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27 Sept 2025 Night JV NFL Thread

King Hippo

/

,

Pop your TV-watching viagra, because the hits just keep on coming!

Bear Down FOAR Midterms (+6.5) at Cornpone State (7:00, ESPN)

Iowa State really doesn’t have the explosive offense to really pull away, most weeks.  Maybe the Fightin’ Blax will stand their ground?

Oregon (+3.5) at Paedo State (7:30, NBC)

Ugh, Darkest Timeline.  I really have to watch a game where Quack Attack is the clear and overwhelming White Hat?  FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK.

Alabama (+3.5) at Georgia (7:30, ABC)

Whew, a palette cleanser for the featured game.  Remember how Bananacakes this was last season?  Roll Damn Tide has been a thorn in Kirby Smart’s side, his entire career as a head coach.  Plus, a loss here puts the hot sauce back in Kalen DeBoer’s underpants.

Original Recipe Big Love (-6.5) at Colorado (10:15, ESPN)

I mean, you COULD be so jacked up from the earlier games that you can’t sleep.  If so, watch this.  Your alternatives are meagre as fuck.  But I’d recommend some shuteye against 14 hours of MANDATORY NFL ACTION, come the morrow. 

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WCS

My caller hit and mortally wounded a deer… he says he turned his vehicle around to go check, and reported another man approached the wounded doe, and proceeded to slit it’s throat right there. This man then left the scene. To get even more fun, the caller asked me if and his wife can take the deer with them. 

I swear to God, Allah, whatever your Higher Power is, this is true. Police are on scene as I type this. Depending on whenever you read this, dear DFO’er, they may have left. That’s likely the case.

Really though, who amongst us doesn’t carry a pocketknife on their person all the time in case one finds themselves needing to cut the throat of a wounded animal in the suburbs?
 

5
BeefReeferLives

Serious respect for Jack the Ripper. He did what needed to be done and put a mortally wounded animal out of pain.

& can’t blame the other guy for wanting to take the deer. That’s good venison.

2
BugEyedBoo

Mom’s boyfriend had to give a wounded deer the coup de grace with a shovel he had in his truck. He was distraught, and I don’t blame him.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve had to do that with things the cat has caught. It’s rough when you don’t get the job done with the first blow; feels awful.

0
Unsurprised

Given what I have gleaned from your community … Lots of folk.

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Senor Weaselo

What is the law there in terms of taking the deer? Also is his vehicle still drivable?

0
Unsurprised

.

Last edited 6 months ago by Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Evergreen

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Last edited 6 months ago by Unsurprised
1
Horatio Cornblower

Back from my attempt the defend my ‘No Hands Blueberry Pie Eating’ title. It was a much bigger crowd than last year. All I can say is

comment image

11
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You’re like a son to me.” – Coach Reid, wiping away a tear

6
Horatio Cornblower

Not quite, I had to drive home because Mrs. Horatio had a very long week and had three beers and a shot so I did the responsible thing and put the brakes on early or, as Britt Reid would say, “pussied out”

5
BeefReeferLives

& anyway, you were drunk on sweet, sweet VICTORY!!!

1
yeah right

Nice job lard ass!

7
Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t even get a yacht!

2
Mr. Ayo

Good job, now clean up.

2
SonOfSpam

So since you’re tired of eating pie, does that mean Lowratio

Hey, great job!

4
Unsurprised

This reminds me of a tweet I saw the other day about a man who said he is eternally grateful to a lesbian friend who told him he needed to practice eating a tub of yogurt without a utensil.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I stand with girls and women who are sexually abused and raped.

“Unless they name Donald Trump as the perpetrator, in which case they are lying sluts who are making the whole thing up for publicity.”

3
WCS

Drew Allar has to lick James Franklin’s vehicle clean every day for the next week, from the moon roof to where the rubber meets pavement. Before practice.

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fleshwound_NPG

fitting since that’s what james has to do each time to the top 10 ranked visiting teams bus

0
fleshwound_NPG

a georgia player being dumb and penn state shitting the bed against a top 10 team

some things are truly eternal

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if that is the first time it has ever happened that the final two plays of a football game were interceptions.

