Yeah My Team Sucks. And? – Sunday Preseason Etc. Etc.

With the new season in the horizon, we must prepare. Inhale though your nose for four seconds; hold it for seven seconds while asking yourself if you’re a fan of a shitty team; and exhale for eight seconds while ruminating on whether your team will stink the NFL experience by being trounced by the Ravens on a random Thursday Night. If you’re among those fans of crap teams, and you come to me for guidance, my apologies: the Tits don’t do TNF on ’25.

Pretext for Sgt. Santiago gif aside, Imma help, ok?

My method requires, preliminarily, defining the problem. For example, “My team is an overflowing wheelbarrow of Ls—what is wrong with me?” And now we can start to solve that problem while you’re vulnerable and therefore easier to manipulate.

First of all, it’s your team. Your. Team. Whether it’s out of country, hometown, family origins, legendary almost-lay, gambling windfall, puppy birthplace—whatever; it’s your team. Every human, in every culture, appreciates total loyalty, be it cloistered monks or women watching men holding purses in malls. Turning to sports: so you follow the Cowboys no matter what. Maybe expand your social circle to zealots of all kinds, to find peers in totally shitheaded devotions.

Second, hey: you don’t own the team, or are the GM, or a coach, or run the socials. So anything wrong with the team is not your fault. You just follow the concept: these outstanding players, despite fuckhead managing and not-lose coaching, will validate every moment I’ve spent poring over team news and shows, and press conference snippets and practice tiktoks stumbled upon—forever and eveL, amén. You gotta believe in something dammit.

NFL NEWS

-Minnesota Vikings WR Rondale Moore suffered a “heartbreaking” left knee injury on his first play of practice. Just after returning from rehabbing a “major” injury on the right knee last year. Minnesota. First play of practice. The other knee. The Vikings. It’s a known story, the kind that makes publishers go “Pass. Too unbelievably bad mojo.”

[Personally, I’m high on the Vikes for ‘25. Might have the best coaching staff of the 32s. Total Odd Couple vibes among coaches, with HC O’Connell being a congenial Oscar Madison to Brian Flores’ Terminator I.]

-RAMMITT’s Matthew Stafford may—nah, not yet news. Oh? Well then: here, quench your inquirin’ mind-ah.

-Lions S Morice Norris was taken off in a stretcher during the preseason game with the Falcons. Yesterday het texted on IG “I’m all good man don’t stress”, which is great as an update and double great as an exhortation.

-That video WCS posted yesterday: yes! Cam Little, the Jags K, nailed a 70-yard FG field goal, longest in National Football Lee history.

-Jags heat Part Too: against the Stillers, rookie Travis Hunter did a David Bowie and played both ways. That and other preseason midlights here.

-Sleeper handcuff RB Tyjae Spears will miss the rest of the preseason with a high ankle sprain. This is the kind of niche fantasy analysis you can only get from a fan of the Titans. Which is a NFL franchise, with a stadium and clueless ownership and everything.

-Speaking of clueless ownership, the RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUURS are after my heart

This photo goes unbelievably hard pic.twitter.com/wzSLphI4hf

— Bussin' With The Boys (@BussinWTB) August 8, 2025

Renegades are most definitely adorable. From afar. Duh.

SPROTS TONITE

Tonight, good contests in which to bet a twenny or a soul. Not talking about anybody usually here, obviously. Only people with souls have to only login in once.

Per fiscal year. All times Central.

WNBA

Seattle @ los Angeles – 7:00

Connecticut @ Las Vegas – 8:00

GRANDES LIGAS

Ositos (Imanaga) @ Cardenales (Gray) – 6:00

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Argentina

Argentinos Juniors v. Unión (Santa Fe)

Bolivia

 Aurora v. Guabirá – 6:30

 Brasil

Grệmio v. Sport – 6:30

Colombia

 Llaneros v. Independiente Medellín – 7:30

 Costa Rica

 Alajuelense v. Herediano – 6:00

Ecuador

 El Nacional v. Barcelona SC

 Guatemala

 Municipal v. Comunicaciones – 6:00

Marquense v. Copa Imperial – 8:00

Honduras

 Olimpia v. Juticalpa – 6:15

 Secsi Mexi

 Pumas UNAM v. Necaxa – 7:00

Santos v. Guadalajara – 9:05

U.S.A.

 Orlando City v. Inter Miami – 7:00

LA Galaxy v. Seattle Sounders – 9:00

Venezuela

 Academia Puerto Cabello v. Universidad Central – 7:30

FINALLY,

so you wanna switch teams. I don’t think there is any law against it. And even if there were, heh heh. Have you seen the news? This is a most glorious time for lawlessness.

Enjoy yourself, don’t let anybody take the shine off your choices.