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Labor Day Open Thread – JV MNF Golddigger edition

ArmedandHammered

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Today was Labor Day in the US.  Which we celebrate by making the lowest paid work while those who can afford to take a day off due to their employer, don’t.  Gonna grill up some burgers, brats, and corn later and enjoy my evening pror to have to labor tomorrow.

Tonight we have the national premeire and introduction of Bill Bellichecks clout seeking, gold digging, hot as fuck (you know she is very high on the crazy scale too) girlfriend.  Oh, and his introductory game as the Head Coach of the North Carolina Tarholes, I mean heels, I must already be transitioning to Hippo speak for the upcoming season.  What do we need to know for tonight’s game?  What players should we watch?  Who are the Heels (how appropo) even playing at QB?  Is the better than TittyBiscuit?  Over/under on the number of camera shots of the barely post-pubescant social climber, I mean girlfriend.  I bet she ends up with a deal with HIMS for their podcast (you know there will be one) or knock off viagra providers.  I know I am being a bit cynical here (or just a wee bit jealous) but you know, if it is true love more power to them and to hell with the naysayers, but this really seems to be transactional, and there is a lot to be said for that type of relationship in this day and age.

OK, the game is on ESPN, of course.  Starts at 8pm est and the opponet is the TCU Horn-ed Frogs.

Personally I grew up a UNC fan, blue was my favorite color and I thought Dean Smith was cool, but even I knew at a very young age that Duke was evil and their fans nothing but front runners who actually did not deserve any happiness.   Now I root for NCSU when I root at all for a college team.  With that said, Let’s GO TCU.  Make her have to work hard to raise his feelings after a crushing loss.

Football discussed, dick joke made, end of off season.  Glad you all enjoyed (endured) the ramblings, rabbit centric drivel, or plain hack jobs for this off season.  I need to find a new passion this off off season to write about.  Trench Crusade fizzled for me.  See you in the comments section!

Next Week the Real Deal MNF!  Will you be ready?

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WCS

that call just makes me feel icky the more I think on it… mom of a 16-year-old just saw her leave the house across the street with mom’s 38-year-old boyfriend…

This is fucked up, right? Am I just being paranoid?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, that’s fucked up.

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

me: i heard you do a terrible owl impression

him: where

me: holy shit that is bad

8
Horatio Cornblower

Watching a 30-for-30 on U of Miami and remembering how happy I was that Penn State beat those thugs from Miami, because Jimmy Johnson was willing to do anything to win, including overlooking being specifically told that his defensive coordinator was fucking little kids and oh wait.

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WCS

48 is the most U*NC has ever allowed in a season-opening game. That’s 118 seasons.

2
SonOfSpam

48 is NOT the oldest cock Jordon has pleasured.

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WCS

…and that’s certainly… a response.

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SonOfSpam

After your close call stories, all I can think about is how Belichick is spilling seed atop a debutante. Sex and death are intertwined and so are beer and pretzels.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yahoo has given me an A+.

I’m boned.

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Horatio Cornblower

TCU quarterback having lunch every day with an elderly man is literally the plot of ‘Apt Pupil’ but go on, ESPN.

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WCS

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Do they do woodwork togther?

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SonOfSpam

You have Jerry Sandusky’s attention.

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WCS

Labor Day is bringing the crezzy:

We’ve got two (2) active standoffs in two different parts of the county. Both are involve firearms, and shots exchanged between the actors and police. The first has been going on for about an hour, with two different incidents involving rounds being fired in both directions.
The second involves an actor who has already stated he’s going to die tonight: either does it himself, but prefers suicide-by-cop.

I’ll be watching these closely, and will advise updates if yinz want. In the meantime, maybe say a prayer if that’s your thing, if not, send some good vibes. I’m not liking the conversations being yelled across the room.

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WCS

I’ll be dipped in shit: the second guy just up and turned himself in at a different police station. Apparently, he drove there and walked in to surrender.

That was anti-climatic, but good!

4
Horatio Cornblower

That’s the fastest anyone has ever taken my advice, even if he did go to the cops.

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Horatio Cornblower

A friend of mine tried suicide recently, albeit not by cop because he’s white and would have died of old age before they wasted him.

If anyone is feeling depressed, let along suicidal, I urge you to reach out in literally any direction you can think of, (not the cops; those fuckers cannot be trusted at all. AT. ALL.), and ask for help. You will find it.

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WCS

How’s he doing?

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Horatio Cornblower

Early days, WCS, early days. He has a lot of work to do, and a lot of it revolves around recognizing that there are consequences to his decisions and actions, and I know he’s never been good at that before this and I can only hope he starts to recognize that.

I will say that the next time I see him I’m probably going to hug him, and after the hug I’m probably going to start swinging.

