Monday Morning Mock Drafts: Big Intro!

Guten Tag, Drones.

Taking a break from attempting to remove rodents from various pieces of water-sports (points at Balls:  not one word) equipment and watching Hellesuck destroy any hopes and dreams Litre might once have had to put together this morning’s work week distraction.

Seriously, Hellebuyck, suck more why don’t you?

Today’s topic comes from Yeah Right, who when not reading recipes is reading books.  Last night he suggested something like “best opening lines of a book” and I said, “hell yeah, another week I don’t have to do any thinking!”

So that’s what you’re drafting, opening lines from any book you think worthy of consideration.  ideally the draftee should be the first sentence, and only the first sentence, but I’m willing to consider 2-3 lines if they really bring that certain Jenny say Qua, or whatever it is the French are yapping about.

Yeah Right is taking the opening line of John Steinbeck’s ‘Cannery Row’ which I forgot but, being an erudite fellow, I happen to have a copy of, so here you are:

“Steinbeck’s epic California novels deconstruct the visionary and edenic West.”

Well, that kind of sucks.  Not sure what Yeah Right is thi…

Oh.  Oh that’s the introduction.  Never mind.  Way to grab the reader for Penguin Classics, Susan Shillinglaw.  Susan goes on like this for 20 pages.  I bet she killed it in English 101.

The actual opening line is as follows:  “Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream.”

Also there are dames, but you have to (and by all mean should) read the book to get to that part.

For my pick I will take what I think is the only possibility for #1 in this draft, even more than, say, not making Jamarcus Russell the #1 in a professional football draft, and take Herman Melville’s ‘Moby Dick’:  “Call me Ishmael.”

There’s a sentence that grabs you by the lapels and screams at you to read hundreds of pages about man’s Promethean need to fight his gods, and also a lot of stuff about whales that doesn’t have a whole lot to do with the story.

The rest of you are on the clock.