
No, we’re not doing musical one-hit numbers. That’s Request Line territory, and has probably already done. Nope, today you’re drafting athletic one-hit wonders. Guys, or gals, who had that one (or no more than a couple) of really good seasons before fading into, as Mike Tyson would say, Bolivia.
The reason for the fade, (injuries, Bolivian marching powder, not taking steroids more than that one year, taking too many steroids that one year, just getting figured out by everyone else) aren’t as important, only that there was a fading into that dark good night.
The player in question does not have to have retired after their one(ish) good seasons, he or she just can’t have maintained a level of outstanding achievement in the field of excellence in their chosen sport.
With the first pick I will take our featured image guy, Mark ‘The Bird’ Fidrych. Fidrych burst onto this scene in 1976, with the Tigers of Old Detroit, (Clarence Meeks never missed a game), going 19-9 with a 2.34 ERA, winning Rookie of the Year, and finishing 2nd in the Cy Young voting. He also threw 24 complete games and 250+ innings, which may be why he won a total of 10 more games in the next four years and was out of baseball after 1980.
Fidrych died in 2009 when, while working on a truck, his clothes became entangled in the power take-off shaft and he suffocated.
On the list of ways I would like to go out that is way, way, way, way down there.
The rest of you are on the clock.
The yin to Kerry Woods’s yang, Mark Prior.
18-6 with a 2.43 ERA in his second full year in the majors, (2002) during which Dusty Baker had him throw nearly 100 more innings than he had in his first full year. Prior’s arm never recovered and he was out of baseball* after 2006.
*he’s still in baseball, but as a coach, and hopefully one who lectures young pitchers about innings limits and why they’re good.
You’re welcome
Went to USC, was bound to flame out.
Matt Leinert, Cardinals
Counterpoint: Matt Leinart was never any good.
He was good at USC and won a Heisman
I opened Pandora’s box!
Colin Kapernick.
Affectionately nicknamed Jafar by well-meaning NFC West rival fan bases, the Big 7 took over for the 49ers in late 2012 when Alex Smith effectively lost the job to injury. Kaep played lights out until the Super Bowl, where the 49ers lost to the Ravens in the New Orleans Blackout Super Bowl. In 2013, he had another big year but lost the battle against [Dange]Russ Wilson and the Seahawks in the NFC Championship game.
2014 was his career season but the team only went 8-8, missing the playoffs, and then Harbaugh left for Michigan.
In 2015, he played only eight games for Jim Tomsula, going 2-6.
In 2016, he went 1-10 under head coach Chip Kelly.
At the end of the 2016 season, the 49ers hired Kyle Shanahan, who said Kaep wasn’t built for his scheme and so 7 didn’t stick around.
Then he was blackballed for
changing the worldwho remembers?.He was a good QB.
I submit one
CLINT LONGLEY
Dallas Cowboys QB
https://ibb.co/B5xrpJWq
Possibly the one-hit-wonderest of them all.
As the feller once said, “If you count the time he punched Roger Staubach in the face, Clint Longley was really more of a two-hit wonder.”
Eli laments about the Snorks being a one season wonder.
Don’t you dare disparage the Snorks
Point out where I disparaged them! I just stated a fact.
Man, if the Clubhouse gets blown up over a dispute about the Snorks it would…
actually, it would be pretty much on point for this Year of Our Lord 2025.
You mean the Year of Our Snork 2025. Fuck you for Snork erasure.
Allstar Seaworthy was the most overrated Snork of all time. Fight me.
4. Dee Brown. He was all-rookie and made a huge splash winning the dunk contest (got a nice shoe contract out of it, too) and while he had a perfectly respectable career, he was never able to make the leap to superstar status that his trajectory had him primed for.
David Tyree. Made one beautiful catch (& then some homophobic remarks, IIRC) then faded into obscurity.
Bruce Jenner won an Olympic Decathlon and now he doesn’t seem to exist.
That’s because they went into hiding after they vehicular manslaughtered some poor lady.
Albert Haynesworth unless you counting hitting the buffet table
How are we evaluating Rick Ankiel? Definitely a 1 hit wonder as a pitcher but eventually made it back as a solid outfielder (with a cannon for an arm).
I thought about him but, as you point out, I think his going back to the minors and battling back to the majors as a decent OFer takes him out of this draft.
But my god did he blow up as a pitcher. It was painful to watch.
Cardale Jones. True, it helps when the defense has to defend Ezekiel Elliot and that offensive line, but his performance in the playoffs and afterwards seems to suggest a Deal with the Devil, or equivalent.
