Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Somehow got through the weekend without hearing either LDB or Last Christmas. So prob safe for a few more days. I was trying to put up more Christmas lights outside, but the weather and schedules has not been cooperating. So, if there isn’t a comments post next week, send help, I’ve fallen and cannot get up.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I’m sitting around hung over waiting for my car to be serviced, which sounds like it would be a drag but it’s better than being at home surrounded by loud noises.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Sharkbait
The night game would have been a lot more fun if we had been watching Brady getting crushed to death instead of Baker.
Iggles need to take some industrial grade stool hardener
Why would you name a NFL team after baby horses? Shouldn’t the JV team be the Colts and the NFL team be the Stallions?
I’m moar and moar convinced the Bears are going to get and lose a home playoff game. The Giants are last year Bears and if I could find somewhere already taking futures bets for next season I would totally slap a fiver on them to win the division in ’26
Doktor Zymm
Today I got a haircut and bought a new toaster oven. This must be how conquistadors felt way back.
Don T
So we’re hosting my wife’s mother’s side of the family for Thanksgiving. You know, the MAGA luvin, Jesus prayin, no drinkin’ dipshits.
Liquor will have no effect.
My question: Can you mix peyote and meth?
jjfozz
You could use weed butter in everything
Game Time Decision
So then I’ll order the weed butter, swap it with the cooking butter and get everyone high as shit on Thanksgiving. Consider it done.
jjfozz
Should I be concerned?
BugEyedBoo
-AIbuela, we did it. Promotion wooo!
-Loud! Hey, I told you to pick up Gadsen in Week 2.
-I got him, later.
-Waited too long. You don’t pay attention. Are you wearing a sweater?
-I’m in the tropics Gran-E. Is your hip acting up?
-Post logo
Don T
And so the Fozz Thanksfucking Giving Adventure begins.
My wife is currently painting the kitchen. Why? She’s insane.
Three people, and the dog, have brushed up against fresh paint so far.
Bourbon bottle looking like a nice juicy escape right now.
jjfozz
I have tomorrow off to day drink and watch football and then Friday off to recover and go to the pub. And no family dinners or cooking or anything else shitty that you’ve all described.
Thanks, USA, for this joyous time. It was dumb to make your thanksgiving a Thursday but it’s a damn good excuse to abuse my liver.
BC Dick
Meta AI is generally crap, but this suggestion was spot on
Doktor Zymm
It’s doing that thing where it doesn’t attach the photo! Boo!
Doktor Zymm
Let’s try a RFKjr one instead
Doktor Zymm
“the basic strings class I teach on Mondays”
I admire the hustle, but it’s weird that you’re teaching Tampon Removal 101.
SonOfSpam
hey, cooch sepsis is NO LAUGHING MATTER, Mister Man!!
King Hippo
I saw Cooch Sepsis open for Mumford And Sons, and the zither player was excellent.
SonOfSpam
Bengals’ flight delayed over 5 hours before Thanksgiving game as Burrow returns – CBS Sports
“As God as my witness, I thought the Bengals would fly.” -M. Brown, OH
Redshirt
Easy walk to the hotel, haven’t been here since 2003 but I still have the knack of following the main way along the Grand Canal, and surprisingly I remember quite a bit.
Hotel is gorgeous, like basically everything here. “In the minibar you will find one bottle of wine, that is included with your booking. There is also water, that is extra”
When I was here last time I was 21 and had just graduated from college. I was on my first solo trip and had planned a sort of loop from Amsterdam through Germany and Switzerland and then back around via Paris with my rail pass before heading up to the north of England for a punk festival. I didn’t book anything in advance and had a printed out list of independent hostels for the cities I was planning on visiting. When I was in Geneva, I discovered the French trains were going to be on strike so I pulled out a map and decided to head to Venice instead, then hop an Easy Jet to London. And that’s what I did! Wasn’t planning on coming here so hadn’t done any research or know anything I wanted to see so I mostly just wandered around following groups of people to see if they were going anywhere interesting.
I didn’t take pictures at all back then, but I DID have a Livejournal. Gonna go dig out my Venice entries
Doktor Zymm
This Inexplicable Drop is brought to you by FanDuel! FanDuel, explaining the inexplicable ever since gambling was legalized!
Horatio Cornblower
Dinner was not bad.
One uncle was thankful that the Lord is here with us. I refreained from saying, “Wait, where in FUCK did he go?”
I’ve had 5 bourbons, multiple beers. That smoker completely left me down and if it had balls, I kick it squarely in its balls.