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WCS

There’s (likely) a very long ways to go. It’s essential to listen to him. Not waiting for him to stop talking so you can resume talking about whatever, but listening to what he’s saying. Listen carefully, tease out answers you want answers to. You’re law-talkin’ guy, so that should be second-nature.
I cannot stress enough the importance of truly understanding how, why, and what has him depressed enough to do something like that. There’s at least one reason, and likely several. Be calm, polite, empathetic, but also direct. He may not even be entirely sure what’s got him this way, but this is where inference and reading between the lines is also key.

I’m so sincerely sorry this happened to him, you, and everyone else. He needs support, care, and love.

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WCS

UPDATE: Situation is under control. Police tactical unit managed to sneak on him and taze him. No apparent injuries, thankfully.

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Horatio Cornblower

You can’t spell “UNC Victory” without…well, at all if you went to UNC, because they’re a bunch of illiterate fuckwads.

But you can’t spell those words out of Bill Belichick either.

2
Gatoraids

Big Beautiful Bill seems to be failing

3
Jimbo

.

Screenshot-2025-09-01-at-7.56.17-PM
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Horatio Cornblower

He’s just a bill!

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Redshirt

Texas Christian University murderdeathkilling North Carolina doesn’t seem very Christian.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe they found out that Bill’s girlfriend had premarital sex, and are performing the football equivalent of stoning her.

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Horatio Cornblower

I would imagine that sex with her is somewhat like fucking a statue, so stoning seems fitting.

And redundant.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Leslie Nielsen would have known how to handle this situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3CcNWqNKy0

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Horatio Cornblower

As much as I loved those movies, ‘Police Squad’ was better because Frank Drebin wasn’t an idiot.

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King Hippo

Counterpoint – BLOOD FOAR TEH BLOODEYES GOD

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WCS

U*NC’s quarterback owes his offensive linemen money or something. They’re actively trying to get him literally dismembered on the field.

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Redshirt

Quarterback to his Offensive Line (possible scenario)

“…and then I [expletive deleted – had sex with] all your mothers. Now I’m normally not into [racial slur deleted – African America] [expletive deleted – four-letter word/insult for females] but those [expletive deleted – female dogs/insult for females] love my [expletive deleted – male ejaculate] and…oh, the media timeout is over. Let’s do this!”

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WCS

FATMAN TD

EDIT: HUSKYMAN TD

It was a linebacker with the scoop-n-score, not defensive tackle like originally thought, and that just isn’t as fun.

Last edited 7 months ago by WCS
1
Brocky

Yahoo sports sent me three separate notifications to remind me of belicheat’s debut.

None since halftime though

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WCS

TCU can’t blow a 34-7 lead to a Bill Belichick coached team, right?

RIGHT?!

0
SonOfSpam

Does TCU stand For Tatlanta Cfalcons Uteam?

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Brocky

So apparently ESPN doesn’t let you upload custom images for fantasy teams any more? You have to use one of their outdated generic ones?

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Brocky

I was thinking of not even naming the team after a player this year. Just some random shit.

Like the rabid weasels.

Or the ravenous hedgehogs

Or the irritable chinchillas.

….why do these all involve rodents

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WCS

/Richard Gere has entered the chat

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Brocky

The nomadic gerbils?

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ArmedandHammered

The Lower Colon Expedition by Cmdr. Lemiwinks of her Majestie’s Royal Rodent Regiment.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did my draft. Grabbed a bottle of bourbon instead of asking you all for advice, I think that was the better choice.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My feelings are hurt that you didn’t at least ask for advice on the bourbon.

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King Hippo

the liquor’s in charge, Randy

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WCS

Shit winds are comin’, Randers-Bo-Bandy…

1
Brocky

I’m sorry I’m late, I would have advised just drafting the opposite of what I did

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Horatio Cornblower

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Picked up a bottle of this on a recent trip to The Green Mountain State. Will report back.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The fourth round of a tournament is where things usually get pretty interesting. In today’s match Jannik Sinner beat his opponent – whose serve had not been broken a single time in some fifty-odd games during the tournament so far – by a score of 6-1, 6-1, 6-1. He’s basically what would happen if you made the Cobra Kai “no mercy” speech into a person.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And Anisimova just won the first set in the women’s match at 6-0. Almost makes you feel bad for those New Yorkers who shelled out big money for stadium seats tonight.

Wait, did I say “almost”? Sorry, I meat “doesn’t”.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“He’s basically what would happen if you made the Cobra Kai “no mercy” speech into a person.”

That’s a weird way to spell “He’s basically what would happen if you turned a blind eye to rampant PED abuse” but sure, let’s go with it.

