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Your Mid-Afternoon Lazy Sunday NFL Exhibition Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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There’s only two tilts today but thankfully the scheduling wizards didn’t have them going at it at the same time. I like small victories.

To The Games!

Chefs/Saints:

-Coach Allen maintains that most starters (minus Michael Thomas, natch) will make an appearance so that’s nice.

-So many folks slag on Derek Carr but his career 217/99 TD/INT number isn’t that bad. Sure it’s just one stat but he seems to be like Cousins in that folks always talk about what he can’t do as opposed to what he can. Look, there are merely competent qb’s out there and fans should realize that not having your team experience a qb carousel over a period of years is actually a good thing.

-Mahomes will be starting as well and fantasy goobers will try to determine who his fave wr is over the course of one quarter. You can see the folly in that.

-Speaking of, UDFA Justyn Ross has excelled in camp but he’s just practice squad material.

-Evergreen comment: Kadarius Toney is injured.

Niners/Raiders:

-L.V. held 13 players out of practice on Friday which seems like quite a bit.

-I had a brain fart and had to look and see who the Raiders qb is. Ahh, it’s Jimmy G. (note: “brain fart” is actually creeping dementia, I’m sure)

-Receiver Adams went down with a shin ouchie so I took a gander at the rest of the unit and the words “cromulent” and “thin” came to mind. Meyers was the ‘big’ signing and he has all of 8 TD’s to show for the last four years, 80% of them coming in the previous season. UGH!

-Much like everyone outside the Niners organization, I’ve seen very little of Trey Lance. Unlike others, I don’t have an opinion about his game or prospects.

-Looking for that McCaffrey handcuff? Tyrion Davis-Price has improved his stock the most in camp.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I read the first sentence as “there’s only two tits today” and I was thinking, “isn’t that usually the case for married guys?”

1
Gumbygirl

Speaking of married guys and tits

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

The Webb Telescope found a thing that doesn’t know what it is

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3
WCS

Just The Riddler Galaxy.

2
Dunstan

Enhanced image:

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Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Rays gave away a Franco hat to fans 14 and under today, and I can’t improve upon that.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It really doesn’t seem like Wander Franco’s time in the minors resulted in any kind of positive growth…as there’s a drive into deep left field, it will be a home run. And so that will make it a 4–0 ballgame.”

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SonOfSpam

Obviously, that was Castellanos hitting.

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TheRevanchist

8th grader, to be more exact. Per Tik Tok.

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WCS

Matt Gaetz is torn: no problem with the age, but Franco is an immigrant…

1
ballsofsteelandfury

He’s taking his job!

3
Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Been applying for jobs and wow there are a lot of companies out there that I have never heard of and I’m still not sure what they do after looking at their website

1
Brick Meathook

Go for a big company, like Meta.

5
Doktor Zymm

Tik Tok is hiring a lot right now and I’m kind of torn because they have a horrible reputation for being high stress, but they also pay a metric shitton.

2
King Hippo

and you can learn China’s kewlest secrets!!

5
BugEyedBoo

I’ve done that “Any 80 hours a week you want,” thing, no thanks.

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SonOfSpam

HyperCompuGlobalMegaNet is on the cusp of quantum fiber paradigms.

2
herodotus450

What do you know about knives?

0
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Chelski have a dude named “Malo Gusto” – tell me that doesn’t sound like espanol slang for a cabbage fart

2
yeah right

I think it means he really likes Mallo cups.

1
Gumbygirl

Who doesn’t?

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LemonJello

Aight. Just fired off the Jaguras preview to the Right Reverend.

7
King Hippo

DDDDUUUUUUVVVVVAAAALLLLLL y’all

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, so it wasn’t my plan to hit the bottle hard today, but…that may end up being what happens*. Pray for Rikki.

*not for any negative reasons other than me being a degenerate who doesn’t know when to stop.

1
LemonJello

Did you see the way that bottle was dressed? It was asking to be hit. It’s not your fault.

4
Doktor Zymm

That’s a perfectly cromulent reason

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King Hippo

when in doubt…inebriate

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WCS

Other Hippo would comment, but he’s passed out in the bathroom stall.

2
King Hippo

that do sound like his ass ,, chuh chuh

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TheRevanchist

Pretty sure I have an ulcer or pancreatitis again. Damn it.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, dude. That sucks.

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King Hippo

You can probably fix it yourself with a steak knife and a YouTube video. Unless you’s some kind of PUSSY

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Doktor Zymm

Neither of those options sound pleasant, hope you feel better

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LemonJello

Is there a 3rd option?

