Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 6, 2025 Season

Volume does not always translate into quality.  This is the lesson of Week 6.

The Shield’s latest war crime against the people of England?  Donks and Jest.  Denver played as if it was hungover, outside of the always-formidable defensive front seven (NINE sacks).  Jest made two FGs before they managed their initial first down (which came right before the 2-minute warning).  But a Garret Bolles holding BLEERGH briefly gave Strawberry Fields and crew an 11-10 lead.  Fortunately, Denver gimped into FG range in Q4, and then managed to knock away a pass to Highly Disgruntled Garrett Wilson on the far edge of FG range in the final minute.  Fittingly, that possession ended on a 4th down sack.  13-11 it thankfully ends.

Seven games early, and most could be charitably described as mediocre.  #ThePauls, losers 23-9 in Yinzburgh, would KILL to be described as mediocre.  Poor bastards.

Jacoby Brissett stepped in for an injured Wee Kyler, and the Qards offense did indeed function much better with a QB of conventional height.  But alas, they are still cursed, and fell short on 4th and goal late, losing 31-27.  The Fat Humps continue to win without really impressing.  But 5-1 is 5-1.

That mark is also good for pole position in the AFC’s Surly Duff division, as the Jaguras charmed start smacked full speed into the SeaTruther brick wall.  Apparently, SEA has now won NINE consecutive away matches.  Which is ridiculous for ANYBODY, but remember they didn’t even make the PLAYOFFS last season.  20-12 is your final, though it didn’t feel that close.  We’ll see if Touch of Downs can sustain this form into Dec/Jan, unlike in Minnesota.

Charlotte is turning into a hub of fairly interesting footed ball of late.  Rico Dowdle was sensational for the 2nd straight week, taking a shiv to his former employer.  Wee Bryce even completed an absolute dart on a “have to have it” 4th and 3 near the 2-minute warning, in a tie game.  Dowdle then broke off a run that allowed victory formation before the game-winning chip shot.  Black Panthers 30, Non-Gendered Cowpersons 27.  And there was much rejoicing.

The Drake just keeps on cruising.  He led the P*ts to 3 first half TDs (all via the pass), and kept the chains moving late to keep the home Saints at arm’s length.  Microcosm being the 15-yard out he nailed on 3rd and 11, which allowed New England to then take 3 knees and leave as 25-19 winners.  This is looking like a playoff team.  Seriously.  New Orleans continues to at least fight, but they just ain’t got the horses.

Could the Clips reverse their East Coast woes, after losing to the VEP last week?  Playing the LOLfins helps, but Tua got frisky and brought them back from a 26-13 deficit.  His TD pass to Waller was a dagger, but it came just a tad too quickly.  Herbert had 40-ish seconds to work with, and he found McConkey on a very broken play to get into easy FG range.  Dicker made it, Clips win 29-27, and we wait to see the inevitable Mike McDaniel firing.

Los Angeles’ other love was also on the East Coast early, but to much lesser resistance.  A very sad sequence to end the first half (2 sneaks and then an el Tractorcito run all snuffed inside the 1) resulted in a 3-3 tie, which inevitably turned into a 17-3 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! win.  Balmer even turned to Tyler Huntley in Q4, but he couldn’t do anything either.  Ratbirds are 1-5 and almost surely ded.

There would be no Hollywoo ending for Mister ELITE.  Turns out, he’s just an old man on a very doomed team. The 2nd half was less sad, but it really was just back-and-forth of “briefly cut to one-score margin and then GB immediately restores to two” – finishing at Green Bay 27, Cincy 18.

Tits/Raiders was every bit as ugly as one would expect.  Raise your hand if you stream-started the Vegas D/ST!!  Yeah, I still lost, too.  But I briefly felt SMRT, and that’s all that matters in fantasy football.  Vegas wins in relatively drama-free fashion, 20-10.

MRSA Men hosted The Bay Area Legend of White Mac, what with all the various redemption angles.  But at least the “action” somewhat passed as watchable FITBAW.  Mayfield kept churning up yardage even after Egbuka left with a hamstring owie, and the Bucs D made just enough stops to keep the Tomsulas at arm’s length.  It was an 8-point game most of Q4, before a late drive tacked on the final placement for a 30-19 final.

We finish our day-long slog with the Fuck LioUns hoping to drive the final stake into the heart of the oil-leaking Chefs,  But we know this Timeline, and we can’t have nice things.