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Very Meaningless Footy Saturday Thread

King Hippo

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Look.  My cracker ass ain’t gonna try to bullshit you.  That cracker of a second half King’s Afrikan Water Pistols unloaded on the Real Cuntfaces?  That’s as good as it’s going to get.  Also probably the last real bit of drama and entertainment we are getting until September.

So sit back and enjoy the conveyoUr belt of shit sandwiches.

City of Men host Palace in the early goings (7:30, USA), only the true sickos and insomniacs will be up for this’un.  Yes, I am both of those things.

I really think Everton could take the Robins Hood (10:00, USA) out this week, and good thing – the streaming alternatives are beyond dire.  Spotlight is meh, Gooners hosting Beesus in what will surely be a bore draw.  Probably even a nil-nil varietal.

At least the Redshite don’t play today, I guess that’s kinda sorta nice.

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Doktor Zymm

There were at least some decent careers for women back in the day

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Horatio Cornblower

As my daughter would say “God forbid a woman have a hobby”

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Doktor Zymm

I slept well and had a great morning horseback riding, but now I have soooo little motivation even playing a video game seems a. Bit much. Thank goodness for hammock chairs, tv, and wine

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scotchnaut

“Putting two feet from the hole on a level green is the most dangerous of putts.”

-Pierre Maguire

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You had me at ‘two feet.” – Rex Ryan

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RIP Norm:

“Alice Munro is to literature what Lee Iacocca is to automaking. Bret Easton Ellis is to literature what Lee Iacocca is to literature.” – Norm Macdonald, on Ellis’s criticism of Munro

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scotchnaut

To make that connection (in the first sentence) is almost beyond genius. Good god!

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scotchnaut

“SATURDAY. SATURDAY. SATURDAY. DO YOU WANT TO GET YOUR ROCKS OFF? WATCH MEN GLIDE DOWN THE ICE LIKE THE ALPHAS THAT THEY ARE! LOOK, THERE ARE BROOMS INVOLVED BUT IT’S TOTALLY MANLY! THERE ARE MEN SLAMMING PEOPLE TO THE ICE. FIGURE SKATING ON STEROIDS.

-AI, instructed to promote The Grand Slam of Curling as a Monster Truck event

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Mr. Ayo

Don’t forget the BURNING ROCKS!

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Doktor Zymm

This is perfect

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King Hippo

I honestly have no idea how the Vichy Whalers are doing. Though I guess I need to know if they make the playoffs in case I have to leave the house (traffic impacts)

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Senor Weaselo

Vichy Whalers I believe are locked in to host the Ice Generals.

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Senor Weaselo

Do you fire Lavi and Drury into:
-The Sun
-The cold vacuum of space
-The Shadow Realm
-Other

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t *want* to watch the Masters, but Rory McIlroy is making it very hard not to.

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Mr. Ayo

I don’t find him quite that attractive, but I won’t judge you.

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scotchnaut

Are the Rangers done if/when they lose this?

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Mr. Ayo

Yep.

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Senor Weaselo

Their tragic number is 1, so yes.

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scotchnaut

As a Sens fan what pisses me off about the Rangers is that they just fall into having great goalies and they don’t seem to have a reputation for developing them. Vanbiesbrouck, Richter, Lundqvist and now Shesterkin-fuck right off with your Blind Squirrel luck.

Last edited 1 year ago by scotchnaut
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Mr. Ayo

As a Kraken fan, thanks for Kaapo Kakko Rangers! You fucking morons.

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scotchnaut

On another goalie note, I was so pissed off when the Sens traded Filip Gustavsson to the Wild. He had a 5-12 record on a horrible team but you could see something there. Oh look, the next year on a half-decent team his record is 22-9 and his save % is .931. Huh.

/Pierre Dorion should be shot into the smallest moon circulating Saturn because the sun is too good for him.

