie and stuck a regular player in net. It didn’t go well…
Sharkbait
Based on my understanding of hockey that means the other team is now pregnant?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Look, the details of the “murder” aside, I think Luigi Mangioni should walk free because he grew up rich.
There’s plenty of prescident.
blaxabbath
I flew back east to see my mom early this morning, leaving at 5:30 AM. LAX to Detroit; 2 hour layover; Detroit to Baltimore; train from BWI to Washington Union Station; Metro to Arlington; Uber to home. It was freakin’ exhausting and I love to fly.
Here’s the sunrise as seen shortly after takeoff from LAX as the plane circled back to head east. The coastline is Dana Point in Orange County.
Brick Meathook
Later, it looked like this out the window:
Brick Meathook
The view out the window on final approach over Baltimore. Look close and you can see Fozz’s house:
Brick Meathook
Inside a MARC train on the Penn line, BWI to WAS:
Brick Meathook
Union Station, Washington:
Brick Meathook
Update: no TURP. They said yes Wednesday, then said that afternoon at the scheduled surgery time, “This looks better, let’s see what Thursday looks like.” Today they sent me home, and they’re going to pull the catheter out tomorrow. Thank god, this thing’s a tad bit uncomfortable.
BugEyedBoo
Great news. Get better quick Sir.
2Pack
Not exactly lighting up the scoreboard in this one huh folks.
2Pack
WCS
INSURMOUNTABLE TIE
Redshirt
-David Carradine, clawing desperately at his neck
scotchnaut
This game is great.
Brick Meathook
-Brick, bombed out of his mind on opiates and grain alcohol while staring at his microwave oven.
LemonJello
well that explains why the field keeps rotating
Brick Meathook
Snitches get Stitches…assuming your deductible has been reached.
Redshirt
I only got 3 calls on Monday from a dipshit sales rep. I let that shit go to VM. They haven’t called back so am sure they found out I no longer work there. Its been a good week resting and getting around to some home chores. Deep cleaned my PC and home office. Cleaned out the closet. And did a full garden cleanup. Even did my Christmas shopping.
New Boss called me today and confirmed she’ll see me on Monday at 10am. Looking forward to starting this job.
Spur
“It’s beginning to look a lot like…”
BeefReeferLives
Redshirt
Good god i am so oblivious. I’m out of the ldbc, and have been every year since forever because I’ve finally realized the damn thing is on the peanuts christmas soundtrack. Never listened closely enough outside of the main movie songs. Cant believe I missed it, considering i have a whole bunch of albums where Guaraldi is leading or a backup that ive spent a ton of time with. I continue to disappoint myself
Bogdanski
Took an edible after dinner. Listened to tunes with the missus
Positive evening.
litre_cola
A few weeks before he died, Gumby got a summons for jury duty for the first week of January. Guess who got a summons today for the first week of January?
Gumbygirl
The Cult?
Mr. Ayo
My nephew wants to go to Babson and study something to do with oceans. So he made a video and sent it to them, (as kids do), and put it on YouTube.
Where my son, his cousin, found it.
So Horatio, Jr. makes a video where he’s pretending to be his cousin talking about he’s going to turn Babson to “Babes, son” because ever sine he went on a boat ride with some “bitches in bikini” he knew he wanted to “study that shit for life,” all while waving a couple of liquor bottles in each hand. Then he sent it to his cousin’s entire family.
My sister sent it to me while I was at the gym. I was sitting on one of the machines howling like a lunatic.
Horatio Cornblower
/clearing out an apartment-it’s surprisingly difficult to give things away for free
Text: “How dirty is the mattress.”
Wifey: “Well, it says ‘well-used’ right there in the description.”
Me: “Tell them people have had sex on it multiple times.”
Wifey: “Ugh, no!”
/three hours later
Wifey: “These goddamn people! Someone asked me exactly how old the old armchair is.”
Me: “Tell them some really old people had sex on it multiple times.”
