![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Got my wife’s cold. Great start to the week. Is 8PM too early to go to bed?
Asking for me.
And work is just crazy as I have a big release this week, so need to be around and all productive like. Boooo
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Yesterday we went to an Italian deli/restaurant in Burbank and a chatty guy in front of us was giving us very enthusiastic recommendations for everything they served and when we got to the end of line the cashier handed us a plate of three cannolis that the guy bought for us. Super nice thing to do. I wish all people were that nice and would just randomly buy me things, the world would be a better place.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Successful Retired White Guy Isn’t Given Enough Free Things. Is America About To Collapse?”
-A Fox News Exclusive
scotchnaut
/the younger boy’s girliefriend is still trying to get a handle on how we do things here
Me: “Try this, let me know what you think.”
Girlie: “Woof! So much ginger!”
Me: “Huh, ok.”
Girlie: “But I Really Like Ginger!”
Me: “But it was too much?”
Girlie: “Uh..umm. yes. BUT I REALLY LIKE THE SOUP.”
Me: “I’m just looking for your honest opinion, that’s it. If you don’t like it at all just tell me. Everyone has their preferences, it’s fine.”*
*not verbatim
/I get the notion that she doesn’t want to ruffle feathers because in her house criticism of the adults-in any form whatsoever-is frowned upon.
scotchnaut
I am enjoying the feud between myself and Don, and I look forward to discussing it further with him the next time I go to Puerto Rico and he takes us to some ramshackle little road side restaurant that somehow has the best roast pork on the island.
Horatio Cornblower
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update: I have checked in and am now in the Jurors’ Lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #2: After 4 loops through, the woman running the jurors’ lounge asked if anyone still wanted to hear the instructional film anymore. Literally no one wanted to, so she mercifully has left it on pause. No actual movement on if anyone in this room is being called into a courtroom.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #3: the first jury pools have been called. I am not in them. Back to my book.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #4: they have now called another jury pool. I am also not in that one. There are probably only like 40 or so or us left in the jurors’ lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Final update: the expected third jury pool is not needed, therefore the rest of us are dismissed. We are helpfully advised that we are not obligated to return to work as jury duty is 9-5, and that this fulfills our civic obligation for the next two years. I am now going to get some chicken for lunch.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Predictions are fun!
1) The Dems will take the House easily, and the Senate will be 51-49 one way or another. NOW LET’S WATCH HOW WRONG THIS IS!
b) Trump dies from a stroke this summer. There will be much rejoicing. (This cannot be 50% wrong)
pi) The next ICE killing will be of an ICE guy. Maybe even friendly fire! But it will be blamed on a Honduran or possibly a Sri Lankan.
69) Timothy ChallahBread will win Best Actor for playing ping pong and no one will be happy about it. Meanwhile, Michael B. Jordan plays kickass twins named Smoke and Stack and everyone shrugs. I’m already really pissed about this.
potato) Dammit, this could have been its own column. Maybe next year.
SonOfSpam
Happy new Friday everyone.
Youngest right and littlest right are flying in tomorrow as is favorite neice and her husband.
We have no plan but there will be massive together time and there will be so much love.
Woo!
We’re gonna have a best dish competition on Saturday.
One of life’s best lessons is humility.
They’re about to find out.
FUCK YES!
yeah right
Ciao tutti
2Pack
Give that dog a medal or a treat.
Jimbo
Ugh, I have to write my self review today. Way more lightweight than at Meta, and only once a year, but still, bleh
Doktor Zymm
Seems pretty easy to me.
Volcano Lair Management: Exceeds Expectations
Minion Employment Efficiency: Exceeds Expectations
World Domination Planning: Exceeds Expectations
Control of Puppet Governments and Their Leaders: Met Expectations*
*Got to leave some room for improvement for next year
LemonJello
Love the Women’s Olympic hockey medal presentation. Swiss are all smiles getting their bronze medals, the Canadians are “oh great this piece of shit” getting their silvers.
Horatio Cornblower
Olympic hockey has just been off the charts insane the last two days.
Horatio Cornblower
Apparently “Italian Ice” is a euphemism for “cocaine”.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower
USA: “We can’t investigate the government; the system will fall apart!”
UK: “Well now, we just arrested The King’s brother.”
https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/19/uk/andrew-mountbatten-windsor-arrest-what-we-know-intl
Redshirt
They arrested him on his birthday, lolololol!
Gumbygirl
Couple of beers, couple of bourbons. Had an argument with the wife, then she came back to sit. I was telling her about you guys and the meetup in Vegas.
“You should go, I’ll go and play the slots.”
Wanted to know my name on this board, I refused to tell her. Wanna know why?
Cause she’s the nosiest person I know. I need some modicum of privacy.
jjfozz
“Trying to stay awake long enough for the youngest skull fracture boy to bring back wings from the takeout place.”
-excerpt from my recent autobiography My Struggle*
*not gonna lie, the profits from the German translation alone has made me one of the ten richest Canadians of all time
scotchnaut
I’ve been in Chicago all week avoiding the buckets of water dumping down on California. Going to a steakhouse for dinner tonight, so very high probability of a martini to start. Haven’t been to a steakhouse in ages, there is a 100% chance of leftovers!
Doktor Zymm
I made terrific fish tacos with blue corn tortillas and curtido – that’s what the recipe said – last night for a lovely woman with à Serena Williams ass last night and then paid thousands less than I expected for my car repairs today.
I feel like a hundred dollars. At a five dollar party. The world can shove it, enjoy the good days.
Sexy Friday to top it off. Fuck Tool so much.
BC Dick
Had lamb for dinner. Not to be sheepish about it, it was really fucking good.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Ewe have to be fucking kidding me
herodotus450
I am full of meat!
Doktor Zymm
I would easily bet all three digits of my checking account and all two digits of my savings account that this really happened.
Redshirt
This was outstanding, DM! I found a funny that is tangentally related to this ( if you squint) Hope it posts, odds are not always in my favor
Gumbygirl
#GuessTheTop!
King Hippo
Lynard Skinhead
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Velveeta Aboveground
scotchnaut
Dinosaur Jrs.
scotchnaut
The Cult, for which there is no Cure
Gumbygirl
Squirrel Jam
scotchnaut
Squirrel Butt Sippers
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
They Might Be Retards
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
They Might Be Giant Assholes
Frankie Goes To Dollywood
Vomeo ‘Roid
SonOfSpam
Grifter Do
scotchnaut
Brains Affliction.
scotchnaut
Blood, Sweat & Viral Load
Doktor Zymm
Is it too late to add this to tomorrow’s thread
Brocky
I fished here yesterday and these reef fish made me look like an asshole. Probably to be expected since the off-Hawaii ocean is not a calm freshwater lake.
blaxabbath
Found a funny:
Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm
“Ok, we got… Kurt Russell… as a… Fire Chief in… Paducah, Kentucky”
Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here’s $40,000,000.
All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV
rockingdog
Have you ever tried to order a pizza on DoorDash while you’re completely coked-up and also getting a blowjob from a $900/hour hooker?
Me neither but I’ll bet it’s harder than it sounds.
Brick Meathook
If you’re coked up you definitely won’t be harder.
Jimbo
Sharkbait
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.