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Bouncing Forward – A Preseason Sunday Open Etc. Etc.

Don T

/

The end of the 2025 offseason fills my soul with a freshness like… Like a rotating desk fan would, blowing air in my soul’s face NOW then no. No no NOW no no etc. etc. I mean, it’s great that training camps are open, for sure. But when news about your team are a mix of “Eh”s and “Waaaaa”s about players practicing in shorts—Cristo DIOSSS [clenches fingers choking style]. Zero training camp whelm can compel neurotic NFL fans to put on the morose swimming cap and then dive head first into the Life Is Shit lagoon.

Although I could be overgeneralizing. Gotta disclose that I started to read Crime and Punishment last month. Russian novels are tough for me, but god damn nobody does bleak like the Rus. Oh yeah, I finished C & P this time around (3rd stab at it), and felt fully depressed for three complete days afterwards. Wellness experts recommend posting your Ws: oo hoo go me

So while I am happy content stable ok fucking losing it about the NFL season starting next month, I’ve yet to feel a tinge of WOOOOO FITBAW just yet. Which I’m sure will happen, or at least I’m taking measures about it. This is my plan: Imma continue to be an emotionally unbalanced individual so that, when the time comes (Week 2 win maybe?), unabated glee will torrent forth fed by deluded optimism or narcotics.*

* classic and/or situation, but #Fuck&Or

Truly, composure is wasted on ecstasy, however illusory or expired.

NFL NEWS

-Buffalo Bings WR Khalil Shakir is week to week with a high ankle sprain. The source was HC Sean McDermott, which makes it definite: the downer theme of the post continues.

-Dolphins starting G Austin Jackson got stepped on during practice. Silver lining: “his recovery timeline doesn’t seem to be into the regular season.

-RAAAAIIIII DUUUUURS safety Lonnie Johnson Jr. suffered a broken fibula on Saturday after a collision with Maxx Crosby. Very Las Vegas-y, emphasis on DUUUUUURRRRR.

-Second Amendment Watch: Chargers LB Denzel Perryman was arrested on Friday during a traffic stop in which five firearms were discovered, two of which were assault rifles. Should’ve said he was reinforcements for the NFL Media compound in L.A. [takes bow, blows kiss]

 

SPROTS SPROTS SPROTS

Mm. Oversold it by one sprots. Still, solid contests for the degenerate gambler. All times Central.

GRANDES LIGAS

Tigres (Morton) @ Filis (Sánchez) – 6:00

 

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Home team first #obvio

ARGENTINA

Ferro Carril [sic] Oeste v. All Boys – 6:15

BRASIL

Internacional v. São Paulo – 6:30

 

COLOMBIA

Independiente Medellín v. Millonarios – 6:20

Águilas Doradas v. Fortaleza CEIF – 8:30

 

COSTA RICA

Alajuelense v. Guadalupe – 7:00

ECUADOR

Libertad v. Emelec – 6:00

GUATEMALA

Comunicaciones v. Guastatoya – 6:00

HONDURAS

UPNFM v. CD Choloma – 7:15

UNIVERSITY WOLVES AAA OOOOOO!1!1

 

VENEZUELA

Universidad Central v. Portuguesa – 6:30

 

LEAGUE CUP NORTEAMÉRICA

 Uf. Full slate:

Charlotte FC v. Guadalajara – 6:50

NY Red Bulls v. Monterrey – 7:30 (in Ohio)

Colorado rapids v. Tijuana – 8:30

Seattle Sounders v. Santos – 9:30

LA Galaxy v. Cruz Azul- 9:30

Don’t say it, Litre. Don’t say it.

 

FINALLY,

It goes without saying that I’m bonkers about the 11th NFL season on DFO & THERFOR getting to shoot the shit with alla youse about organized violence. Plus embarrass myself further in FF, which is a better outlet for self-sabotage than casinos. As to DFO, for me, there is still no finer and welcoming web community than this here. And I solemnly promise: if I ever lose my marbles, I’ll do it here first.

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-74Hg925BrE

The Yankees are hysterical. They’re The Three Stooges skit of this decade.

3
WCS

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Unsurprised

Not gonna be more negative, so anyway, I bought Ten Days That Shook the World.

My contrarianism gets such a jolt whenever I visit Powell’s because it’s so liberal, which manages to annoy me from both the left and the right.

Last weekend I harangued some poor info desk worker because one of the staff picks was James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces and I genuinely took that personally. The conversation kept getting worse the more he kept talking in response. Good times.

https://exiledonline.com/a-million-pieces-of-shit/

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rockingdog

Looking forward to the new Superman movie & the new Naked Gun movie.

