Purple Drank: Tuesday Open Thread

Yeah Right rejoice- the Vikings have made the obvious decision without (apparently) setting themselves on fire!

Justin Jefferson, who was set to make $19 million playing on the fifth-year team option of his rookie contract this year, agreed to another 4 years at $140 million, $110 million of which is notionally guaranteed. Spotrac has a deep dive into what is actually guaranteed for what, how much is payable when, etc. $88 million due at signing.

It’s kind of a weird deal for a team just starting the clock on their Rookie Quarterback Contract era. They reduced the cap hit this year, leaving a larger chunk for the years when JJ McFuckface would be in line for a huge extension.

I mean, we all expect him to flame out like his mentor Sam Darnold, but you gotta plan for success in the face of the evidence if you’re Minnesota.

As always when discussing Justin Jefferson, I like to reflect on how he made it to Minnesota in the first place: because the Bills fucked the pooch. Like Patrick Mahomes, Jefferson was selected with Buffalo’s pick- in this case, the primary cost of getting Stefon Diggs to the shores of Lake Erie. While Diggs was a great addition, and it wasn’t just the Eagles who massively misjudged Jefferson’s potential, I still like to indulge the vicious sting of imagining Mahomes throwing to Jefferson in Orchard Park.

Le Sigh…

NFL NEWS

-Also getting paaaaid again? Christian McCaffrey! Despite having two years left on his deal, the 49ers gave him two more years and a raise today, 2 years and $39ish million, for a revised total of 4 years, $62 million. Mostly this functioned to convert his next two years’ totally unguaranteed contract into two years very guaranteed, with a third likely if he can stay healthy and productive at 30. Steep for a running back? Sure. But he’s the Shohei Otani of Football (minus the stench of illegal gambling). He is basically an All-Pro running back AND a Top 10-15 tight end. Both San Francisco and McCaffrey should be happy about this deal.

-Probably less happy? McCaffrey’s teammate Brandon Aiyuk. Aiyuk, drafted three picks after Jefferson, has been adamant that he deserves a long-term deal and did not report to mini-camp. Not only has he seen other receivers get hella paid, his team is now doing unnecessary deals with McCaffrey instead of whipping out the checkbook for him going into a walk year. The Niners have over $30 million in cap room this year. Brock Purdy is going to be knocking on John Lynch’s door next year looking to upgrade his scheduled $1 million salary.

I am legitimately flummoxed by this situation. Unless Aiyuk is asking for truly stratospheric money, this deal needed to be done by the Niners a month ago, before the market reset. Kittle’s got a lot of mileage on him, Deebo’s projected career-span goes down by a game everytime Shanahan uses him to run the ball, and we’ve all developed collective amnesia about McCaffrey’s penchant for season-ending injuries. Aiyuk is the Reggie Wayne here, the guy who can keep your offense ticking while other stars (Edge, Marvin Harrison) are transitioning out. Pay him his money, Niners.

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:

Hope you like pointless hockey…documentaries. No NBA. No NHL. No baseball or WNBA on non-regional/specialty networks. Instead, ESPN will be show a retrospective on the 1994 New York Rangers. Upon slight research, this team involved both Mike Keenan and Mark Messier, which means they can fuck all the way off.

 

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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ArmedandHammered

I am not sure, but I think MS hired a lot of ex-Apple UI people because Win11 suspiciously looks a lot like MacOS to my eyes.

Doktor Zymm

That’s a lot easier than doing something like having original ideas and leaning into the differences to make a competitive product that caters to people who don’t like Apple products. Instead just make something they hate slightly less and have to use because there are no other options if you want to run popular software!

ArmedandHammered

Yep, and they made it harder to find where to get rid of the bloatware. You would have thought the McAfee app was begging for the life of it’s wife and children the hoops I had to go through to uninstall it.

ArmedandHammered

I must admit I named my newest created race of genocidal hive minded robots in Stellaris Clippy’s Revenge.

Gumbygirl

Is it just me, or is the site down? No Wednesday posts and no commemts on this one since 3 am.

Gumbygirl

Comments

BugEyedBoo

Site seems up for me. Just haven’t had a lot to say.

Doktor Zymm

Someone left their gum in the content machine

ArmedandHammered

Supply line issues.

Brick Meathook
Mr. Ayo

I’m not smart enough to get this, but I still gave you a plus one.

Brick Meathook

Thank you.

Quality comics and humor just don’t seem to be your bailiwick (down there with proper engine lubrication) but that’s okay, to each their own. Life is a rich tapestry.

Here’s a comic strip you might find amusing:

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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yeah right

I don’t usually chime in on theatrical releases but GODZILLA MINUS 1 is fucking awesome.

It’s a perfect GODZILLA movie. And I grew up on this shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My friend Keisuke did one of the voices for the English dub!

2Pack

I stopped in at this one while down in Alabama and was stunned to find no used books.

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WCS

Quite the selection of used syringes, broken bottles, and spent brass, though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A few VHS cassettes, too.

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Gumbygirl

We used to go past a place that sold
“egges” in Bumfuck Florida. Somewhere around Waldo or Starke, if you know you know.

Horatio Cornblower

50 years ago today.

https://x.com/RetroNewsNow/status/1798184988732530769

Raise a glass of the cheapest beer you can find, then punch a stranger in the face.

2Pack

Must have thought, what were we thinking.

WCS

Possibly the best way to describe the 1970s to a sentient alien species.

