Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped [in bed].
Tony Robbins
So make sure your partner is consenting and have a safe word. I guess I can save a few hundred now and not go to one of your seminars.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Enjoying Jets fan’s melt downs today. I love a morning when the schadenfreude is soo plentiful.
ArmedandHammered
Sharkbait
Xavier Newman is likely not paralyzed, which is good! Also likely career ending, though he’ll still be able to do clinics and stuff which is what fellow horrible injury sufferer Johnny Knox ended up doing.
Bad day for receivers, between 4 receivers on my 2 fantasy teams I got 1.2 points. Only still (barely) in it because Deebo also had 0 for my oppo. I need Henry and ONLY Henry to have a huge night tonight. Oh, and the Cards to score some points and not turn the ball over. I’m screwed.
Was verrah impressed with Detroit’s clock management. Dan Campbell is a really solid HC. And no shame to Minni in that loss, both playoff teams for sure
Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm
yep…
2Pack
Oh well, at least some dipshit got owned by a lake on twitter
Doktor Zymm
Baker dual-threat QB, interceptions AND facemask penalties!
Doktor Zymm
my dad loved vodka
the ravens sucked ass in the first quarter
i started drinking vodka
the ravens stopped sucking
this proves that there is an afterlife, and that i should drink vodka all the time
SUCK IT ATHEISTS!
jjfozz
I know I missed almost all the football yesterday, but I really enjoyed the Cleveland fans chanting “YOU DESERVE IT” at Watson.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Don T
Sharkette lost her first tooth today, the day before her 5th birthday. Successfully placed 5 Sacajawea coins under the pillow
Sharkbait
Unsurprised
/The entire NHL scheduled to play today
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT?
Jack shit.
herodotus450
Attention Horatio.
Sharkbait
It truly is the greatest lawnmower ever. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I am going to find out where this is and how much it costs and then I am going to make some really bad decisions.
Horatio Cornblower
$400 and in West Hartford.
Now to convince Mrs. Horatio we need to get rid of my perfectly good John Deere or build another shed to store a Hartford Whaler Zamboni style lawnmower that probably doesn’t work.**
Horatio Cornblower
It works!
Doktor Zymm
Oh this day I lapped the sun for the 63rd time.
I’m better educated, better read, better off financially, better off physically, better off mentally.
I’m an official world traveler.
Thank you so much Dok for the inspiration.
I’m in a very good place and feeling fantastic.
The state of Yeah Right is very strong!
On to Toronto!
yeah right
The best part about Trump’s comments about wishing he had Hitler’s generals is that Hitler’s generals tried to assassinate him multiple times
Doktor Zymm
If you can’t beat them on the practice field, tamper with their brakes.
Redshirt
Come on, if Bryce Young tried to cut Dalton’s brakes, he would have overshot and set the whole thing on fire.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
On a lighter note, I was discussing earlier today if there could ever be a father and son duo active in the NFL. We figured it would probably have to be a kickers, as only QBs and kickers play to an age where it’s feasible for them to have a kid as a rookie. And probably less likely to be a QB since it’s only a few that have long careers.
It’s also probably even less likely nowadays because a lot of kids will probably be staying in college a bit longer if they’re making good NIL money.
Doktor Zymm
Tyreek Hill’s kid just praying for a chance to lay his old man out on an over the middle route.
Horatio Cornblower
So you’re saying he’s running up that Hill after making a deal with god?
scotchnaut
Fucking wonderful. Had an employee abandon their job while I was off yesterday so now I’m running in circles with the immediate termination, notifying Security, sourcing for new hire etc. I have a prospective new hire in background check right now for another position.
Just goddamn wonderful.
yeah right
Based on the commercials I’ve been seeing, he didn’t abandon the job, he was killed by an immigrant who was let out of prison early by a liberal DA, after transitioning to a different gender on our tax dollars.
SonOfSpam
I see we’ve entered the Pandering Lightning Round of the 2024 US Elections:
Harris: “I have faith! I pray every day; sometimes twice!”
Trump: “That’s nothing! I have an abortions three times daily!”
Redshirt
That reminds me, it’s almost time for my semi-annual donation of the average price of an abortion to Planned Parenthood. Each year I donate in honor of someone who richly deserves to have been aborted the honor. Previous honorees have included Justices Alito and Kavanaugh.
I am open to suggestions this year. Justice Thomas seems both too obvious and also too likely to try to cash the check himself, since his name would be on it.
Horatio Cornblower
JD Vance’s couch probably should get an abortion, just in case
Doktor Zymm
“No, no, we could use a matching ottoman.” – Usha Vance, who has been looking the other way for almost fifteen years now
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
JD’s favorite piece of Usha’s lingerie:
LemonJello
Cooper + Puca =Coopa Troopa
Doktor Zymm
Hey, a Papa John’s – Shaq cross promotion
Don T
Damn it. Nakua is playing and I’ve got Addison playing instead. I don’t deserve promotion.
BC Dick
You are making some strong assumptions, I assure you those of us in Vodka league are just as drunk and stupid as the average voter in 1973
Doktor Zymm
I wonder if fans of swing state teams such as the Vikes, Lions, Steelers, and Eagles realizes that Trump will try to deport some of their team staff and players?
Doktor Zymm
fans…. realize
You have way too much faith there
Brocky
With all this muddling, you might as well call this drink the Kyler Murray Offensive Scheme.
blaxabbath
Sexy friday appropriate perhaps
Doktor Zymm
Col. Duke LaCross
The largest camera in the world, which Brick will soon be using to take snapshots of late night LA.