Both seem Rockinggggg!

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Unsurprised

The FTL chase scene in Fantastic Four is pretty good if you’re on the fence with that one. I don’t know if they reused the black hole from Interstellar or what but the space effects were dope. The rest was good enough.

Superman was fine. Anything closer to All-Star Superman than Man of Steel is a win.

I just don’t like Liam Neeson or Seth MacFarlane, so I have no opinion on Naked Gun. But the teaser OJ joke was funny.

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rockingdog

Update: Ummm apparently Texas Governor Greg Abbott says he will remove from office any Democrats that do not show up tomorrow…

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Mr. Ayo

Not sure that’s how it works, but go off Greg.

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blaxabbath

Yeah right.

That guy stands for nothing.

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

If you put the DOGE guys on a desert island where the only way out was to say the magic words “I’m not sure what the answer is, let me consult someone who has worked on this problem for a long time” they would all starve to death

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Horatio Cornblower

When do we start?

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litre_cola

If you enjoy joy meltdowns the Cowboys reddit is for u

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Mr. Ayo

“Nothing to lose sleep over”

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WCS

Do tell…

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Unsurprised

Evergreen

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litre_cola

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Unsurprised

As long as sheee ………….

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Doktor Zymm

It’s amazing how many wildfires you can spot flying over the western US when it’s somewhat dark out. Just spotted my third in the last month or so

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Doktor Zymm

I think that’s all of the flights where I had a window seat and wasn’t asleep now that I think about it

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WCS

Think about how many people you’re directly above that are banging right now.

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Doktor Zymm

Probably mostly wildlife right now, but I bet there’s a ton of rodent sex going on down there!

And now I’m also wondering how many planes have cumulatively been overhead when I’ve been getting laid

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Depends on what time you’ve been getting laid, really. Kobe Bryant’s final flight went right over my house and now I’m wondering if I was getting lucky at the same time he was getting unlucky.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On that note, on the show Supernatural people who sold their souls would get ten years to enjoy their deal before the crossroads demon came to collect. But the date of Kobe’s death (Jan 26, 2020) minus ten (or fifteen, or twenty) years doesn’t really match up with any significant turning point in his career, as far as I can tell.

My conclusion is that he didn’t sell his soul; he was just an asshole rapist who was also extremely good at basketball and perfectly fit the mold of what marketing folks were looking for as a face of the league at the time.

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Doktor Zymm

Annoying how the boring answer is so obviously the correct one sometimes

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Horatio Cornblower

So on the recommendation of Yeah Right I purchased the book ‘Donnybrook’, started reading it last night finished it at 1:40 this morning. Couldn’t put it down, even though it is a tough, tough read. But very good.

Tonight I tracked the movie that was adapted from the book down and I’m about a half hour in and holy god this might be the worst fucking movie ever made. It’s awful. Worse than awful. Other than the title and some names it seems to have very little in common with the book.

So in a couple of weeks look for a mock draft of “Worst Book-To-Movie Adaptations Ever.”

I expect Stephen King to figure prominently but I have a pretty goddamn good idea what’s going #1.

(book is still really good, and I hope the author cashed a nice fat check for the movie rights, then never watched the movie)

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yeah right

Glad you liked the book.

It was a freight train.

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Horatio Cornblower

The book was fucking great, and I appreciate the recommendation.

This movie is Thomas The Fucking Tank Engine in comparison.

“Oh, you know what would be great? If Jarhead brought his son along! Hey, the book takes place in Indiana, so slap Ohio license plates on all the cars and see if anyone notices! (I noticed). Hey! Remember the really cool Chinese psychopath with all the neat torture stuff? Fuck him, he and his storyline are outta here! Hey! Remember Chainsaw Angus and his cool backstory? He’s just Angus now, fuck his backstory, and we cast Frank Grillo as him and still managed to make him boring as fuck! Hey! Remember Liz, with the body made of sin? We changed her name to Deliah and cast Margaret Qualley for the role and while I’m sure Ms. Qualley is a lovely woman, she has the body of a 14-year-old girl, which among certain current occupants of the White House probably has more than a little appeal, but which among certain members of the DFO clubhouse who paid $3.99 to rent this waste of celluloid has them thinking they paid $2.94 too much.

Oh, also we made the cop a meth addict. For reasons.”

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2Pack

Great idea, gonna start thinkin about those now and jot down a list.

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Mr. Ayo

That is a great book. Glad I didn’t know about the movie. I”ll make sure to avoid it.

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Horatio Cornblower

It actually managed to get worse from the description above, which I wrote when I still had a half hour to go.

