Meditations on Pimpin’ – Sunday Open Thread

Buenas noches. Legal tampering starts tomorrow, and NFL 2025 starts next Wednesday. And then there will be the schedule release, draft, rookie minicamps, training camps, and then September, now and forever, amén.

But it got rough from the Peak Nothingness between the Owl and now. I’d rather not talk about it, but yeah. I had to resort to books.

Audiobooks, really. Actual books? Man… I can’t do 5 minutes of book pages without checking my cellphone.

Anyway, I just got hooked on Penguin’s audiobook for Pantaleón y las visitadoras (“Captain Pantoja and the Special Service” in the English translation), a Peruvian novel about a prostitution military regiment created in the late 1950s for garrisons along the jungle bordering the Amazon river. The development of the special service was imposed on Capt. Pantaleón Pantoja, the squarest officer in the Peruvian military, and the story is told in a pastiche of military memoranda, private letters, radio broadcasts, statistical studies, confidential reports, sermons by a religious zealot, and matériel requisitions interspaced with episodes of straight narration and dialogue. Audiobook feature: it has different voice actors, who emote according to the text they are relating. The actors really make pleasurable lonely car rides, chorin’ and meal preps—and also renders tolerable the infrequent and technical acts of exercise.

I love the novel’s conceit: the application of single-minded martial planning, through colorless bureaucracy, to curb grunts’ horndogness in the jungle—not eradicate it, God forbid, these are manly-man soldiers! It’s a serious business, which requires a most stolid nomenclature: the regiment is composed of “visitors” who engage in “renderings” up to a maximum of 20 minutes, per military regulation after months of field tests.

I dunno; I thought you could like this novel, given the large number of veterans, engineers, lawyers, supply chain managers, military lifers, caregivers, scientists, Literature aficionados, history nerds, technical writers, and professors—perverts one and all—that visit this wee corner of the web.

tl ;dr in English, “Captain Pantoja and the Special Service”, by Mario Vargas Llosa (Nobel Lit. 2010)

Now let’s talk about pimpin’ per se.

These are a handful of Hollywood movies made in the 80s: Night Shift (“This is Chuck to remind Bill to shut up!”), Doctor Detroit (Fran Drescher 🥰), Trading Places (#Top hooker with a ❤️ of gold evah), Risky Business, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and Pretty Woman. Look at how prostitution is portrayed in those films, and compare it with Anora—a funny and devastating movie that was made uh… After decades of public um, clamoUr for political correctness…

Ok look. I don’t know about sex work. All I know is that the post title is funny and sex work is a broad topic that’s worth talking about without feeling obligated to say, over and over, “I’m against any sexual activity that involves: minors, extortion, trafficking or servitude.” Or, as a respected Yankee fan friend told me late last December, “Being involved with the METS deserves criminal prosecution and full scorn. Full scorn! Loser motherfuckers.”

That was a belabored baseball joke. Topical!

NFL MEWS

-Per the House Organ, Myles Garrett ($123 mil guaranteed), today became the highest paid NFL Non-QB. This validates everything Paul’s GM Andrew Berry said to reporters when asked about Garrett during the combine (I will NEVAR Capitalize such Indianapolis non-event). Much refreshing, this non-bullshit by Pauls brass. Je je. These news even made the sidebar at the espen deportes landing page, which features the NFL waaaaay down its drop-down menu, just under the Dutch fútbol Cup. Totally apto for the calendar.

-Von Miller,

Wish I could put $20 on Miller signing with the Black Panthers in 2025. A counterfeit $20.

 

SPROTS TONITE

Truly overfloweth, these “sprots” ties. All times Central

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Home team first (which makes more sense but is contrary to Anglo conventions, like writing dates with the month first—wtf! Pffft.)

