That’s right, it may have been 90 degrees all goddamned week, but we have crossed the magick demarcation line into FALL! I do not wish to speak of the footy this week (though it is on the telly this morning), so let’s get straight into the loaded-FOAR-bear JV NFL schedules:
Georgia Tech (-13.5) at Wake Forest (Noon, ESPN)
Navigating the ACC season is all about that rake step (as my Wolven Sort reminded Hippo – AND Other Hippo – last week). Wake is not good at all (see their home loss to NC State), but this is a lot of points for a pretty one-dimensional swarm of Bees, especially on the road. I guaran-damn-tee y’all there is value in the moneyline, as I’d say Wake has like a 30-40% shot to pull the upset outright. GOLDEN RULE – ACC squadrons may look good for a few weeks, but are absolutely NOT ANY GOOD.
Southern Cal (-6.5) at Illinois (Noon, Fox)
How made are the Illini about Indiana pulling their pants down last weekend? I guess we’ll find out today. Bad body clock game for Troi Boiz, too.
Notre Dame (-3.5) at Pirate Kansas (Noon, ABC)
Finally, a match where I don’t favoUr the home dog. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love Pig Sooey to win…there’s just no fucking chance. The Powers That BE won’t stand for the Irish to be out of playoff contention this early.
THEEEE Ohio State (-8.5) at Washington (3:30, CBS)
Outside of the banner pic, I see no reason to BOW DOWN to this version of the Huskies. But maybe they’ll surprise us.
LSU (+1.5) at Johnny Reb (3:30, ABC)
Five games in, and we get the very first road underdog…and it’s the #4 team in the country. THIS is why Hippo is an SEC homer.
War Damn Eagle (+6.5) at Bonfire Cult (3:30, ESPN)
Auburn has no passing game, nor offensive line to speak of. TAMU might literally kill someone out there. But do we really trust THEIR offensing unit? A slugfest could be in the mix.
Indiana (-7.5) at Iowa (3:30, Peacock)
Apparently, Hoosier folk really dislike Iowa, which is a rivalry factoid I never once noticed before. And I been watching football at least 50 years.
Tennessee (-7.5) at Mississippi State (4:15, SECN)
Sneaky game of the week – Cowbells can be VERY tough at home, especially if/when they smell blood. Vols passing game is tough to slow down, though. But maybe MSU makes this into a wild shootout?
I’ve been up since 3:30 EST this morning. Nighty night. See you tomorrow in Dublintown bright and early.
You had one job, Miami Marlins! ONE JOB!
Vikings: (remembers depantsing from last Sunday)
Steelers: (remembers depantsing from most of my life)
Can I be excused from Mandatory Sunday Morning Football due to Emotional Distress?
I’m here so I don’t get fined
Look, if I have to watch Q-aron and his cockwomble colleagues, then SO DUE U.
Absolutely not
The depantsings will continue until morale improves
That just sounds like you need to watch even more ridiculously located morning football
“After further review, the ratings are dropping. Fourth Down!”
Jackson Arnold is a well and truly beaten man.
911 Operator: “Hello, what is your problem?”
WCS 911 Operator: “West Virginny, they’re getting blown out.”
911 Operator: “This channel is for emergencies.”
WCS 911 Operator: “Tell me about it. Do you think they’ll play in a Bowl Game this year?”
911 Operator: “Maybe. Maybe if they can get their literacy rate over 55%!”
WCS 911 Operator: “You motherfucker!”
911 operator: “Probably.”
Give the man credit, he did sense this beating coming, and called it in advance.
“A beating from Utah or Montana or Idaho or Rhode Island, it’s all good.”-
-M. Zuckerberg
This isn’t too far from reality.
Which of that boat floatilla is Bastard Man and his many female companions? Imaginary ppl want 2 noe!
Suck it, Bryson DeBitchBro.
The cheapest comfort meal that you return to even though you’re in a much better place-
Me? Chicken noodle soup out of a semi-cardboard bag that’s out of a box.
Field storming after Virginia’s upset win over FSU leads to 19 people being treated for injuries – CBSSports.com
Yeah, I figured that would be the case.
Truly an epic field-storming, to be sure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc8aprRz3j4
The chili has been bubbling away for a fair amount of time. Tell me, what is the best accoutrement?
-goldfish crackers
-sourdough bread
-saltines
-shredded Monterey Jack cheese
-Doritos
-the skull of the third-worst co-worker at your first work place
-Ruffles Sour and Cream ridges chips
both hands, or you can throw it up in the air and yell, “It’s raining chili!”
Oyster crackers
HA!
i made a list in my head last night of everything in society I’m sick of. turns out it was 99% of society. except you guys and my family.
That’s because we respect you, we value your opinion, and we fear what would happen if we got on your bad side.