Bottle Service?

Good morning!

It has been awhile since I have had the opportunity to grace these pages and when one of our intrepid travellers Yeah Right needed a break I jumped at this opportunity.

Many years ago during the infancy of this here site I approached Ballsy about writing about futbol during the offseason. It was a great outlet for me and a way to get back into writing. We didn’t know how it would be received due to us at the time being predominantly NFL based. I must say that through the many years of this site futbol watchery has taken off. I write this to say thank you for being an outlet for more dick jokes and jackassery. It also started good friendships with a few of you over the game. Nothing beats when I get a text from teh Hippo that is read aloud by my car. When decilitre was much younger he asked me why the robot’s sentence made no sense. 

To the games!

Villa v Sunderland 

Villa needs to keep winning to keep their Champions League spot while Sunderland is in the mix for the Europa spots. Personally I’ll be happy if Villa win so that Mighty Whitey still have a shot at the greatest competition in the world the Europa Conference League.

/I wrote this before the West London derby between Fulham and Brentford at Legoland. Plastic stadium, plastic fans, it’s a busstop in Honslow.

Prediccion: Villa 2 Sunderland 0

Everton V Liverpool

Derby day at the shiny new stadium! Will Hippo read this before he shuts out the world? Will Hippo have another pill before kick off? Time will tell. Everton is not playing disappointing football this season and I have to think that the mood at Hippo’s Bitter Blue site is far better than years past. The mood for the vast amount of friends that I have who support Liverpool is dire. They all seem to want Slot out but never give any reason nor an alternative. Salah, Van Dijk may stay one more term, Robertson is leaving, dreamboat Alison gone, and hey’ll probably take Fulham’s Harry Wilson on a free (fuck them for that), plus could swoop in and take Matco Silva as well. If these 2 things occur, I will become far more bitter than imaginable. (deci and Mrs. Cola support Liverpool)

Prediccion: Everton 1 Liverpool 1 Beto gets one late, I like the cut of his jib.

Forest v Burnley

The only reason to pay any attention to this game is that we want Forest to win so it piles on pressure on Spurs. (Once again, do not know the result from Saturday) There are two things that are giving me life this term, the first being the small opportunity that Tottenham could go down. What an incredible fall from grace since winning the Europa League. I guess firing multiple managers isn’t good for the club morale afterall. My thoughts are that a lot of these guys have relegation clauses in their contracts where they would have to be paid Premier League wages in the C’ship. If they don’t it is minimum a 50% wage reduction so these guys know they will be sold and therefore really don’t give a rats ass whether they stay up. Offering the newest cooch a 5 year deal with 6 games left for survival is something I would expect out of the tenants of north Fulham, not the normally shrewd Tottenham regime. Bold move Cotton let’s see if it pays off. 

The second thing I have my eye on is next, and the real reason I wanted to write today. It is the collapse of Arsenal. 

Man City v Arsenal

Game of the season, no question. If City win, then they are 3 points back with a game in hand and maximum 2 goals back in differentia. Now, could City win and Arsenal still win the league? Of course but with no playoffs this is what we’re here for. 

City is playing like the team of years gone by. They are precise, clinical and have a cyborg as their striker who lives off of cb’s souls, yak blood, and fermented yeast. Recently, apart from the Champions League they’ve looked unstoppable. Semenyo has kept his brilliant form from Bournemouth and carried it to Citeh. Dropping him in during the January window seemed like he was with the team for a long time. I do believe that they will win the league and break so many Arsenal hearts. Prove me wrong men of Cecil! 

For the past couple of years Arsenal have been called set piece merchants due to their prowess from corners, and Declan Rice’s right boot. They’re easily the best at it in the world but my goodness do they waste time doing it. The Gunners are notorioUs bottlers but throughout this season it has indeed felt different until the last few weeks. They lost in the final of the Caribou Cup to Citeh (got manhandled), and then got knocked out by Southampton of the C’ship in the FA Cup quarterfinals. Just like that any dream of the quadruple went up in smoke. Now, they’re in the quarter finals of the Champions League but they finally face stiff opposition in Atletico Madrid who can slice and dice you at any given moment. If they win this one the boogedyman is off their back, if they lose then we will have a superb few weeks left in the season

Let’s take a look at the games remaining after this one. 

Prediccion: Citeh 3 Horatios 1

Arsenal: (H) Newcastle, (H) Mighty Whitey, (A) West Ham, (H) Burnley, (A) Palace

Man City: (A) Burnley, (A) Fightin Hippos, (H) Brentford, (A) Bournemouth, (H) Villa.

Arsenal should very well run the table and the only banana peel I see for Citeh is their final game against Villa. Goal difference will be important. Thoughts?

Before I go I’m turning 50 in a couple weeks.

First thing is first, I made it! I have done a lot of dumbass shit in my lifetime in various countries and lived through while also never getting arrested! 

This milestone has definitely made me look back at the years since I left Manitoba at the ripe age of twenty and ventured out into the big world. There is no question that I’ve always tried to have a good time wherever I was and with whoever I was with. For those at this lovely site who have met me they know this is true. (Vegas Meetup 3.0?) I definitely go overboard but I chalk that up to being a binge drinker but I have been recently trying to slow that train down because once it leaves the station it is not going to stop. I feel that in the past few years I have known this but only recently have I tried to keep it in check. 

Having decilitre at the age of 41 has definitely kept me young as the boy does not give a fuck if Daddy is tired, or hungover. The boy has made me far more health conscious because as an older Dad I really want to see him through his knucklehead 20’s. I know me, and I know my BIL BC Dick and deci will definitely go through the knucklehead decade. deci’s bday is 2 days after mine so in the past 8 years (minus Covid) we’ve always had a joint party where my adult friends come over, I cook up a mess of a feed and we get absolutely bombed. Luckily Mrs. Cola doesn’t drink much so the child has some adult supervision. This year we’ve rented 2 condo’s in Banff, Alberta and have invited 20 of my friends to come, stay, soak in the hot pools, drink wine, and listen to tunes. There will be no dinner or anything like that because Mrs. Cola has stated that she will not herd “20 drunken cats around a mountain town”. It should be a great time but the hangover will be legendary. Good thing there is a live futbol match the next day that we are dragging ourselves to! At this age hangovers have gone from 2 days to three which is just a terrible return on investment. 

I have put together goody bags for the guests with a Gatorade, Advil, wine charm to differentiate each others glasses, an airplane bottle of booze and a Big Turk.

Have a great day and enjoy the games!