Argentina

Instituto (Córdoba) v. Godoy Cruz Antonio Tomba – 7:30

Newell’s Old Boys v. Belgrano (Córdoba) – 7:30

 

Chile

Colo Colo v. Everton CD – 6:30

 

Colombia

Atlético Nacional v. América de Cali – 7:45

 

Costa Rica

Puntarenas v. AD Guanacasteca – 6:00

 

Ecuador

Vinotinto v. Emelec – 6:00

 

Guatemala

Comunicaciones v. Guastoya – 6:00

Marquense v. Deportivo Mixco

 

Secsi Mexi

Santos v. León – 6:00,

which sounds like a tasty beatification derby. Purum. Ksh! Thank you, and tip your server.

Tijuana v.  Atlas – 10:00

 

Perú—woooo post relevant!

Cienciano del Cusco v. Comerciantes Unidos – 7:30

 

Uruguay

Miramar Misiones v. Danubio – 7:45

 

U.S.A.

LA Galaxy v. St. Louis Citeh SC – 6:00

 

Venezuela

Metropolitanos FC v. Zamora – 6:00

Academia Puerto Cabello v. Deportivo Rayo Zullano – 7:30

 

NCAA MARCH NEUROSIS

Huh. All men’s and women’s games were already played. Sorry for the teasin’.

 

NHL

Kings @ Golden Knights – 7:00

Stars @ Canucks – 8:00

Islanders @ Ducks – 8:00

 

NBA

Memphis @ Na’wlins – 6:00

Utah @ Philly – 6:30

Cleveland @ Milwaukee – 7:00

San Antonio @ MinnesoUta – 7:00

Detroit @ Portland – 8:00

Kings @ Clips – 8:30

 

FINALLY,

I did watch American Pimp, back when the documentary had some buzz, in the early 2000s. Must’ve been while my then wife and an infant Heiress were staying with relatives—anyway, I saw it. My two takes from American Pimp:

1. I admit to being morbid, but the movie made me uncomfortable. To clarify: American Pimp disgusted me, but not in a “More, mooore, MOAR!!11!” way.

2. There was a scene where the off-camera documentarian asked: what is the percentage of payment that sex workers get? What followed (iirc) was a montage of every interviewed pimp saying, with conviction and a sneer, “Zero per cent”. That still disturbs me. Fuck those guys and the folks who glorify them.

Capt. Pantoja though? Very fair. What a sweetheart (so far, three chapters to go).

The novel in English is called “Capt. Pantoja and the Special Service”. Of course there’s casual racism and several other -isms for yuks; it’s about 1950s LATAM for crying out loud! Wholly recommend

Banner from the dynamite Hollywood Shuffle (1987), gifs via giphy.com.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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rockingdog

Not sure if you guys saw but Canada is about to get a new prime minister!

That dude Carney seems ROCKINGGGG!!!! 🇨🇦

2Pack

Speaking of legal tampering…

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ballsofsteelandfury

Good God!

Redshirt

WATCH: Tempers flare when Michigan players disrupt Michigan State tradition of seniors kissing Spartans logo – CBSSports.com

Michigan disrespecting their rivals’ mid-field logo appears to be a pattern/tradition. Even in a loss.

Col. Duke LaCross

The White Lotus. Good hell, crazy ass episode tonight. Good warmup for the Gemstones!

Doktor Zymm

Oh yeah, I had forgotten that the Golden Knights play a super loud airhorn sound outside the stadium whenever they score a goal. Just so everyone in all the surrounding hotel towers knows what’s up

Gumbygirl

Yeah Right, are you still hanging out? I am letting my marinated chicken warm up from the fridge and I reread the recipe. There’s 1 1/2 cups of water in the ingredients, but it doesn’t say where and when it gets added. Help me, this smells so good, I don’t want to fuck it up!

yeah right

It gets added when you’re doing the cooking tomorrow.

It makes the sauce.

“Add water makes it’s own sauce” as Frank Zappa used to say.