Horatio Cornblower
Admin
October 26, 2024 9:41 pm
Every time I start to say hello, some inconsiderate jackass interrupts me.
“Oh, my daughter stepped on a nail!”
“There’s a weird van parked in the same spot for two days, but the windows are down and the van bounces like someone’s inside.”
“The fire in the kitchen is spreading into the living room. What should I do?”
I don’t know people, and I don’t care. What do you think this is, anyway? I’ve got dick jokes to make, and WVU football to yell about…
WCS
Bathrobe+hammock+fuzzy blanket = super cozy
Doktor Zymm
Wifey and I always told our kids, “If your friends ever run into trouble with their family they can always stay here”. Looks like we’ll be hosting for the 10th time this evening.
scotchnaut
Good for you, unfortunate for the kid
Doktor Zymm
We only get part of the story but there are some weird, unreasonable parents out there. Not something that the homeless kids conversation ever addresses.
/we’ve housed four kids whose parents demanded that they pay all the bills after they graduated high school. WTF?
scotchnaut
we do not talk nearly enough about how danica patrick and aaron rodgers dating each other destroyed both of their brains
fleshwound_NPG
I watched Spartacus last night. That was a great movie. This Kubrick guy has a future IMHO
Unsurprised
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -Redshirt
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -King Hippo
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -Gumbygirl
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -Lemonjello
“I watched Spartacus last night!.” -Mr. Ayo
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -Rikki
“I watched Spartacus last night!” -Horatio
scotchnaut
anthony richardson is the greatest worst qb in the history of the nfl
his eventual benching is going to lead to an ELITE playoff push
fleshwound_NPG
He is truly a sight to behold. If he had a codeine addiction, he’d be Jamarcus Russell!
Cecil Rhodes
Found a funny:
The definition varies by region; when you jerk a guy off into a snowdrift
rockingdog
Mornin’. Daylight stupid clock thing makes every NFL game here one hour later. Oh well…
Don T
Ladies an Gentlemens. No one remembers me, but I have returned.
Charge of the Light Brigade
Hate to see it. Couldn’t happen to a nicer quartered back.
Mr. Ayo
I really did not think my hatred of Tom Brady could get any stronger until I had to listen to him call a Seahawks game. I should’ve gone to this game simply so I didn’t have to listen to this asshole.
ThePirateSloth
I haven’t seen a Cowboy take a shot to the face like that since I walked in on the Village People at a Turkish bathhouse.
yeah right
Me and Mrs. Fozz marked 23 years of wedded “bliss” this weekend, actually got away from the burning minefield that is my family for a day or two. and it was well needed.
She is easily the luckiest woman in the world.
jjfozz
It’s not a contest* of course, but the Lady LemonJello and I celebrated 30 years of matrimony last Tuesday. I honestly don’t know why she keeps me around, other than opening jars and getting things off high shelves.
*it’s totally a contest
LemonJello
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Remarkable parallels, eh? Everything old is new again…
Is it just me or does it seem like everything sucks even more today than usual? It’s like Mega Maid is orbiting the clubhouse.
Always darkest before the dawn? It better be fucking dawn next wednesday
just switch it from suck to blow
I don’t know. I had a good exam today, weather is nice, the ole walking on sunshine bit. Terry Garry passing is a bummer, she was a joy to watch. I hope things are going well by you.
Garr… damn auto correct. Friggin disrespectful it is…
Terry Garry was no Harry Caray.
Harry Caray was no Halle Berry
Although I’d have liked to see him do the “Make me feel good” line from Monster’s Ball.
I’ll drink a Gin Jizz before I watch that scene.
None were Berry-Berry
https://ibb.co/tH3wQYg
My sister’s college roommate’s name was Shari Berry.
nor Scary Terry
RIP Teri Garr
https://variety.com/2024/film/news/teri-garr-dead-young-frankenstein-tootsie-1236193831/
Truly amazing knockers, and from what I understand a great roll in the hay.
She and Gene Wilder were perfect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuHw5ivCs1A&ab_channel=ErnieStars
RIP
https://youtu.be/Fsh47iNVRkM
Which of you did this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/cocktails/comments/1gexqr3/my_newest_joke_cocktail_the_gin_jizz/
Wasn’t me
-Shaggy
It’s in West Hartford and it’s $400.
I haven’t followed up on that, mostly because I’m afraid I’ll buy it and I have nowhere to put it.
OK, well that was a Whalers lawn mower a minute ago. I am a) not likely to buy something called a ‘Gin Jizz’ b) if I did buy something like that I would have somewhere to put it (that’s what she said), and c) certainly wouldn’t pay $400 for it.
A likely story on all counts
I can’t think of a few places where the purchasers can put it.
That upgrade to Lowratio’s paddock seems short sighted now, doesn’t it?
We all have to make sacrifices as winter bears down on us.
everybody got they cocks but they ain’t chipped in
The Spartacus comment is why I keep coming back here.
My safe word is anvil.
So, New York lost a game on the equinox in:
-MLB
-NFL
-NBA
-MLS
But not in the NHL! (Because they were all off.)
In conclusion, despite it being 10 AM at me in a suit at work for a gig I should probably drink on principle.
Good plan
Um, the Sabres lost…
Upstate New York isn’t real.
Also the twin towers
That’s because the NHL is beyond the sight of God
.
Worst performance involving Mr Jones since the last Adam Duritz brewery tour.
Now now, there are many other Danny Ha’Penny plays that also contributed to them losing the game
Jesus that yeahright cowboy joke has to be a one seed for the banner tournament
Facts
BELATEDLY BANNER THIS MAN!
And maybe also give me enough free time to do them again.
I can helps with the voting stuff setup