2
SonOfSpam

Dunno, has Nathan Peterman ever finished a game?

1
jjfozz

i hate penn state. so i’m happy. it’s weird, being happy.

3
fleshwound_NPG

joe pa knew, assholes

5
SonOfSpam

Well, one of his assistants did.

0
BC Dick

He must have. And if he did, it wipes away very good thing he did. There is no balance sheet for that.

2
BeefReeferLives

& so did Jim Jordan, and now he’s a republican congressman.

0
WCS

Wow, Drew Allar. Wow.

0
jjfozz

Over a three day period, my sister’s husband’s son, ex-wife, and future daughter in law all needed to be bailed out.

They are rightous white trash.

My older sister thought it was funny.

You can’t fix stupid.

5
WCS

Trifecta!

2
ArmedandHammered

Aristocrats?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, were each of these separate incidents?

4
BeefReeferLives

You’re older sister is right.

That’s pretty fucking funny.

0
Mr. Ayo

Lol Kirby

2
Mr. Ayo

Lol Franklin

4
fleshwound_NPG

rip

dead-kirby
4
WCS

Want to thank WVU for proving me right again, although yinz are getting too predictable. BACK IN MY DAY West Virginia did the ass kicking. If we lost, we did it in heartbreaking, devastating ways, not this over-before-halftime horse piss.

Because this is WVU we’re (read: I’m, the rest of yinz couldn’t care less) discussing, they WILL be lousy the rest of this season. However, they WILL have some random-ass upset over another school who otherwise should be feasting on the goo inside the Mountaineers’ collective skulls. Let’s go with Arizona State this time.

comment image

Still beat Pitt, though. This season is a success.

On that note, haldo.

2
yeah right

Coach McConnell: “Ok boys, it’s been 1,100 years since we’ve invaded Ireland.
Who’s ready for a proper scrap?”

[Team goes insane]

I didn’t once wear Vikings colors in Ireland.

Let’s have breakfast tea and biscuits!

1
Bogdanski

Try and get all the illuminated manuscripts this time. Could save us from shot down the line

3
fleshwound_NPG

RIP ASTROScomment image

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fleshwound_NPG

a game-winning walk-off HBP for cleveland did the deed, of all things

cleveland!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGZiXLjPh_Y

5
SonOfSpam

Ok I was wrong, Astros are already eliminated.

HUZZAH!

3
ArmedandHammered

Man, with the end of Sesame St. Oscar really did have to economize.

2
yeah right

Trash metal!

0
litre_cola

H/T Zymm, just Malörted 3 newbies.

10
King Hippo

Is this MOAR or less of a cult than Mormonism?

1
SonOfSpam

It’s safer. If you over-Malort, you may wake up married, but only to one person.

5
BC Dick

They’re both just as palatable

1
litre_cola

The only reason Zymm got me another bottle was due to you. Also Spam was going to get me another because he is aware we are a problem

3
Doktor Zymm

3 at once, well done!

1
ArmedandHammered

Isn’t that illegal or cruel and unusual punishment?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Is Malort better or worse than Screech

0
BC Dick

It’s worse than anything. And I drink really awful booze.
It’s ok at the start and then this horrendous aftertaste hits. But then it doesn’t go away, another wave of even worse aftertaste hits.
After that? You don’t even believe it but a third kick to the mouth balls.
And you can’t wash it away with a chaser. That only amplifies the horror. It’s really a unique terror on the senses.

2
Doktor Zymm

We heard from a bartender that ketchup works

1
BC Dick

Interesting. Though I think I’d rather take the medicine than be the fella sucking down straight Heinz at the bar.

0
SonOfSpam

In baseball news, with the Tigers and Guardians winning tonite, an Angels victory would knock the Astros out of the playoffs. No score in the 2nd inning.

2
Mr. Ayo

RELEASE THE HALOS!!!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought the pedophile in the White House signed an executive order changing their names to the “Los Angeles Charlies”.

1
King Hippo

jjjuuuuuuusssssttttttt a bit outside

2
Mr. Ayo

Xtreme JV S’hanklor

0
SonOfSpam

Oregon is showing up big so far, which is bad news for the Penn State coaches, who prefer to see an Oregon on the smaller side.