Gumbygirl

No, I was cooking today! Eating it now, deeelish. I added it after the first reduction, before I put the seared chicken back in

BC Dick

I love Americans. Your old ideals and values. But got damnit, you (not you, the general populace) have ruined a beautiful friendship.
How could you let this happen? Every friend who didn’t vote shares this failure. I will love the good ones but I will not forget this betrayal. We’re on our own and we’ll deal with it as we must.
Also the Brier boring as hell and I’m ornery about that.

Gumbygirl

I’m pretty sure all of us here voted for Kamala. I am as pissed as you at the idiots who either didn’t vote or voted for the Dumpster. I don’t blame you for feeling betrayed, this 51st state nonsense is a slap in the face to you guys, who have had our backs for over 200 years. I’m hoping this madness ends soon.

Jimbo

I did my part by voting but I’m in Commiefornia so it didn’t make a difference, stupid electoral college.

Last edited 2 hours ago by Jimbo
Gumbygirl

Yeah, me too.

WCS

I voted, and as usual, didn’t help. Fuckin’ Pennsyltucky never fails to disappoint.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Brick Meathook

Don’t blame me, I voted for me.

Gumbygirl

If it had been between you and Agolf Shitler, I absolutely would have voted for you. Sadly, it was not.

yeah right

It’s not the folks who didn’t vote, it’s the ones who voted for the CHUDS that pisses me off.

Team Kamala.

Gumbygirl

Yes, they piss me off more, especially the ones who had their hissy little
” protest” vote, like the Magats didn’t make it perfectly clear that they were going to be far, far worse on Palestine. And the Latinos and black men who went for him, knowing what a racist bag of dicks he has always been. Roaches for Raid. Jews for Hitler. But the people who sat it out, after already living through 4 years of the clown show, and despite every possible warning about Project 2025, are almost as bad. I hate them all. Unfortunately, we’re all going to suffer for their stupidity.

Doktor Zymm

I’m just hoping this is enough to tip things back the other way

ballsofsteelandfury

Re: the “folks who glorify” pimps

I think it’s very similar to the way the cartels are glorified in Mexico to the extent that they write corridos about them.

There are certain pimps, Butters undoubtedly being one of them, that take care of their sex workers and are well-known in the neighborhood as people trying to help the community.

Cartels, you may or may not know, provide better employment and benefit opportunities than the government in many Mexican states.

I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s reality.

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Jimbo

Yes, I do believe i know what you are saying.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not sure I’ve ever really heard of a ‘nice pimp’ in any context. There’s just no reason for a sex worker to voluntarily have a pimp. People who run higher end escort services and such that actually do provide some amount of protection and help with logistics aren’t really considered to be pimps.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sex workers in the streets absolutely need protection. That’s what the pimp does.

Doktor Zymm

There’s no evidence that ever actually happens with street prostitution, and there’s even some evidence of the opposite where people are forced to go with clients they don’t feel are safe

Doktor Zymm

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/1467-9566.ep11434434

It’s especially true nowadays where anyone who isn’t already vulnerable has lots of options that don’t involve streetwalking, but even before that pimps were not the only or preferred option for staying safe.

This is a fascinating quick read about interviews with Glasgow women working the streets in the early 90s

Gumbygirl

I’ve never actually hired a streetwalker, but I’m pretty sure the pimps don’t get in the car with them.

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! rightly notice that Sippy Kupp is on the downslope of the aging curve, slowing down, and overpaid.

And then they give Davante Adams’ corpse 2/$46M

ballsofsteelandfury

Taco Bell is based in Irvine…

King Hippo

teh pieces sure fit

SonOfSpam

I feel like ALL IN this year.

Need some defense in the draft plus a tackle, and if everyone’s healthy, this is clearly the best team in the division.

Jimbo

Don’t sleep on the Card….hahaha never mind. I’m going to a Rammit game this year with a buddy trying to decide between Hox or 49ers..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I was writing last week’s Request Line I was trying to think of all four teams in the NFC West and I shit you not it took me a good five minutes to remember the Cardinals.