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TheRevanchist

Don’t know. Based off of black stool for 2 days in a row and an upset tummy, has to be an ulcer. Pancreatitis is a possibility from history.

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yeah right

I made one of those meals where I broke out all of my techniques and cook memory and produced something extraordinary.

This baby was incredible.

You’ll see it here in two weeks.

I’m just so damn worn out after last week that I didn’t go back for seconds and that’s just not like me. At all.

3
WCS

You’ve got lunch lined up.

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yeah right

Alas, it was most definitely NOT vegetarian so TAJ gets the leftovers.
I’ll probably grab another couple of bites in a bit.

1
WCS

Mail me what doesn’t get consumed.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah Right’s latest creation (artist’s conception):

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LemonJello

Is this called a Maestro?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That does seem like a good name for it, doesn’t it?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Martini time!

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2
WCS

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yeah right

I bet a dime.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I was watching a youtube video where Danny DeVito breaks down his roles and apparently Martini was a veteran whose bomber had been shot down and was sinking, and that’s why he’s always perched on stuff, especially as the tension rises, because he’s reacting to his perception of rising water.

2
Brick Meathook

In the Ken Kesey book, when they steal the fishing boat and one of the patients drives it, they bring it back to the dock with the police and doctors waiting and the patient executed a perfect docking. The other fishermen compliment his seamanship skills, and he tells them he was a PT boat skipper during the war.

1
WCS

THANK YOU

I haven’t read it in probably two decades; I could NAWT recall the specifics.

1
yeah right

That was a great read.

1
Doktor Zymm

I talk about what Cousins CAN do, he CAN blow prime time games in spectacular fashion!

1
Mr. Ayo

Hey, they heard you like playoffs, so they put a playoff in your FedEx playoffs

0
Mr. Ayo

Moar like CantPlay

0
herodotus450

Cities that spell it “Los” walk like this, while cities that spell it “Las” walk like this.
…well, it killed at the Apollo.

2
WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Joe Burrow, Herndon Hooker

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Brick Meathook

A bit more about the difference between synthetic opiates and all-natural Taliban poppy opiates:

Synthetic opiates come with a ten page warning sheet detailing all the potential mental & physical side effects. Natural opiates have a one sentence warning: don’t take too much.

1
Petronel

…oh ffs.

2
LemonJello

Where’s Rikki? Washing and ironing his RAIDERS NATION bandana(s)?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just had a proscuitto and arugula and cheese sandwich and washed it down with a glass of sauvignon blanc. This is fresh after having attended a piano concert last night. I’m at peak classiness for the year.

2
Gumbygirl

Classy motherfucker, no doubt!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re at Peak Bay Area

1
LemonJello

Oh, so it’s the formal bandana tonight.

2
yeah right

This O’Connell kid may be fucking legit for the Raiders. Couple of really nice drives.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!

[slaps O’Connell on the ass, hard, then gives him a liter of cola]

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Gumbygirl

Oh wow. Doppelganger!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Enough to make me want to get a “RAMROD” jersey if he makes the team.

3
WCS

He doesn’t want a “large O’Connell,” he wants a goddamned “litre O’Connell.

7
Petronel

Just got home, turned on the game and had totally forgotten about…

…damn, our boy is gonna look good in silver and black. (More good, anyway.)

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WCS

Glad to see yinz!

1
Petronel

Thank’ee, kind sir! Glad to be back here with all of you.

GO NYNURZ *drinks*

1
Petronel

Also: That black stadium is going to have some hellacious A/C bills. Not that Marky Mark cares, of course

3
LemonJello

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Gumbygirl

Yay, Petronel is here!

2
LemonJello

Hey, when did that Re…uh, special young man, Touch of Downs move to San Francisco?

2
Gumbygirl

I was just wondering about that too.

0
WCS

Eli?

1
LemonJello

No, Hey Darnold!

2
LemonJello

Ah, our goddess SHANK’LHOR makes her preseason presence known in Mark Davis’ bounce house.

3
TheRevanchist

They showed that kicker’s stats from college. I was not impressed by that. Probably should have kept those stats to themselves.

2
LemonJello

“His 40 time is the only stat I care about!”
-muffled response emanating from Al Davis’s mausoleum

2
LemonJello

HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE?

4
scotchnaut

Interviewer: “Christopher, have you ever prayed?”

Hitchens: “Just once, for a hard-on.”

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scotchnaut

My Chief takeaway from this game? Even the third team of (eventual) KC castoffs can outscore you.

