Hey.
Bigly start to the week for Clan LemonJello. No, still furloughed, but maybe not for too much longer? Who knows anymore. Politicians of any and all parties can fuck all the way off.
Monday was the 250th birthday of my beloved Marine Corps. I received a pair of challenge coins as mementos.
Tuesday (as I type this up) is Veterans Day – so thank you to all the DFOers that have served, or are serving in their country’s military. I have perused the list of Veterans Day freebies being offered up and may get the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle washed before hitting up the local Applebees and dropping Horatio and Lowratio’s names to see if I can order off the secret menu.
She’s a beauty,eh?
So, anyway, football.
Freezer Vodka League
Week 10 Match Ups
Week 10 Standings
Original Recipe White Claws and The Drunky QB are tied at 7-3 and atop the standings. Four teams are a game back at 6-3 and remain viable contenders for the playoffs; Sydney Sweeney’s Ar*an Tits, Shiba is for the People!, The Blair Witching Hour, Indelible Prickstains FC. The next three teams are in Jeff Fisher Zone at 5-5 and could make a playoff run; D&D For Jocks, Tush Pushy Galore, Orwellian Ungoodundaythink. Three teams find themselves in the Danger Zone for relegation at 4-6; Stefon Diggs’ Pink Powder Club, Dead Hobos, Pump Up The Spam. Solidly in the Relegation Zone? That would be Rev’s Chosen Ones (3-7) and She’s got good Jeantys (2-8).
Lowratio League
Week 10 Match Ups
Week 10 Standings
AI Abuelas remains the dominant franchise in the league alone in first place with an 8-2 record. Three teams, Raccoon With A Meth Pipe, Rod Rust never sleeps, and Jimbo’s Sad Hombres are tied for the second automatic promotion with records of 7-3. The Hunters of Renfrow (6-4) and 1 Day. 1 Wonderful Secret. (5-5) hold the last two playoff spots this week. Six teams sit at 4-6; Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses, Hot Meaty Milkshakes, Bondi Fetish Garden Noems, Saquon this Penix, CeeDee’s Unsolicited Nix Pics, A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge. Will any of these teams make a late run and get into the playoffs and perhaps gain promotion? Last and least, there is Ambigious Aaron Rodgers and The Brick Experience at 3-7 but both teams could still be spoilers and upend a playoff contender late in the season.
Lowratio League Blow Out of the Weak
Who earns promotion from Lowratio League to Freezer Vodka League? Who will be relegated and replaced in the senior league this year? Tune in to find out!
Until Next Time!
Please try to top this email that I received yesterday-
“Dear Scotchy,
Our billing department, in tandem with our pricing crew made a wee bit of an mistakey-poo that dates back to April. Anyhoo, when can we expect you to give us the $120,000 that you owe us?”
Tinkles,
A Multinational Company
Tell Nabisco to go fuck themselves.
Option A:
Dear A Multinational Company,
Sounds me to me like you’re up Mistakey-Poo Creek without a paddle.
Love,
Scotchnaut
Option B: If you must pay for legal requirements, pay them in twelve million pennies.
That sounds like a desperate attempt to get you to pay for something you very well might not be contractually obligated to pay. Would def run it by a lawtalky-type person
This! $12 is a mistake. $120 is unfortunate. $120,000 is a judgement.
One of my favorite mistakes was when Citi accidentally transferred the whole amount owed to debtors instead of an interest payment due to using 80ui in their backoffice still
https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/16/business/citibank-revlon-lawsuit-ruling
.
I want to stuff you like an animal…
During which, you can feel them from the inside.
It brings you closer to God. Because everyone knows, God lives in the uterus.
Stuff me. Stuff me, my friend.
Whoops, wrong group.
“Owned and Operated by Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show”
I thought the bears did the stuffing in that one…
NiN for furries
Hey, does anyone know if now is the time to check my zip code if I’m on Medicare?
The chimney guys are finishing up today, and they’re inside putting in the new wood stove.
Mrs. Horatio has nothing to do today and is stalking them to the point that she may now be fluent in Spanish and can likely do an at least competent job rebuilding a chimney.
They are all getting tipped, and tipped well.
One think I will give the Dr. Mrs. credit for is that she didn’t bother any of the workers when they were putting up the Anti-ICE monument in our yard.
Strangest guillotine I’ve ever seen.
Glass blade and it closes sideways, it’s not *that* strange.
Because it’s functional, it serves a purpose and isn’t broken beyond repair?
So no more jokes about a christian, father of 3…..Chis Henry . Got it.
Damn it! This season is getting worse by the second!
“I think it’s worth it. It’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some head trauma deaths every single year so that we can have pickup trucks to protect our other God given rights. That’s a prudent deal. It is rational”
-Chris Henry
THESE DEAD HOBOS I CALL THEM A TARDY LUMBERJACK BECAUSE AFTER THREE STRAIGHT WINS THEY’RE FINALLY NEAR THE LOGJAM.
THESE GUYS THE HUNTERS OF RENFROW I CALL THEM THE 1994-1995 BLACKBURN ROVERS BECAUSE THEY WON AN IMPORTANT VICTORY BY A SINGLE POINT!
.
It’s a Premier League thing.
Oh, sock-her.
(Janay Rice apologizes for that)
Thanks for the 8 points Nix. Really helped out.
Asshole.
-Brocky
No, Nix outscored Brocky by a whole 8 points.