Hey.
Twelve weeks of games played. Twelve weeks of questionable roster decisions. How are your playoff chances looking?
That good, huh? *shrugs*
Without further ado, let’s get into Freezer Vodka League’s standings.
There’s more traffic snarls this week than I-95 on a Friday afternoon. Sofa Loren (9-3) is alone in the top spot this week, holding a slim one game lead over five teams clumped together at 8-4. We Are Spamily, AJ Hawk Tuah Tagovailoa, Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, JD’s Chesterfield Dreams, and Stoma Fuckers Utd are neck and neck for those remaining top spots in the playoffs. Musical War Propheteers stand apart from the furball above them and the scrum below them at 7-5. Here’s where it gets interesting. This second clump of teams are fighting to avoid falling into the Relegation Zone. Dead Hobos, Heinous Fuckery, Original Recipe White Claws, Big Bag of Suck and Free Thursday Night Points are all at 5-7, and two of those teams will join the two teams mired in the Relegation Zone this week; Unnatural Gas (2-10) and The Schlitzstains (1-11).
Remember: The bottom four (4) teams in Freezer Vodka League will be relegated to Lowratio League for next season.
What do the Lowratio League’s rankings look like now?
Some minor tremors being felt after this past week’s games. Ignoring tie-breakers for now, we have Duke’s Chicago Waffles and Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks atop the league, both at 10-2 and looking toward the playoffs. Rod Rust never sleeps, War and Peace, and Bearsenschiesse Barons are locked in a three-way battle for the last two playoff spots with 8-4 tallies. Who makes it? Who’s left out? We’ll have to see how the next couple of weeks plays out, won’t we? Still within striking distance of a playoff berth at 7-5 are Shiba is for the People! and Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses. Sole resident of the Jeff Fisher Zone is Casa do vinho FC at a perfectly balanced 6-6. Heather’ Horrible Hikes (5-7) can still play the spoiler while planning for next season’s campaign in Lowratio League. Same can be said for Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers and Gimli’s Groin Grabbers at 4-8, as well as Sebastian’s Swag Team (3-9). Playing out their remaining games and plotting revenge for next season we have A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge and The Brick Experience each at 2-10 and nothing left to play for, not even pride.
Remember: Top four (4) from Lowratio League get that coveted promotion to Freezer Vodka League for next season.
**Point of Parliamentary Procedure Regarding Promotion/Relegation**
The bottom 4 of the regular season in TWBS (Freezer Vodka) go down. No playoffs can save you.
Semifinalists in the playoffs go up in Ligue Deux (Lowratio League). Playoffs can save you.
So it is written, so shall it be done.
Until Next Time!
I’m still 1-11 because Gus Edward’s got that garbage time TD.
Oh, and all the bad roster choices.
I just love how every version of this joke both keeps getting worse yet all is within the realm of possibility.
Please tell me that is an actively used stadium in the banner pic.
I would absolutely love to attend a futbol match in one of those crazy, muder countries of Central Europe.
I keep thinking it’s an image from Jelle’s Marble Runs.
Nope, it’s Herndon Stadium, in Atlanta. Used to be the stadium for one of the HBCU’s, and they hosted some events there during the 96 Olympics. It was bought recently by another college, they’re going to tear it down.
The failure arc of Stoma Fuckers Utd. would follow that of my life, except that I was never even briefly on top.
Yes you were. One week.
That’s what I meant. SFU briefly on top, Hippo peaked at a B- (last 18 months of undergrad)
At least you have a bye this week. Stupid team.
Fantasy football is stupid. And if I play you this week, fuck you too. And for the promoting four, 🖕🏼🖕🏼. You ain’t better than me. And that goes for eveybody too. It’s not all whipped cream and orgies and charity car washes up here at Freezer Vodka ya know.
OK Cartman
I beat you in TWO leagues last week.
OH MY GAAAAA WHAT AN ACHOMLISHMENT
your family must be so proud. So, so proud. Finally, 😠
My family has never been proud of me, but that’s another story.
I’m proud of you, Spam.
Speaking of fantasy football fuckups, the Vikings have signed Daniel Jones.
To the practice squad.
Dammit, Jerry! You had one job!
Actually sounds like a decent deal for everyone involved. Vikings get him for cheap, he’s attached to a playoff contender, and he can ditch them and sign with another playoff team if their starter goes down and become desperate.
Plus, Practice!
A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge gets me every single time. It’s defines the art of naming disposable fantasy football teams in these unprecedented times.
We’re in times of great abundance when the permanent etching of beauty is so easily ignored when placed next to the perpetual ‘breaking news’ of a cute missing blonde girl (probably lying balled up in a ditch off the state highway) who, we can all hope, shows up alive and looking good (guaranteed aforementioned ditch-lying not considered here).
I think we can all pour out a 40 for Unnatural Gas and The Schlitzstains as they are confirmed to be relegated to Lowratio League next year.
Make them play two extra games next season too. Punish them with soft tissue injuries!
NOTE: Results of “THE BRICK EXPERIENCE” are not to be associated with Brick Meathook, Brick Meathook Enterprises LLC, nor any of their associated companies and/or subsidiaries.
Past results are not indicative of future performance.
Brick Meathook Enterprises LLC not licensed in AK, AR, MD, and VA. Commitments fulfilled by third-party contractors.
Check with your doctor to see if “The Brick experience” is right for you before taking.
Stop taking “The Brick Experience” immediately if you are allergic to any of its ingredients.
Or if you’ve had an erection for four hours.
Common side effects include strong desire to take artistic self portraits and record highway traffic patterns, engaging in deep conversations at dive bars, and dry mouth.
and death.
/it’s always listed
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.
The Brick Experience is fictional. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.