Mrs. Horatio asked me if I was OK and when I said yes followed up with “then why are you swearing at the TV so much?”

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DJ TAJ

I LOVED DONNYBROOK. The movie sucked the only redeeming value was the swimming scene featuring a very scantly glad Margaret Qualley.

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Horatio Cornblower

Full frontal, and they still managed to fuck that up from the book, which makes the point that she kept her naughty bits shaved, yet here’s Ms. Qualley sporting a charming merkin.

Which she probably had to do to keep that ‘R’ rating.

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DJ TAJ

I love me some merkin now!

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2Pack

If you do lose the marbles… We are here to help you find them… After kicking them under the couch to draw things out and overdo it… Clubhouse style. Well done Sir.

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Redshirt

Sanity is only a state of mind and a limitation.

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rockingdog

Apparently all the elected democrats in Texas broke a Quorum & left the state and are in Illinois/Chicago.

Whoa.

Last edited 8 months ago by rockingdog
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Redshirt

Why Chicago, though? Why drag Da Pope into this?

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Gatoraids

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4YrCFz0Kfc

Think has to do with a super gerrymander in Texas, that dems will be too chicken to counter in NY and Cali

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Unsurprised

Oregon passed a law last year that makes legislators who missed too many votes ineligible for re-election to stop the Republicans from pulling this shit.

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Gatoraids

And protection of Big Daddy Pritzker, Gavin would send them back to Texas

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blaxabbath

Oh? Are they also avoiding session because they can’t face the fact that their messiah is a proven child rapist and the receipts are all right there?

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Doktor Zymm

I’ll wave if I see them! And maybe get them to take some Malort back to Texas

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Horatio Cornblower

Per Twitter, (so take that for what it’s worth), 2 Democratic state senators in their very late 70’s stayed behind.

Further proof that The Onion was right to publish that editorial years ago “If The Heat Doesn’t Kill The Elderly I Will”

https://theonion.com/if-the-heat-doesnt-kill-the-elderly-i-will-1819584213/

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Unsurprised

George W. Bush illegally sent Texas Rangers into New Mexico to kidnap a man the governor wouldn’t extradite.

Trump will send the Marshals for them even if they’re on Mars.

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Redshirt

Can someone explain this controversy to me because I’m rather confused her.

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Mr. Ayo

She has nice jeans.

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litre_cola

Canadian tuxedo no?

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Unsurprised

Southeast Washington, but close enough

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Unsurprised

And never has to show her tits again. But we’ll always have Euphoria and The Voyeurs clips.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw something on Fox News about a “liberal freakout” with regards to the ad campaign and I’m convinced they just made it up out of thin air so they’d have something to talk about other than the fact that our president is a pedophile rapist.

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Redshirt

Nah, some libtards are freaking out because it implies eugenics and white peoples and…it’s gets dumber from there. It’s legit because CNN reported it. But yes, it is drawing attention from the fact our President was either best friends with a pedophile rapist at best or a participant at worst.

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Horatio Cornblower

The internet was a mistake.

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litre_cola

But then where would I get my menthol smokes and random footy paraphernalia?

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Horatio Cornblower

OK, fair.

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blaxabbath

Oh no — the President is a child rapist. That’s not even a question.

I’d argue Mr “and may everyday be a wonderful secret” was as pushed around by Epstein as he is by Putin.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s legit because CNN reported it.

I mean CNN will platform any viewpoint that will get hate watches/clicks. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the far left is doing their part to advance fascism by embracing the most idiotic crap imaginable.

2
Unsurprised

He was also a money launderer, blackmailer, political operative, and intelligence asset for either the CIA or Mossad or both. Most people assume Mossad because Ghislaine’s father, Robert, was a big fucking rat for them until they kill him on his yacht and inspired a Bond villain. Given how indebted he is to Miriam Adelson and Netanyahu (Mueller is a dunce, but he did someone find collusion with Israel, which makes sense. Collusion with Russia is so verifiably untrue and counter to every action he’s taken towards Russia as president that I feel bad for people who still believe this Russiagate hoax bullshit), it also makes sense that he’s covering for them. But the potential is that he’s protecting a lot of people who he can also use this to squeeze.

I genuinely wish this scandal is as big as it could be and implicates basically every western politician, billionaire, and techbro since the 90s. But it will just fizzle out like a wet fart.

Of course I also think Trump is gay only for himself, hence why Melania’s surgery has made her look more like him, but that’s the least important part of this.