Gumbygirl

The alien overlords who are manipulating us just hear the word “Cleveland” and they laff and laff!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A hearty and heartfelt THANK YOU to Horatio for today’s amazing care package of delicious beers, or “yeast samples” if anyone from the shipping industry asks.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve just gone to putting a dismissive sneer on my face and saying “household goods” when the good folks at UPS ask what I’m shipping.

Glad it got there intact.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I usually go with “gifts” and occasionally “soda”

I sent you a message on slack too, lest you think I’m karma farming thanking you in public

Horatio Cornblower

Just replied. I’m terrible on Slack.

I mean, I’m terrible in real life, but also on Slack.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, are you saying that you’re a slacker, or that you aren’t a slacker?

ballsofsteelandfury

I once sent Litre a “Mexican lemonade”

WCS

That’s definitely something Trump asked Stormy to give him.

Gumbygirl

Before or after the magazine spanking?

litre_cola

I have been watching the T20 Cricket World Cup as apparently I get that sports channel. The crowds have been impressive in the US.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, that’s actually in the US???

Anything in the LA area?

ballsofsteelandfury

Just checked. Just in NY (temporary stadium) and Dallas.

I don’t know how TF they’re going to do cricket in LA for the Olympics…

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m guessing they will build a temporary stadium at Balboa, since there are cricket fields there, but I do wish they would build an actual stadium.

Then we could get an AFL team!

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a bunch of guys who play cricket pretty much every night at the state park near my house. You could come watch them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, cricket is lots of fun live. Though the Olympics folks will probably be jerks about letting you bring in as much booze as is necessary for enjoying the game properly.

Doktor Zymm

I have the very delicious problem of owning far too much excellent wine, I’ll have to drink some tonight to make room in my auxiliary wine rack!

2Pack

She has a side wine rack for when the main wine rack is not looking.

Gumbygirl

It’s the liquid equivalent of “Chicago dude”

ArmedandHammered

*Quietly smiles and looks at wife’s 600 bottle collection piled up still in shipping boxes and 7 wine fridges.

Sharkbait

Mike Keenan looks way older than I thought he would

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m sleepy

Gumbygirl

I’m Dopey

Game Time Decision

I’m grumpy

Mr. Ayo

I’m boozy

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m horny

King Hippo

I’m WASPy

ballsofsteelandfury

Judging is your superpower

WCS

I got a rock.

Gumbygirl

.

MV5BMmY2ZmIxOTktYjY1Zi00NzViLWIyN2UtMWIyYWJkN2M0MzQ0XkEyXkFqcGdeQVRoaXJkUGFydHlJbmdlc3Rpb25Xb3JrZmxvdw@@._V1_.jpg
Dunstan

Lowratio is so happy to have so many friends in the clubhouse.

Horatio Cornblower

So nice to see him sitting on the kitchen counter, just smiling and swinging his little legs 3′ above the floor.

WCS

Awww!
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Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m Sneezy.

“You stay the hell away from my coffee table!” – Jim Irsay

yeah right

I’ve definitely been Sneezy lately.

Gumbygirl

Any AT&T customers unhappy today?
[ giggles in T-Mobile]

Mr. Ayo

Of course, but I didn’t notice anything wrong with my AT&T service today aside from the usual spam calls.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I keep answer those hoping that it’s SonOf but despite my phone’s promise that it’s “likely”, it never is.

Last edited 5 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Game Time Decision

Back home from by vacation. Started yesterday in Anchorage and was off the ship at 9 AM in Seward. Flight was a red eye with a transfer in ORD to YYZ, so have been up for 30 something hours as I can’t sleep on a motherfucking plane.
Twas a great trip, however the parting gift of Covid made the trip home super sucky. Seems to be a mild case for both of us so far.

Last edited 5 months ago by Game Time Decision
scotchnaut

I don’t see anything wrong with an extended vacation.

Game Time Decision

I work from home so won’t be doing much tomorrow
Mrs GTD has way more vacation time than I so is off this week
/very jelly

Last edited 5 months ago by Game Time Decision
Horatio Cornblower

One thing I found about Covid was that I slept like a rock. They were demoing our kitchen at the time and I would sleep through that.

Game Time Decision

Also, if coming from the east coast, start in Anchorage or west and go to Vancouver as the flights from there can you home same day where there’s no way to do that from Seward, where you get dropped off, and is 2.5 hour drive to the airport in Anchorage

Last edited 5 months ago by Game Time Decision
yeah right

There has been much, much rejoicing indeed.

Best news we’ve had in awhile that didn’t involve the Falcons thoroughly fucking over both of their 2 new quarterbacks.

ballsofsteelandfury

Rumors of Aiyuk to the Steelers will re-start any moment now…

scotchnaut

Aiyuk to the Giants is a big thing because a shit ton of NY sportswriters are trying to cope with the Rangers ouster.

King Hippo

Los Gigantes‘ 1st round pick would be MOAR attractive than the Yinzers’

scotchnaut

5th or 6th is the consensus.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Ain’t nobody giving up a 1st round pick for Aiyuk.

/Dallas gives up 1st round pick for Aiyuk.

Ah, yes. Well. Nevertheless.

WCS

YYEEEAAAAHHHHAAAAWWWWW FUCK DEM PICKS BOYS IT WORKED FOR THAT SHITHEAD KROENKE AND IT’LL GOTT DANGED GONNA WORK FOR THE OL DOUBLE J I AM FUCKIN CRAZH I AM TAKING ALL YOU SORRY ASSES DOWN WITH ME YEEEEAAHHHAAWWWWW

Horatio Cornblower

But what does Aiyuk-to-the-Giants mean for the Maple Leafs of Toronto?