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TheRevanchist

My take: KC looks good. And we had two Fresno State QBs on the Saints side and one receiver on the KC side. The first preseason game I enjoyed.

1
scotchnaut

Why do I think that Bijan Robinson will lead the league in rushing next year? Because Arthur Smith. At Tennessee he was the one that finally got King Henry going. At Atlanta last year the rookie Allgeier was a 5th rounder that did very little before week 9. Afterwards his yards per carry increased to 5.64 and he ended up rushing for 1,035 yards. Smith is going to run the ball no matter what.

1
WCS

So he’ll comfortably lead the league in rushing until the last month of the season or so and lose it to New England’s RB1?

0
scotchnaut

48 hours after moving my kid into his apartment, it would seem that my lower back is just a mass of squirrels that have just ingested copious amounts of Red Bull.

4
King Hippo

scotchy’s back has wiiiiiiings!

3
bk109

Ouch, I’ve found aspirine, beer and some mild exercises help with those. Also, I guess you learned your lesson on why that saying (“no good deed…”) is a thing 😛

1
King Hippo

I have told my kids…look y’all have friends. Use them. If you need to come to me for cash to slip/beer them, that is totally ok. But my body is all out of house moves. The one out of my “divorce house” to where I now live (and will die) took the very last drop out of me.

2
2Pack

Hit the Motrin for a couple, three days.

1
bk109

Take a Motrin and walk it off. aka the Marine’s guide to anything short of a 105mm shell to the face 😀

5
LemonJello

And add “change your socks” in the case of a 105 to the face.

3
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXnM6BRl-s8&ab_channel=BryantWong

Yes, yes Army, not Marines. Message is the same.

0
Gumbygirl

Some Maalox to wash the Motrin down!

1
BeefReeferLives

If the NSAIDs ain’t cutting it, go to the doc tomorrow and get a scrip for some cyclobenzaprine or similar muscle relaxer.

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BeefReeferLives

If the aspirin\ibuprofen\acetaminophen ain’t cutting it, maybe go to the doc and get a scrip for some cyclobenzaprine or similar muscle relaxer.

(earlier attempt to post this got flagged, 2nd try)

0
Gumbygirl

Here’s a fun fact about me: I am allergic to aspirin and NSAIDS. If Tylenol ever stops working, I am totally screwed.

0
Brick Meathook

Not at all! Welcome to opiates.

Also, never settle for synthetic, like Gabapentin. Insist on real Taliban-poppy opiates.

3
Gumbygirl

I think I’d better stick to weed. I tend to go all in.

0
BeefReeferLives

ok, 3rd time trying to post this.

If the aspirinibuprofenacetaminophen ain’t cutting it, maybe go to the doc and get a scrip for a muscle relaxer tomorrow.

0
BeefReeferLives

hmm. looks like wordpress didn’t like the particular muscle relaxer (that has worked for me when I have fucked up my back) that i named in earlier attempts to post.

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BeefReeferLives

c y c l o b e n z a p r i n e

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BeefReeferLives

There. Yea. Take that, wordpress, ya prude!!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– how the Lahaina fires *really* started

2
Gumbygirl

You know what’s good for that? WEED.

0
King Hippo

It can never be a truly worthless day when the Redshite filth drop points.

0
bk109

Though they could’ve gone the extra mile and actually lost to Chelski.

1
King Hippo

True, that was the silver lining to the cloud. Not that I particularly favoUr Chelski joy, neither. But I like Pochettino ok, I guess.

0
Senor Weaselo

So this weekend is the 50th anniversary of the birth of hip-hop. So in honor of that…
https://youtu.be/zhUnEg0he4A

5
King Hippo

a reminder to all honkies to diversify our booooonnnds

0
2Pack

WTF is with WordPress lately? Second time I tried to make a simple one letter edit, and when I press save I get this, slow down you are posting chit too quickly… message… Over… And over… Even after waiting a minute or so.

Anybody else getting that?

1
Gumbygirl

Everybody is getting that. It’s annoying.

1
2Pack

Let’s all just resolve to put up with each others misspelled chit… shall we?

2
Gumbygirl

Football! I fucking love football!

1
Gumbygirl

How do I love it? Let me count the ways (Elizabeth Barrett Browning) It hath charms to soothe the savage breast (William Congreve) it restoreth my soul (Psalm 23) It’s hawt (Paris Hilton). It makes me feel like dancing ( Leo Sayers)

There are more, but I’m busy watching football!

5
King Hippo

Ms. Browning is still vying for the Burrow backup jerb, too!

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