We missed the first couple weeks of the season but, hey, we aren’t being outlasted by Rudy Giuliani. Which is more than can be said for SOME people who were recognized at a capacity event at the Arizona Cardinals Stadium this weekend.
For any of you who are new to the Quotables format, it’s pretty simple: post your caption submission in the comments and we will recognize the winners on Friday’s results post. All gifs are hosted on [DFO] so — actually, I was told to provide this information to you long ago and I don’t actually understand why it is useful. But, like everything else around here these days — have fun with it. Or don’t. Just be #upforwhatever. And with that noted we may or may not have reached our word limit so now please find below your Week 3 Quotables submissions.
[…] — submissions are here. Below are your Week 3 Quotables […]
So happy this is back!!
“Tolbert would have just lost this in the Sun for a pick at home anyways.”
-Joe Milton III
I walk my dog every day. Tucker’s closing in on 10, but he’s got the energy of a puppy so we’ll do 2-3 miles easy, sometimes more.
We run into a lot of dogs on our walks. Some he gets along with, some not so much. One I had to kick when she tried to bite him. So it goes.
One of his favorites is Nikki. Tucker sees Nikki walking towards him and he gets all excited, hauls on his leash until they’re next to each other, then it’s a tail wagging, nose touching, butt sniffing party. Great pals, them.
But Nikki is old. Like 15+ old. Which for dogs is “uh-oh” territory.
Today, as we head down our usual street we run into one of Nikki’s owners.
Without Nikki.
Uh-oh.
She tells us that Nikki is being put down Thursday. Her age has caught up with her, she’s blind, has no bowel/bladder control, not eating, the whole thing. They’d rather get it done a little too soon than make her hold on a little too long.
We commiserate.
Tucker tries to eat roadkill.
We move on.
Now, when we get in the woods I generally let Tucker choose the trails and I just follow along. He has his usual routes and, generally speaking, if we start in one direction I can pretty much tell where we’ll wind up.
Not today.
Today we take the most bizarre route through the woods he’s ever taken. We basically did a figure 8.
We come out at the bottom of Nikki’s street. We walk by Nikki’s house.
Just as Nikki comes out from the house with her owner for one last, (and very slow), walk up and down the driveway.
Tucker runs up to sniff at her, tail wagging, all excited. Nikki sniffs at him and pees herself, then tries to follow us. It was very sad, but at the same time, because the Universe worked its way into that collection of synapses Tucker laughingly calls a brain and had us do a loop-the-loop through the woods and come out at the exact right spot at the exact right time, Tucker got to see his friend one last time.
And I ask, now with a bit of a lump in my throat, if the Universe can do that, then WHY THE FUCK CAN’T IT WAIT UNTIL THE ESCALATOR HAS ACCELERATED HALF WAY TO THE NEXT LEVEL BEFORE LURCHING TO A SUDDEN STOP SO THAT ANYONE ON IT, INCLUDING HYPOTHETICALLY AN ORANGE MENACE TO ALL HUMANITY, GOES FLYING FORWARD AND HYPOTHETICALLY CRACKS THEIR HYPOTHETICAL HEAD OPEN ON THE STEEL RUNGS OF SAID ESCALATOR SO WE CAN ALL HYPOTHETICALLY FEAST ON THE HYPOTHETICAL GOO INSIDE!?!?!?!?
Because that would quite frankly be a better use of your time, Universe.
Still, appreciate the effort today.
Yeah but for WHICH Cowboys back-breaking INT does this apply?
Cute kid blax
“Bah gawd! That’s Trent Green’s music. He’s purple monkey dishwasher!”
Atlanta putting up the kind of defense they’re known for since the Civil War
Just look at that [REDACTED] acting like a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] on the sideline. Just a [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] that should know his [REDACTED] place in the natural order. I’m so [REDACTED][REDACTED] that this [REDACTED] can get away with this [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] that I want to [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]!