THank you all for riding along with me on this journey. I gotta go drink more.
jjfozz
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [takes out phone, begins calling various family members to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving]
PENNY DEADLY: [vomits all over carpet]
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [fires up carpet cleaner, which sounds pretty much identical to a vacuum cleaner]
I swear to God, it’s like they’re in cahoots or something.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
(going to Hell)
Redshirt
Merry Turkeymas from Allegheny County Emergency Services, and this year’s Annual Domestic Issues Telethon, live and over the phone lines till 06:00!
We’ll be taking your requests, playing old and new favorites, and digesting what humanity has decided seemed like a good idea at the time along with our gravy and pumpkin pie.
I’m your host, WCS, and I’ll be with you for the next eight-ish hours!
WCS
What, pray tell, even is a touchdown?
Senor Weaselo
Its very unlikely but as always, in the event of a Tornado Warning, all fans will be directed to the Cincinnati Bengals endzone, where there are no touchdowns.
Redshirt
Snowed overnight, – 10 C, Mrs. Cola’s bday and she wants to tuck in at an Olde English Pub for lunch, then a bar that serves only Fondue and Champagne for dinner. I am punching way above my weight with her.
litre_cola
Before you ask, yes, I did include giggling both mine and her’s, in the seven minutes.
Redshirt
Weird Wife Behavior:
Me: “I have the spare key to the Community Center.”
Wife: “Is there a second smaller key on the ring?”
Me: “Um, yeah?”
Wife: “Don’t you dare return it! That’s the dumpster key and I have a lot of stuff to throw into it!”
Coda: There are two dumpsters at my workplace but somehow the one that’s ten minutes away (as opposed to 18 minutes) has some magical properties…I guess.
scotchnaut
“Baby, you never take me to the nice dumpster anymore…”
herodotus450
The fact I put my ex-wife, parents, and friends through some of this shit I just got off the phone with… I was such a shithead.
This poor mom seems resigned her daughter is going to drink herself to death, and soon. That was tough.
Remember to tell your loved ones they’re loved ones. They’ll appreciate it.
This place really did help me when I needed it. Thanks for that. Love yinz.
WCS
Pulling a shift and a half this morning.
What weirdness I wholly and knowingly accepted to happen Thanksgiving night was this past night instead.
Fires, suicides, domestics, overdoses, robberies, and shootings.
Personally, I talked a dude who was admittedly going through a mental break get over his fear of police to get him to the psych hospital (read: looney bin) that he also admittedly needs. His original was abandoned after the police and EMS couldn’t find him. I started my involvement as they were leaving. He told me he was expecting paramedics, no police. He stated he has a phobia of police, stemming from an incident when he was a lad. I told him police have to respond to these situations to keep everyone safe. He even stated it was talking to me and my monotone, nasally voice got him to calm down enough to understand the situation, and grudgingly accept that PD will be part of it. At least to start; once the scene is secure, they drop into the background and let the paramedics do their thing. I’m just doing my jorb, literally/figuratively.
I do sincerely hope he’s okay now, and gets the help we want him to.
Anyway, it’s Rivalry Week, so embrace your inner hatred and settle in for a day of rage!
WCS
Now settling in for the afternoon’s entertainment.
Beerguyrob
Predator Energy seems like a product Bill Cosby should be endorsing.
Horatio Cornblower
Brocky
Okay, doubling up usually is ass, let’s not pretend working 16 straight hours at anything is always fun or easy.
The last two callers I just had couldn’t have been better, though. The first was the former victim of a theft from a laundromat earlier this month. The caller had security footage of the incident, and immediately recognized another patron inside the laundromat as the thief from the video. She managed to contact me, keep him inside without arising suspicion, and flag down the police. She was calm, cool, pissed off (understandably), and followed every instruction I gave her. A+
The second was another woman on her way to her sister’s apartment. Sister has been puking all morning, too dizzy to stand for more than literally 60 seconds, and shaky. My caller had never been to her sister’s place, and not only found it easily, managed to get the landlord to let her in. She then got sister down to the “lobby” (it’s a big house converted into apartments), and flag down the EMTs. Again, calm, cool, collected, and followed orders brilliantly.
Having back-to-back callers in genuine emergency situations be that calm and cooperative happens about as often as Lowratio having a night off after a Cowboys’ win (or loss).
Didn’t expect this to become a short novel. tl;dr not all callers are panicky idiots
WCS
On a separate note,
Beerguyrob
I know we all know this, but Collinsworth is so full of shit on that last, (and so many other) comments. Ertz timed that leap perfectly. Marriota hit him in the hands. He just straight up fucked the catch up, but Collinsworth will sooner get filmed getting ass-fucked behind a dive bar dumpster than he’ll say something remotely negative about any player on any team, lest he lose access.