1
Redshirt

How is Belichick’s debut so far? Has he made a player cry yet?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Maybe a few UNC fans.

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ArmedandHammered

That witch has drained his manly vital forces.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure Bill’s “manly vital forces” at least when it came to coaching, were limited to “Tom Brady is the greatest QB ever, even if we have to wink and nod at a lot of stuff he’s doing”

1
Brick Meathook

Unrelated to anything: Here’s a great photo of Roger Staubach lying dead on the field. Note the sharpness of the image plus the nice telephoto lens depth-of-field falloff and bokeh response. That’s quality glass there, my friends.

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Redshirt

I’m more of a black-and-white kind of guy. Really lets the picture speak for itself.

52oltqzo8pcc1
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Downfield Matriculator

Or Art But Make It Sports — a great Instagram account BTW. For Roger Dodger above . . .

Death-of-Chatterton
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Brocky

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Brocky

Evening all

3
Redshirt

Never imagined a scenario where OJ Simpson would be the lesser of two evils, but here we are.

2
Brick Meathook

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ArmedandHammered

I can even hear it in his voice and cadence.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Debating changing my FF team name to Jordon’s Apathetic Handjobs, but I think I have to give Raccoon With A Meth Pipe a chance to shine first.

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Might be too long for Yahoo but Meth Raccoon should fit.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, yes, we all know how Rachael Leigh Cook got her start in the entertainment business.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rob McElhenney too!

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4
WCS

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3
Horatio Cornblower

They both fit.

1
Gatoraids

She just loves antiquing so much it carries to her dating life

3
King Hippo

No chance she’s even seen his pecker, let alone touched it.

2
jjfozz

LABOR DAY WEEKEND WRAP UP

Friday: stayed home and tried to not kill my wife, who was sick. you would have thought she had spent a month in Saddam Hussein’s jails.

Saturday: Two hours in car for two soccer games. Parent chirped a player on the field. I barely held it together. Came home to sick wife. Fuck, fuck FUCK!

Sunday: Two hours in car for two soccer games. We lost in the championship. Parents kept on saying “nil” versus “zero” like fucking Americans. Most irritating woman on team was screaming in my ear. She deserves the “Cannibal Holocaust” treatment. Judging by her size, they would have to use telephone poles versus run of the mill stakes.

Monday: clean turtle tank (2 hours); go to grocery store; drop off kid at pool; fold clothes; attempt to smoke a brisket and fucked it up; was told by everyone in house I was “on edge.” No, my fucking knee feels like it blew up and it’s been a month of pain. Also, i weeded the garden while my wife drank coffee.

Labor Day 2025 can eat shit with a fork and spoon.

8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s awesome that you got laid three times though.

6
Horatio Cornblower

I ate a lot all weekend, drank several beers each night, lost early in a poker tournament, and burned a metric shit-ton of scrap wood this evening.

I’ve had worse weekends.

3
rockingdog

Also Padres tied the game 3-3 in the 5th inning!

That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!! Gooooo Padres! ⚾️

0
rockingdog

Watched that new Mission Impossible movie called Final Reckoning.
It was kinda Rocking!!!

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

more like final rockening amirite?

2
Jimbo

LT and MJ so hookers, cocaine, and gambling.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Got my keeper league draft tonight if you all want to be on call for terrible advice.

3
Doktor Zymm

“Draft lots of Jets” terrible? Or just regular terrible?

4
Redshirt

1st Pick: BENGALS D/ST

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Barry Sanders is good

2
Horatio Cornblower

I hear good things about this OJ Simpson fella. Might be worth a stab late.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Henry Ruggs is going to roast a few defensive backs this year, I’m told.

Last edited 7 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
4
Downfield Matriculator

You should be able to pick up Chris Henry after he got dumped

7
Redshirt

Vontaze Burfict is a good hustle player. Plays through the whistle.

6
WCS

Jerome Bettis is a Detroit native.

Am I doing this correctly?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Aaron Hernandez will hang a few points up for you

Last edited 7 months ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Adrian Peterson is always reliable to beat his projected score.

1
Jimbo

Might want to take a shot at this Rae Carruth fella.

3
Jimbo

Drove by the local Chik-fil-A and they were closed yesterday for jeebus but open today cus fuck the workers. Makes sense.

7
Gatoraids

boldly contributed to the cause on labor day by not taking out the trash

5
Jimbo

That’s good lack of hustle.

2
Brick Meathook

The pot store down the street from me in L.A. always has the Cheech & Chong “fiberweed” van from “Up In Smoke” parked out front. This is the original van from the movie, not a replica.

https://ibb.co/FkGVjGDq

8
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which you can fact check by putting your lips around the tail pipe while it’s running.

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