Wifey: “I’m this close!”
scotchnaut
For the last 11 years of having Jezebel and being out in public, I will never – AT ALL – understand parents who encourage their young children/toddlers/babies to interact with a strangers dog, especially when they DO NOT EVEN ASK THE DOGS OWNER if the dog is friendly, or child friendly, or simply if it is ok for them to interact with the dog. I just don’t get it.
It again happened today, with a ‘just getting the hang of this walking thing’ stage baby. The parents and grandparents walked up to the grass area Jezebel was sniffing and rolling in stuff at (her most favorite spot too), and without talking to me, all pulled out their phones and started encouraging their barely walking baby to go over to my dog. Like wtf people. Jezebel is twice the size of your stupid, stumbling ass baby.
I silently motioned her to move towards the other end of the lawn away from them, and they fucking followed and kept telling their baby to go over to the pretty dog. Ugh. I should’ve let Jezebel get excited and take a running start at their stupid baby and knock it to the ground. Take a photo of your precious dumb ass baby crying on the ground.
ThePirateSloth
Speaking of old stuff…
2Pack
@Gumbygirl asking about the catheter. I went yesterday morning and got the ginormocatheter removed. No pee forthcoming. Nurse said to drink a lot, and if you don’t start peeing in a few hours, come back as we’ll have to reinsert one. Unfortunately, it was still blocked. So back in I went to get a smaller one. I meet with the urologist Thursday, and I figure they’ll want to do the surgery. Hopefully, according to the nurse it’s usually outpatient, although sometimes an overnight stay is involved.
BugEyedBoo
The more entertaining story of last weekend, good for laughs. I”m watching that Oregon game, and I’m starting to get uncomfortable. I have to pee every five minutes, but nothing is happening. So I finally tell the missus that we need to go to the ER.
We get there, They put a catheter in, which helps a lot but it gets plugged up, Shit gets painful again, fast. Who could I tell? Nobody, because Nurse Whoever has wandered off. So finally she shows up and says, “We’ll have to replace it with a CBI to flush it.
So nurses Frick and Frack show up to put in the bigger catheter. But it gets blocked by a clot. The clot is stuck in my urethra and in the catheter. So they have ideas, and they’re yanking around on the catheter and fucking around with pushing more fluid to force this clot out. I am hurting bad at this point, and wondering if I’m going to survive with my dick intact. Finally, they give up and yell for a doctor. Dr. Patel the ‘urologist’ is called and told what’s going on here. He says on the phone, where I can hear him, “Huh. Well. I got nothing.” Fuck. Me.
They get the attending, and he tries a couple of things, then says, “Admit him for clot removal surgery.” I get to hang around in agony for about five hours. I was welcoming that general anesthesia by this point.
BugEyedBoo
First-ever train vs. passenger vehicle.
No injuries, and the vehicle was launched and landed on its side. Someone from Norfolk Southern is in trouble.
WCS
I’m going to have to side with Team Choo-choo
Unsurprised
WCS
Always interesting when a clearly intoxicated person calls to bitch their dealer ripped them off, explains what it was (fentanyl, because of course), and how much caller was supposed to get.
I love this shit. Hunter Thompson should have done this for a while, just to experience it.
WCS
(Artistic Interpretation) WCS: “It sounds like you took just below a lethal dose.”
Caller: “Yeah, bitch screwed me over. I was supposed to get more.”
WCS: “Now both of us are pissed off.”
(boss clears his throat behind WCS)
WCS: (slow soul swallowing sigh) “I’m glad you’re not dead. Now let’s work to keep you not dead.”
Redshirt
I’m in favor of the go for 2 and overtime be damned strategy
Doktor Zymm
“A watched Boyle gives you the need for pot.”
scotchnaut
Deion’s Boy is seeing what is happening to Giants’ QBs and wondering how difficult it is to pick up baseball like his old man.
Redshirt
The MrsSloth bought a surprise Seahawks knit hat that lights up for herself and just put it on.
I love this woman.
ThePirateSloth
Clots… no way that’s real…
WCS
–Bug Eyed Boo
Gatoraids
Sperms versus Boogers is what this contest looks like live.
Beerguyrob
It’s an event. And based on the noise, a Packers home game.
