Monday Morning Mock Draft: That’s Not My Name, But It May As Well Be

Guten tag, drones.

First of all, big ups to Internet Dad, who came back with the milk long enough to get the DFO Hamster back on the wheel, before once again leaving to get cigarettes.  Or something.  Someday the Rams will go back to St. Louis and Internet Dad will get his cigarettes delivered, like a 21st Century man should.

This week, inspired by a conversation during one of the open posts over the last couple of weeks, we’re drafting sports nicknames.  If the individual plays or participates in sports, and they have a nickname, you can draft it.  The only qualification is it has to be widely recognized, not something relatively unique to you.  For instance, Aroldis Chapman’s widely recognized, (and kind of awesome), nickname is ‘The Cuban Missile’ and not, as you might think if you were at my house during any post-season when he was pitching for the Yankees ‘OhChristNotThisAssholeAgain.’

So I’m trying to remember who brought this topic up, but it revolved around the catcher for the Seattle Mariners, Cal Raleigh, and his nickname ‘The Big Dumper,’ in part likely due to his habit if dumping a lot of balls in the seats, and in part due to his ample behind.  Maybe it was Mr. Ayo.  Anyway, that’s the first pick.

The second pick comes from Rikki Tikke Deadly, who followed that up with the Cleveland Guardian’s Jjohnkensy Noel’s ‘Big Xmas’ nickname, which is very cool.  He’s the second pick.

With the third pick I will take one of the all-time great baseball players, Lou Gehrig, a/k/a The Iron Horse.  Fuck ALS.

The rest of you are on the clock.