The Seahawks bye was in Week 8, and here we are in Week 14. They have played five games since then, and gone 4-1 in that timeframe. I was at their first home game the week after the bye, and I was at the most recent game versus the Vikings. 

They called it a “12s North Celebration”, both as a salute to the Canadian season ticket holders and a plea for tourists to start visiting the US again. They even offered free bus rides down to the game, something I saw as a trap. Singing the anthem also seemed like a way for the MAGA snitches in the crowd to get some of that rat line bounty. But since they did it WAY before the crowd had even really seated themselves, no one really seemed to mind, even if BeerBrother and I belted out the bilingual version.

Anyhoo, it seems I’m a bit late with the Bye Week update. That’s true – it’s about five weeks tardy. You might even ask yourself, “Hey Beerguy – what’s with the fucking slack ass?” and you’d be perfectly correct in that sentiment. I did have some spare moments, and probably could have Carpenter’d something out in haste; however, as a counter argument – 

So, since I’ve been blessed some non-porn time in front of the computer, I thought I’d live up to my obligations. Without further adieu, I give you…

The Sam Darnold Experience

The Rams game was everything you need to know about what that’s like for the fans. The difference between that game and the home opener versus the 49ers was that the tragedy took place early, and the team spent the rest of the game trying to overcome it. The Niners game was more a comedy of errors he was a participant in, not the main character in a botchfest that cost his team the game. That was the Buccaneers game.

However, to be fair,

it’s much better than the Geno Smith Experience Vegas is currently enduring & Seahawks fans endured for his final two years in the Pacific Northwest^® Every time one of those would occur, BeerBrother would text me saying that’s why teammates broke Geno’s jaw. Having seen how it’s gone for Geno in Vegas this year, I can’t really deny his point.

It’s not that Darnold is a terrible quarterback. It’s more that there’s always one point in each game where you watch him do something that immediately makes you scream,

It wasn’t exactly a Pro Bowl performance by the guy wearing DK Metcalf’s old #14. Darnold was sacked four times & fumbled twice. A look at the stats

shows that he was not much better than the rookie we all laughed at on Monday. It’s a recipe for what got him released by the Vikings after 2024 – gets by; disappears in the crunch.

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The running game is also a bit of a hit & miss proposition. The star is still Kenneth Walker THE THIRD!!!, but there are days where he’s been bottled up quite a bit. Also, I question Seahawks management a bit because he’s clearly got a nickname that’s over with fans – K-9 – and it sounds like a Steiner Brothers match after one of his long runs, but they so far have refused to lean into the marketing potential that’s clearly right in front of them. RB2 Zach Charbonnet is a lot of fun to watch, and would be considered on par with injured Giants sensation Cam Skattebo if he played in the eastern time zone and got the same fawning press coverage. But when you ask the Seahawks marketing department to put in a little work promoting the product and talent, all you get is

You’ve all heard about the Wide Receivers, so there’s no need to go beyond Jaxon Smith-Njigba, or “JSN!” as people keep calling him in hopes of not ending their career by mispronouncing his last name. I look forward to all of them going cold when the playoffs hit.

The O-line has been the real treat this year, because whatever they did to get the mix right has worked because Darnold has eaten the turf less than Geno did. He did get blown up pretty good against the Vikings though – a game they only won because of their big D.

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The defence is where the real stars have come out to play. It’s not Legion of Boom 2.0, because they’re not built like that – they still give up the occasional long run or pass at the WORST time. But what they are, for a change, is consistent. Leonard Williams is a fucking monster; he’s the guy teams have to put two against, freeing up others to chase down the QB. Having survived all those years with the Jets & Giants, it’s nice that he’s been able to brush off the stink and find solid form again. Boye Mafe is one of the homegrown guys they developed out of the Russell Wilson draft picks, and he’s got a lot of range; dude’s all over the field every Sunday. The cornerback tandem of Devon Witherspoon and Riq Woolen isn’t exactly reminiscent of Richard Sherman and Kam Chancellor, but they do get called for far fewer penalties than those guys did. They both seem able to keep the balls in front of them, so the damage is usually minimal if someone gets behind them.

This was never more apparent than at the Vikings game. Granted, the Vikings started an actual rookie & fed him to Ernest Jones THE FOURTH!!!!, resulting in four interceptions (two to Jones) & one pick-six (by Jones). Max Brosmer was 19 of 30 for just 126 yards and was sacked four times. The only Minnesota drives in Seattle territory were because of Seahawk mistakes, not Vikings’ competence. There was never a risk of a deep throw, so the Seahawks could plug the box

and force runners to go laterally, resulting in the Vikings never really having the chance to break free. The performance was so bad, it appears to have broken Vikings WR Justin Jefferson,

who finished with a career low two yards (thank god I don’t have a fantasy team this year), and it’s led Adam Thielen to ask for his release.

^{Pick the one you choose to believe.}

(Update: he’s now a Steeler. I guess A-A-ron finally found someone who will come to the video sessions.)

But it’s not like Sam Darnold was any better. His stat line was, as shown earlier, about the same – 14 of 26 for 128 yards, with two fumbles. Zach Charbonnet got the only offensive major, late in the 4th when the Vikings had long-since given up, and the average length of Jason Myers’ field goals was 46 yards. At one point, this was a more accurate reflection of the score than what the scoreboard actually said:

For a game that looked mightily winnable on paper, it took until halfway through the second quarter for the Seahawks to record their first points. In short, it was not an offensive performance for the ages. Luckily, there were coping mechanisms in place.

Projection: As things stand today, it’s roughly a three-way tie for first,

with the other two teams currently holding the tiebreaker over the Seahawks by virtue of leading the head-to-head meetings. The Week 1 loss to the Niners was Sam Darnold’s fault, and the Week 11 loss to the Rams was also Sam Darnold’s fault. So I guess what I’m saying is 

The next three games will be key to figuring most of this out, since the next eleven days have them on the road in Atlanta before a Sunday-Thursday stretch of the Colts & Rams at home.I don’t see them winning the division – I just don’t trust the game planning to not trip on their own dicks just yet. Going 3-0 is also a bit much, but two out of three will guarantee them a playoff spot. That seems eminently plausible and, more importantly, keeps me from having to pay for playoff tickets.