Last edited 8 months ago by Unsurprised
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BeefReeferLives

Pretty much…

“Meanwhile, Semafor political reporter Dave Weigel explained how MAGA media was creating a manufactured outrage cycle about Democrats complaining about the Sweeney ad when exactly no prominent party officials had said anything about it.
“I have looked for a single Dem with an opinion on the AE ad and literally can’t find one. It’s just ‘the left’ which is a stand-in for ‘what Democrats really think.’ The ask seems to be that Dems condemn Twitter randos if they say something crazy,” he noted on Thursday.”

https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/fox-news-sydney-sweeney-epstein-b2799978.html

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Doktor Zymm

Don’t you remember when all the Nazis decided that her tits would cure ‘woke’ somehow?

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Unsurprised

Some people suck.

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Horatio Cornblower

Dennis Rodman’s daughter is frighteningly good at soccer.

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Unsurprised

Rebounding skills are inheritable?

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blaxabbath

Hawaiin Yinzers out in force.

1000020668
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Gumbygirl

We are legion.

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WCS

Yinz’ll find us all’o’er, n’at.

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Redshirt

(looks at watch)
Me: “Its 8:15; 30 minutes to sunset.”
ADD: “No problem. You wanted to mow the lawn and vacuum the pool, but you wasted a day doing nothing.”
OCD: “Yeah, but now the grass is going to get even taller. Unless you wake up early one morning and do it.”
Me: “Good point.” (runs out and grabs lawn mower)

—-

ADD: “Okay, the front lawn is moved so the neighbors will be impressed, but its 8:35. Best put the lawn mower away and leave the back yard to next weekend. Its behind a fence.”
OCD: “Yeah, but now you’ll have to throw the grass clippings into long grass. That’ll be annoying.”
Me: “Good point.” (restarts mower and quickly does backyard)
ADD: “Will you stop it, OCD?!”

—-

ADD: “Okay, the lawn is mowed. Good for you, Redshirt. Veni. Vidi. Vi-grassi”
OCD: “Yeah, but there’s still some light. You can probably get the pool vacuumed and wash off the sweat and grass clippings.”
ADD: “Ha! But he’ll have to change into his swim trucks to do that.”
OCD: “Yeah, but he’s gonna do that anyway because they are sweaty and covered in grass.”
Me: “Good point.” (proceeds to change into trunks and vacuum the pool)
ADD: “Stop it with your ‘Yeah, but…”s already!”

—-

ADD: “Okay, we moved the grass and vacuumed the pool in the dark.”
Me: “I guess I’ll take care of this Tool Bridge Bill from two months ago.”
ADD: (stares at OCD)
OCD: “Yeah, but that wasn’t me-” (ADD proceeds to strangle OCD while I pay my overdue bill)

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Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio: “Are we going to have another fire tonight like you said?”

Me: “Nah”

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Horatio Cornblower

(to be clear, Mrs. Horatio didn’t give a shit one way or the other and I’d just spent 3 hours kayaking)

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Tool Bridge Bill? I haven’t seen him since we all went our separate ways after that derailment outside of Topeka.” – Jim Tomsula

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Doktor Zymm

I buy it

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scotchnaut

What do biblical scholars and Styx in 1981 have in common?

/Too much time on their hands

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Unsurprised

Is time code for a fine white powder?

0
rockingdog

Got stoned & watched the first 2 Captain America movies. Winter Soldier is pretty Rockinggg!

2
litre_cola

Russia 1940ish

0
litre_cola

Oh yeah. There is a vacancy in Ligue 2. We have 13 of 14. Lurkers. Hit Lemonjello or I up

0
Doktor Zymm

I recommend Russian novels to depressed friends instead of self-help books because no matter how bad things are at least you don’t live in Russia so there is hope

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litre_cola

All you have done for me is make me want to move to the south of France. (Due to books you see)

Last edited 8 months ago by litre_cola
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Doktor Zymm

People who enjoy a good meal and nice wine get an entirely different category of recommendation!

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litre_cola

We have read all 14 books.

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Doktor Zymm

I haven’t read the newest one yet since I’ve been reading the Brunetti series, but I’m on the last one (#33!) so will catch up on other books soon

0
litre_cola

I did not love #1 from her am.going to try #2. Easy read

0
Doktor Zymm

She definitely has Points of View on certain things, but she gives a great picture of the city. No recipes unfortunately and less meal description than in a lot of these types of books, but still enough to make you hungry usually

0
scotchnaut

“Lower Strained Back Cancer” is a bitch.

1
BeefReeferLives

Les Nessman will piss on all of our graves.

0
Redshirt

He was never the same after the turkeys.

1
King Hippo

YYYYYYAAAAAASSSSSS, dive in the water(y poop) is fine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYQ9sMWY-WE

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