Good morning, everyone. It’s your old pal Beerguy here, dropping in for a little bit to help out with some preview coverage in advance of the first second third Open Thread of the 2024 Euros.

In previous years when I’ve written about the Euros I’ve covered countries like Russia (failed to advance; now banned), Sweden (lost in first knockout stage), Wales (lost in first knockout stage), and Scotland (never qualified). This time around, I chose to work with some of the minnows in this year’s tournament – Albania & Georgia. That way, I can’t be disappointed with however it goes.

With that in mind, I’ve timed this post for just before the start of the third match of the day – Albania vs. Italy.

To get us underway, please rise for the Albanian national anthem:

It just brings a tear to your eye.

SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT HERE?!

Albania – look, most of us only know this place because of that Season 1 “Simpsons” episode, “The Crepes of Wrath”,

and Enver Hoxha, leader of Albania from 1945-85 and a man who met (and survived) Stalin, Khrushchev, and Tito.

So I’m not going to pretend that this is going to be some deep dive into the historical esoterica. I respect you more than that.

In a totally unrelated circumstance, adult model Breanne Benson

was born Benedetta Hamzai in Tirana, Albania in 1984. For some reason, the school board’s filters won’t let me post a gif of her work, so I’ll leave that up to you to discover. She’s currently ranked #1625 on Pornhub, probably because she’s “retired” but according to iafd.com, you’ll have 419 different options to choose from for research purposes.

Number of Euros attended: 2 (for Albania; none for Ms. Benson)

First Euro attended: 2016. Buckle up for the history lecture!

The road to getting there in 2016 was almost as much fun as the tournament itself. They advanced second in Group I because their qualifying match against Serbia had to be abandoned due to a riot that started when an Albanian fan outside (Albanian account), or an Albanian official inside the Serbian stadium (Serbian account), flew a drone into the stadium bearing a “Greater Albania” flag as a reminder of Kosovo’s break from Serbia in the late-1990s & declaration of independence from Serbia in 2008.

A Serbian player grabbed the flag and an Albanian tried to take it back, sparking a melee both on the field and in the stands, where the Serbian fans had been chanting “Ubij, ubij Šiptara” (Kill, kill the Albanian)” since before the match started. The match was abandoned because fans invaded the pitch and began attacking Albanian players and the referees.

Four Albanian players were injured as a result of the fight on the field and attempting to get to the safety of the locker room.

The Court of Arbitration in Sport (CAS) ruled that “the match stoppage and the eventual abandonment of the match were caused by security lapses of the organisers and acts of violence exerted on the Albanian players by the Serbian fans and at least one security steward.” The decision cost Serbia three points, and gave Albania three points & three goals for the victory. That difference allowed Albania to qualify in second in Group I, behind Portugal but ahead of Denmark, and keep Serbia home. The Albanian response, after beating Armenia to qualify, was to point out that “Serbia will now watch us in France [while] drinking beer in front of their TV.”

This video review of the incident is a pretty wild ride through modern Balkan animosities.

At the 2016 Euros, Albania finished third in their group, losing to Portugal & Switzerland but beating Romania. They missed out on a third-place qualifying spot due to a negative goal differential, allowing other three-point teams to get in ahead of them. Guess they needed more drones.

How did they get here this time?: They won Qualifying Group E ahead of the Czech Republic, Poland, Moldova and the Faroe Islands. No riots this time!

Euro Group: B – Spain, Croatia, Italy – the “Group of Death”

Match schedule: (all start times German)

• June 15: Italy vs Albania (Dortmund, 21:00) – that’s noon o’clock Best Coast Time.
• June 19: Croatia vs Albania (Hamburg, 15:00)
• June 24: Albania vs Spain (Düsseldorf, 21:00)

Manager: former Arsenal, Barcelona and Brazil defender Sylvinho

Dude was apparently a preparation machine. According to the BBC, he and his assistants “watched 240 clips of games to get to an initial list of 70 footballers, then cutting it to 39 – and finally to 23 – for their opening match with Poland in the Euro 2024 qualifiers.”

His main focus for the team was to switch from a ‘traditional’ defensive posture to an attacking formation. He switched from the 3-5-2 formation used by his predecessors, mostly to try and keep Albania close & strike off the counter, to a 4-3-3 and press their opposition. This is where the Nations League again benefitted a smaller country. They used this practice to build up their squad for qualifiers, where they received a fortunate draw by being in the same group as Czechia, Poland, Moldova, and the Faroe Islands.

By winning their group based on goal differential, they were placed directly into the tournament and didn’t have to go through a qualifying playoff like Georgia did. (Poland ultimately qualified in a playoff by beating Wales 5-4 in a shootout.)

As for the team, well – you could say they are a hodgepodge of national players collected from overseas teams.

No, more like the national Albanian league is so weak that the best players have to go play in other countries to get better experience. There are a few Albanian players in the Premier League (2), Serie A (12) and Bundesliga (2), but the majority play in second- or third-divisions in most European Leagues. It’s kind of like how young European hockey players come to play in the CHL to improve their draft prospects.

It wasn’t a great sign that the midfield had more goals in qualifying than the forwards – 9 vs. 2 – but it is an indication that the attacking nature of the Albanian program under Sylvinho means they don’t have to rely on the forwards for all their production, which again is a change from how things used to be.

Their top player is Jasir Asani,

and is considered the star of the team, having scored three goals in qualifying for Albania.. He plays his club footy for Korean League 1 club Gwangju FC, where he seems to have made an enemy of his head coach, who all but called him a fat, lazy slob for his performance this season. That stands in stark contrast to Sylvinho, who recruited him hard for the national team and considers him a linchpin to the team’s success. How well he plays will be an indication of how the team does as a whole.

How will they do?:

Again – they are in Group B with Spain, Croatia and Italy. That’s the dictionary definition of a “Group of Death”. Even ten years ago you might have even counted on another riot given the teams involved, given the ultras who support Italy and Croatia. The stats monkeys say they’ll get blown out each match. But given that they start against Italy, and taking Italy’s recent crash-and-burn history in Euros and World Cups, there is a better-than-slight chance Albania could hit the upset here and maybe squeak through to the elimination round via a third-place tiebreaker.

“We will give our soul to make the fans happy with a victory over Italy”, said Jasir Asani, and that echoes his coach’s philosophy of treating each match like a final. They should at least be fun to watch.

In any event, it’s a beautiful day for some footy. Gird yourselves & get to the commenting. We’ve got a month of this to enjoy!