Today’s semi-finals feature the Dutch Ovens against the Tea and Crumpets, a matchup so significant that even the racists of each country temporarily set aside their issues with having non-white players on their squad.
This will be the fourth meeting between England and the Netherlands at a major tournament. The Oranje and the Three Lions have each claimed one victory (in Euro 1988 and 1996 respectively), while their encounter in the 1990 World Cup ended in a draw. Some of you may remember that the Dutch ovens beat the Tea and Crumpets in the Nations League, but like I said, a major tournament.
The Flying Dutch ovens are reminiscent of the Andy Reid-era Philadelphia Eagles because they tend to lose in the conference finals. England is comparable to the Dallas Cowboys in that they were once dominant but haven’t had success in decades.
As a fan of Satan’s favorite team, this is a tough game to root for a side. The Dutch have a lot of LiVARpool players on their team, while England just play boring football. Plus, there’s been growing rumblings that Southgate will become Man United’s new gaffer once Ten Fraud inevitably shits the bed and United are out of everything by December. I guess that makes me want England to win? Plus, England has future United GOAT Kobbie Mainoo, who has done nothing but play well and still gets racially harassed by England’s media. Shades of Daniel Sturridge. If England loses, he’ll likely become the main target of racial hate crimes, and we can’t allow that. He’s a Prince who must be defended at all costs, damn it!
Here are the predicted lineups:
Tea and Crumpets:
Pickford; Walker, Stones, Guehi; Saka, Mainoo, Rice, Shaw; Foden, Bellingham; Kane.
Fake Germans:
Verbruggen; Dumfries, De Vrij, Van Dijk, Ake; Schouten, Reijnders; Malen, Simons, Gakpo; Depay.
Voorspelling:
A boring 0-0 game that goes to PKs, where the Brits win.
Enjoy.
Bucatini is the best pasta shape
And also in the top three of all-time Italian strikers in Serie A.
For long ones, I agree. For short ones, I like penne, orrichiette, and conchiglie.
Rotini for the win
Rikki, after having realized there was a separate open thread for the game (artist’s conception):
So… 4-1 Spain, right?
Don’t be silly. It’s coming home!
I’ve hard that before.
The luckiest, timeliest team that ever played footy.
Cole Palmer looks like a guy I bullied in high school.*
*it was cool back then
They replaced Kane with Fiar Skinny Fuck.
What say you, VAR?
Tyrannosaurus Pickford with a great save
If he isn’t whining to a defender afterwards, is it really a save though?
This is starting to remind me of the 4 Days’ Battle: Long and with no clear cut winner
Trying to decide which of these two teams I would rather see get shredded by Spain.
Not sure who I want to win this, but I guess England because it’s more fun for them to lose in the final.
I discovered the window AC I have in Chicago is old enough that you can unplug it while it’s running and it’ll start running again when you plug it back in! That means I can stick it on a smart plug, which I’m pretty happy about
Wout Weghorst is likely coming on for the Dutch.
I’d like to see Kane, Jude and Shaw off for Toney, Palmer and Tripper. Just to see something
I would think that having great peripheral vision would be a required ability for a footballer. It is just that a lot of them seem to be blindsided a lot.
So much for the boring game…
And I have work I need to do. I thought it would be boring and I would be able to focus enough on work, but nooooooo I have to pay attention to the game.
Subbing guys out after 30 minutes?
A lot of tobacco consumption given both of their East India companies?
The look on Foden’s face after he nearly misses reminds of how I look while walking away from my wife before I say something ill-tempered.
So more than 50% of the ball has to cross the goal?
“The entire whole ball has to go in the mouth (of the goal).”
-Anonymous commenter
Not sure what it means about me but I read that at first as “The entire whole ball (gag) has to go in the mouth (of the goal).”
Yeah, 100% of it has to go in.
That shouldn’t be a penalty kick. Unreal
Yep, he was going for the ball, not Harry Fuckface Kane.
If you’re going in that high and studs up you better hit the ball.
And I loathe Harry Kane.
He even got the shot off!
It would be a free kick anywhere else on the field, so I’ve no objections. Also my understanding of fútbol rules is limited and best so I’ll take whatever I can get to make this game more interesting.
A quickie for Old Neddie!
Operation Garden Market has failed so far.
I meant Market Garden.
What a goal for the Dutch Ovens!
The game has been surprisingly open so far. Hopefully, they maintain this pace.
That swirling camera almost made me nauseous.
And then they showed a close up of Harry Kane and NOW I am nauseous.
I get Depay Reijnders from Spectrum. They’re Schouten at me, it makes my ears Ake, but I’m a Dumfries and I forget to Malen in. Fuck those guys, bunch of Van Dijks!
You tell them! I hated Spectrum when we had them.