Beerguyrob
I was at the Fail Mary, was amazing to witness live. They didn’t dare show the replay in the stadium so everyone filled up Pioneer Square to rage. It was 50/50 Packer/Seahawk fans.
litre_cola
I remember TJ Lang’s tweets. From the Wiki page
“Got fucked by the refs.. Embarrassing. Thanks nfl.”
“Fuck it NFL.. Fine me and use the money to pay the regular refs.”
BaldingSpiritually
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
.
That’s awesome
Fumbled Opportunities: 2024 Cincinnati Bengals Season
Wow, Brick got a notice in this column. Drink!
Way ahead of you
…
Maybe next year we can have Planking Jesus
actually i guess a cross is made up of planks so
I hope so. Jesus only last six hours on the cross and had to rest for about three days to recover from it.
It’s official: I’m going to Hell!
The best part of the Raiders game last night was when their punt returner called for (and made) a fair catch on the three yard line, which led to a safety two plays later. The blocked extra point was pretty funny too, because that plus the safety would have meant the Raiders could have tied it with a field goal instead of needing a touchdown at the end.
Did anything similarly amusing happen during the Bears game?
If any player makes a fair catch on the three, they shouldn’t even go back to the sideline or even go to the locker room. Just go home.
Not really. There was an entertaining series of events where Caleb Williams was squashed by a MIN linebacker. See picture below. Troy Aikman then spent about 10 minutes talking about how being on an 0-11 team as a rookie QB sucks pretty bad, and that Norv Turner was a god among men.
(record scratch)
Caleb Williams (v/o narrating): “Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here.”
I found my photo!
#2 describes his on-field performance pretty darn well
Detroit’s breaks my heart. And a leg. And assorted ligaments. And a concussion. And an arm.
UTree’s bring out your dead section of his video will be longer than the rest of the vid. Although there are lots of lolcow candidates this week.
One of the best intangible things to come out of my time living in Chicago is an exquisite appreciation of all things Bearsenscheisse
So good. LOVE the Ass Family.
As is the standard… fun recap Sir. There are some real mental giants in this clubhouse. Yuz guys crack me up.
Thanks for the Reflections, GTD. They’ll be something special in your stocking Christmas Night.
I get a stocking?
I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
By the Morrigan’s perfect teats, now we gotta find a new sla. erm. person to do the Reflections post.
Sidebar: did you ever change Morrigan’s gear. I had her in different armor, because her outfit has shit for stats, but it just wasn’t the same.
Which game? I was referencing the Celtic goddess, since I have a heavy detestation of the current crop of so-called “gods”. Plus I have used that name in games before.
Dragon Age Morrigan. It’s like Skyrim to me; I get about halfway through then get bored. About a year later I start it up from scratch again. There’s definitely a good game in there, but I just can’t seem to finish it.
Never could get into that one. Been a long time since I played an RPG.
Yet another game I haven’t finished, but Baldur’s Gate 3 is good. Turn-based combat, lots of voice acted parts.
?
In Harry Potter, when a house elf, aka slave, is given a piece of clothing, they are no longer enslaved. When Dobby, the Malfoy elf gets a sock, he says that he is now free.
Poor Redshirt, the only fantastical stories he hears are on Fox News.
And from the Bengals Marketing Department.
Ah, thanks. Never seen it or read it. My apologies.
GET BACK HERE, GTD!
GTD looking in his stocking, dramatic re-enactment:
Oops, fat fingered the star rating.
Or did this post just have too much Brick in it…
Apparently my 5 didn’t do much to fix it.
I always feel bad when I mess up the star rating.
Of course nowadays all scoring plays are reviewed in NY so we can’t have another Fail Mary until the replay crew goes on strike, or at least quiet quits
Hey Dok, smooth Italian humidity is on the way, I scored some time this afternoon by skipping a meeting. Do you want the tracking number? Given your travelin status you may be interested unless your delivery apparatus is secure.
I saw it in my ‘informed delivery’ email from USPS! The post office has a key to the building so packages are secure in the lobby, and I should be around when it arrives as well. Very excited!
OK great. Now it’s up to
Team Bubblewrap to beat USPS.