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scotchnaut

After going down the Rangers goalie rabbithole I was reminded of what an incredible geek I was way back in the day. I played in goal from the age of 8 to 12 (then played two years as a forward) so I soaked up as much info as I could. It annoyed me to no end that the Rangers of the early 70’s kept playing Eddie Giacomin as their starter when the backup (Gilles Villemure) was clearly better. The latter didn’t make the NHL until he was 27 so he had the stink ‘career minor leaguer’ on him. Did he have a better save % than the starter Giacomin every year but one? Why yes, he did.

Some dumb goof was absolutely adamant that if Villemure was the go-to goalie in 1972 they would have beaten the Bruins. It was a no-brainer to me.

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Mr. Ayo

L. O. FUCKING. L. Cmon Panarin, you have to make that.

And the giving up that goal afterwards, ooof.

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Senor Weaselo

It’s okay because they can’t develop anyone else! Sorry Gabe Perrault, but you’re probably also fucked.

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yeah right

Fun story:

Just switched cell providers. Got a new sim card to switch over. Looking for a paperclip to push the little switch to pop out the old card.

Found a paperclip.

Quick digression, I booked the Toronto trip almost a year ago. Everything is paid for except meals, drinks etc.
The paperclip was clipped to about 550 Canadian dollars that I guess I bought about a year ago.

One month ago my brain said, hey we need Loonies for the trip so I purchased about… 550 Canadian dollars.

I’ve got over 1100 Loonies for the trip now in cash.

Steaks and blow jobs for everyone!

I’m buying!

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scotchnaut

Mixed Sports News: “Ovie And The Capitals Have Only Given Up One Touchdown But Have Yet To Score”

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King Hippo

My two pieces of very-un-reflected-upon GAMBLOR advice were spot on. Toffees win, Spotlight draw.

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King Hippo

At this rate, Miles is tossing a Maddux

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King Hippo

UPDATE – he would NOT be tossing a Maddux

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Horatio Cornblower

/Jorghino down for Arsenal, rolling around and clutching his chest

Announcer: Ah, Arsenal won’t need him for Real Madrid anyway.

Yikes

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Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ, Saka.

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Horatio Cornblower

Arsenal: We’ve switched teams from the ones that devastated Real Madrid just three days ago. Let’s see if anyone notices.

Me: I noticed

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Horatio Cornblower

(That was a phenomenal kick for the goal)

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This week in I’m getting old:

Was given a bird feeder for my birthday and I’m excited to put it out and start watching birds. It’s got a camera and and app so I can see whatever is feeding, and watch later, if I miss it.
Can’t wait for shitty bird videos

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King Hippo

I have SiriusXM up, and The Smiths were just on one of the easy listening/light rock channels.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It makes me chuckle when songs that were banned back in the day are now easy listening

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yeah right

You’ll be feeding all of the squirrels in no time!

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2Pack

There are few things more calming than watching the splendor of Ma Nature.

Unless it’s an alpha predator… Then there are few things more exhausting.

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King Hippo

My cats all arched their backs as a nod.

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Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio got me a bird feeder for my last birthday. You stick it to a window and then climb up and down a ladder to put food in it.

Is this a ploy to get at that sweet life insurance money? MAYBE

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Gumbygirl

Did I miss your birthday? Oh noes! Happy Birthday! Shame on me

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Mr. Ayo

Well, that was almost worth the wait.

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King Hippo

Spirit of teh BLUES!!!

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Gumbygirl

Bravo, Everton! You smote those Hoods for King and country.

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litre_cola

Guys, Bolsonaro is having medical issues again.

All I hear when I read his name is CANYONAROOOOOO

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King Hippo

YA!!

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Gatoraids

some people have a nurse fetish and SOME people really have a nurse fetish.

Someone said The Pitt season 2 is just all Bolsonaro admissions.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There really are just two kinds of people in the world.

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King Hippo

No, it’s 10. People who understand binary, and those who don’t.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I so want that Tshirt

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s awesome, I hope he’s in a lot of pain for a long time and then dies.

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Horatio Cornblower

I really hope he can stop having medical issues soon.

