Hey.
Welcome back to the Wee Baby Seamus Memorial Fantasy Football Leagues Update for the 2025-2026 season, brought to you by the Department of War, DOGE, and FBI Informants everywhere. Can we keep this our wonderful secret? Great.
Week 1 is in the books. The actual footballing is complete and it’s now time to look at your roster and make drastic, wholesale changes in what will ultimately be a futile attempt to make up for your poor life draft choices.
First up, Freezer Vodka League:
Week 1 Match Ups
Week 1 Standings
Lowratio League:
Week 1 Match Ups
Week 1 Standings
Lowratio League Blowout of the Weak
Look, it’s Week 1, we’ve got winners, we’ve got losers. There’s barely enough information available to us at this early juncture to know who will win next week much less form any facts-based opinions on whose making the playoffs/promotion cut-off and whose in danger of relegation, though RFK Jr believes there’s a link between using the autodraft and autism, and that NFL mascots are trying to drain our precious essences and life forces.
Right now, the competition is stiffer than JD Vance in an Ashley Furniture Store showroom.
Who earns promotion from Lowratio League to Freezer Vodka League? Who will be relegated and replaced in the senior league this year? Tune in to find out!
Until Next Time!
Breaking MSNBC news is that the shooter, who remember, hit a small target dead center from 200 yards, was likely using a rifle.
Nice job, guys. Fucking nailed it.
“Preliminary reports that they used a force propelled sling-shot were incorrect and we sincerely apologize to King David and his descendants for our editorial ‘Giant Arms Race: Shepard Boy of Blood’.”
Where’s Luigi Mangione?
Oh, right.
I’m going to take back what I said about our nation’s malcontents needing marksmanship lessons, because if this shooter got Kirk in the center of the neck from 200+ yards out that’s a hell of a shot.
I am, however, also going to reiterate my previous position that our nation’s malcontents should not be able to lay their hands on a gun without first passing a test at least as tough as a driver’s license test.
WELP
The Prove Me Wrong Tour?
Kirk: “Some gun-related deaths are necessary to prove our great Second Amendment! Prove me wrong!!” (POW) “gurk-gurgle-gurk”
Gotta say, that second guy’s argument seems awfully persuasive.
Thoughts and prayers
Appropos of nothing, Utah is a “shall issue” state, where no permit, background check, or registration is required before the sale of a gun.
When I took a class to get a gun permit (not to FBI, I did not wind up getting a gun, although I passed the class because I stayed awake the whole time) it would also have been registered to get a Utah-issue concealed carry permit, which something like 19 states would have honored.
This country is so stupid.
Suck it and your C+, Yahoo.
Please think oof Charlie Kirk during this difficult time.
Oh I am, since I’ve since learned that he got it in the neck and is in critical condition.
Well, to paraquote some asshole, gun deaths are unfortunate but worth it to perserve the Second Amendment.
That asshole is Charlie Kirk.
Arnie voice “I’ll be back.”
AJ Brown fucked me good week 1
Somehow I survived Brown, so thanks Justin Fields!
woohooo nawt in the relegation zone*!!
*yet