4
Doktor Zymm

New wine fridge is in place! It says to let it sit for 12 hours before plugging in, so yet another reason to be up in time for the Mandatorium tomorrows, I can plug in and stock my fridge as distraction from potential fetid footsballs

7
ArmedandHammered

What brand did you go with?

0
Doktor Zymm

Bodega, had good reviews and not willing to commit to something non-generic just yet

2
BC Dick

Why does the fridge need to rest for 12 hours?

0
Doktor Zymm

Apparently it’s so the compressor oil is good to go

1
BC Dick

Ah. I would never have thought of that. I’ve never bought a fridge, either.

0
ArmedandHammered

So it doesn’t blow up when you plug it in, gotta let those chemicals out gas or to allow air bubbles to settle out in the refrigerant.

1
ArmedandHammered

So close and yet so far.

0
King Hippo

what a play call by Tide, Tackle screen

1
Mr. Ayo

BUMBLIN’ STUMBLIN’

https://bsky.app/profile/jeradwalker.bsky.social/post/3lzudnouzrk2k

4
King Hippo

Get him that forward momentum going, nice F = ma demonstration (for teh humanity majoUrs on D)

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t wait for them to stop teaching gravity in school because some obscure passage in the bible likens it to witchcraft.

3
Mr. Ayo

FAT MAN RECEPTION!

1
Brick Meathook

.

IMG_0791
4
King Hippo

that’s fookin’ TOPICAL

0
LemonJello

Atticus Sappington? Isn’t that one of Senor Weaselo’s Nocturnes?

4
herodotus450

I think he’s the Barrister of the DFO: England office

3
Senor Weaselo

No, but suggesting him for the next draft!

/Still waiting on Ashy Larry

1
herodotus450

what if the offensive linemen just held hands/locked arms after the snap, then no one could get through!

3
King Hippo

TROOF. But ggggggaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy?

4
Doktor Zymm

RED ROVER RED ROVER SEND YOUR BEST DEFENSIVE LINEMAN OVER

4
Gumbygirl

That game was vicious as fuck. We played it pretty much every recess at the Catholic school I went to. The pecking order was firmly established, and woe be it to the noodle armed girls.

1
Doktor Zymm

We tried playing once in high school but stopped pretty quickly after a couple injuries

1
Brick Meathook

They could negotiate a peaceful one-team solution.

2
King Hippo

As one gets older, one starts asking some of life’s bigger questions. Like, why did so many people think they could fade Death Row? And why was Death Row so bent out of shape about it?

4
SonOfSpam

They’re the label that pays me, unfadeable so please don’t try to fade me.

2
Doktor Zymm

At least they said ‘please’

1
SonOfSpam

Snoop is nothing if not polite.

Last edited 6 months ago by SonOfSpam
1
LemonJello

Fo’ shnizzle my ni…

record scratch

-ce imaginary friend

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty sure this was the bumper song they just used. Really surprised they burned it tonight and not during, say, a West Virginia game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKdspWe-KdQ

0
WCS

See: Pennsyltucky

0
LemonJello

You’d think a “white out” would be something that was pretty common in the south/SEC.

4
King Hippo

I suspect Central PA is MOAR Southern than anywhere Hippo has ever lived.

6
WCS

We’re Pennsyltucky for a reason.

6
Gumbygirl

Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and a whole lotta Alabama in the middle.

1
Doktor Zymm

Next week or two is gonna be busy! Hope the early Irish game tomorrow doesn’t suck stale oatcakes

1
King Hippo

Reminder that we only have to WATCH. There is no volume or “pay close attention” requirement. Because I could see some stale oatcakes, fo shizzle.

2
LemonJello

Definitely a feast or (potato) famine kind of potential for out first Mandatorium of the season.

3
King Hippo

You know, that was only caused by Irish wenches using dyes and food coloUrings, right? – Q-a., Dublin IRE

2
LemonJello

“If they’re fried in beef tallow, it’ll ward off autism.”

-ancestor of RFKJr, probably

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