Steve Stone was a journeyman pitcher that in 9 years had a 78-79 career record. He decided to change his pitching motion going into the 1980 season and everyone (managers, fellow players, a doctor) told him he would blow out his arm. He finished that season with a 25-7 record, a Cy Young and a blown out arm. He was out of baseball after the following season at 33 years old.
And a brilliant baseball mind and commentator
RGIII. Brilliant before Dan Snyder and the turf monster wrecked his knee. But it was a short tenured brilliance.
Bitch! I was just downloading a picture!
It can still go in your spank bank
Thanks for the pic supporting my pick.
I was going to brag about the VALUE when I picked.
So weird that the Browns would go after a compromised QB.
William Jennings Bryan. He had one successful speech than it was all downhill after that.
Um…
JaMarcus Russell – of course if we did a draft of Heisman winners who sucked in the NFL, it would be a long draft
winded from hitting the “+1”
I’m pretty sure I did a drafts bust draft a couple of off-seasons ago.
Balls and Ayo draft busts all the time
You saw my draft results from FF last year, last in the relegation league.
I’ll give you Vic Hadfield of the early 70’s Rangers. On a line with the mega-talented Rod Gilbert and Jean Ratelle (the GAG-Goal-A-Game line) he scored exactly 50 goals and 106 points and never got anywhere close to either of those totals before or after.
/he’s notable to me because the following fall he was on the ’72 Team Canada and constantly badgered the coach and GM for more playing time. (like he was going to play more than fellow left winger Paul Henderson?) Anyway, he walked out on the team like the bitch that he was.
Super Joe Charboneau, the next great Cleveland slugger for like a couple years
Jonas Gray. Ran all over the Colts, was late to a meeting the next week, and was henceforth banished to the shadow realm
Ickey Woods. Had a great rookie season, then his knees went to shit.
At least he got a commercial out of the “Ickey shuffle”…
Kevin Maas, one of many “next great Yankee 1B” who never got there. Hit 21 HRs in 79 games in 1990. Hit a total of 44 more over the next 4 seasons (he missed 1994 entirely, and apparently not due to injury), and was out of baseball entirely after a very brief stint with the Twins in 1995.
Jerome Harrison, Running Back Cleveland Browns, 2009
During a three game stretch, guy goes form most forgettable career ever to suddenly rushing for 286 yards (the third most EVER) in december, follows it up with 2 really good 100 plus yard performances, in line to helping me win my first fantasy football championship
Guy only played like 16 combined games over 2 years after that
love to keep on drafting him as a “value” pick and dump him in a week or so
3. David Duval. Had a monster year in 2001, culminating with a win at the British Open, and that…was…it.
Athan Iannucci
Played 8 seasons in the NLL. Second season he scored 71 goals in 16 games in 2008. The previous record was 61 goals in 16 games ( Gary Gait, 2003). That record of 71 goals stood until 2016, with 2 extra games to play(18 total games), and was only beaten by a goal. He never scored more than 30 in the 6 remaining seasons.
Michael Bidwill took over day to day operations for the Arizona Cardinals in 2007. That’s about the most objective date we can come up with.
So his first year was the 2007-2008 year when Kurt Warner took the 9-7 Cardinals to the Super Bowl (respectable showing in a loss to the Steelers).
In the 16 seasons (and counting) since that Super Bowl Run his teams have:
6 times finished dead last in the division.
Only 5 times finished first or second in the division.
Only 4 times reached the playoffs (so 12 of 16 times missed the postseason entirely).
(I know this pick came too fast. I traded up with Spam — he can have my first and fifth next week.)
Going out on a limb here…
Sam Darnold
If I was going out on a limb I’d have chosen Jim Abbot’s 18-11 season.
I wish I paid closer attention to March Madness. There’s a kid every year that goes on a tear through the tournament, gets drafted high, then that’s it.
For Arizona, that 2011 player was Derrick Williams, including a dominating 32 point showing to spank Duke in the Sweet 16.
https://youtu.be/ia4bW797GLQ?si=a3t5jXRJErjyOBv0&t=197
“Never Nervous” Pervis Ellison is probably the poster boy for that sort of thing.
Andrew “The Hamburglar” Hammond (Senators) shone bright for about three months. He was a goalie that was just a depth piece that played in the AHL most of the time. He was called up due to injury and went on a ridiculous tear for 2 1/2 months in the 2014-15 season, single-handedly vaulting Ottawa into a playoff spot by going an unbelievable 20-1-2. Only 4 wins the next year, bounced around a bit and finished out his career two years ago with Chelyabinsk Traktor. Yes, that Chelyabinsk Traktor.