King Hippo

Metcalf to Yinzburgh, eh?

Last edited 3 hours ago by King Hippo
ballsofsteelandfury

The funny thing is he said that he wanted to play in warm weather…

King Hippo

I mean, pretty doggone warm in September, I’d bet!

Jimbo

The money will keep him warm.

Gumbygirl

Oh Christ, we’re gonna go with Wilson. Here comes another mediocre season.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think part of the negotiations with Metcalf involved the phrase, “No fucking Wilson!”

Gumbygirl

Let us pray.

Mr. Ayo

HOX East!

Redshirt

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WCS

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Gumbygirl

Isn’t that just like yer Bungles? Start with a BANG, then finish with a whimper

Redshirt

We started?

Doktor Zymm

That is a lot of Us! I wonder who will be throwing to him?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What the fuck is Bluechew?

Doktor Zymm

The chewing tobacco that dog from Blue’s Clues uses

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, boner pills. Excellent marketing, Bluechew, you got me to look it up.

Redshirt

The pill the doctor gives to someone who took a Happy Time Pill four hours ago with no happy time?

King Hippo

Did the reasonably popular option with The Canadia’s LaboUr nomination?

Jimbo

I just read Mark Carney will be the next PM, good jerb Canadia. I think.

ballsofsteelandfury

My understanding is that’s only until a general election is called and it has to be called by October.

Doktor Zymm

I feel like I should put $5 on whoever the clubhouse votes for as CONCACAF champs

ballsofsteelandfury

National teams or Concacaf Champions League?

Doktor Zymm

Either
I’ll probably be in Vegas at the end of June for some WSOP stuff so that’s after both finals

Last edited 4 hours ago by Doktor Zymm
ballsofsteelandfury

I’d go USA for Nations League and Miami for Champions League.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, are you playing in WSOP? Or is someone else we know?

Last edited 3 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Doktor Zymm

Group trip for one of the small buy in events. You would know if you ever played anymore!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know, I suck.

Jimbo

I’ll go with Uruguay.

IMG_7176
Jimbo

Oops, I guess they’re not in Concacaf.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t realize Concacaf were such bigots.

Redshirt

(Trump immediately signs an Executive Order changing Uraguay to Uramerica)

Doktor Zymm

What’s Transylvania gonna be? Cisylvania?

Jimbo

Came across this story, we are living in a true idiocracy.

https://www.newsweek.com/military-remove-enola-gay-photos-dei-rules-2041029

Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake
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ballsofsteelandfury

Just ordered it in the original Spanish from Amazon. Looking forward to it!

ballsofsteelandfury

Will need to read the original Spanish version. Gotta be a totally different experience.

Re: The Trade

I agree in that it would be nice to be able to have a discussion about it without the automatic assumption/disclaimer about trafficking, minors, non-consensual work.

Doktor Zymm

I suspect that you can use the term ‘sex work’ itself to figure out who is worth attempting to have a discussion with. If people are happy to use the term they’re quite likely to be reasonable

WCS

I see the wolven sort canned their coach, a season after a Final Four run. I also see they’re looking into Will Wade as a potential replacement. Hippo, you do NOT want that guy within 50 miles of your athletic program. He’s the basketball equivalent of Bobby Petrino, but with less success on the actual field (court) of play.
He cannot win without breaking NCAA rules, and has a history of getting past success scrubbed from his record.

King Hippo

Oh, we (the fans, not necessarily the administration) want him. He welcomes the “Black Hat” role, and there ain’t no rules no more.

Besides, we got maybe 7 years before the ACC completely dies, so we might as well push our chips into the centre of the table.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is 7 when the Grant of Rights expires?

King Hippo

yup, though it could still blow up sooner. And unlike the Holes, we have made ZERO contingency plans for this inevitability.

fleshwound_NPG

kc chiefs: wait, they respond more positively to straight cash, homie? *takes notes*

sharks-refs-hundy