Probably not for the same reasons he hopes he stops having medical issues soon.

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Doktor Zymm

Maybe we don’t have to try and move abroad, we can just wait to get deported!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seems like someone is pissing off the right people.

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Jimbo

Holy shit, this is indeed the darkest timeline.

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Mr. Ayo

The entire White House is a bunch of Jonah Ryans, only evil.

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King Hippo

We need Teddy (aka Patton Oswalt) to go to DC and grab lots of bollocks.

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scotchnaut

I hear El Salvador is lovely this time of year.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

El Salvador is quite lovely at all times of the year. If you’re able to overlook the bullet holes, of course.

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Senor Weaselo

Those are speed holes! They make the fall of democracy go faster.

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
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Mr. Ayo

Fucking Everton. If you’re not going to be catastrophically disappointing can you at least be a modicum of entertaining?

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King Hippo

I speculated on NSNO that watching this must be what a coma feels like.

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Mr. Ayo

That’s a really clever name you have over there

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King Hippo

they really, REALLY hate me, too

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Doktor Zymm

Everton is the Democrats?

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King Hippo

We are indeed lefty, politics wise

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King Hippo

Pretty fucking strong, this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbxrfflmPRE

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King Hippo

I just had my best terrible idea of 2025 – when is Canadia Thanksgiving? Going to suggest to my kids that we celebrate that instead of Fascie Murrika holidays.

Plus, they’ll all be able to get off work and flights will be reasonable.

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Doktor Zymm

Go for it! Also worth noting that US Thanksgiving is a great time to travel internationally

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litre_cola

October

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes but what is that in American months?

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Doktor Zymm

Our months are worth almost twice theirs, so it must be Dodecatember

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus now you made me think of the word “DOGEmber” and I’m horrified that they will mandate that as a thing.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Jamericay
Febamericay
Mameriach
Americal
Mamericay
Jamercane
Jamericaly
Americust
Septmericaber
Ocamericaber
Nomericaber
Decamericaber

No need to learn how to spell any of these new America months as the Department of Education isn’t a thingy anymores

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It’s always the second Monday of October, as the majestic beaver intended

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2Pack

Say cheese

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yeah right

I’ve never been there but I love that place whole heartedly.

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Mr. Ayo

BRIE!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

! Are we doing a Brie draft? With the second overall pick I’ll take…

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King Hippo

Good. GOD.

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Mr. Ayo

Well I didn’t even know there was a babepedia, although I should have guessed.

And a boobpedia! How deep is this rabbit hole?

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2Pack

Well… My work is done here…

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2Pack

Napoli plays Monday. I have disturbing news. Lately Marika has been looking too 45 on the show. Hair in a bun, more conservative with the neckline. Pray for 2Pack friends, an era may be concluding.

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Don T

Discretion crushes our natural existence

-Ted K

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Fahkin’ discretion crushes ow-ah naturahl existence, NO ONE DENIES THIS.” – a different Ted K

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Gumbygirl

I’m somewhat concerned that you can randomly quote the Unabomber’s manifesto. And a little turned on, too!

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litre_cola

You should see how swarthy he is!

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scotchnaut

“We can catch Newcastle!” is not something I’m accustomed to saying.

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King Hippo

Bronze medal is in play after Everton boat race the scabs here

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King Hippo

Somewhere in the railyards of Northern Canadia, Scotchy’s heart grew three sizes just now.

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scotchnaut

That’s more like it!

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King Hippo

I assume you’ve warned the Mrs. she’ll be needing to “lie back and think of England” at the final whistle?

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scotchnaut

Sex? In this economy?

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Don T

Yes! Fact check:
https://youtu.be/yuTMWgOduFM

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, I’ve got roaches climbing on my wall, too!” – Todd Marinovich

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“To be accurate, technically that’s not your wall.” – the owner of the teardown property where Todd is currently squatting

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King Hippo

oh, City of Men. You NEVAR go Full Rafa Benitez Everton.

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