That’s awesome.
Awesome to the max.
And I’m old enough to remember Fidrychmania. Weird weird dude, his death was also weird.
How bout Leicester City?
Where you get gangrene and stares of pity.
This guy:
http://www.americansportscastersonline.com/images/SuzyKolber.jpg
Goddamn non-embedding jpgs…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynbqA7tS4eg
Oh how about a one bump wonder?
(Len Bias for those of you CTRL + F-ing)
Good lord man it’s only Monday, what dark humor is gonna last me the rest of the week?
Plenty more where that came from
Jim Craig. Lights out against the Soviets in the Olympics, never did anything in th NHL.
Marvin Harrison
Victor Cruz-two 1,000 yard seasons out of the gate and then a slow fade and then a blown-out Achilles.
He had some good dance moves though.
Didn’t he break a leg somewhere in there as well?
Yes, I think the Achilles came just after he had rehabbed the leg.
I honestly can’t remember if the Bears signed him before or after he broke his leg
Well, it’s the Bears, so let’s not rule out “during”
They signed him after both injuries.
Brady Anderson.
See Dante Bichette. Might have been the same season.
Anderson is the reason for the “not taking steroids more than that one year”
Allegedly.
*Anteater alum Brady Anderson. We also have Jon Lovitz!
RIP
I assure you, Jon Lovitz is very much alive.
https://www.reddit.com/r/LiveFromNewYork/comments/ije7eu/the_late_jon_lovitz/
2. Emma Raducanu. She won the U.S. Open in 2021 as a qualifier (roughly the NFL equivalent to being undrafted) and has barely been heard from since. Her career is still ongoing, but it’s not looking good.
She’s looking good, though…
She’s gorgeous.
She’s even more marketable than Kournikova, too.
See, the problem is those huge knockers get in the way. Same reason women aren’t good at golf. Boobs.
You’ve heard of Simona Halep, right? She had breast reduction surgery and it genuinely made a tremendously positive difference in her career.
Also she apparently had all that breast tissue converted into muscle and reinjected into her arms.
I was going to say. Jesus Christ that is terrifying.
Leon Spinks. Shame, he was so handsome!
Buster Douglas
I barely even know her Douglas.
Buster was a genius. Smoked Tyson, then got paid millions to fight Holyfield, mailed that fight in and immediately quit getting hit in the head for a living.
Dante Bichette.
His head grew 5 hat sizes in one offseason.
From soccer: Freddy Adu
Did he ever actually accomplish anything? I honestly don’t remember him being anything other than a teenage great America hope who never actually did anything.
He was in MLS as a teenager and was touted as “the next Pele”.
Speaking of,
Chris Henry, may he Rest in Peace.
He’s up there with Eddie Aikau, Andy Irons, Jay Moriarty…you know, all those guys in famous surfer heaven.
The one hit was the pavement.
Tuffy Rhodes
https://www.marqueesportsnetwork.com/cubs-classics-tuffy-rhodes-historic-opening-day/
Hideki Irabu, Yankees
The fat toad?
I can’t find his Japanese stats, but I assume they’re really good so the pick is good.
Because holy crap, Irabu was not good in MLB.
1. Peyton Hillis
He was scrappy and had a high motor, ESPN
.
I believe that guy was fired, like immediately.
Does Doug Williams’ performance in the 1988 Playoffs count or is that mostly an above average player who played the very best at the right moment?
I would lean towards the latter. Williams overall had a solid if not spectacular career.
Nancy Kerrigan
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Jim Carey. Won the Vezina trophy with the Capitals and then his game fell off a cliff
Jay Williams, Chicago Bulls
Kerry Wood for the Cubs
I think this one wins the draft.
Wood had 4 years where he accumulated nearly 1,000 strike-outs. He’s close in this draft, but I wouldn’t say a definite.
Now, if we had a draft of “Pitchers Whose Career Dusty Baker Destroyed” (and we probably could) he’d be right up there.
/Mark Prior sobs
If someone doesn’t take Prior in this draft I will.
I chose him as his destruction was caused by Dusty Fucking Baker, as pointed out by you. I really think he could have had long term career and possibly a WS, except for that jackass, the King of Bad Decisions, the ultimate Failson, teams succeed in spite of him.