-Any Current Cabinet Member
Obligatory:
QUOTABLES IS BACK, BABY!
“grumblegrumbleIbetshecouldteachJordonathingortwogrumblegrumble”
A guy takes a brutal shot like that on live tv and the GOP will really want to make him a Saint.
Russell Wilson: “That drive should at least leave the lesbos smiling.”
“Come on you guys, enough with the jokes. That woman is probably someone’s mother, and she looks like she could use some consoling.” – Zach Wilson
“We have the watch, and I’ll see you in Valhalla.”
-K. Patel, Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation
Why wait until Thanksgiving for your Romo-itis?
“I might not be able to attend Charlie Kirk’s funeral due to a scheduling conflict, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still put a white dude into the ground.”
*chef’s kiss*
So. Damn. Good.
I’ll make that gif
“WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOTTDAMMED STARS??? I WAS PROMISED BEARSENSCHIESSE! YEEEEHAAWWwwwww I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!”
-Ol’DubbleJ
I haven’t seen a Cowboy get roughed up by a Bear like this since Buddy Cole’s “Gay 20’s” themed party
I mean come on “Roaring 20’s” (cause Bears, duh) was RIGHT THERE.
Sad that the Vikings still need to share this message with their fans, YEAH RIGHT!
“Everybody’s been bagging on poor Jerrah for trading away Micah, so I’m going to be a good employee and do something to get his mind off of that.”
-D. Prescott
RODGERS! SIDEWAYS! TOUCHDOWN!
It took me ten fucking minutes to find that guy’s name and of course it had to be something that makes the joke more confusing than it’s supposed to be.
-Ten fucking minutes
Look at mister marathon man ovah here
But no mention of Applebees money.
/pushes Chili’s bag under couch with foot
I haven’t seen a #2 blast through with such little resistance since the last time I ate a bacon-wrapped hot dog sold to me by an unlicensed Guatemalan vendor outside the Rose Bowl.
Looks like the FCC Commissioner must have called your boss; otherwise, I assume this was the cleanest shot you’ve seen since the TPUSA rally at Utah Valley State.
“Hey, that’s a nice try at a Yanvalou dance, but needs more chicken blood to really be effective.”
-Mike “Asogwe” Tomlin
HOLY SHIT QUOTABLES IS BACK?
[runs through brick wall]
Wokest Lindisfarne re-enactment EVAR
Dak was practicing his Cutler impression all week and it really paid off!
Seeing reports on the inner webs that Russell Wilson is headed to the bench and JAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXON Dart will be starting for the VEPs next week.
Pray for the un-homed of Ontario.
/Glares at the Giants
LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO KATE MARA!!! LOOK AT HER!!!
Poor #75 just became a metaphor for the latest Larry Krasner attack ad
Soros should fund a better offensive line!
“Maria from Lodi, youah on the air…”
“George Bush doesn’t care about bl…”, sorry, wrong New Orleans systemic failure.
I will discreetly work this wedgie out without picking my ass. No one will notice!
Thank you thank you thank you for bringing these back . . . great stuff!
Aaron Glenn learned from the best: Dan Campbell taught him how to dance while on ibogaine, and Rich Kotite taught him how to lose close games.
Houston, Tranquility Base here . . . the Eagle
has landedwas handed its ass. Houston, we may have a problem..learn how to take a shot?
-the FCC has been notified, smgdh
Damn, Ciara looks rough without the filters.
.
THIS GIF I CALL IT THE TIMOTHY TREADWELL DOCUMENTARY BECAUSE IT ENDS ABRUPTLY WITH BEARS GETTING FED
He’d still be a starting QB if Colin Kaepernick did this during the anthem.
This was the Panthers best goal line stop of the day
When the weed kicks in during the stadium playing “YMCA”
We hope you enjoyed our featured presentation of the Bengals Playoff Window. We now return to reality, already in progress.
(stolen from the Internet)
♫ ♪ ♬ Do you remember the 21st night of September?