It’s been said before, and it’ll be said again, but fuck Cris Collinsworth.
Horatio Cornblower
Touchdown doesn’t end OT anymore?
Redshirt
Git a load of McNabb here
SonOfSpam
I am Jack’s abject shock.
Redshirt
WCS
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Greg Abbott could’ve kicked that field goal better than the Giants
I set up my dental and vision insurance for next year. I was afraid it was going to be a nightmare, because federal gubmint, but it was very smooth. Now I’m suspicious that it was TOO easy.
That’s what they want you to think.
“Set the tone” used in the meeting I currently have myself muted and off-camera for.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5wpCr4dKAE&pp=ygUlcGxhbmVzIHRyYWlucyBhbmQgYXV0b21vYmlsZXMgcGlsbG93cw%3D%3D
Who had late-November for when WarGame Pete committed a war crime?
.
There’s an episode of The Office where Oscar and Andy find each other in the hotel lobby the night after getting wasted when Michael takes them with him on a business trip. Andy spent the night drunk dialing Angela (his fiancé at the time) while Oscar watched, laughed, and egged him on.
In the lobby, Oscar commends Andy for standing up for himself to Angela, when it does on Cornell Boy he did drunk dial Angela all night. Andy thought he dreamt it, and immediately scrambles into panicky damage control mode.
Pretty apt analogy for Petey Heg.
Agreed, and the best part is when military officers get questionable orders, they usually ask for the orders in writing so they have proof. Usually it’s to give the superior officer a chance to change their minds, but really it’s so they have evidence that they didn’t do this themselves in case that superior officer tries to put the blame entirely on them.
Hasn’t anyone in this administration watched “A Few Good Men”?
Going by the Rome statute I think these would actually be crimes against humanity rather than war crimes since there’s no actual armed conflict involved.
I don’t even get what happened that’s any different than usual. Is it because people think they can get the War Secretary since Trump is off limits?
It’s a bit that’s illegal in more ways than the other bits. Even if you accept the dubious legal rationale for the strikes it’s still illegal to take out the injured survivors. It’s even given as an example of a clearly illegal order in the DoD Law of War manual
The crocodile tears and pearl clutching is offensive at this point.
Foxy Shazam show was off the hook, (do the kids still say that these days, or am I out of touch? No. No, it’s the children who are wrong), last night. Didn’t help the ol’ tinnitus any.
The opening band was pretty terrible, the second act was a group of circus freaks, one of whom literally just ate worms, (I can get any 5-year-old to do that), but had some cool acts and were fun.
The Foxy took the stage and just went balls out for an hour. Great time. Am very tired today but fortunately my jury selection was canceled due to all the snow that is currently not falling in Connecticut.
It’s barely even raining for that matter, but as I’m in a bathrobe in PJs I will not be complaining.
Snow days were incredibly frustrating for me growing up because my town started with a “W” so we’d have to sit through the entire Hartford-area’s worth of towns as they announced them on the radio alphabetically (“Cheshire…no school…”) and we’d almost always be fully open. It fucking sucked.
WICC was our go to in the morning to listen for delays/cancellations. The cadence of the announcer lives rent free in my head to this day.
Bob Steele for me in CT.
Bob would always pause after each town’s name before saying “closed.” Sadistic as hell, but I loved it.
Our local morning tv news scrolled the closures non-stop across the bottom of the screen and closures were by county, so I never had to wait long. DC area was great for snow days as we got snow every year but they never invested much money into snow plows so it didn’t take much to screw the roads up! We would get several days off for a big storm while they waited for the one snowplow that was large enough not to get stuck to make the rounds
My stupid fucking town with its stupid fucking well-build roads and stupid fucking efficient clearance procedures…
Ours were scrolled alphabetically. You know what really sucked- the one or two hour delays. You couldn’t even go back to sleep, so annoying!
Had a great day today, met up with 2Pack and got the Vicenza city tour as well as a fantastic lunch. Hooray for imaginary internet friends!
And the tank… don’t forget about the tank…
Nice day, great company, splendid conversations.
Prossima Cara.
I’m slightly taller than the treads!
so this was a business trip, not for pleasure.
So at Costco last weekend eggs were about $7.50 for FIVE dozen. Are they this cheap for anyone else?
And yes of course I bought some even though we didn’t need any and now we have a fridge full of eggs which means quiche and soufflés are in our future.
DEVILED EGGS
Weather: “We’re going to have a little snow on Sunday. Bengals are out of town in Buffalo, they’re going to see some lake-effect snow.”
Me: “Snow Game?”